Why can't I sleep when I'm worried?

[Gabi]

OK, I know I suck at sleeping. It has been that way all my life. I can't sleep if I'm not in a comfortable position, on a comfortable surface, with something covering my body, with no lights or noises around me and with an adequate room temperature. That's already bad enough.

But there is something even worse. When I'm nervous or worried, even if all the above conditions hold I cannot sleep at all! For example, if I've had a fight with someone within the last few hours, or if I have to do something important the next day and I'm not completely sure of how to do it. Which only makes it worse, because sleep deprivation only makes problems harder to solve.

My mom says that when she's worried she goes to sleep and then everything seems easier the next day. I have tried so hard to do that, and I still haven't found a way! I have tried different kinds of meditation and yoga excercises, self massage, rationalization, reiki, breathing techniques, something I learned from taichi, reading different kinds of stuff and even running around to release energy.

Last night, in particular, I tried all of the above, and nothing worked. I was able to relax physically at times, to the point that even lifting an arm became difficult, and I felt exhausted and screaming inside for the chance to sleep, but the "sleep switch" (if there is such a thing) was nowhere to be found.

Does anyone have any ideas that could help me? It's bad enough that I have to solve today's problems - and give my two lectures assuming I can fix the overlapping schedules - without sleep; it would be great if I didn't have to go through this again.

Thanks in advance.

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

Advice from a lifelong insomniac, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

First off, don't run, or exercise immediately before bed. If you're going to try to work off some energy, do so about 2-3 hours before you sleep. That's about how long it usually takes for the adrenaline to wash out of your system, and until it doesn, you almost certainly won't go under.

Once you've gotten that biological fact out of the way, I ind the simplest route to sleep is through the valley of boredom. You've turned out the lights, so you probably can't see very well.  Try counting the number of lines or dots on your wall (especially if you have a solid coat of paint). Force yourself to look through he darkness, even if you can't see anything. I find that more than a few minutes on a pointless task like that sends my brain to sleep just to escape from it.

If that doesn't work, the one that ALWAYS does, although it's tough to use, is to start consciously control the rate of your breathing. Start slowing down, first a breath every time your heart beats. Then one breath for two beats, then one for three. At that point, the lack of oxygen will make you tired; don't worry, when you do go under, you'll resume breathing your regular rate automatically. That being said, I've never been able to teach anyone else this trick successfully, and most people get agitated when they're not breathing well, which cancels out any benefits it might have, so I don't know how much it will help you.

And I mean, if worst comes to worst, you can always take a tablet of Zolpidem or something similar, right?

[Sofox]

Hey Gab!
Ah insomnia, I found a solution to it a bit ago. There's a "strong" version which is what I used when I first starting using this method, and a "light" method which I use these days. I'll give you the "strong" method first:


Strong method:

1. Get into bed and then sit bolt upright, crossed legs if you can manage it.

2. Resolve yourself with steely determination that you are going to stay away for the entire night in exactly this position.

3. If your thoughts stray or wander, cut them off. This isn't the time for daydreaming, this is about staring out in front of you and staying awake at all costs.

4. You'll feel you need to lie down, resist this as much as possible, but eventually agree that it would be more comfortable that way, so lie down and pull the sheets up. You'll still do everything you can to stay awake.

5. Keep your eyes open and just keep looking up, at the ceiling if you can see it. You must stay awake, if your eyes get heavy, keep them open. If they shut, just force them open again. If your mind wanders, just get back to focusing on staying awake.

6. Eventually, your eyes will feel heavy that you feel it's best to close them. That's okay, you can still stay awake with your eyes closed. Just once you close them, focus on staying awake, you have got to stay awake.

7. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Light method:

When lying in bed and having trouble getting to sleep, repeat to yourself "I will stay awake. I will stay awake. I will stay awake." It's okay if images pop into your head while you say this, but you MUST keep saying it, continuously. Don't stop saying it. If you feel drowsy, shake it off and focus on repeating the phrase. Repeat it to yourself endlessly. If you find you've stopped chanting this, just restart again. Remember the focus is to stay awake.

Once or twice I've felt a bit too unsettled to concentrate and so I paced my bedroom a bit to work off excess energy, but really that's the only thing I've needed to add to these techniques.

Let me know how these techniques work. I'm thinking of publishing them in other places, but first I'd like to know how well they work for people who aren't me.

Oh, and all the best Gabi!

[Tezkat]

Hmm... lots of fellow insomniacs, huh?


My personal problem is not so much worry as a generally overactive brain. My mind just doesn't have an off switch, and there are always plots to plan...

For me, the key to getting a good night's sleep is avoiding stimulation right before bed. Even if I happen to be up late working, I'll do things like dim the lights as I'm winding down to get myself in the mood for sleep. Exercise close to bedtime is a definite no no.

I really can't sleep with the lights on, either. Lately I've been sleeping with a mask on. Not only is that a convenient source of total darkness, but it also trains the brain to associate a specific stimulus (i.e. wearing the mask) with sleep. As an added bonus, it prevents you from constantly checking the clock. The airline style masks are usually pretty comfy, though the cheap ones tend to lose their shape/elasticity very quickly. Oftentimes, I just grab a bandana and fashion a makeshift blindfold.


Since you mentioned meditation training, you might want to look into techniques specifically oriented towards wake induction of lucid dreams. Those allow you to fall asleep without the bother of having to lose consciousness first, and with a bit of practice you can learn to induce sleep even while your mind remains fairly active/alert. (The experience is pretty awesome in its own right, to boot.)

[Merlin]

Yeah, I find that when I'm worked up and worried I can't get much sleep either. I usually distract myself a bit with reading something else, and then try to sleep later. But it doesn't happen to me much anymore...

It's previously been suggested to me that if you are fretting about something that's stopping you from sleeping, you should write it down so you can forget about it and know that it's there for the next morning. I can't say whether that works or not, but the person I heard it from is a therapist, so they probably have some idea.

[Gabi]

Thanks, people.

Corg, when I try to see things in the dark, after a while I start seeing them quite clearly and it does nothing to help me sleep. Boredom just doesn't work for me, especially when something's on my mind. My mind is very active all the time, and when I'm nervous or worried it gets really bad. Can't block thoughts away for too long. But I'll remember not to run before going to bed. I just tried it because it seemed to work for my dog.

Sofox, your strong method looks like it just might work. I will try it sometime.

Tezkat, your idea starts interesting. Do you know where I can find those techniques?

Merlin, I already do that. It helps a bit when I have to remember to do something the next day, but not when I'm worried about whether or not I'll be able to do it, nor when I can't get something off my mind no matter how hard I try.

Thanks again.

[Alondro]

What I do on the rare instances I can't sleep:  drink a pint of warmed gekkikan sake.  20 mins later, out like a light!   

[Tezkat]

Hmm... I learned those lucid dreaming techniques as a kid after reading Stephen LaBerge's books on lucid dreaming. You can find him over at the Lucidity Institute. To be honest, it took me years to get good at it. But oh so worth it...

I've seen a lot of guides for WILD type lucid dreaming online, though I've yet to find any that really do justice to the experience of trying to initiate dreams from the waking state. You can also look for guides to OBEs (out of body experiences), since those are basically just WILDs minus the acknowledgement that you're actually dreaming.


Unfortunately, bedtime is the worst possible time to try to learn these techniques, as that's when this state is most difficult to achieve even under ideal circumstances. When you're already battling worry and insomnia, you'll probably just get frustrated.

If you remember to do so, try to practice immediately upon waking up in the morning, instead. You'll often pass right back into a dream state automatically, which is a good way to get used to the transition. If you want to be really hardcore about it, set an alarm to wake you up an hour or two before you usually do (but make sure it's a gentle alarm and not some loud, jarring "GET UP NOW AND GO TO WORK!" thing.)

As for meditation induction from a waking state, I've found that those techniques work best during midday naps.


Use your meditation techniques to relax your body. Keep your breathing under control and let all the tension flow out of your muscles.

After lying relaxed for a while, you'll start noticing random shapes in your visual field. These are called hypnagogia--hypnagogic hallucinations. They'll initially be pretty indistinct, little flashes of light or random geometric shapes, but as time passes they'll begin to coalesce into recognizable forms. You can try directing them with visualization techniques, but mostly I just sit back and watch the show. Focusing on the hypnagogia can keep you occupied and distract you from whatever other stuff is going on in your head keeping you awake.

There may eventually be sounds as well. These can be kinda irritating at first, like random clicking or buzzing sounds, but the audio turning on is usually an indication that you're close to falling asleep. They'll become louder, clearer, and more frequent as you approach the dream state. Stay relaxed and don't try to force anything.

The actual sleep transition is fairly sudden, though it might feel so much like part of the continuum that it will take practice to recognize the correct moment. You might feel your heartrate and breathing accelerate, and then there will be an electric sensation passing through your body and sudden feeling of movement. That's the onset of sleep paralysis. Congratulations, you're asleep.

At that point, it's safe to move, since you're now controlling your dream body instead of your real one. Prior to that, moving your real body tends to reset things and force you to start over. I find that when I initiate WILDs at bedtime, there can be a period of grogginess before the dream state becomes fully established where my dream body feels very heavy and difficult to move. That can be quite uncomfortable and disconcerting, but it will pass in a minute or so. The transition period is significantly shorter for naptime and morning WILDs.

And then, it will be like someone flicked a lightswitch on. The world will suddenly flood with glorious light and colour, and you can reach out and touch it. You'll have entered the dream completely. Only unlike regular dreams, you'll retain a level of alertness and clarity of mind comparable to your waking state, offering you unsurpassed ability to explore and control your own little universe.

[Damaris]

I take melatonin nightly, and on days when it's not kicking in I will have tea with Valerian Root. The combo knocks me out pretty awesomely.

[Gabi]

I prefer to avoid sleep-inducing drugs.

I often have lucid dreams, but have never learnt how to enter the sleep state intentionally. And when I'm worried, as you have noted, meditation is very hard to maintain. Thanks for the tip. I've noticed some of the things you suggest are similar to what I normally do, except that it rarely leads me past the state where my body feels heavy and I hear some sounds or even phrases. Actually, I identified that state when I was a child and was trying to figure out how the act of falling asleep worked. I still haven't figured out the last part. Perhaps I should focus on the "Stay relaxed and don't try to force anything." (At least in the cases when I manage to relax).

On Saturday night, I started dreaming a few times and all my dreams were lucid, but I would wake up immediately. It was as if something inside me were saying "what are you doing sleeping when you have a problem to solve?", and I had no way to tell it that I couldn't solve it until morning anyway. It was an awful night. I hope I don't have another night like that in a long time.

[Tezkat]

I prefer to avoid sleep-inducing drugs.

I often have lucid dreams, but have never learnt how to enter the sleep state intentionally. And when I'm worried, as you have noted, meditation is very hard to maintain. Thanks for the tip. I've noticed some of the things you suggest are similar to what I normally do, except that it rarely leads me past the state where my body feels heavy and I hear some sounds or even phrases. Actually, I identified that state when I was a child and was trying to figure out how the act of falling asleep worked. I still haven't figured out the last part. Perhaps I should focus on the "Stay relaxed and don't try to force anything." (At least in the cases when I manage to relax).

Yeah... well, ultimately,  the problem you need to deal with is the worry, not the insomnia. These are just extra tools in your kit to help out in the long term...

On Saturday night, I started dreaming a few times and all my dreams were lucid, but I would wake up immediately. It was as if something inside me were saying "what are you doing sleeping when you have a problem to solve?", and I had no way to tell it that I couldn't solve it until morning anyway. It was an awful night. I hope I don't have another night like that in a long time.

Hmm. That's actually one situation in which learning WILD techniques should be helpful, as you can usually fall asleep again very quickly after an unwanted awakening. Though it's also worth noting that "false awakenings" out of lucid dreams in which you dream that you've woken up are extremely common.

It's amazing how many insomniacs end up dreaming about not being able to sleep...

[mits]

I've heard that taking a spoonful of sugar right before going to bed gives your body a nice sucrose shock... sorta like a forced food coma.

I more often resort to reading as a distraction till I fall asleep with the book (kindle) in my hands. My lights automatically turn down-down-down and off once I fall asleep too.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I more often resort to reading as a distraction till I fall asleep with the book (kindle) in my hands. My lights automatically turn down-down-down and off once I fall asleep too.

I've been told one of the bonuses of a kindle (or other ereader) is that they're lighter, so you don't knock yourself out when reading a large book and falling asleep. ;-]

[ChaosMageX]

Have you tried white noise?  There are many generators and smart phone/tablet apps to create it these days.
You could find one that plays looping recordings/synthesized imitations of more natural sources, including rain, running water, ebbing waves, distant rolling thunder, rain forest ambient sounds, etc.
Or you could try just raw random white noise, like what you usually hear in the background of noise cancelling headphones.

EDIT: Perhaps you could also try a playlist of whale songs, lullabies, and just generally relaxing/soothing music that's several hours in length, or a shorter one on repeat?

[Gabi]

I suppose I could have try some kind of music next time... not sure if it will work, but it will at least give me something else to think about. Then again, that would require me to get a device capable of playing music and which can be placed next to my bed.