[Comic] "War Of The Crystal" by Kipiru Starrider 1-5 (01-13-09)

[Kipiru]

So here I start, what I hope will eventually become, my very own webcomic! It's entitled "The War Of The Crystal" and it's inspired by me and my friends' RP adventures. Here is a brief cast summary for the main characters:

- that would be me- Kipiru or John/Jo. I was the group's GM during our RP sessions, but here I will be an active participant

- this is Gualsagan or Johny B/ JB. This is my best friend, we've known eachother forever. He is the artist who did this, expect a comic from him as well in the near future 

- this is Didbo or Kalin/Quest. The computer wiz of the group, this guy is infamous amongst MMORPG GM's across Europe- he's just that good!

- this is Hasstorr or Vlado/ PG. His hobby is rap music and he is quite good at it, if I do say so myself.

- this is Hessian or Vesko/Big Shot. This is my brother. We have as much things in common with him as we have differences 

And here goes the comic, so far it needs no warnings- Enjoy!
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5

[Tapewolf]

I'll check this later.  Is there a rating?  e.g. U, PG, PG-14, R etc..

**EDIT**
Checked it.  So far the dialogue seems a little simplistic, but apart from that you're off to a fairly good start, I think.

[Kipiru]

Well there isn't really anything of significance to be said at this point, but I plan on my dialogue enhancing in the pages to come! I will probably be updating about once a week with 2-3 pages.

[Omega]

I will probably be updating about once a week with 2-3 pages.

That's quite a lot of drawing in a short amount of time, 'specially with full colors and full pages. You sure you can keep up that pace?

Excuse me for being blunt here, but the style itself is too appealing: Perhaps few more details and finishing the strokes more "cleanly" could improve the general look. What I do like, is the fact that you see some effort into making a decent background gives you an trophy of some sort. Also, the coloring looks really good, above the average for sure.

About the story so far: There isn't really anything too appealing in that either, but it's too soon for me to judge is it worth my time or not. Just get a good antagonist going on and people are sure to fall for your fable.

Character design: So far all the protagonists look the same. Well, not that same. They do have different physic and clothing, but from the face and dialogue there isn't anything characteristic about them. In comics, it's often a good idea to magnify some aspects (e.g. a crooked nose, pony tail, large teeth, etc.). Maybe paying more attention to the details of the face's might do the trick. background characters can be general, but these are the main characters, right? You want to make each of them to stand out. 

I don't want to rain on your parade or anything. I think you're doing great. Just don't stop with your current level. Way too many artist just stick what they can do at the moment and never evolve in their works. Keep improving to the max!

[Kipiru]

I appreciate the tips Omega and intend on following them since they make sense. Some of them I had in mind from the beginning. And, yes my update plan is a bit too ambitious, but I'll try anyway. Thanks for the input.

[WhiteFox]

Just a thought... Why not update twice a week, and try to build a backlog if you can make them faster then that. If your backlog gets to a decent number of pages, go to three a week.

I don't think the art is too simplistic, but instead of more detail you could make the overall comic smaller. It'd be more comfortable to read. The text is plenty large enough to read, but you could do with some black outlines around the speech balloons.

The story does seem a little dry. That's a matter of what kind of story it is:

•Character Vs. Plot driven
In character driven stories, people do things that move the story forward. In plot driven stories, people do things as the plot requires. Character driven stories are much more interesting.

•Pre adolescent vs Post adolescent:
Pre-adolescent stories are about things, while Post-adolescent stories are about people and relationships. Post- stories are much more interesting.

As for character designs, Kip stands out well enough thanks to his, well, "husky" build. When making characters, it helps to give them different facial structures and to give them distinct silhouettes. Height, shoulder width, and hair that changes the "shape" of their heads.

Most of the time their eyes have a lot of clearance between their pupils and their top eyelids. IRL, this doesn't happen unless the person is shocked or alarmed. Which makes it them look like they're on crack all the time.

I do like the composition of your pages. Page one has a lot of depth, and has lots of impact. None of the pages have a "Sitcom" look that a lot of comics will rely on (side views of talking torsos with no perspective). Good job there.

*Waiting for more updates*

[GabrielsThoughts]

Review of "War of The Crystal"

ooh you've got my interest,

Story: 9.5 out of 10 [incomplete]

Characters: 8... they're all stone faced communicators, and could use some improvement but the dialog is top notch. I didn't like that they communicated without opening their mouths, I was momentarily wondering if they all have psionic abilities.

Presentation: 8... some of the dialog is missing a way of identifying characters, there  are only five pages so far, but I like the "fantasy in the real world" set up. 

neatness: 8... there are some problems with perspective and the color is marred by jpeg degridation, but the body's are within reason for comic book anatomy, in cact I have no complaints about the line art what soever

Originality: 5 ... Trekkies on an O.A.  mission, floating crystals,  that is the only thing that really hurts the originality. However, there are still only five pages,  and the story is still very engaging and interesting.

Overall Score:8