The Vend-o-mat 9000

[Jer-oh-me]

A book entitled 'The Worst Jokes Ever' tumbles out.

Inserts an old AOL CD.

[Slowtini]

A FIST OF ANGER +10 POPS OUT OF THE VEND-O-MAT, AND BOPS YOU IN THE NOSE
Vend-o-mat HATE AOL.

*inserts BEEF JERKY!*

[Darkdragon]

A cube of oil falls out.

*Inserts penknife*

[Ren Gaulen]

A gigantic blade appears from the vending machine and stabs at thee.

*inserts an arrow*

[Mao]

Blood spurts out.  Oops.

*inserts a coin*

[Jer-oh-me]

A Metal Gear Solid-esque decoy/hiding box tumbles out.

inserts a can of worms

[Cogidubnus]

It produces a pile of nutritional soil.

*inserts legumes*

[Jer-oh-me]

Out tumbles a bust of George Washington Carver, made from a paper machete of shredded peanut and legume husks.

Inserts a copy of 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Omnibus'

[Cogidubnus]

The machine whirrs, and spits out a waiter's note pad. It says "First Italian Bistro" on it.

*inserts coin*

[Jer-oh-me]

Out tumble Eee PCs for everyone each protected by an oversized prize capsule. It took the Vend-o-mat a couple hours to get them all packaged right complete with ribbons, bows, and personally addressed tags that proclaim: 'Do not open till Christmas, or coincidental holiday.'

Inserts a 16GB SD Card

[Slowtini]

The SD comes out, filled with unsavory images, that it's illegal to possess in your current locale.
Oh, and it's read only.
And the Vend-o-mat just called the police.

A pair of running shoes also pop out of the vend-o-mat

*inserts coin*

[Ren Gaulen]

Naturally, the police emerge from the Vend-O-Mat next.

*inserts coin*

[Jer-oh-me]

A hammer for destroying the illegal SD Card tumbles out.

Inserts screwdriver.

[gh0st]

you hear a loud scream as you realize that wasn't the vendomat

*inserts one token*

[Mao]

A cookie pops out of the Vend-o-mat.

*inserts a coin*

[e_voyager]

a tube of lipstick pops out.

insert coin

[LionHeart]

A Nintendo console pops out.

*inserts coin*

[Janus Whitefurr]

A heart comes out, attached to a Tyrant-class Bio-Organic Weapon. RUN!

*inserts coin*

[Rakala]

Cute, but pink comes out.

*inserts coin*

[Slowtini]

A confused looking cat pops out of the vend-o-mat, panics, and latches to your face.

*inserts gum*

[e_voyager]

death bringer pops out and calls for her younger sister to help her.

insert patch

[Slowtini]

The vend-o-mat turns into a Kangaroo, then decides "You know what, screw this", and hops off.

Another Vend-o-mat drops down from the sky to replace the previous one.

*inserts bread*

[Cogidubnus]

It ejects a field of wheat.

*inserts bundle of wheat*

[Slowtini]

Pumpernickle pops out.

*inserts waffles*

[Cogidubnus]

It ejects a ferret.

*inserts squeaky toy*

[Jer-oh-me]

Out bounds Rush who bears the squeaky toy in his mouth and runs off.

Inserts a mechanical pencil.

[e_voyager]

out pops metal man who promptly rust and falls over

insert metal cuter.

[Slowtini]

Proper Grammar pops out of the Vend-o-mat.

*inserts IMPROPER GRAMMAR*

[gh0st]

out comes my 7th grade english teacher to send you to i.s.s, the bad one that is, it has a decaying orbit, and will hit a numerous amount of satellites on it's way down.

insert a super structure

[Slowtini]

A Non-Euclidean Sweater pops out.
Good luck figuring out how to put it on.

*inserts spatial geometry*