Corrupt A Wish Revived

[Lisky]

Granted, the steelers are now playing the patriots (with tom brady fully recovered)

I wish Kat would return my calls

[GabrielsThoughts]

granted, a kit Kat bar comes to life and returns your calls to a seedy tavern down the street... in a related series of unfortunate events you brain was switched with a crazy bartender named Johny.

I give the next poster a big bear hug and I wish that next poster be blessed with love and thanks... and that the blessings return to me three fold.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. You get lots of love and thanks and hugs. And papercuts.

Lots of papercuts.

You bleed out, and are buried in a closed casket. Nobody actually turns up to the funeral, as they're all tapped out from the earlier hugs and love.


I wish I had an apple.

[Lysander]

Granted, a nice ripe apple is thrown at you with enough kinetic energy to put a hole through one of the flaps of your box

I wish to experience all that the process of dying has to offer.   

[Lisky]

... Granted... 

i wish i could kill things... with mind bullets 

[Tyranastrasz]

Granted, the steelers are now playing the patriots (with tom brady fully recovered)

I wish Kat would return my calls

I said better teams, not one of the same terrible ones and an even worse one.

Anyway, Granted: one ricochets and kills you.

I wish I had perfect internet access all the time.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. Your access to the Internet is unbound in China provided you can bypass the Great Firewall of China which is threatening free information over the Internet.

I wish for universal freedom of thought.

[Arcblade]

Granted, but everyone becomes mute to make up for it. 

I wish my hair could animate itself to make instant hairstyles.

[Lysander]

Granted, but as it animates itself you have no control over what it becomes.

I wish for a subterranean canal.   

[Arcblade]

Granted.  It's across the ocean.  Have fun!

I wish I had this machine.

[Lisky]

granted, unfortunately you misscalibrate it, and it only destroys your sound systems... and then gets jammed on macarena... enjoy your everlasting hell...

I wish for things to be a little less awkward between and my friend Kat, the animal science major, who i went out on her 21st birthday with...

[Lysander]

Granted, you are both drunk to the point that the word awkward is no longer understood. I like how her name matches her profession perfectly...

I wish to fall into the sky.   

[Lisky]

granted, your in a plane at 40,000 feet, the door flys open, sucking you out and without a parachute...

i wish for a top secrete underground volcano lair...

[e_voyager]

granted but unfortunately you was foolish enough to use and active volcano for your base. ops it's erupting.

i wish i could start my own web comic.

[Caswin]

Congratulations.  A man named John Solomon immediately descends on your webcomic and eats it alive before it can get anywhere, giving you a sizable following of "fans" who exist to hate on your comic and constantly work from the assumption that it is bad and you should feel bad.  And when I say he eats your webcomic alive, I mean that upon learning of its existence, he breaks into your domicile, finds the masters, and eats them.
(On a more practical note: If you are looking to get a webcomic off the ground, stay away from "Your Webcomic Is Bad and You Should Feel Bad".  It drains motivation and creative thought like a... drain.)

I wish I could finish my comic.  Singular.

[Arcblade]

Granted.  An angry squirrel catches it before you can get it scanned or published. 

Three guesses who this is, Caswin, and the first two don't count.

I wish I had perfect control of my sleepiness and wakefulness. 

[Lysander]

Granted, but the high mentality comes at the cost of your motor functions.

I wish for a chaotic bar.   

[Arcblade]

You find yourself in a bar on Superbowl Sunday.   Unfortunately, you're the only one rooting for the other team.  They go on a rampage and kill you. 

I wish I could focus in class. 

[Lisky]

Granted, you now focus on the pretty girl in the back of the class

i wish my hist. prof spoke in such as way that i could actually understand his entire lecture

[Angel]

Granted, but the lecture is so boring you still fall asleep.

I wish my throat wasn't so raw from coughing that even eating ketchup seems to make it sting.

[Tyranastrasz]

Granted. Your throat is now so raw from coughing that even eating chicken noodle soup makes it sting.

I wish I had 3 spear-armed guards in a labyrinth guarding my front door from crazy neighbors: One who always lies, one who always tells the truth, and one who stabs people who ask tricky questions.

[Lisky]

granted, though they stop everyone, including you... one day the third one stabs you because he thinks your asking a sneaky question...

i wish for my date on sunday with aleena to turn out amazing...

[Arcblade]

The date, as asked for, goes amazing.  The end of world, due to instabilities and entropy, shortly follows.  You don't get a second date, sorry. 

I wish I didn't feel bad about corrupting that wish. 

[Kipiru]

Granted, you lose all concept of good and evil! Without a conscience, killing infants now comes naturally to you! 

I wish i stumble onto an alien device that takes me to meet up with a friendly alien race!

[Tyranastrasz]

Granted. Their planet gets bombarded by the Covenant's ship-board plasma cannons as soon as you arrive, turning the entire surface into lava and molten glass. The spot you appeared was one of the first hit, and when you saw the streaks of glowing death approaching, you didn't think to try to use the device to flee back to Earth.

I wish I had the Covenant's plasma technology.

[Raffe]

Granted. You are now covered in sticky grenades.

I wish I wasn't coughing up blood.

[Kipiru]

Granted! You're drinking it instead! Remember to stay away from sunlight, garlic and guys with shades and silver boomerangs!

I wish I was bulletproof!

[Raffe]

Granted, you are covered in bulletproof hot lava.

I wish I would hurry up and ship already.

[Lysander]

Granted, but you are misplaced and end up in the northern edge of Alaska.

I with for a marching season.   

[Arcblade]

The marching season comes... and marches right past, without stopping for you to enjoy it. 

I wish my laundry would wash and dry itself.