The Vend-o-mat 9000

[Valynth]

Out pops a bowl of witch soup.

*inserts a deep fat fryer.*

[Cogidubnus]

The machine issues forth a glob of fat.

*inserts seven apples*

[Janus Whitefurr]

You are promptly impaled by a rapid fire barrage of dispensed apple shards. That's gotta sting.

*inserts a shard of Cogi.*

[Jairus]

Arms emerge from the machine and rebuild Cogidubnus into CogidubneX. Faster, stronger, harder, better.

*inserts katana*

[Kitsune Ascendant]

the massively gamebreaking katana I made in NWN pops out. It's got +10 to attack and damage, 1d4 acid damage, 1d4 fire damage, hastes the user, and probably has some other neat stuff I can't remember.

Oh, and *inserts four x's and a counterweight*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-o-mat chungs and clunks, and dispenses a +20 two-handed vorpal teapot of death.

*inserts coin*

[Vidar]

Vend-o-mat regurgitates Adam West.

*inserts mow*

[Mao]

Mab comes out, looks a little confused and then promptly disappears.

*inserts a coin*

[Ren Gaulen]

A thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you from the Vend-O-Mat, their arrows blotting out the sun. Now you will fight in the shade.

*inserts a cursed Aztec coin*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a cursed Aztec.

Sadly, the solution to his curse involves sacrificing a handy heretic to his gods, and he promptly does so, cutting your heart out on top of the pyramidal form of the vending machine, then throwing your sadly brutalised corpse into a fire.

Which, there not being anything else handy, he made out of your car.

Sorry about that.

*inserts coin*

[Darkdragon]

Two rabbits come out.

*Inserts coin*

[Mao]

Twenty rabbits come out.

*inserts coin*

[Ren Gaulen]

An avalanche of rabbits erupts from the vending machine, burying you under a mountain of multi-coloured fur.

*inserts thirty silver pieces*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-o-mat dispenses a rope, helpfully tied into a noose for you already.

*inserts rabbit*

[Ren Gaulen]

Carrot pops out. He proceeds to arrest you for mistreating animals.

*inserts coin*

[LionHeart]

Angua pops out.

*inserts coin*

[Slowtini]

SUDDENLY
ICE CREAM CONES
HUNDREDS OF THEM

*inserts coin*

[Janus Whitefurr]

Enough icecream to fill all those empty cones erupts from the Vend-O-Mat, also inadvertantly chilling you to the point of stasis for... the days it takes for the icecream to melt.

*inserts chocolate coin*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-o-mat 9000 clunks for a minute, then dispenses the gold foil wrapping from around the chocolate coin, along with a small note that reads "Thanks, that was delicious."


*inserts coin*

[ShadesFox]

The machine goes 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then dispenses some chocolate along with the same note dispensed previously.  Not just a copy but the same note.

*inserts a coin*

[Kitsune Ascendant]

a future-imperfect copy of LOTR babies on dvd pops out, along with a file and a street address.

*inserts sharpened penny*

[VSMIT]

You hear a lot of metal-on-metal screeching, and a sharpened can of soda flies out at you.

*Inserts a coin.*

[Valynth]

You get a pet rock.  It promptly piddles on your rug.

*inserts a rock lobster*

The machine issues forth a glob of fat.

...Rosie O'Donnell?

[Jer-oh-me]

Out bounds a toy poodle matching the description of Quiche Lorraine.

Inserts a ceramic coin bearing the face of Cyber Ceasar!

[Mao]

A cyber centurion pops out and seems mildly confused by his situation.

*inserts a coin*

[Jer-oh-me]

The Vend-o-mat 9000 spits out a rigged slot machine.

Inserts an old cell phone.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-o-mat clunks a couple of times, whines a bit, then dispenses an old cell.


Your old cellmates aren't best pleased by this...

*inserts coin*

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

The Vend-O-Mat spits out a  a book titled "Humerous Sarcasm"



*inserts coin*

[Jer-oh-me]

Vend-o-mat 9000 goes skiing on the moon.

Inserts a turkey sandwich.

[Mao]

A container of ez-squeeze mayo comes out.

*inserts a coin*