[Art/Writing] Jairus: Merry Christmas

[Cogidubnus]

Poetry about inconveniently laid-out campuses should be a genre of it's own. *nods*

[Jairus]

Poetry about inconveniently laid-out campuses should be a genre of it's own. *nods*

It's really quite nice,
Not having to walk far from
One class to the next.

However, it is
The distance from my place that
Bothers me so much.

There is also a
Borders Books and sandwich place
Not far from the school.

So it's not hard to
Get a good lunch in the time
Between two of them.

My classes, that is.
There's an hour-long break three
Days of the week. Yeah.

Actually, this
Is getting quite silly. Should
I stop the haiku?

Later on, I'll try
To rewrite "Ishimura,"
A Dead Space poem.

[Pagan]

Poetry about inconveniently laid-out campuses should be a genre of it's own. *nods*

Tell me about it. I go to an urban college whose "campus" is just whatever buildings or parking decks nearby they can purchase and reassemble into a classroom building. Still, GSU's a nice place.

Oh, I should probably comment on the art in the art thread. Nice haikus, Brother.

[Ren Gaulen]

Wee! More haiku! But, while it really got kinda silly, I'm interested to hear a revised version of "Ishimura". I liked the previous one.

[Cogidubnus]

I think you've definitely got the form of Haiku down. I have to say, though - I'd be interested to see what you might come up with if you tried writing with a more serious tone, although I'm one to talk with my most recent bit of drivel. Perhaps something in another form than Haiku?

[Jairus]

Wee! More haiku! But, while it really got kinda silly, I'm interested to hear a revised version of "Ishimura". I liked the previous one.

Silly? Yeah, it did get a little silly. Haiku is just something I do for fun, which is probably anathema to how it's supposed to be done. However, as you wish. Ishimura it is.

I think you've definitely got the form of Haiku down. I have to say, though - I'd be interested to see what you might come up with if you tried writing with a more serious tone, although I'm one to talk with my most recent bit of drivel. Perhaps something in another form than Haiku?

Well, I'd like to write something about Tiberius Unit Elf-Drei-Acht (don't worry, it'll make sense eventually), which would involve a horrible bloody battle between an army of mages and an army of clockwork robots, but that won't be tonight. As for something in another form than Haiku, how about a sonnet?

I'd like to submit that for some damned reason, I cannot for the life of me write comfortably in iambic pentameter. Tetrameter, yes: pentameter, no. Anyway, rather than force something and make it feel funky, I'll just write a tetrameter sonnet.

Ishimura
There, floating high o'er world's cracked shell,
A slowly dying derelict.
A thousand souls once here did dwell,
Once teeming halls now rusting crypts.
As power fails, its lights grow dim,
Each room to eerie darkness falls.
Blood-curdling sounds and groans so grim
Still travel far from distant halls.
And here and there the air is still,
The smell of death still strong and new.
All on your own, that is, until
You find the ship's decaying crew.
You're trapped inside its cold embrace,
Fore'er alone in this dead space.

Yes, it's a Dead Space sonnet. I'm not 100 percent satisfied with it, so I'll end up revising it a second time. Enjoy!


EDIT: I kinda wrote this a few days ago in an IM chat with Ren. It's really stupid, but I might as well give another example of one of my one minute songs. Call it Tech Metal (Techno Metal)
"Clock Punk Cold Fusion"
The sound is in my ears,
It's the ticking of the gears,
All the cogs and sprockets in my pockets
Clinking, clanking, tip and tap!
Pistons pumping, chains are rattling,
And all within a techno map!
Shiny brass and singing whistles,
Not for bombs or guns or missiles,
But to power up a city with our Clock Punk Fusion mixture!

Told you it was stupid.

[Ren Gaulen]

Wow. Impressive, bro. I didn't expect you to actually post the "Clock Punk Cold Fusion".

[Jairus]

Wow. Impressive, bro. I didn't expect you to actually post the "Clock Punk Cold Fusion".

Might as well have. It's not a haiku, and it may be stupid and bad but it rhymes... sometimes. And it's not like anyone will read it. What expression should I have for that?

So, what did you think of Ishimura?

[Ren Gaulen]

So, what did you think of Ishimura?

The "impressive" part was about Ishamura. In fact I was so impressed I followed the link you gave.. and was almost a little disappointed when I learned what the Dead Space is really about. Your poem made me imagine something like city-ship built by some ancient civilization, drifting silently through space, a tomb to its former inhabitants and a grim memory left behind by a great power that has perished.

[Jairus]

So, what did you think of Ishimura?

The "impressive" part was about Ishamura. In fact I was so impressed I followed the link you gave.. and was almost a little disappointed when I learned what the Dead Space is really about. Your poem made me imagine something like city-ship built by some ancient civilization, drifting silently through space, a tomb to its former inhabitants and a grim memory left behind by a great power that has perished.

... hm... whoops. Sorry to confuse you like that. For the record, I've never played Dead Space, I'm just going off of some playthrough vids I've seen. And that thing a week ago over on Justin.tv. But to be fair, the ship is kinda like that, at least in the city-ship and being a tomb and a grim reminder of things man ought not mess with. I just didn't quite know how to work the Necromorphs in, aside from obtuse references.

Maybe I should do a Bioshock poem next. And a Ratchet and Clank poem. And a Jak poem. And a... um... I'll stop before I get to Metal Gear Solid 4. DAMMIT!

[Ren Gaulen]

And a... um... I'll stop before I get to Metal Gear Solid 4. DAMMIT!

Doooo eeeeeeeet...

[Cogidubnus]

I have to say I'm very impressed by Ishimura. It manages to convey the concept of the vague creepiness extremely well. I too have never played Dead Space, but I think you don't really have to, to appreciate this poem.

The idea of a dead city, though, reminds me of the "City in the Sea" by Poe.

[Jairus]

I have to say I'm very impressed by Ishimura. It manages to convey the concept of the vague creepiness extremely well. I too have never played Dead Space, but I think you don't really have to, to appreciate this poem.

The idea of a dead city, though, reminds me of the "City in the Sea" by Poe.

Thanks, glad you liked it. I'll have to try experimenting with this a little more.

And a... um... I'll stop before I get to Metal Gear Solid 4. DAMMIT!

Doooo eeeeeeeet...

As you wish.

"Tired Old Men" - Metal Gear Solid 4
Old fools for whom I write these final words,
A final plea before unending night.
You see, here at the end it feels absurd:
We chose to fight for what we felt was right.
We wished for a world where we would not fade.
Paid such a price, and so little we gained.
And so we fell for a warrior's crusade,
Until the end, when none but one remained.
The world will now end and anew begin.
I'm needed no more, but isn't this good?
But... if you had been in my place back then
Maybe you'd not make mistakes that I did?
But still we stand firm and raise arms again:
War waged fore'er by these tired old men.

[Ren Gaulen]

Great poem, bro. I loved it. I'm glad that you decided to make it after all.

[Jairus]

Great poem, bro. I loved it. I'm glad that you decided to make it after all.

You are quite welcome, bro. Glad you enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun to write it. Oh, and thanks for letting me shoot the bits off of you first.

Okay, what should I do next?

[Pagan]

Okay, what should I do next?

You should start on the beginning of Terra's story. Doooo eeeeeet.

[Jairus]

Okay, what should I do next?

You should start on the beginning of Terra's story. Doooo eeeeeet.

Well, I'd like to write something about Tiberius Unit Elf-Drei-Acht (don't worry, it'll make sense eventually), which would involve a horrible bloody battle between an army of mages and an army of clockwork robots, but that won't be tonight. As for something in another form than Haiku, how about a sonnet?

That's one of the things I'm talking about. Elf-drei-acht's first battle is the current plan for the prologue. Which means we get to see an emotionless robot kill things in horrible manners, including landing on top of someone and crushing them flat. Yay.

I meant more in the subject of what form of poem should I try to write about. A Ratchet and Clank one about the joys of heavy weaponry would be kinda fun...

"Ode to my weapons", a Ratchet and Clank sonnet

"Drop to your knees and say your prayers, scum!
As I prepare to rip you a new one!"

Argh, meter's off. I hate that.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Throw a "now" into the second line.

[Jairus]

Throw a "now" into the second line.

I wrote it in fifteen seconds, give me some credit. Actually, I think I'm gonna turn it into a parody of "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast. That's right, it's time for another song parody! Tremble in fear!

Besides which, adding "now" would put it at eleven syllables. One too many for a normal sonnet.

[Jairus]

This isn't really writing, but I feel I should post something anyway. An IM conversation between me and Ren Gaulen, for your amusement.

SCENE: Ren Gaulen is playing Ragnarok Online, while conversing with Jairus (me)...

Ren Gaulen:
Well, at least I can kill giant ants.

Jairus:
... at which point a soldier ant splits you in half with her jaws.

Ren Gaulen:
...Ouch.
Got some duct tape?

Jairus:
Sorry, used it all

Ren Gaulen:
I'M HALF A MAN I USED TO BE! DX

Jairus:
Well, no one will look down on you for it.

Though you might not be able to measure up to your previous achievements.

And when it comes to arguments, you haven't got a leg to stand on.

But you are not safely out of 'arms way.

Since you can't just leg it to get away from your enemies.

Why yes, I have no shame.


...
Also, for the handful of you who care about the tech stuff, I think I've hit on the proper names for the damned robots in the Terra setting. So, name changes!
Original name - New name (meaning)
Mobile Armor - Eisensoldat (Iron Soldier)
Mobile Suit - Eisenritter (Iron Knight)
Fortress Armor - Panzersoldat (Armor Soldier)
Fortress Suit - Panzerritter (Armor Knight)

Usual statement about questions goes here.

[Ren Gaulen]

..No worries - I got my legs back.

Also, I want to point out that Jay's Panzerritters have nothing to do with my Panzerritters, except for the fact that they both are essentially giant robots.

[Gabi]

You do know how to be annoying when you want to be.

[Jairus]

You do know how to be annoying when you want to be.

Oh, I forgot to post Ren's reaction!

Ren Gaulen
*eye twitches*

..No worries - I got my legs back.

In other words, you got better?

Also, I want to point out that Jay's Panzerritters have nothing to do with my Panzerritters, except for the fact that they both are essentially giant robots.

Yep. Most likely, my Panzerritter will turn out to be more or less humanoid tanks. With BFGs. And a bit more maneuverable.

[Gabi]

..No worries - I got my legs back.

In other words, you got better?

Appropriate use of self-quoting.

[Ren Gaulen]

..No worries - I got my legs back.

In other words, you got better?

Yes. I got better. Stronger. Faster.

..I think I just took another level.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Yes. Now put it back.

[Ren Gaulen]

Yes. Now put it back.

OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

You're right, I didn't. I was elsewhere at the time.

Perhaps you'd like to try again? Another 50p, and you can try catching something...

[Jairus]

You're right, I didn't. I was elsewhere at the time.

Perhaps it was your evil twin brother, Hayd n'n'daLite, boxy.

This is more or less a codification (for the tenth time) of some Terra tech. In short, this is basically the basics about the four majors types of mechanical combat units in the Crater Crew stories: Eisensoldats, Eisenritters, Panzermittel, and Panzerritters. And yes, I know that those words aren't truly grammatically correct. And I'm wobbling between Panzermittel and Panzersoldat.

And though I talk about this in the different paragraphs, I have to emphasize that these are essentially subjective names: the only thing considered to differentiate one of these machines from an equivalent is that the equivalent doesn't use a REI Drive for power generation. That's basically it: the use of TN particle technology is what divides and Iron Knight from a normal combat robot.

Eisensoldats (Iron Soldiers) are basically clockwork robots, though they've become a lot more advanced in the seven/eight hundred years since they were first introduced. Eisensoldats (typically called Soldats) range between six or seven feet in height, and are all roughly humanoid. Most of them have a somewhat inhuman appearance and build, however. What distinguishes Eisensoldats from normal combat robots is that Eisensoldats (and indeed, all four of these units) use REI Drives and associated systems (covered in more detail here) for their power needs, granting them a supply of TN Particles and also some resistance against magic. Eisensoldats and their sibling units also use what is called a LOGI Brain, an extremely advanced computer magitech clockpunk designed at the same time as the REI Drives: having been designed for upgrades, some current LOGI are as old as the Empire itself. LOGI are capable of learning from past experiences and even developing personalities of a sort, with many units choosing personalized designations to help distinguish themselves. This divergence from one another was considered an acceptable trade-off by Justinian in exchange for superior efficiency and tactics that such unique units could do. However, Eisensoldats more often than not can be driven insane by their combined experiences, leading to a routine of wiping a Soldat's stored up experiences and memories and starting them over from the basic programming (though old memories are kept in a storage mode, they are more "read only" memories). While older units were ground bound machines armed with auto guns and primitive grenades, modern units use TN Float units for mobility and are armed with high-energy beam weapons powered by their REI drives. A handful of Eisensoldats - including the famous Sir Elf Roland (originally Unit Elf-Drei-Acht) - have been granted full citizenship in the empire.
In a more meta sense, Eisensoldats and Eisenritters are somewhere between infantry and armored units, essentially a heavy armor assault unit. The Augustan army has very rarely fielded more than a hundred or so at a time, and Eisensoldats are still supported by normal troops and robotic support units.

Eisenritters (Iron Knights) are the worn counterpart of the Eisensoldats units. In function and weapons, an Eisenritter is identical to its counterpart, occasionally down to the same names. However, Eisenritters have a different build than the thinner Eisensoldats, necessary in order to fit the operator. In order to accommodate a wide variety of different sized species, Eisenritters are incredibly modular, attaching components to an adjustable frame in order to maximize the fit: quite frequently, this leads to Eisenritters of the same line resembling custom units, when in fact all of them are functionally identical. Despite this, Eisenritters are in essence identical in performance and load-out to their machine counterparts, excluding the operator. Eisenritters use a simplified LOGI brain to help the pilot control the unit: no Eisenritter control brain has ever gone rogue AI on its operator
Eisenritters are again a combination between heavy infantry and armored units. Also, Eisenritters and Eisensoldats are fielded together: it's very rare to find a pure unit of one or the other, and there is a camaraderie between the two types of soldiers. Also, despite the intuitive control system used by Eisenritters that is mostly dependent on physical motion, it is basically impossible to just leap into one and be a master, or even relatively skilled.

Panzermittels (Armor vehicle) are big tank-like constructs, either controlled by AI or by pilot. They are rarely humanoid, and tend to be rather bizarre in appearance. Most old-fashioned Panzermittels essentially existed to mount weapons that Eisen-type units or Panzerritters could not wield, due to various difficulties. Modern Panzermittels exist in two forms: one-shot or limited-production prototypes (essentially a continuation of the older style), and mass-production combat machines. Their form varies incredibly, from tread-driven ground units to hovering aerial units. Again, the primary distinction between them and other large constructs is the use of the REI Drive.
Panzermittels are actually not the tanks of the world. To those who have ever watched any of the Gundam series, Panzermittels are the mobile armors of the series. To those who have not... I can't think of a comparison right now. Sorry.

Finally, Panzerritters are large (16-20 feet tall) humanoid combat units, and are either controlled by an AI or pilot. Despite being fairly mobile and able to move fairly quickly, their speed and maneuverability lack when compared to Eisensoldats and Eisenritters. In fact, Panzerritters very rarely deploy without either of the two smaller units. This is due to a combination of poor close-range combat capabilities (though this has substantially improved in recent years) and the fact that a sufficiently mobile enemy is capable of crippling and destroying one. In essence, Panzerritters are heavy assault units, mounting weapons too large for the average soldier or Eisen unit to wield. Most Panzerritters have ejectable cockpits to improve pilot/AI survival rates. Some Panzerritters somewhat abandon the standard humanoid form and are designed to be controlled by an Eisen-type unit, though these are fairly rare due to the need to teach operators two distinct sets of controls and combat styles for two completely different machines. Panzerritters have a smaller operating time compared to Eisen units, rarely exceeding more than twelve hours operating time compared to five days for the smaller units.
Panzerritter are obviously the giant robots of the Terra setting (though being only twenty feet tall might be barely on the edge of giant robot). They're also a bit more grounded (haha) and "real" than I might usually have. They are, in essence, the tanks of the setting.

And... that's a lot more substantial and wordy than I wanted to write. Oh well. Questions, comments, conundrums, queries, something beginning with the "k" sound?


So very wordy.
Why is it so hard for me
To keep things shorter?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

You know, re-reading all that to identify where you changed one word is very annoying, Jubblies.

Just FYI...