Corrupt a Wish, Part Deux

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, you now have a solar powered car that tops out at 15mph, and those batteries for night driving, while completely environmentally safe, give you only a couple of hours of driving time, and their weight puts the car's total weight over most federal road weight regulations.

I wish I could be mentally healthier.

[Tiny crested flint]

Granted, you are now Stephen Hawking, a genius of astrophysics and a morally clean and upright man ...stuck drooling in a wheelchair due to poor physical health.

I wish a galactic overlord would come to Earth and remove every last human being from the planet and put them in a suspended animation void. While the humans are frozen in the moment they were taken, the planet's fauna and flora continues to live on among the leftover cities and buildings for 5 years before the overlord would release the people, place them back on earth, and restart time so they continue what they were doing 5 years ago without them ever knowing.

[Kitsune Ascendant]

granted. five years later, humans discover faster than light travel and do the same thing to the alien race just for kicks.

I wish to have a working, reliable, instantanious, easily activated, easily programmed method of time travel.

[e_voyager]

granted but it runs on windows and is forever getting viruses from poor security.

i wish i have started the Linux revolution.

[Madd the Sane]

granted, but you are now being sued by microsoft.  Why?  I don't know.

I wish that Microsoft would make a good, fast, user-friendly version of Windows.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Good, Fast, Cheap, Windows. Pick two. (Windows counts as two.)


I wish I wasn't quite so busy trying to keep up with work.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, you now have nothing to do.  You're fired.

I wish someone would kill the producers and cast of Tom Goes To The Mayor.

[Tiny crested flint]

Granted, they're all dead but they already had 3 more seasons worth of episodes left so the show continues regardless.

I wish I was able to see a wider spectrum of colors, like how some insects see into the ultraviolet wavelength.

[e_voyager]

granted now you can see colors up to bee blue but you lose the ability to see most reds and some greens in the trade off.

i wish that the old mans upgrades to the forte body came without draw backs.

[Cogidubnus]

Granted. However, now you can only choose one, and that will be permanent.

I wish I had the ability to start and stop time for everyone but myself at will.

[Stygian]

Wish granted. Of course, this either means that either you or the others affected age to bits immediately the first time you stop it, as per the theory of relativity, or that you just keep losing time while you have stopped it, soon aging away from your peers as you go, as per common logic. And then there is the problem of you stopping time for everyone, but not everything. Needless to say, this has dire consequences all over the world...

I wish that I didn't actually need to sleep at all.

[GabrielsThoughts]

granted, your life is now shortened by 26 years and those hallucinations of yours are so lifelike it's creepy.


I wish some one would re-write the ring, so that the protagonists actually have half a brain and it was worth more than one viewing.

[e_voyager]

granted but it never makes it into theaters and the only proof that it happened is a fanfic that floats around the net for 20 years before vanishing

i wish tv shows still made sense.

[Angel]

Granted, but now life is actually starting to remind you a little bit of the Real World...

I wish I didn't cry as often as I do.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, now you just fall into horrible depressesions where you're unable to even get up off the couch.  Don't worry though, there are pills for that.

I wish I could write an original national best seller fantasy novel.

[GabrielsThoughts]

Granted. However, no one reads it, it just sits on the bookshelves the book returns to the publisher to be recycled  and your genius isn't realized 95years after your death and the copyright expires...Disney then makes it into a crappy movie which everyone adores, and you roll over in your grave because of how much Disney twisted your vision.

I wish for someone to look fart the shrek theme song.

[Reaver225]

Granted, it's you. And someone lights a match and blows up the building.

*deep breath* I wish that I legally owned a machine of size and weight of a normal tennis ball that on verbal English command could create anything at all within 30 seconds without damaging side-products (e.g. radiation, poisonous gases), which got it's powers from stars from the far side of the universe (that inconveniences no-one with their power usage and indeed no-one notices they vanish, and can get more than 5000000000000 objects per star), and that I can summon this machine at will (but it isn't physically attached to me), isn't sentient or alive and that the sudden existence of this machine doesn't cause or would cause anything bad or even remotely inconveniencing to anyone.

Also, nothing coincidentally bad happens as well to the planet, me or my friends and family or anything within 2 galaxy-widths of this planet called Earth, and I remember (and continue to remember while retaining my normal brain and other functions) that I have this machine and the knowledge and capability to use it.

(I've been trying to make a foolproof wish for ages now, hope someone can in here can help me further foolproof it)

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted.

Use of this neat tool involves transporting you to another planet on the other side of the universe, swinging peaceably around the star your little tool uses to create all the neat toys you wanted. Every time. So.. if anything goes wrong, which it will, the first time you use it, you'll be the one to see it. Up close and personal.

Oh, and using the tool (even to transport yourself to where it's about to work) triggers an instability in the star it uses as fuel. It's about to go supernova.

Enjoy the view.



I wish I didn't have to use this damn time recording system at work, because it bites the wax tadpole.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted.  Now they're just recording your every move while you're in the building on camera, including audio.  They're everywhere, including the breakroom and bathroom.  Aren't you glad that you don't have to worry about the honor system anymore?

I wish I had a good use for this - 

[Reaver225]

Granted. 

Unfortunately, people ALWAYS beat you to it.

Use of this neat tool involves transporting you to another planet on the other side of the universe, swinging peaceably around the star your little tool uses to create all the neat toys you wanted. Every time. So.. if anything goes wrong, which it will, the first time you use it, you'll be the one to see it. Up close and personal.

Oh, and using the tool (even to transport yourself to where it's about to work) triggers an instability in the star it uses as fuel. It's about to go supernova.

Actually, that's not too bad if I knew about the design flaw, I'd be able to make a spaceship capable of surviving a supernova on the planet that's going to be blown up. Whew!

I wish I had a more efficient heating system. Brrr.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted.  You're on fire!  Better take care of that.

I wish that all food that tasted good was really good for me.

[Stygian]

Granted. You still get fat from it and eat too much though, even though your general health does not suffer the slightest.

I wish that I could not figure women out. Don't ask me why.

[e_voyager]

granted now you are blissfully ignorant of to the motives of the feminine sex and wind up trapped in a marriage of constant frustration and mental anguish.

i wish there were more wish that were fun to twist like his.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, but other people get to them first.

I wish I could think of what I wanted to wish for.

[e_voyager]

granted you wish for more chocolate but all you get now are raisins

i wish there was a better way to explain what a drake creature of balance is. after all i'm not batman.

[GabrielsThoughts]

granted...however, until you've re-worded the wish  for the purpose of clarity, your wish remains unfulfilled because the staff and management of Corrupt-a-Wish franchises Las Vegas is not willing to risk loosing  the sanity of its members preforming such a miraculous feat.

I wish that the movie "The Departed" had a happy ending.

[Cogidubnus]

Granted. All the gang members and corrupt cops die.
Oh, wait...whups.

I wish that I had a little more foresight.

[Madd the Sane]

granted, you are transported back in time by a couple of years.  That's all the foresight you need.

I wish Vista didn't suck or blow.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. Now it doesn't work at all.

... nothing much has changed, in other words...


I wish I were a little more sensible about what to do of an evening. Or who...

[Angel]

Granted. You invite a couple celebrities and close friends over for tea and blond brownies. They call their friends, who call their friends... and you end up with broken chairs, a restraining order, and a membership in the Church of Scientology. (Psst! Next time, don't invite Tom Cruise!)

I wish I could find my graphing calculator and never lose it again. Without using glue, duct tape, or anything adhesive, please.