a horrible DMFA pornfic...and a vocal reading thereof!(NSFW)

[Darkmoon]

It never occurred to be that I could torment a labia... Although, come to think of it, I'd don't normally run across random labia during my day-to-day.

[RJ]

The fic is horrendous.

But I've still seen worse.

[Alondro]

Yes RJ, I'm afraid fanfiction is rife with the worst of the worst.  Furry, anime, gaming; all have disasterously bad porn fiction.

But, such things are useful.  The writers and purveyors of such garbage make themselves known to me, thus it will be easier for them to be rounded up later once all my plans have come to fruition.   

[icarus]

yeah such things as the whole sex touching the cervix and KNEEING IN THE CROTCH being erotic...guy's obviously only ever read pornfics and never even watched a real porn.

i think most of us have seen worse
THE KEY IS TO SAY HAS ANYONE MADE THEM AS HILARIOUS?

yes i can do a meatwad voice and i wanted to but then he FAKED ME OUT AND ONLY GAVE WILDY ONE LINE. LAME.

i have not heard of the phrase being attacked by a snail, but the 'freight train orgasm' is right up there with 'gaping axewound' and 'clittywitty lovebutton' in terms of awesome badfic phrases

[Zedd]

Yes RJ, I'm afraid fanfiction is rife with the worst of the worst.  Furry, anime, gaming; all have disasterously bad porn fiction.

But, such things are useful.  The writers and purveyors of such garbage make themselves known to me, thus it will be easier for them to be rounded up later once all my plans have come to fruition.   

Can I be sure we be safe dude?

[Darkmoon]

i have not heard of the phrase being attacked by a snail, but the 'freight train orgasm' is right up there with 'gaping axewound' and 'clittywitty lovebutton' in terms of awesome badfic phrases

I hadn't made it to "clittywad lovebutton"... I'm seriously tempted to make that my custom title.

[superluser]

because when I went to it I was more taken aback by the total lack of good writing and continuity moreso than I was about the sex.

I should hope so.  That was unbelievably bad.  The odd thing is that it seems like this was actually written by an adult, rather that a 13-year old who couldn't know any better, judging from the lack of scatological stuff.

Those thighs will sure make you gasp.... lmao.

They won't?  I could imagine a single fingernail across it might make *me* gasp.  Maybe it's a man thing?

It never occurred to be that I could torment a labia...

I am reminded of this quote:

Her wet, slippery lips are always shown slightly parted, as if waiting to receive a tongue or a more famous part of the male anatomy. Her lips are slimy and baby pink -- unpleasantly reminiscent of moist labia.

And that was just Eye Weekly's review of Ally McBeal.  I wonder if ``labia lips'' is a proper schoolyard taunt.  (yes, labia means lips in Latin.  Take it up with Eye Weekly)

Although, come to think of it, I'd don't normally run across random labia during my day-to-day.

Sure you do!  You just can't see them.

The fic is horrendous.

But I've still seen worse.

Well, did you see the peanus porn story?

Also...rejected by Penthouse Letters:

Dear Penthouse Letters,

I never thought it could happen to me, but boy was I wrong. I met this woman at the church picnic and she was very attractive. Father Mylar told me her name was Carol. All the men who were unmarried certainly noticed how attractive she was, so I figured I had to make my move. Seven months later we were married, and we had relations. Wow! It really can happen to anyone!

Married and Joyful, Hartford, CN

[Amber Williams]

Although, come to think of it, I'd don't normally run across random labia during my day-to-day.

They're pretty rare encounters. I think you have to go to Saffron City.  The exp is pretty low and they tend to drop mediocre items so most people don't bother.

[Darkmoon]

Usually just used dildos... occasionally, though... power tabs!

[Saist]

I'm not sure what's worse... this thread or the fic...

[superluser]

I'm not sure what's worse... this thread or the fic...

Well, this thread now contains a link to Salvador Dalí's labia, so that means that the thread must be better.

It may be cancelled out by Penny Arcade's labia, though.

[Zedd]

This is worse than my seeing a person doing digimon fics yet the chars name is Digimon

[Zina]

Although, come to think of it, I'd don't normally run across random labia during my day-to-day.

They're pretty rare encounters. I think you have to go to Saffron City.  The exp is pretty low and they tend to drop mediocre items so most people don't bother.

This only means that Labia must evolve into something amazing.
We're going to Saffron City, team!

[Amber Williams]

This only means that Labia must evolve into something amazing.
We're going to Saffron City, team!

According to do dex', with enough time and effort they turn into G-Spot...but most sources say thats only a myth or a glitch.  That and you need particular equipment otherwise you end up with KnockedUp.

[thegayhare]

*hides from all the girly sex talk*

I is scareded

[Zina]

This only means that Labia must evolve into something amazing.
We're going to Saffron City, team!

According to do dex', with enough time and effort they turn into G-Spot...but most sources say thats only a myth or a glitch.  That and you need particular equipment otherwise you end up with KnockedUp.

I think I heard about that one. If you trade it while it's holding a wire-hanger, it'll evolve into Abortion.
Otherwise it'll just evovle into Mistake.
I think they're ground types.

[Seth C Triggs]

Icarus, you win the Internet. I was on the floor with this. ROFL...

I think the funniest thing about this fic was just the lack of internal consistency really. Mab's supposed to be like so...randy and yet she gets "shocked" when a conquest actually initiates things.

Or something.

I'm glad I wasn't drinking while listening to this. Love the voices!

-Seth

[Aridas]

*hides from all the girly sex talk*

I is scareded

You've got no place to talk.

[Reese Tora]

I think I could write better prawn fic, and the last time I wrote anything vaguely like a story was back in middle school, for an english class. (Where I just retold the plot to Link's awakening in my own words, but with a twist.)
(I don't count LJ or RP related stuff)

Speaking of writting, I hear a certain echidna is having a constest that potentially involves writting.  I don't know why I think these two things are related, though.

[Jim Halisstrad]

Oh my god.


OH MY GOD. 


OH MY F*CKING GOD!
HHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD!

"Mab, do you know what a 69 is?"
"I'll show you!"

"...ascended.... descended do you mean DESCENDED SIR?"

[icarus]

TGH sorry. most of the best-worst fics are girl on girl because they're written by SUPERBLY inexperienced men...bad guy/guy fics written by inexperinced women usually just involve two women who happen to have dongs makingout

THAT ASCENDED THING REALLY BUGS ME

[Zina]

I dunno, I've stumbled across some really BAD slash fanfics. Mostly because a lot of them are written by twelve year old girls and the writing is simply terrible. I remember finding a fanfic where my favorite character from a TV show was a witch for some reason, and SOMEONE got raped, I just couldn't really figure out WHO and by WHAT.
It was pretty awesome.
Then again, I don't actively seek out lesbian fanfics, so I don't really know what sort of horrors lay there. Probably more than I can handle.

I did like how the author clearly thought every girl in DMFA was bi. How convienent.

[Paladin Sheppard]

I did like how the author clearly thought every girl in DMFA was bi. How convenient.

You mean they're not?!?? All my childhood fantasies ruined! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Zina]

I did like how the author clearly thought every girl in DMFA was bi. How convenient.

You mean they're not?!?? All my childhood fantasies ruined! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

THEY ARE NOW. AND ARE GONNA HAVE A PANTY-PARTY SOON.
You're not invited, though.

[Vidar]

* sits in a corner in the room, rocking back and forth *

The horror...... the horror....

[Amber Williams]

In regards to the second fic...where Mab/Dan are going at it and Mab says the word "fuck"...which apparently makes Dan go "huh...I never heard Mab swear" (despite as Icarus pointed out Dan never had Mab pull off her dress and unf him either) 

One would think that at that point any moderately intelligent person would go "wait...Mab is doing things that Mab has never done before...perhaps this ISNT MAB but someone pretending to be."  Which of course made me expect Mab to suddenly switch into Abel mid-sex and Abel to go "HA! Now you're gay! Gotcha!"  Which would have been just as un-canon...yet suprisingly more entertaining...

[Zina]

In regards to the second fic...where Mab/Dan are going at it and Mab says the word "fuck"...which apparently makes Dan go "huh...I never heard Mab swear" (despite as Icarus pointed out Dan never had Mab pull off her dress and unf him either) 

Actually, I think the author pointed that out in the fanfic itself, sadly enough.
When you start pointing out the errors in your own fanfic, you know you have a problem.

[RJ]

I went to try and find something worse, but ended up finding a TMNT porn animation someone had made for a project...

[Zedd]

I went to try and find something worse, but ended up finding a TMNT porn animation someone had made for a project...

There there...*pats your jolly jestered head* Poptart? *holds one out*

[RJ]

I went to try and find something worse, but ended up finding a TMNT porn animation someone had made for a project...

There there...*pats your jolly jestered head* Poptart? *holds one out*

After what I saw, no thanks... *traumatised*