Keaton's taking a Semi-Hiatus

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Keaton says she's taken a turn for the worse, and will be AFK for a while, while she tries to get a handle on it.


She would have posted this herself, but it appears that the worse includes not being able to accept any post she could put together as suitable. Or something.


Here's hoping she recovers quickly.

[techmaster-glitch]

oh dear...

Is it just me, or is it every time she seems like she's getting better, she suddenly goes "whump!" again? I cannot imagine how tough this must be on her...

[Tapewolf]

Is it just me, or is it every time she seems like she's getting better, she suddenly goes "whump!" again? I cannot imagine how tough this must be on her...

It does seem to be the way it has been going.  I wasn't exactly expecting this to be a lightning-fast and smooth recovery, but it seems to be particularly harsh on her which isn't really fair.

[Zedd]

I do hope she does get better fast,she's like a little sister to us all..In most cases I would like to give her big hugs

[Lisky]

  You've been a good friend, Keaty, and you really didn't deserve go through what you already have, let alone deserve more suck.  I'm still around if you need me... Take care of yourself, Keaton, and i'll see you when you get back!

[thegayhare]

we'll be here when your ready hon

[Sofox]

Hey Keats,
I'm really sorry I haven't put my voice up here until now but I only started checking this subforum yesterday.

I want you to know that you have my full sympathy in what you're going through and have been through and I wish you all the best. I hope you get through this, and things go brilliantly well for you.

What I say next I say with your best interests in my heart; but I believe you should cut out the medication.

The reason is very simple: Irritabilty, bursts of anger, frustration, depression, mood swings, worry and anxiety, days you don't know where you're going, inabilty to focus, being terse with someone who's only trying to help, fustration, confusion, desparation at not seeming to figure out the right way to live your life...

...all these things are part of LIFE. Practically everyone experiences these things at times. It's made worse by the fact that life these days is very unnatural. Kids are put into buildings for 7 hourse where they are expected to constantly pay attention learn things they they have no guaranteed interest in. And when a kid starts thinking of other things or feeling very uncomfortable in this very unnatural environment... they diagnose it as a mental condition?

You know why you sketched in class instead of paying attention? Because you found sketching far more interesting and loved it far more then the class you were in. Schools teach facts and are very left-brain (logical) orientated. Unfortunately the left side of your brain is where stress is generated, as it advocates rigid structures that you feel compelled to fulfull. Creative activites like drawing are right-brain activities and so can calm people. In class, that is simply the experience you preferred having.

As for bi-polar, well who doesn't change moods from happy to depressed over periods of times? Something tells me there aren't many more diagnosed with it simply because people are more tight lipped about their mental condition, not because they are any more emotionally volatile then the average person.

And Aspergers Syndrome? Incredibly common. Stereotypically speaking, nearly every geek/nerd could be said to have it since the characteristics of both overlap so much (awkward social skills, a love of logic and working things out, abilty to concentrate a lot on a given interest, affinity with computers... list goes on).

And you know what the real problem is? If you take medication, then how do you know if a problem you have is comming from the pills you have taken or from yourself? You know medication can have unpredictable effect, and if you've been taking them a long time, how do you know if a problem in your life isn't caused by them? Goodness knows being human is often like sailing a boat over a storm of emotions, but if we don't know whether a given wave was caused by some aspect in our life, our personality, or in the pills we take; then how do we know how to successfuly navigate them?
Cutting out your pills won't necessarily solve all your life's problems, but it will leave you in a much better position to deal with them at your own behedst.
No one stays the way they were born forever, the great thing about humans is we have the ability to work through or compensate our shortcomming and problems with time, dedication and support from those around us. As such, we can improve ourself, and leave us better prepared for the future.

Keats, I have a lot of affection for you. You are energetic, fun, imaginative and essentially a great person. It breaks my heart to think that you're going through so much trouble for something you're not even sure you need. Maybe if you had a severe cerebral problem, like a genuine chemical imbalance, medication would be appropriate (we're talking chronic stuff here, a mortal danger to yourself or your family); but otherwise, I see nothing special about your troubles other then another human being trying to make their way through this crazy world. It just worries me that in trying to deal with certain obsticals you face, you've brought up even more without realising it.

Regards and always wishing you all the best,
Sofox

[Gabi]

I would recommend seeing a responsible doctor who knows what he's doing. Too many people have been wrongly diagnosed with depression, bipolar syndrome, etc., but that doesn't mean every single diagnosis is wrong. And dropping the medications all of a sudden could do more harm than good. Maybe taking them was a mistake in the first place, maybe not, and maybe she has something else entirely, but in any case it would be best to get a second opinion before making any rushed decisions.

In any case, take care, Keaton. You know we all care for you and want you to feel well and be happy.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

FWIW, the taking medication and dropping medication is under Doctors Orders. So you lot don't have to worry about that.

... I'd have left it, but since it doesn't appear to be widely recognised, I felt I'd step in rather than wait for Keaton to reappear. She has said she's feeling a lot better now, as a result of recent changes, and that her doc is paying close attention to what she's taking, when, and what results it's having.

So it's not just her deciding to do what she likes, and you can all calm down and stop worrying quite so much. *grin* And get back to wishing her the best.

[Drayco84]

Since I'm new, not a medical professional, nor in Keaton's situation, what I'm about to say is IMHO and should be treated as such. I'm also not going to say that this is the RIGHT way to live, but all I'm doing is offering my viewpoint. This is remarkably similar to what my sister is going through, except add in more anti-psychotics and two instances of being declared a danger to herself and others. (And thus, held in a mental instiutuion against her will.)

I'm 25, and as far as I've known I've always had ADD. However, while I was still in school, it just wasn't readily diagnosed and medicated. (I got to find this crap out AFTER the fact.) That, and I don't think my Mom would've forced the stuff on me anyway as it was just rising in popularity, and there's still virtually no studies on it being used on growing kids. (And at 17, you're almost done with a good chunk of it, but you're not quite out of the woods yet.)

Yes, kids get bored when they're virtually chained to a desk for seven hours. (Heck, do that to an adult nowadays and see if you don't get sued.) Yes, kids get bored when the teacher is going on snd on over the same thing. And I will admit, I rarely paid attention in class and read through the book. (About ten times. I was a speed reader and found out in high school that the primary way I learn is through reading.) Yet, I still got honor roll, and my GED scores were *Fish, fish... Fumble, fumble...* Writing: 600, Social Studies: 600, Science: 710 (One of my faves.), Interpereting LIterature and the Arts: 800, Mathematics: 540. (These scores are for the state of Ohio, in case anyone wants to check. I think they might be public record... And yes, I kept my GED scores. 97 percentile in Science, and 99th percentile in Literature sounded like bragging rights to me.)

Yet, despite this, I loathed school, especially high school, where it didn't matter how creative or unique you were, nobody really gave a rat's ass. (Then again, maybe I just went to a crappy school.) But, my main problems were with elementary and middle school, where after being virtually chained to a desk for seven hours, I was virtually chained to a table for another five, where I sat and essentially stared at the crap they called "homework". My main problem happened to be the fact that I just couldn't focus. What I found out in middle school was that a 15-min break every hour or so helped my mind "refocus". After that, the stuff just became a lot easier and I could do it in the "normal" hour or two. But, the problems still persist and while in the middle of trying to do something, I find that my brain has not only left the building, but is on its way to Hawaii. (Heck, even when I'm trying to write this thing!)

HOWEVER! I wouldn't trade in my ADD for anything as part of me has managed to harness it, and use it to my own advantage. Give me a logical problem, and my brain will usually spit out a solution in one of those "blinding flashes of insight" everybody wishes would hit more often. (It's served me well in 2.5 years of tech support, and even though I've never finished a novel/story, I've started a lot with potential.)

While I can't say that this is what happens for everyone, all I can say is that this is what happens to me. And in brutal honesty, while it may not be the ADD that's causing my focusing problems/insightful flashes, I'm too scared to try altering my brain chemistry to find out just what it could be.

As for the mood swings, depression, anger, etc., do you, by any chance, happen to be related to my sister? (I kid! I KID! OW! Stop throwing things!) Seriously though, it's HIGH SCHOOL. Your mind has entered a state where it's finally able to analyze the thing that matters most in life: Yourself. You're probably learning things about yourself that are downright ugly, while at the same time realizing that the world you live in isn't the happy meadow of sunshine that you once thought it was. Yeah, it's a lot to take in at once, but eventually you'll get over it. (Either that, or your brain/psyche will snap like a twig. In either case, you won't be depressed anymore!)

So in short, I wish you luck and the best of happiness. (Or at least, becoming content with what you've got.) Hang in there, stick it out, and remember that misery loves company. (Or at least, inflicting misery upon others as well.)

[Sunblink]

I'm sorry guys, but this has been killing me. I have updates to give, but this is so important and is going to come first.

Please stop talking about my psychiatry or telling me what to do with my medication, or going on anti-psychiatry tangents about overmedication and quack misdiagnoses. I am not being cute. I'm seriously asking you people to stop doing that because it is hurting me. I'm stressed, I'm sad, and I'm beaten up from everything that's happened to me during this four-month rollercoaster ride. I'm tired of people instilling doubt in me by suggesting that my psychiatrist is probably a tool of the pharmaceutical department. I'm tired of people outside of the Internet, people who I don't even know, saying that psychiatry is a false practice and that I'm better off taking vitamins than Lithium. I'm tired of that similar atmosphere in this thread. I spotted it a while ago, and now it's pecking at me.

My psychiatrist is a person I have been seeing for seven years, meaning he's known me since I was 11. He is one of the best in my home region. He is greatly concerned with finding an adjustment that will be natural and will not overmedicate me, and he takes diagnoses very seriously. He thinks my art is beautiful and wants me to continue making it unimpeded. He is not a bad man and he sincerely regrets not being as aggressive as he should have been – this is why he started seeing me once a week even though he's a busy person and gets swamped with emergency calls from patients like myself. I HAVE NOT BEEN BRAINWASHED.

I had been trying to keep myself from describing the extent of what I've been going through because I've been volatile, and I was certain I'd become so violent or unstable in conveying my message that I would upset somebody. There was also the worry that I'd turn this into my personal LiveJournal, which would've led to thread-locking - I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing by posting right now. Now I'm concerned that by withholding this, I've made people think that I'm just seeing a psychiatrist over small, elementary things, and thereby blowing this situation out of proportion.  There was a person in my life who thought the very same thing, and they contributed greatly to my stress. They called me a "hormonal piece of baggage" before they ceased trying to contact me and I blocked their address; this was a person I cared very deeply about in the past. I'm worrying that this is a pattern of patronization that will continue throughout my life – I am in a state where I am struggling to understand what's going to happen in my life and the chemical imbalances aren't helping. Actually, my psychiatrist said that a lot of these problems are related to me becoming a teenager, and the hormones have exacerbated the experience. So you guys are kind of right.

Sorry guys. I'm 18 now, nearly 19, and you've had to put up with me since I was 15. I love you all for it. I've been on the forums for officially 3 years, not counting the Nice forum stuff. I've made so many wonderful friends here who don't judge me – wonderful friends who are supporting me in ways that have just touched me beyond words. You guys make me able to say "I have lots of amazing friends" and not feel the slightest bit self-conscious about the fact I can't go to the movies with them – registering here was one of the best decisions I ever made in my entire life. That sounds corny, but it's true. Just because I'm upset about the psychiatry advice doesn't mean that I don't appreciate your support, and I'm sorry if that made anyone believe otherwise. It's been helping me get through.



You are watching zee beautiful and majestic Keaton start to leave her cocoon as an angry, hormonal butterfly. The beautiful and majestic Keatonfly is hypercarnivorous, by the way, and consumes vertebrate animals for 90% of her diet like some big angry shark. Her mating call is strangely reminiscent of the guitar riffs from Marilyn Manson's Disposable Teens. </Jacques Cousteau>

My writing might be coming back after all, 'cos I really liked that metaphor. But here's where my update comes in, relating to that teenage thing.

It has come to light that I have full-blown bipolar type I, which is classic bipolar disorder defined by the presence of one or more manic episodes. I have had several of these manic episodes over the past few months. At the beginning, I was put on Lithium, a popular medication for bipolar people – it works on reconstructing the frail membrane of the brain's frontal lobe, therefore keeping emotions and moods stabilized to some degree. My frontal lobe inhibitor is very weak, which was illustrated in a chart that my psychiatrist made on his computer using icons, graphs, and little colored lines to highlight the irregularities. As Lithium makes living a less miserable experience for me, I will start to come together and the emotions will be balanced – I'll be free.

Bipolar disorder develops as a person matures. There is a chance that I might not have ADD at all because distractibility and anxiety is shared among the vast majority of people who have bipolar disorder (but do not have ADD or ADHD). Diagnosing bipolar disorder among children is a controversial thing because of its nature of growing and starting to rear its head around adulthood, so the ADD thing was probably made because of it being thrown off. However, I can't say that the medication was not effective. There were drastic improvements in my concentration that helped me throughout my life, but right now we've taken me off of the ADD medication because it was making my brain activity come in nonstop jolts that worked me up into hysteria. We're focusing on putting me back together, and now that the ADD meds are absent and the obstacles are removed, I can truly recover. We're also working on getting my sleep cycle in order since I just managed a good night's rest last night. All of these problems will pass and will be temporary. I'll be back on my feet very soon.

I'm getting better.

We're not going to talk about this psychiatry thing anymore – I'm not trying to moderate, I'm just trying to ask my friends an earnest request. Please stop.

Fun fact: this post was so serious I wrote it in a Word document. It was over a thousand words long and I just breached the second page. WOOOOOOOOOOO...!

Okay. Back to sleeping. G'night, guys.

[Ren Gaulen]

Glad to hear you're getting better, Keats!

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Indeed. Bonus points for a coherent, stable, and polite message about a sensitive subject from a... ah... angry, hormonal butterfly. (Love that whole paragraph, btw.)


We'll be here and waiting for you when you feel up to coming back. Until then, take care of yourself. You're a very pretty butterfly, and we like watching you eat the damn noobs. ;-]

[Sofox]

Hey Keats,
Sorry about that then, I made my post with good intentions (and we all know what sorts of super roads they pave!) but I clearly misinterpreted the situation. I want to say thought that I would never advise to anyone to go off or change their medication without a long talk with their doctor to understand exactly what the possible consequences are.

But it's great to hear you're feeling better and I wish you all the best.

[Gabi]

I'm glad to hear you're getting better. I'm sorry if anything that I said offended you, that wasn't my intention. As I said, I care about you and I want  you do do/get whatever's best for you.

[thegayhare]

*smiles an hugs the Keaton*

[Cogidubnus]

Jacques Costeau doesn't do the Keatonfly justice, I don't think.

Feel better soon, sweet one. *sends hugs*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Jackie Chan might be better?

[Cogidubnus]

Jackie Chan might be better?

Somehow, I don't think he'd do it justice either.

[Damaris]

I'm glad that you have a medical professional that cares about you, and is working so closely with you to make you better. *hugs*

Seeing a psychiatrist and going on medication was the best choice I ever made - I'm glad that you're doing what's best for you.

[Zedd]

I am glad to hear your feeling tons better Keaton I just hope we will see you again in the future! 

[Sunblink]

I don't know if I'm all better yet, but I think the Lithium's finally making an impact. I've reached a state where I'm actually chemically capable of experiencing happiness. Two days ago I returned to school again, and I've realized that the Lithium is seriously patching up my brain. I feel sharper. I feel like I'm thinking more deeply about things I create, even if I haven't returned to writing and drawing. This confirms what my psychiatrist had said in that he said I might be better than before. I don't even need my ADD meds to concentrate anymore, seeing as I don't actually have the disorder and it was a miscalculation due to my bipolar disorder's development.

I'm still feeling serious anxiety over personal things, but that'll disappear soon. Actually, my psychiatrist is very happy with the progress I'm making. He basically said I was making as many adjustments to my med profile as if I was in a hospital. Me starting to visit him once a week was the real breakthrough.

I can't even believe I'm typing this. I feel like everything's going to trip up the minute I post this, or that something bad will happen that will set everything back, but here you go. Here's an update. It's not the final one.

Thank you so much, everyone. <3

[techmaster-glitch]

That's wonderful, Keaton. I'm very glad that things are finally pulling together for you

(and I share in your hope that there are no further backslides)

[Sprocketsdance]

   That's awesome Keaton! ^^ Really glad things are on the up =D 

[Sofox]

That's brilliant Keaton, it's great to hear you've got people really looking out for you and that you're feeling better. Don't worry about anything, everything will go well.

[Zedd]

Great to hear!   Just hope things continue to progress even further!!

[Gabi]

That's great to hear, Keaton! I hope you continue getting better. ^^

[Sunblink]

I'm really, really sorry that I'm bumping this, and I'm sorry if this counts as necroposting, but things have made a big change.

I could barely get to sleep last night. Right now I'm this shambling wreck who feels like a piece of shit and I'm just breaking down really badly. I think right now I need to extend my break, badly, until my sleep finally gets regulated and I'm in a less "FML" state. I'm sorry, guys.

[Tapewolf]

Take as long as you need.  Just get better, okay?

[Mao]

Keaton, do what you need to do.  We'll all still be here rooting for you.  Get well soon.