Corrupt A Wish Revived

[Angel]

Granted. It coughs up hairballs, sheds all over the place, tears up the furniture, and leaves warm, dead mouse corpses on the doormat. Did I even really need to corrupt this one?

I wish I wasn't still hungry. I had a nice dinner...

[Darkdragon]

Granted. But now you're thirsty. Thirsty for blood.

I wish for perfect accuracy.

[Slowtini]

Granted, Now you can hit the toilet seat 100% of the time when you urinate.
[size=9]even if there is no seat[/size]

I wish for Sixteen thousand gallons of air, an air compressor, and an air tank that's rated for 16,000 pounds per square inch.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. You get 16,000 gallons of ammonia gas, an air compressor which uses half the electricity in the state of California per use, and an air tank rated at 16,000 pounds per square inch but has a total surface area of 12 microns squared.

I wish for a set of armour.

[Dagardo]

Granted I steal it and beat you to a pulp.

I wish for a sword to go with the armor.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. You get a cursed bamboo sword which would never leave your hand. I'll be taking my armour back, thank you very much.

I wish for a usable, wilful dark sword.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. You're also a light paladin, so every time you use it, you have to persuade your sword that killing this particular dark creature is, in fact, going to advance the forces of darkness...

Good luck with that. It's smarter than you are.


I wish I didn't have work to do today.

[yakanaj]

Granted. Instead of work, you have been pulled over by the police and are now under investigation for the unsolved "Jack the ripper" cases.


I wish that I could for once bake a cake and not have to go out and get an ingredient in the middle of baking said cake.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. Although you might have to go the the deepest corners of your pantry, your basement freezer and your dungeon to procure the ingredients whose validity is of question, you did not have to leave the house to get them. Although you probably should have, as that took more time than to go next door to the newly-opened supermarket and buy the stuff you needed without having to worry about expiry dates.

I wish I had a usable, obedient dark sword.

[Lysander]

Granted. You do obtain that sword, but the darkness required to wield such a weapon slowly overtakes you. The only way to revert the process is to traverse the great mountain and accomplish that which none else has, save for one, and become a paladin, requiring you to give up that sword you longed for.

I wish for reiterated inspiration.   

[Rakala]

Granted. You are inspired to assassinate the president.

I wish there would be one point in history where both mainstream candidates for presidency were good enough that I actually would have to think a little bit about who I would vote for.

[silentassassin]

Granted but they get shot.
I wish for a pet mow.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. Over time, it eats all of your property.

I wish I am not sick.

[Angel]

Granted, but your already poor grammar worsens in a bizarre form of equivalent exchange. Almost like you ruffled an English nerd the wrong way...

I wish they wouldn't remake Nightmare on Elm Street, Rocky Horror Picture Show, or Ghostbusters. (And yes, they are going to remake those. But it might not be as bad as it sounds.)

[Darkdragon]

Granted. However, now they go and remake other movies which don't need a remake.

I wish I am less sick than a moment before.

[yakanaj]

Granted. But the moment you figure out that you are less sick than you were a moment before, you also realized that you are now carrying llearch's child.

I wish I had the money to buy a house.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. You save up $1.1 million and buy a two-bedroom unit in Mumbai. Not exactly the best place, but on the plus side, it has a view of a slightly polluted sea!

I wish my muse to come earlier than thirty minutes before my optimal bed time...

[Rakala]

Granted. She comes a day and thirty minutes before your optimal bed time.

I wish I had money of my own that I earned in a legitimate fashion.

[Cogidubnus]

Granted. You have thirty cents you earned after twenty years working in terrible conditions in a coal mine.

I wish I had a pocketwatch.

[Lysander]

Granted, but it works like the watches from heaven in All Dogs go to Heaven, but in reverse as you're currently alive. Therefore when you wind it you die until the watch corrects itself.

I wish foor somewhere to hang this noose.   

[Rakala]

Granted. You climb up a tree and hang it around your own neck. You both end up suffocating.

I wish I could save this wish until later.

[Darkdragon]

Granted, but you just wasted it.

I wish I can soar.

[Rakala]

Granted. You ache all over. Oh soar not sore? Sorry. Too late now.

I wish I weren't sick anymore.

[Lysander]

Granted, you no longer have any sort of bacteria of virus in your body, but as some bacteria are required to live, you become severely ill in other disturbing ways.

I wish for Rakala to be healthy.   

[Darkdragon]

Granted. However, this comes at the expense of your sanity, if it still exists

I wish Lysander to be sane.

[Mao]

Granted.  Lysander now sees everything in a manner that is considered completely sane.  Unfortunately everyone else gets a little less sane as a result (hey, that all that insanity has to go somewhere) including yourself.  Even worse is that was the last little bit of insanity was enough to push you over the edge.  You are then commited to an Asylum to spend out the rest of your days in a padded white room and a very *unf* un *arhg* comfortable *thump* white *whap* JACKET!!

I wish for incurable style.

[Rakala]

Granted. Not only is it incurable but it's terminal.

I wish I hadn't stepped in dog poo this morning.

[Mao]

Granted.  You fell face first into it instead.

I wish it wasn't raining today.

[Rakala]

Granted. There's a tornado headed your way instead.

I wish I wasn't surprised at how awful the taste is every time I take NyQuil.

[Cogidubnus]

Granted. You're now surprised that it burns a hole through the bottom of your jaw.

I wish I wasn't so tired.