The Vend-o-mat 9000

[Azlan]

It explodes!  Luckily the baby Vend-O-Mat 9000 is already grownup and can be placed in its spot.

*inserts a time paradox*

[Janus Whitefurr]

Naked Snake jumps out of the Vend-O-Mat 9000 and dies on impact. You hear a voice in your head asking what you're doing, because you've created a TIME PARADOX.

*inserts an Azlan-faced coin*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The vend-o-mat chugs and churns for a while, then goes still. Just as you think it's given up delivering anything, it coughs, and ejects an Azlan tail.


*inserts coin*

[Ren Gaulen]

An augmentation upgrade canister pops out. You can finally get the fourth lever of the thermo-optic camouflage.

*inserts coin*

[Janus Whitefurr]

The Vend-O-Mat clunks and whirrs, before spitting out a note and nothing else.

Shipping Receipt
Item 3441 - Skull Gun
Designed For: Hermann, Gunther
Received By: Carter, Sam
Notes: Return to Sender - Agent Inactive

*inserts coin*

[Ren Gaulen]

A pair of sunglasses appear from within the Vend-O-Mat.

*inserts coin*

[Slowtini]

A Spray-Bottle of "Heresy-B-Gone" comes out of the Vend-O-Mat 9000.
BAM! And the Heretic is gone.

*inserts coin*

[Ren Gaulen]

A huge portable missile launcher appears. You can see a word "Redeemer" and a radiation sign on its side.

*inserts coin*

[Darkdragon]

A large Zweihänder pops out. Everyone can use an extra sword 

*Inserts coin*

[Ren Gaulen]

A huge war hammer appears after the sword. Now no knight is safe.

*inserts coin*

[Janus Whitefurr]

A heavily technological war hammer with an inscription reading "40k" on the side pops out and lands on your foot.

*inserts coin*

[Slowtini]

A pointed stick wielding maniac pops out of the Vend-o-mat.
IF ONLY THEY HAD COVERED POINTED STICKS IN SELF DEFENSE CLASS!

*inserts a rutabaga*

[Janus Whitefurr]

You are promptly smacked a good half-kilometre away by the Vend-O-Mat's sprouting of a Root of Baga, until it correctly parses what you inserted and just sits there, deciding to give you nothing.

*inserts Slowtini into the machine*

[Azlan]

You receive a magikarp

*inserts Janus's glasses into machine*

[Janus Whitefurr]

( Hey! I need those! )

You receive a small essay on the usage of glasses in altering the 'cute' or 'attractive' factor in male and female figures, as well as a pair of Janus-coloured contact lenses.

*inserts Azlan's antennae into the machine*

[Azlan]

(hey the patch hides those!  )

You feel strange... it is quite odd and very pink.

*inserts musk stick into machine*

[Valynth]

You receive a Janus-plush-flail.

Bonus:  You can detach the Janus plush and use other plushies.

*inserts an chaotic evil D20*

[Janus Whitefurr]

You see Cthulhu. I'a i'a Cthulhu fhtaghn!

*inserts computer chip into the machine*

[Valynth]

Out pops a jump damage table that includes the height "Orbital"

(cookie to those who know the reference)

*inserts a strip of bacon...mmmm bacon....*

[Slowtini]

Your long lost Uncle Frank pops out of the Vend-o-mat, Smelling of Liquor and Cheap Tobacco.
He staggers around for a bit before throwing up on your shoes and passing out.

*inserts Maplestory into the Vend-o-mat 9000*

[e_voyager]

syrup gushes out in a a slow river.

insert coin.

[Ren Gaulen]

A Cyber-Elf flies out and starts orbiting you.

*inserts coin*

Out pops a jump damage table that includes the height "Orbital"

(cookie to those who know the reference)

Hmm.. "Worms"?

[Valynth]

A Rand cannon flies out, but promptly hits you and dies, becoming useless.

*inserts a bolt*

Out pops a jump damage table that includes the height "Orbital"

(cookie to those who know the reference)

Hmm.. "Worms"?

Nope

Hint:  Think 80's taletop RPG.

[Ren Gaulen]

A standard issue Space Marine bolter gun emerges.

*inserts a police badge*

[ShadesFox]

An Arbite shotgun with executioner rounds pops out.

*inserts some used gum*

As for the reference, that does sound suspiciously a lot like a thing Paranoia would do.

[Ren Gaulen]

Two pills, blue and red, and a glass of water pop out.

*inserts a screwdriver*

[Valynth]

Out pops a screwdriver.

*inserts a throwing knife*

As for the reference, that does sound suspiciously a lot like a thing Paranoia would do.

cookie for you!  *tosses like a frisbee.*

[Ren Gaulen]

Three ninjas clad in black clothes appear out of the Vend-O-Mat, awaiting your orders.

*inserts a nine inch nail*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-O-Mat chugs and grinds, in tune, before Trent Reznor pops out to give you an autograph.

*inserts coin*

[Dannysaysnoo]

a coin pops out. sorry for the inconvinience!

*coin'd*