Worst Movie Monster Ever

[thegayhare]

Well first let me start off by saying I'm not some movie snob, I love a good movie, but there is also sometihng to love about a bad movie. So long as you aren't looking for high art there is alot of joy you can get from the average popcorn flick or really bad movie.

However last night I saw a movie which at points made my brain want to shut down. The movie was titled Pinata: Survival Island. Yes it's just as stupid as it sounds.

First off the basic plot is this, A California collage celebrates cinco de mayo every year by shipping off one representative from each of the collages sororities and frats to a small island they own just off shore. On this island the girls and boys are randomly paired off and handcuffed together. See the island is a scavenger hunt, scattered across the place are 2,500 pairs of panties and boxers; the team that finds the most underwear gets $20,000, half of which is donated to charity and the rest they split. Oh and if anyone gets thirst there are dozens of pinata's on the island filled with booze.

Makes perfect sense doesn't it? Yeah thats what I thought.

Anyway the fun starts when 1 of the teams decides to celebrate with a joint. After one puff and some really bad high acting they spot a 6 foot tall thing made of clay floating in the lagoon. they call it a pinata, and so will everyone else because it looks so much like the papermache animals scattered all over the rest of the island. Welp, when they try to crack it open, the monster, which looks like a demonic porky pig gone tribal, starts beating people to death with a stick and eating their souls.

Part of what makes this movie so frustrating is that they never explain the rules of the monster, We do get it's origin story but thats it and it doesn't really give any motivation or rules. About halfway through the movie it starts to transform at random for no real reason. It changes back and forth from porky pig, to a taller faster minotaur thing, and then into what looks like a flying tadpole with arms made of rock, of and later the tadpole grows another head... but don't worry it'll change back and forth for no good reason later. Also while it can keep up with a pair of atvs going full out, it seems to have to take a smoke break every 5 minutes because people on foot can avoid it with ease.

But wait theres more: Due to the terrible writing, the monster shows bouts of astounding cunning and blinding stupidity. It'll form fairly good ambushes (like hanging from a vine to imitate a pinata waiting for a thirsty teen) but it'll stand on the wrong side of a tree for hours and fall for the old rock distraction...

Like I said I like a bad movie but this one gave me nightmares, the sort that can only be caused by bad cgi and worse acting...

Phew... I feel better I just had to get that out

(edited for typos)

[Zina]

This movie sounds amazing and I must get it.
How'd you see it?

[thegayhare]

This movie sounds amazing and I must get it.
How'd you see it?

LOL
to tell you the truth I'm looking for a copy myself... thist the sort of awful that needs to be shared

I saw it on American Movie Classics chanel last night  at 2am

But you can get a used copy on Amazon for under 2 bucks
Jacket art


I found some screens

it's not much but it's the best I could find

Here is his porky glory




Demonic


and tadpolish

[Darkmoon]

It's got Jamie Presley. It must suck!

[Zina]

"A Weekend To Dismember." WOW.
I'm going to see this movie SO HARD.

[rabid_fox]

"A nymphiod barbarian in dinosaur hell" is the only movie I've never been able to sit the whole way through. It was that awful. Usually in front of a bad movie, I'm giggling like a moron. This was just...dread on a disc.

[Damaris]

It's got Xander from Buffy!  We must own this!

[Darkmoon]

I love my wife...

[bill]

This has to be the most awesome thing of all time.

[Zedd]

Reminds me...*thinks* I think a seen a worse movie of bad horror..Cant rember it yet

[Netami]

The initial monster for the movie Predator was god awful.

That's right... They didn't start the movie with the iconic crab hunters that we all know as Predators. Their initial monster looked like a miniature Godzilla monster with downs. It seriously looked like a rejected power rangers monster... I wish I had a picture of it.

[RJ]

What? Erm, okay... I know I'm a big fan for monster movies, but this looks too bizarre to comprehend. Though, apparently, the world's worst monster movie is called 'The Killer Shrews'.

If there's a couple monster movies I would like to see though, it'd be The Host, and (I get the feeling it was made by the Monty Python gang), 'Jabberwocky'. I saw a VHS copy of it once long ago in a store, but I've never seen it since.

[Darkmoon]

Jabberwocky was made with some of he people from Monty Python. It is not, however, an official Monty Python outing.

[RJ]

Ah, that makes more sense then.

[Sid]

This sounds like the most awesome movie ever made. Except for "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" maybe...

[rabid_fox]

"Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" is absolutely fabulous, if only for the "Jesus Strut" scene.

[Damaris]

An entire bottle of Amaretto could not make that movie good.  I like the ice cream scene myself, and have blocked out the rest of the movie.  I think it would have been more palateble with nudity.

[superluser]

There's also the stage play Vampire Lesbians of Sodom.  You can read the New York Times review.

[Boog]

You gotta love monster movies. Doubly so for bad ones. After all, a good monster movie will scare the hell out of you every so often, but you can have hours of fun mocking a bad one with a few friends. Just look at "Mystery Science Theater 3000".

[Toric]

I have seen this movie. I know three friends from college who own this movie. Pinata is the kind of movie you can just laugh at over and over again. Listen to the dichotomy in the special features: the writers say it'll be an incredible horror movie, while the actors seem to believe it's going to be a hilarious horror comedy. They're both about half right.

But yeah, this and Santa Clause Conquers the Martians are my two favorite horrible movies of all time.

[Zedd]

Now I rember the movie..Its called War of the Gargantuas or realesed in its japanese form Frankenstein no Kaijū: Sanda tai Gaira..Basicly to giant frankys battlign it out!

[superluser]

you can have hours of fun mocking a bad one with a few friends. Just look at "Mystery Science Theater 3000".

I had been getting ready to defend my favorite bad monster film featured on MST3K, ``Attack of the the Eye Creatures.''

Yes, they failed to notice that they had `the' printed twice on the title card.  They forgot to tell the actors to take off their sneakers, the monster costumes had giant zippers running down their backs, and in a few cases, they didn't even wear the body costumes.  Instead they wore the monster head with a black leotard.  Most of the film is shot during the day, but it's supposed to be taking place at night.  Apparently, they forgot to do the day-for-night conversion.

But this Pinata film actually looks like it might be worse.  A scary thought.

[RJ]

But yeah, this and Santa Clause Conquers the Martians are my two favorite horrible movies of all time.

Arg, you've seen that too?! They show it every single Christmas on tv here!

...

I feel like saying nothing is worse than Japanese porn, but I've only ever heard stories. Scary stories

[Brunhidden]

sadly i must say ive seen worse movie monsters, topping the charts are a demoniacally possessed bong (actually it looks like a hookah) that for some reason has the face of an  old lady, and 'frankenfish' a very ugly fish thats mean and i assume its able to slowly crawl when out of the water....jeez, its not like we dont have already dangerous sharks, squids, eels, and whatnot else without making something that can barely breathe and waddles after you- the land is full of more dangerous things then a fish just as the seas are full of more dangerous things.

however your movie reminds me of an old horror story staple that never really made it to horror movies- the scarecrow. many are the story ive heard of scarecrows, often with very impressive back story and plot, involving gore rivaling Ted Bundy. the problem is many classic story's don't translate well to movie format.

if youve ever read 'blood stained oz', a collection of horror stories from the dust bowl, its all the more creepy to think of the scarecrow.

And so our brave heroes set fourth to meet thier inevetable and gory doom.

[thegayhare]

I've seen a few scarecrow movies...

one simply called scarecrow was realy twisted

[GabrielsThoughts]

has anyone noticed [Xander's] look of "oh god why am I doing this" on the movies poster? Is this an attempt at a modernized attack of the killer tomatoes? Why does the monster look like he was made from paper ma^che ?

[Brunhidden]

fun fact- attack of the killer tomatoes was disqualified for worst movie awards on the grounds that most of its suck was intentional. shortly thereafter a new award was made for intentionally bad movies.

Too much sanity may be madness - and the maddest of all - to see life as it is, and not as it ought to be.

[King Of Hearts]

wow... someone ELSE saw Frankenfish?

gawd that movie game me the giggles... its like jaws... with Mudskippers.

[Zedd]

Oh noes! Not the muddskippers! YOURE A BUM!

[Knight]

1 of the teams decides to celebrate with a joint

...which is exactly what I'd be smoking before the start of said movie.

Probably during, too.