The Vend-o-mat 9000

[Cogidubnus]

It dispenses a phoenix, who promptly crumbles to dust.

*inserts dust*

[e_voyager]

dust burns into ash form which a new phoenix springs.

insert quill.

[Slowtini]

DELICIOUS BOOZE sprays forth from the Vend-o-mat.

*kicks the vend-o-mat*

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses a boxing glove attached to a spring aimed at your face.

*inserts narcotics*

[Ren Gaulen]

Police emerges from the Vend-O-Mat and promptly arrests you.

*inserts coin*

[Cogidubnus]

It dispenses you.

*inserts Klein Bottle*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-o-mat is returned inside the Klein Bottle.


*inserts coin*

[Syxal]

The machine just ate your money.

*inserts fake money, so that I do not sufferthe same trajedy*

[Cogidubnus]

It stares at you crossly, and ejects the money.

*inserts yellow highlighter*

[ShadesFox]

It spits out an iPod.  It only players Boston's "More then a feeling".

*inserts his homework*

[Noone]

The Vend-O-Mat returns your homework, covered in red marks and a large 'F-, see me', on the top.

*Inserts a computer virus*

[Slowtini]

Six Thousand Noobs emerge from the Vend-o-mat.
What have you wrought!
OH GOD!
D;


*inserts a container of sprayable kevlar*

[Cogidubnus]

It shoots you.

*inserts coin*

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

The Vend-o-mat fondles you lovingly, then dispenses a leaflet extolling the virtues of babyfurs.


It's a one-page pullout, which merely says "There aren't any."

*inserts coin*

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

It dispenses a 8,000 page long dissertation on the evil of the currency relationship.


*inserts copy of The Communist Manifesto*

[Noone]

Herbert Spencer comes out and beats you into a pulp.

*inserts coin*

[Cogidubnus]

A giant, spacefaring T-Rex glowing with purple radiance asks you what you're doing, and then blasts off for mars.

*inserts coin*

[Tipod]

A railroad tie falls out of the machine, crushing your foot.

*inserts Liberian dollar*

[e_voyager]

out pops a new york key chain.

insert balloon

[Slowtini]

Ninety-Nine red balloons pop out of the Vend-o-mat, and they promptly devour you.


*takes the Vend-o-mat out to dinner*

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

The Vend-O-Mat  spits out a bill for 500 dollars.


*inserts long, angry rant into the Vend-O-Mat*

[Cogidubnus]

The vend-o-mat sighs, shuffles around for a bit, and nods politely a few times before delicately trying to leave the room.

*inserts advil*

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

The Vend-O-Mat dispenses Tylenol.

*inserts a "yo momma" joke*

[Tipod]

The Vend-O-Mat prints out a piece of paper, upon which is written "beep beep I'm a jeep."

*inserts bottlecap and pull tab*

[Slowtini]

Suddenly! Cheesecake! Everywhere!

*inserts Orange Soda*

[Dagardo]

The vend-o-mat takes back all the cheesecake.

Insert lemon lime.

[Slowtini]

The Vend-o-mat transforms into a mechanical exoskeleton, in which one "Ren Gaulen" can be seen at the controls.
He doesn't look happy.

*plucks a spare Vend-o-mat out of the ether, and inserts a desk lamp*

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a burst of light.

*inserts a necrothreadcer*

[e_voyager]

The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a feather form moderator Ink

insert Lego block

[Slowtini]

THE DREADED DUPLO ERUPTS FROM THE VEND-O-MAT, AND PROMPTLY DEVOURS YOUR FAMILY. 
Good thing the vend-o-mat keeps a spare set around.
Meet Martha, your new uncle.


*inserts Cherry Pepsi*