B-Movies

[thegayhare]

As a send up to my ongoing love of bad movies I'll offer up reviews of two more I have seen lately.

One is a gory and rather comedic movie set in the slasher/spree killer genre.  It's a little movie called The Tripper.

The story starts in the 60's when a boy sees his father, a logger, in an argument with a protester.  The protester hits the logger with a rock and the logger pulls a gun.  The police arrest him before any damage is done but the 10 year old boy picks up a chainsaw and makes short work of the hippie.

fast forward 40 or so years.  A group of 6 freinds are heading to "Free Love" an out door music festival.  Once there there is gratuitous sex and drug use.  Thern hippies start to dissapear.  The first is a nudist in a snare trap,  then someone in a nice blue three piece suit lops off an old hippie's head with an axe.  When next you see our killer he comes after 2 of the named chars and some unnameed hicks who are hassling them.  In this scene you get a good look at him and... It's Ronald Ragan... well it's ment to be some one in a ronald ragan mask but the articulation is too good for that realy. 

Over all the movie is realy intertaining the actor who plays Jay (from jay and silent bob) is one of the main chars.  They realy go over the top playing up the sex, nudity and drug use though.

It has a number of good lines in the movie, one of my favorites involved a stuck up rich kid. 
"But I'm a republican!"
*just as the axe comes down on him*

All in all a pretty good watch, if your not put off by a comedy with lots of blood.  Plus the actor who played the killer had a great Reagan voice. 




The second movie was a realy bad piece I just had to watch after I saw it on the shelf at the rental place right next to Transformers.  It's a bad scifi B grade movie called Trans... morphers.  Thats right Transmorphers.

In 2014 a swarm of Alien robots have invaded the earth.  Most humans were slaughtered and the survivors were forced into an underground city.  The aliens changed the atmospher and blocked out the sun.   A few hundred years later the humans science guild has given up on trying to evacuate the planet, and has anounced a plan to destroy the robot threat.  This is bad for the Military guild because 5 years prevously there was an atempted coup in the millitary guild by a group who wanted to lead an all out assualt on the machines rather then to play it stricly self defense.  Since they now needed some one along these lines they took the leader of the rebels out of cryo stasis and sent him on a dangerous mission to destroy the robots.

This movie has been described as "Transmorphers... Less then meets the eye"  and they were right.  the movie is pretty bad.  Not only were they out of sync half the time sound effects would either not happen (a gun is fired and a robot blows up making no sound)  or they would block out the dialog.  The ambient music was filled with obvouse loops and cuts.  And the visual effects were like wise sub par with computer generated  robots that looked slightly better then the effects seen in the Hercules series.  The weapons effects were crap half the time they weren't even visible.

I'll give it one interesting note though.  One of the Chars, was a female General leading the military guild.  She was married to woman who played the love interest of the rebel leader.

[Darkmoon]

Tripper actually sounds halfway fun... hrmmm...

[Dannysaysnoo]

Also, how old are these movies?

[thegayhare]

both movies were released in 2007

and Tripper is rather good.  I'm just not into the gratuitus nudity and drug use

[Dannysaysnoo]

I can't believe they got away with Transmorphers...

[Omega]

I'm just not into the gratuitus nudity and drug use

You're no fun 

[rabid_fox]

Octopus and Octopus II are essentials to any B-movie collection.

[Zina]

Children Of The Living Dead is probably the greatest worst movie I've ever watched. From beginning to end, it was a nonstop ride of "what the fuck hahahahah oh my god this is great."
We saw it for free on On Demand, and selected it because the description was something like "You'd think with a town that has a history of zombie attacks, you'd leave, right? Well, I guess some people are stupid" or something to that effect. The editting is terrible, half the time the movie doesn't make sense and the writing is hilariously bad. There's no way to really describe the awesome I witnessed that day.
http://www.badmovieplanet.com/inferno/archives/childrendead.html review.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VwyIeqoYEkc Best scene in the movie. Bask in the terrible editting.
ABBOT HAYES!

[GabrielsThoughts]

you really should call this the D-Movies thread. B-movies are actually half decent where as D movies are so full of fail it is almost laughable... otherwise the movie is just fail

[superluser]

B-movies were originally the lesser billing of a double feature.

But yeah, these films really don't deserve to be in the same category as B movies.

[Zina]

I had no idea there were apparently B-movie elitists.

[superluser]

I had no idea there were apparently B-movie elitists.

Films like Army of Darkness or Buffy the Vampire Slayer are pretty much unequivocally in the B-movie genre (despite the former being a good film and the latter being unmemorable), but I would definitely watch either of them before something like Untraceable (3 stars, says Ebert!).

[Zina]

I had no idea there were apparently B-movie elitists.

Films like Army of Darkness or Buffy the Vampire Slayer are pretty much unequivocally in the B-movie genre (despite the former being a good film and the latter being unmemorable), but I would definitely watch either of them before something like Untraceable (3 stars, says Ebert!).

Uh....ok?
I'm not going to go down a list of what is or isn't a B, C or D movie. I'm sure someone somewhere thought a movie was great, whereas I'm sitting here, laughing at it. And I'm also going to point out there's a huge difference between a "good" film and an "enjoyable" film. Most B-movie films are enjoyable, yes. But they're not very good.

[Miaka]

Adrenaline Drive.

More proof that the Japanese are strange. Seriously, this movie is just bizarre. It's not half bad... But... yeah.
My friends and I were pretty much going "Wait, what is this shit?" through the whole thing.

Also, Gamerz. If you can understand their accents, then it's wonderful.

[Janus Whitefurr]

This list is not complete without Wild Zero.

Or Versus.

>O

[rabid_fox]

Shadowchaster: The Gates of Time

This next one is special. I only recommend it to true gloriously-awful movie seekers.

Alien Blood.

Finally, a movie so bad that it wasn't gloriously bad, it was just horrific and no fun to watch.

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell.

****

Enjoy, if you will.

[Zina]

This list is not complete without Wild Zero.

Or Versus.

>O

Or Tokyo Zombie. It has Tadanobu Asano in it. With a fro. Fighting zombies. Ugh. So good.

[Toric]

I'll mention it again. Pinata: Survivor Island. The directors thought it was a horror movie. The actors thought it was a horror-movie spoof.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Personally, I was always fond of watching Rat Pfink A Boo-Boo, a movie so short on funds that they couldn't afford the additional $25 to re-register it correctly when the clerk made an error. It was supposed to be Rat Pfink -And- Boo-Boo.

I may have been somewhat drunk when watching it.

[Darkmoon]

A truly awful movie: Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. Low budget, bad plot, awful action, and a musical number.

[Alondro]

The list of the best of the worst:

1.  Plan 9 From Outer Space.  A movie so hilariously bad, it's a classic.  It features post-mortem performances from Bela Lugosi.

2. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies... apparently they decided to go with this title instead of the original "Teenage Psycho Meets Bloody Mary".  I heard it had all of a $50,000 budget.  Frankly, I could do better with a hand-cranked camera and a quarter.

3.  Santa Claus vs The Martians.  Yes, it's a real movie.  At least the title is an accurate description.

4.  Killers From Space.  Aliens have eyes made from halves of ping pong balls!   

5.  Space Mutiny.  Any movie that steals footage from the original Battle Star Galactica series is certain to be a winner!

Basically, watch MST3K reruns.  You'll see there's no shortage or horribly bad films.  They only stopped because most of the new bad films are so full of profanity and sex they couldn't show them on the network.  Movies that are too bad for MST3K?  Now THAT'S awful!   

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

So.. where would one download and/or buy mistie-3k?

[Zina]

This thread needs moar Turkish Star Wars: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D%C3%BCnyay%C4%B1_Kurtaran_Adam
The movie splices together original footage with random scenes from Star Wars. And I do mean random. During the final fifteen minutes of the film, the main character is fighting evil monsters(which are apparently made out of pudding) on a desert planet, it will cut away to show Luke and the other rebels fighting the Death Star and I DON'T KNOW WHY. It also steals music from Star Wars, Indian Jones, Flash Gordon, and loads others.
All in all, it's an amazing movie. I think you can view the whole thing on Google Video.

Important training montage where they slap a bunch of rocks, I guess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3uAUp6FjgM

[superluser]

Important training montage where they slap a bunch of rocks, I guess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3uAUp6FjgM

*adds ``slap a bunch of rocks'' to the Big Book of Masturbation Euphemisms*

[Dannysaysnoo]

Since you are all lazy...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7069307816427160377

Also, those rocks are now the latest fashion.

[Toric]

3.  Santa Claus vs The Martians.  Yes, it's a real movie.  At least the title is an accurate description.

I believe the title on the casing is "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians", which is a bit less accurate. The only thing in that movie worse than Torg the robot was the Martian ship's "Radar Box." With English print on the front of it so you knew what it was. .....And a lid and hollow center for small children to conveniently hide in.

[Alondro]

3.  Santa Claus vs The Martians.  Yes, it's a real movie.  At least the title is an accurate description.

I believe the title on the casing is "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians", which is a bit less accurate. The only thing in that movie worse than Torg the robot was the Martian ship's "Radar Box." With English print on the front of it so you knew what it was. .....And a lid and hollow center for small children to conveniently hide in.

Torg?  As in: This Torg?

Coincidently, a little joke on one of the current makers of consistently bad movies.   

[Tapewolf]

I believe the title on the casing is "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", which is a bit less accurate.

Now that is a film I had mercifully forgotten.

[RJ]

Haha, Transmorphers. That was by the Asylum people, wasn't it? They do heaps of cheesy ripoffs. I think they made Snakes on a Train too.