The Fourtunately/Unfortunately Game Strikes Again!

[techmaster-glitch]

Link to first part of the original game, but missing first post-
Link to second part of the game, but has the first post. Read it.

Welcome to the Fortunately/Unfortunately game, where anything can happen, and it is always good or bad! Here's how it works: I'll start with a character, and that character will have something to do. Then you make the story by posting fortunate and unfortunate happenings! Anything can happen, so go nuts!

There are a few rules, however:
-When you post, it must be the opposite of what the person right above you posted. So if someone, say, posted a fortunately, you must post an unfortunately, and vice versa.
-No posting more than one fortunately or unfortunately at a time. You get to post ONE thing, and then wait for someone else to post.
-No killing the character(s), obviously.
-For that matter, do NOT make a fortunately/unfortunately that stops the game and makes it impossible or difficult for someone else to post.
-This one is more for amusing aesthetics than for purpose. You don't reeeealy have to follow it, but it would be cool if you did. Everytime you post, change your message icon (right under the subject bar, for those of you that don't know) If you're posting a fortunately, change it to a Smiley. If you're posting an unfortunately, change it to a Sad.
-HAVE FUN!

I'll get this show started;

There once was a guy named Jeff, who wanted to go visit a friend in another country.

Fortunately, it's on the same landmass with no need to fly.

[Slowtini]

Unfortunately, your wallet went missing, and getting anywhere without proper ID is a gigantic hassle.

[techmaster-glitch]

Slowtini.

-No posting more than one fortunately or unfortunately at a time. You get to post ONE thing, and then wait for someone else to post.

-Don't make a fortunately/unfortunately that prevents the game from continuing (though this is going to be quite hard, admittedly) However, the story can change, so feel free with that.

Please alter your whole post or remove it. And note the second rule I quoted will now be changed, because I didn't think I'd need it's other, sterner form.

[LionHeart]

Fortunately, he knew someone who could replace the IDs.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Unfortunately, that wasn't legal.

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

Fortunately, the mafia owed him a favor, perhaps it was time to call it in.

[Zedd]

Unfortunately, The Yakuza didn't give a crap and went to kill you anyways

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Fortunately, they had entirely the wrong address, and ended up killing an entire unrelated family on the other side of the city.

[LionHeart]

Unfortunately, they discovered their mistake.

[Noone]

Fortunately, Jeff wasn't a very high priority target, so they sent a drunken idiot armed with a beer bottle after him.

[LionHeart]

Unfortunately, he had the right address.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Fortunately, he was drunk enough to go to the house next door.

[Lysander]

Unfortunately, those within the house were allied with the drunk guy and proceeded to remedy the mistake on their own.   

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

Fortunately, their idea of a "remedy" was to add hard cocaine to a body system that at the moment only held copious amounts of alcohol

[Slowtini]

Unfortunately, it actually worked.

[techmaster-glitch]

Fortunately, Jeff heard all the commotion and is therefore forewarned of the impending "assassination'.

[Slowtini]

Unfortunately, he couldn't find his shoes, delaying his escape.

[ShadowStep]

Fortunately, a Monkey in a Van drove up yelling "Dude! We got to go! We got to go!"

[Jairus]

Unfortunately, after the art heist the monkey did not have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

[ShadowStep]

Fortunately, the Van ran on Purple Flurp.

[Jairus]

Unfortunately, the monkey drank it all.

[Slowtini]

Fortunately, they had a microfusion backup generator located conveniently in the glove compartment.

[Cogidubnus]

Unfortunately, the Bolivians who 'donated' the plutonium would like to have a few words with you.

[Lysander]

Fortunately, their plutonium have them radiation poison so their exceptionally weak.   

[Cogidubnus]

Unfortunately, it has left you pretty weak as well.

[gh0st]

fortunately you have the mark 5 exoskeleton with extended nuclear reactor, battery life past Armageddon!

[Jairus]

Unfortunately, the warranty has expired. And it just broke down.

[VSMIT]

Fortunately, you had a spare.

[Jairus]

Unfortunately, someone painted it hot pink and green.

[VSMIT]

Fortunately, it still functioned correctly.