Keaton's taking a Semi-Hiatus

[Sunblink]

Breaking news bulletin: Keaton's Kind of Crazy (No One Surprised)

Short Story Long: My psychiatrist has been experimenting with giving me a cleaner med profile (for ADD and traces of a few other things), and adjusting has fucked me up something fierce. (According to most of the people I've talked to who have gone through changing medications, this isn't uncommon.) The clinical list of side-effects I've experienced in the last few days includes mood-swings (I know I always have them but they're worse now), depression, loops of apathy, incoherence in both thoughts and writing, at least one panic attack (which resulted in some really painful spasms), breakdowns and just me feeling like a massive turd. Believe me when I say that me writing something as semi-articulate as this thread is extremely unusual given my current state.

Oh yeah, and I can't draw or write either, which has been making shit worse. Fancy that.

So I'm staying away from the Internet for a while - I'm going to pop on and off to check on things and keep people updated on my "recovery" every so often but my online presence is going to be less frequent. This applies to both instant messenger services and this (and any other) forum. Why requires a lot more emo ranting. I'm not too keen on the idea of making a giant announcement but I want to let people know I'm going to be absent.

My psychiatrist's personal opinion is that my new medication will kick in within a month, but I wouldn't be terribly surprised if it took me much longer.

Long Story Short: EMO EMO EMO I'm changing medications and this fucked me over and now I'm going to spend a lot of time sleeping and playing FPS games so I can stop being a babbling depressed lunatic.

I'll see you guys at the end of this fiasco.

-Keaton

[Tapewolf]

Yeah, well take care.  You will be missed...

[Mao]

 

Take care kiddo.  We'll all be here hoping for a speedy recovery/adjustment.  I'm always around if you want to talk.

[Kipiru]

Get the crazy out, Keats- we will still be here when you return. Though it may feel odd to you being the only sane person here. But seriously- get well soon.

[techmaster-glitch]

Ouch. I can't say I can imagine what you're going though, but I do hope you are able to pull through it. Good luck Keats, you will be missed, and we'll all be waiting for your return

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

From what I'm told, the basic medications will work themselves out in a month.

As you suspect, it'll take a while longer for you to find your balance under the new scheme, though.


We'll still be here and waiting, happy to chat when you get back. And we'll miss you while you're gone.


... get well soon? ;-]

[Sprocketsdance]

I'm so sorry Keaton.. Good wishes are coming your way. Do take care and try to keep your chin up. 

[ShadesFox]

When I went through such a thing it took about 2 months.  And you can tell when this happened by looking at my college transcripts.

I shall promise future huggles for when you return~

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

Damn, these things tend to be rough. Can't say much more than that we're pulling for you, and that you'll always have our time and attention.

[Jairus]

Take care, Keats! We'll be here if you need someone to talk to!

[Lisky]

  take care of yourself Keaty, as the others have said, we'll be waiting, and if you need some support, we're here for you.  I wish you the best, and a quick and speedy recovery. 

[Gareeku]

Take care, Keats. See you when you get back. *hug*

[JackTheCubiWolf]

Feel better soon.

[Aisha deCabre]

Get well soon Keats.  You'll be missed, but your health and your sanity will always come first. 

[Paladin Sheppard]

Take Care Keats <3 we'll miss you but you go look after yourself.

[Zedd]

Take care Keatons,we miss you already!

[ChaosMageX]

Get well soon, Keaton.  I have ADHD, so I can empathize with you a little bit, although the last time I had to change meds (from Ritalin to Conserta), was back in childhood, and the transition went pretty smoothly as far as I can remember.

[Sunblink]

You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for your support and understanding. I wish I could respond to all of you, but... well, I read all of your comments and knowing that so many people care is very uplifting. Thank you, guys. <3

I don't want to make any hasty conclusions, but I feel like things are gradually getting better. Day by day I've been making improvements, although I'm not there yet. Right now I'm feeling strangely lucid, and I haven't had any breakdowns in a long time - those were more at the beginning of the fiasco. The closest things I've experienced are really ambivalent emotions. I'm not completely together yet, but I'm hoping that I'll feel completely better soon. Depends on how often we tweak my medication. (Hate hate hate.) That just occurred to me. I hope that nothing nutty happens as we start weaning me off of certain pills.

I'm probably gonna keep being elusive for a while. The regularity of my appearances will depend on how I'm feeling. I'll do some writing and drawing exercises to see if I'm getting closer.

Get well soon, Keaton.  I have ADHD, so I can empathize with you a little bit, although the last time I had to change meds (from Ritalin to Conserta), was back in childhood, and the transition went pretty smoothly as far as I can remember.

Just thought I'd mention this: thanks for the well-wishes, dude. As far as the meds go, I was on my older ones for a very long time before we started introducing and eliminating new medications, so I guess it's harder for me to get used to this new med profile. I'm not completely sure. I remember going through a lot of medication changes without incident when I was a kid too.

However, these new and old meds aren't just for controlling my ADD. They're for a few other things too. (Even though I don't have these complications full-blown, I have traces of them.) I think this might explain something, but I'm not completely sure.

[bradypodidae]

Thank you for the update. I hope the feeling of getting better is real and continues. You sure seem to have a lot of friends here, and from all I've read/seen its for good reason. So I shall add my wishes for speedy and successful recovery!

[Tapewolf]

Thanks for the update, I hope you truly are on the mend.

[techmaster-glitch]

That's some good news, keaton! Keep getting better, we're all here for you!

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

Good to hear from you Keaton, as well as generally good news. As before, the offer of an ear and a shoulder is always open, and I think most of the others will offer the same.

[Stygian]

Do feel better, Keaton. I don't have any particular experience with losing creativity, but I do know how it is to break down, and I don't wish it upon anyone.

Well, okay, that might be a lie, but I don't wish it upon you, at least.

Speak to me later, and perhaps I can get that drawing done, mmkay?

[ChaosMageX]

However, these new and old meds aren't just for controlling my ADD. They're for a few other things too. (Even though I don't have these complications full-blown, I have traces of them.) I think this might explain something, but I'm not completely sure.

What exactly are these "other things"?  My mother was and still is very careful to make sure not to give my doctor any excuses to prescribe more psychoactive medications for me, because of the dangers involved.

I'm beginning to see that her suspicions are well founded.  I'll bet that they've just found these "traces" of things in order to make excuses to charge your family more money for drugs and essentially poison your mind and body in the process.

Man oh man, I'm definitely taking my mother's advice from now on.  Just nod and smile and say I'm doing fine whenever I take a physical for a med refill.  Don't give them any excuse to prescribe more meds that might cause an irregular heartbeat or evoke lurid thoughts. *shudder*

Man, I really feel for you now Keaton.  The greedy pharmaceutical industry has got you in its clutches, and escaping won't be easy.    I wish you luck in doing so.

[JackTheCubiWolf]

I say we stage a take over to take down those greedy bastard for hurting our Keaton.

But on a serious note, it good to hear you filling a bit better. I used to take medicine for my ADHD and when I first started taking medicine for it, back in 3rd grade, I had a really hard time controling my emotions. I would get really upset over the littlest thing.

[Sunblink]

What exactly are these "other things"?  My mother was and still is very careful to make sure not to give my doctor any excuses to prescribe more psychoactive medications for me, because of the dangers involved.

Going into a slightly dispassionate laundry list: traces of Asperger syndrome and traces of bipolar disorder. (Both of those are probably right on the money.) None of those were self-diagnosed; they were done by a professional. To be honest, even though I'm pissed off very displeased with my psychiatrist because of this whole ordeal, I've known him since I was really young and can't say he's doing this for personal profit or because he's a puppet of the pharmaceutical industry. What had started the medication-changing in the first place was the fact he was uncomfortable with my original med profile, which was very cluttered in comparison to his other patients'. (Also, he wanted to find a medication that wouldn't screw up my weight. One of the offending meds was making me gain weight. Something a physician I visited mentioned was that not many psychiatrists that distribute prescriptions give a crap about their patients' weight.) Given the fact I've gone through some serious anxiety issues a few years ago, this was not pleasant.

But I do agree with you on the fact the industry is really fucked up. However, I am fairly sure my situation has nothing to do with that. Plus I have a hard time imagining my psychiatrist in a less-than-flattering light because he helped me through those anxiety issues I mentioned. And the phrase "anxiety issues" is an ineffective euphemism to describe the experience. D:

...that ended up being a bit too TL;DR than expected. FYI I AM NOT UPSET. Thank you for the well wishes.

But on a serious note, it good to hear you filling a bit better. I used to take medicine for my ADHD and when I first started taking medicine for it, back in 3rd grade, I had a really hard time controling my emotions. I would get really upset over the littlest thing.

Thanks a lot, Jack. I should note that your experience with the ADHD medication sounds pretty similar to mine. My emotions are still really wonky, even though I've made some improvements since when I was... well, thirteen or fifteen. I'm not sure if that was related to medication or just growing up. As for in third grade, when I started taking my medication, I can't really remember what it was like.

Emphasis on some improvements. SOME I'm still a temperamental thing.

But really, thank you for coming by and giving me well wishes. It's muchly appreciated.

[Brunhidden]

i hope they diagnose correctly then, i was diagnosed with asthburgers syndrome falsely and because of it i had a fairly screwed up childhood.

although, i think its a little late to screw up your childhood, but i really hope you don't get a screwed up adulthood





side note, spell check thinks asthburgers is supposed to be 'veggieburgers'

[ChaosMageX]

But on a serious note, it good to hear you filling a bit better. I used to take medicine for my ADHD and when I first started taking medicine for it, back in 3rd grade, I had a really hard time controling my emotions. I would get really upset over the littlest thing.

Thanks a lot, Jack. I should note that your experience with the ADHD medication sounds pretty similar to mine. My emotions are still really wonky, even though I've made some improvements since when I was... well, thirteen or fifteen. I'm not sure if that was related to medication or just growing up. As for in third grade, when I started taking my medication, I can't really remember what it was like.

Emphasis on some improvements. SOME I'm still a temperamental thing.

But really, thank you for coming by and giving me well wishes. It's muchly appreciated.

For me, it was my anger issues that started when I started on meds back in childhood, so I too can empathize with what you're going though.  I would have the worst tantrums.  I finally had to deal with controlling my anger after some particular wuss classmate of mine got hit in the back of the head with chalk that ricocheted off the wall I threw it at in anger.  The moron decided to get his parents to press assault charges.  I was a minor, so the law's punishment was nothing more than a slap on the wrist, but after that my parents have never really trusted me since that day and my life has been gradually going down hill since then as the tension between us mounts with my age.

So yeah, I wish you luck in getting through this and I hope that you don't make the same mistakes I did, and end up indirectly hurting some pussy that will press assault charges or worse.

EDIT:
BTW, how exactly did your parents treat you because of this?  Were they mega-overprotective and emotionally hurtful with verbal put-downs towards you like mine are?
Is it because your ADHD made you do stupid things as a small child, like run in front of cars?
If that is the case, then I can REALLY empathize with what you've been going through for most of your life now.

EDIT2:
I know you probably don't have time to respond to it, but did you manage to get my PM, Keaton?

[JackTheCubiWolf]

For your edit one, is that to me or Keaton?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

side note, spell check thinks asthburgers is supposed to be 'veggieburgers'

Perhaps you'll have more luck if you ask it to spell assburgers? Or Aspergers, perhaps? ;-]

*giggle* athpergerth. With a lithp... *snicker*