Corrupt A Wish Revived

[Dagardo]

Granted. You only learn words that would be offensive to the Japanese people.

I wish I could understand and speak more German.

[yakanaj]

Granted, but to them is sounds as though you are speaking Japanese.


I wish I could leave work now.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Don't we all? Granted, but you get called back immediately, and end up working a 36 hour shift.

And you're on salary.

And you don't get paid overtime. Or even time and a half. Or time in lieu.


I wish I wasn't speaking from experience.

[Mao]

Granted.  You're not just speaking from experience, you were programmed this way from birth.  It becomes an undeniable and inescapable part of your existence but with it comes the very fact that you are this and can be no more and no less and that others do not have it so hard.

I wish that my coworkers would stop brewing pots of decaf and not using the marked pots for it.

(Also:  llearch, I'm in the same boat.  Hence why I slack off as much as is humanly possible)

[Lysander]

Granted, there are no unmarked pots to confuse your co-workers. Now both kinds of coffie look the same regardless.

I wish for Beautiful Simplicity.   

[Darkdragon]

Granted. You get an beautiful, elegant, simple proof of the Side - Angle - Side triangle congruency theorem which is just a bit more so than the best one out there.

I wish for the Death of Rats.

[Jairus]

Granted. Unfortunately, you are not a rat, but you get reincarnated as one due to having been collected by HIM.

I wish to have a pleasant chat with the Death of the Discworld that did not involve me dying at any point during or at least five years after it.

[Kipiru]

Granted, but Death is there to escort one of your loved ones!

I wish I could meet an alien!

[Darkdragon]

Granted, you meet a legal alien (i.e. one who is not of your country) which you don't like very much.

I wish to read some good books.

[Kipiru]

Granted, you become a monk and start reading The Good Book every day!

  I wish I could teleport to another world (DMFA preferably )

[Lysander]

Granted, but I've heard the storms on Jupiter can get pretty nasty.

I wish for you.   

[Kipiru]

Granted, but I'm a bitter dissapointment as a human being!

I wish I had a crystal ball!

[Jairus]

Granted. Here: it's a ball made of crystal. You can't do anything with it, because it's so fragile. Honestly, what kind of a weirdo would want a crystal ball? Rubber balls are much more fun, and you can play with them.

I wish for the ability to leap into my computer screen and emerge at another screen, preferably one of yours so I could meet you guys in person.

[Kipiru]

Granted, you jump out in llearch's sub-space domain where only he can move around! You end up lost for eternity! 

I wish I could make my art come to life!

[Ren Gaulen]

Granted, it will try to kill you and take your place.

I wish I could simply walk into Mordor.

[Dagardo]

Granted. now you can't simply walk out of Mordor.

I wish I could teleport to another world (DMFA preferably )

I wish for that wish also.

[Kipiru]

Granted, you teleport to the world of extremely cute cannibal bunnies!
 
 I wish I controlled the one ring!

[silentassassin]

Granted but it tells you to kill yourself and you do.
I wish for world domination!

[Lysander]

Granted, but the world doesn't like you so much for dominating and the inhabitants band together for a revolution. With only you on your side I can't se much chance of win.

I wish to know why there's only one bed in each bedroom of SAIA.   

[Mao]

Granted.  You find out and later wish you hadn't.  You also have trouble walking for the next week as a part of the finding out process.

I wish to regain the one ring.

[Ren Gaulen]

Granted, it will be delivered to you by Frodo launched from a trebuchet, and it will hit you right in the Eye.

I wish I was a mecha pilot.

[Rakala]

Granted. It's missing both it's arms and legs and has no means of moving.

I wish for candy.

[Lysander]

Granted, you have Skullcandy headphones.

I wish for the sky to fall.   

[GabrielsThoughts]

granted, gravity on earth doubles...you now weigh twice as much as you did before.

I wish I could find true happiness.

[Rakala]

Granted, but it's not as satisfying as you thought it would be.

I wish I could meet some of you in person.

[Caswin]

Yeah, those baby-stalking child-eating types you hear about on the news with drug habits and bad breath?  Turns out some of us are like that in person.

I wish that the Internet would be given its due as Serious Business.

[Lysander]

Granted, web comics such as DMFA are erased from existance.

I wish for all I have to be all I'll ever need. 

[Kipiru]

Granted, you die and are mummified with all your possesions for the afterlife.

   I wish i could bend steel with my bare hands!

[Darkdragon]

Granted. However, now you are not able to use a pencil or keyboard due to the common occurrence of you scrunching it into something akin to mulch.

I wish I am more immune to cold.

[Rakala]

Granted, but you are more susceptible to heat.

I wish I had personal climate control.