i can't believe one day i had you...now i don't and that tortures me...

[Leafar]

first off i had no idea where to put this, so i put here where members say their ''things'' is that ok?well, on with the topic...

where to start?i'll try...

Chapter 1: Epilogue

there was this phase of mine that i was pretty happy...i had the car i always wanted to have my precious trueno 86 i had the job of my life, in home EVERYTHING was fine, ok, dandy!!!so it was a hell of a good time...i live in a small town so everyone knows each other and i had a pretty good fame here...specially with da ladies (truth, i am not being a jerk)...so...i met this girl.

Chapter 2: The Happy Hour

one day i went to this music house (where anyone can go to the stage and sing, play whatever) and it's a place where i always go, it's fun...then i saw this spetacular good looking girl that i had to meet...shortening things i introduced myself to her as she said: ''i know...i know everything about you...i have been looking at you for months''....wow....i couldn't believe i could had this impact to someone...so we started to date....she was awesomelly gorgeous and fun too, so we had an wonderfull time together...

Chapter 3: The Mistake

as i was seeing i had her in my hands and yet girls hitting on me everyday i got tempted to have ALL!so, i started to ignore her (btw, her name is Marilene) because i could always hang out and i knew when i was back all i ahd to do was call her house (she lives in front of my house, coincidence?)...as i had her any time, i went to rock the night and got back like 4 or 3 am calling her for us to make sex...i only looked for her to do that...she begged me to change to become what i once was but all i could do was to turn my back to her, ignoring the poor girl...so this went for months....months....

Chapter 4: The Lost

after all that ''hanging'' one day her sister came to my house to talk to me...she said marilene was in pain crying everyday because of the jerk i am....i said: ''screw her, if she wants me that's how it must be...i can't be prisoner or tied to a person...'' (i can't belive i said that, that day)....so....she just broke up with me...the first times i could get things solved to get back....but with time it went more and more dificult...

Chapter 5: Nightmare Starts

so with the final breaking up i was all like ''that's cool and stuff'' but with time...i started to dream with her....at my dreams or she was like a really sick unhelathy person, or an extremelly gorgeous person....but i had dreams....with her....for almost every night....so this went...imagining things, i tried to get back to her as it was impossible, even me talking to her....not that she ignored me...worse...she act like she didn't care....and that hurted...i just don't know why, but it felt like a knife through your belly...

Chapter 6: Soul in Pain

so...time has passed...dreams not...i had 2 gf's after that...no, 3...but none like could make me forget HER...and i still had to facea hell of a time cause my brother crashed my car (that i loved) and it had no inssurance, so i felt so sad like i had los everything, dunno why...i still think, imagine, wonder what happened....but i just can't get to that...i still have no idea of what happened or why happened....so i THINK ABOUT HER, DREAM ABOUT HER, WHEN I SEE SOME GIRL I IMAGINE WHAT THIS GIRL AND HER HAVE IN COMMON (WAY TO DRESS, TALK, ACT, FIGURE) AND I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE...

Chapter 7: Conclusion (just give me one God!)

so still today (now) i dunno what to think...do i feel this cause i feel guilty?or cause i live in front of her and keep seeing her everyday?or cause she is just soo good looking and i misss the sex?or whatever?or anything?or EVERYTHING?or i just.....love her?

anyway just post what you think or tips or advice or anything...i feel like i must solve this in my mind...but i don't want any bloody therapy....not that...i just need any friends (yes even here) to help me out of this confusing state of mind....this virgin state of mind....

btw: sorry if sometimes you didn't get me, my english isn't THAT good you know...
phew...i feel alleviated...

[Darkmoon]

Creative writing goes into the Tower of Art.

[Taskidog]

Creative writing goes into the Tower of Art.

I agree u_u



(tick tick tick) GYA... D:

[Leafar]

Creative writing goes into the Tower of Art.

lol thx dark!
but anyway i wanna see replies with advices!!!!!!!! (for God's sake!)

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

"Don't do downright stupid things and wonder why people get pissy at you" ?

[Nikki]

Don't mess with us girls cuz then we'll make you feel aweful afterwards

[Leafar]

i guess i am having what i deserve...but i still think she didn't forget me...

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

She probably hasn't.

OTOH, since you knifed her pretty thoroughly, don't you think perhaps some fairly serious apology is suitable? Until you prove to her that you really have turned over a new leaf, she's goign to be particularly sceptical about you.

Once bitten, twice shy, and all that. I really can't say I blame her, from what you've said. Trust goes both ways, after all. If she can't trust you to be true, how can you expect to trust her to do the same?

[mini-lion]

i think she's always going to be the one who got away mate, i guess all you can do is learn from this mistake and not do it again, if you start hounding her about it imagine how she'll feel. It's time to let go....

[Aridas]

If this is real, I have no idea how this got moved to the art forum.

[Leafar]

. It's time to let go....

i try to say that to myself EVERY SINGLE DAY...but i can't take her off of my mind...i don't know why...i want to...or maybe somewhere inside me doesn't...and llearch i already apologized to her but she treats me like i was nobody...not that she treats me bad...she just treats me...like a normal person...and that hurts me.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I'm not saying you need to apologise to her.

You -already- know you need to.

What I'm saying is -she- needs to accept the apology. That's -much- harder to do, and there's no way you can force it. It's entirely possible, as others have said, that she's not going to let it go, and, as such, you're stuck.

I'm afraid I really can't help you any further than that - usually I've realised I screwed up somewhat earlier than this...

[Gareeku]

If this is true, then serves you right.

[Dakata]

If this is true, then serves you right.

I agree with Gar. >=P

[Leafar]

If this is true, then serves you right.

that's not the main point...

raphael says:

i guess i am having what i deserve

the point is completely a harder task...way harder...i must get her forgiveness then i will be able to see if my new feelings are true or not...

[Gareeku]

Well if you had kept your dick in your pants, then you wouldn't need to ask for her forgiveness. You hurt her and abused her trust. It will very likely take her a long time for her to trust you again.

[Leafar]

Well if you had kept your dick in your pants, then you wouldn't need to ask for her forgiveness. You hurt her and abused her trust. It will very likely take her a long time for her to trust you again.

no offense buddy but i think you're completely lost here...

[Gareeku]

Ah yes, so I was, my apologies. However, i still stand by the view that it will take some time for her to get over the hurt that you dealt her. And yes, you did abuse her trust, because she trusted you to stand by her instead of ignoring her just because other girls hit on you (or so you say). Everyone is tempted, but we acknowledge those that we already have. Its too bad you couldn't see that and treated her like shit.

[Leafar]

you see...i KNOW of what I did...don't need to remind me all the time...
the question now is how will i make things up with her, many time has passed and she still doesn't get like...mmm...let me think...she seens to look at me how she would be looking at some garbage (wich is not entirely wrong )...BUT, i want that to be over...i want us like we were before...like when we even hadn't kissed...like, at least, friends...then i THINK i'll see what i feel...i want the smoke down to see the horizon...

[Zina]

Sounds to me that you just want what you can't have.
You messed up pretty bad, and whether or not she forgives you is entirely up to her. There's nothing YOU can do to make her forgive you.
All I can say is learn from this and don't make the same mistake again with the next girl.

And I...don't see how this is art. o.O

[Aridas]

Blame Darkmoon! *points!*

[Netami]

She aint worth yer time. Give it a few years and come back to the plate.

[Leafar]

She aint worth yer time. Give it a few years and come back to the plate.

i really enjoyed Netami's opinion...seens to me like some people above created their points of view based on the ''victim's side'' and forgeting all the rest...i made many mistakes, yes, but i was sorry for it, wanting to show how much i care about her (one way or another) so i think she should be true to me and to herself talking about what happened instead of: ''no, no...don't mind it's ok...''

about the thread change...dark said it was creative writing and should be placed here....dark is a cool  guy and i like him!

[xHaZxMaTx]

You keep saying/asking how you're going to gain her trust again.  IMO, you're giving yourself too much credit;  if I were were in her shoes, I'd never forgive you.

[Zina]

How can people take the 'victims side' when the only side we've heard is yours?
There's just some things that you can't be forgiven for, or it will take longer than usual.
I'm a little put out that you don't seem to want to hear any opinion other than 'screw her, her loss" or ones that take your side.  That just makes it look like you're just looking for pity instead of actual help.
I think you need to really listen and take some of the advice people gave you to heart and move on. Otherwise you'll only end up hurting her and yourself.

[Netami]

As a general rule of thumb, any time spent thinking about a woman that isn't related to cooking, cleaning, or sex is a waste of time.

Honestly, do you think she cares enough to analyze the situation so in depth? You pissed her off, you're both young, shit happens. Five years from now she will have been with a ton of guys while you're still whistfully trying to consider how to apologize or get back with her. Some times it just isn't worth it, whether you're better or worse as a person. Now get back to masturbating and let time do it's work.

[Leafar]

again, i don't want to be rude but you're 16, this is beyond your understanding hazmat...

i respect zina but netami....i am sorry if i am being rude...KICKS ASS!!!!!!but my greatest fear netami is to not be able to forget her or anything since i live in front of her i see her everyday, when some dude gets there i see it right through my window...then again maybe i am just being idiot for saying  or thinking like this...i stilll haven't come to a clear state of mind to understand myself...but i think i am getting close to it....

for more girls that might come to me with stones in hands:

What keeps the real you from coming out in the open with your real feelings is the emotional baggage called resentment. Bitterness and anger will linger in the heart for years, if you allow it to, because you are unable to forgive and then forget.When we don't forgive what happens? Unforgiveness causes shame, guilt and anger, and we become emotionally overstressed with our spouse, which limits our own "love capacity" to be what God intended for it to be. Well in all reality, a person never really forgets, but they can forgive.I fully believe that what we "generate into our heart will come out in our actions." Our capacity to love is how true we are to ourselves. We certainly aren't very true to ourselves or to God when we are unable to forgive our spouse.

When we forgive our spouse completely and unconditionally, as God forgives us then we no longer experience the past hurts. We feel freer to be ourselves and to be more in control of who we are. With that, the spiritual growth process begins to kick in and we indeed experience love, even to those who are cruel to us or don't love us at all.

[Netami]

Ehh, if you're worried about seeing her everyday and feeling bad for it, just make it brief. Approach her and apologize and move on with your life. Whether she accepts your apology or not, you've got it off your chest and what she does from then on is her own business. Watching guys go into her house and dwelling on it is a waste of your time and sort of stalker creepy. Guess what? She's probably having sex. Not a big deal.

And I have no &@^!ing idea what that block of text is supposed to be. Since when did this have anything to do with God?

[Zina]

So...let me get this straight. You were a general jerk to her for MONTHS and flirted with other girls and basically used her for sex...and she should take you back because....that's what God wants...?
Uh...
yeah.
If you honestly think that you can mess with someone's heart and hurt them to that degree with NO consequence, then  I hope this reality check will teach you something, because I can probably guess she wont EVER take you back. If she does, then I am seriously dissappointed in her own sense of self worth. Because nine times out of ten, if someone cheats on you, they're going to do it again. And no one wants to be made the fool twice. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me and all that.
You can try, but if she has any self-respect what so ever, she wont take you back.

[Netami]

And you shouldn't want her back. You're a manly man! You spread your seed, and she's just another field to plow. You apologize, you move on, life is good. Hell, she's probably going to think you're a pussy for even thinking about it. Women want a big, strong man to sire their children but a man more attuned to their psychological needs to raise them. I think you're exempt from the latter for all the baggage, and you already attempted the former, so she's used up her purpose.