[Story] Janus' Muse got me.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

... I tried to run away, but she cornered me and hit me with a big mallet.


I realise this has the odd rough edge or two, and there's no real plot, but what the hey. Keaton seems to like it, so who knows?

Here. Don't choke.


This one is a result of a comment made somewhere (I'll dig up a link) about someone with a fouler mouth than Keaton (the char, not the player). He didn't end up with a fouler mouth, but he certainly knows his way around innuendo... Who knows, maybe he's working his way up to it. *shrug* We'll see if that Muse comes back and smacks me around again. Maybe we'll get a second chapter.

[Tapewolf]

Writing from llearch?  That's new.  Certainly readable, and interesting enough to make me want to read the followup chapter, assuming there is one.

Criticisms:

* To be honest the constant wisecracks got a little dull - you might want to use that a little more sparingly.

* IMHO the fight went on a little too long.  This may just be me... I can't write fight scenes myself and they end up like Hawk the Slayer where each fight lasts approximately 14 seconds or less.

Apart from that, pretty decent.

[Sunblink]

* IMHO the fight went on a little too long.  This may just be me... I can't write fight scenes myself and they end up like Hawk the Slayer where each fight lasts approximately 14 seconds or less.

On the contrary, I rather like fighting scenes, since I enjoy making them inventive. Though then I end up trailing off...

To Llearch, you damn well had better write a second chapter to this, because now I wanna know what the message is. I hope you're happy. I'm going to set every box in my garage on fire now, just because I'm mad at you. But in a very good way, because I loved it. I thought it was an entertaining read and I love how you characterized Keaton. You have her personality down pat.

For some reason, I really liked your character too, even though you may have wanted for him to come across as a pain-in-the-ass. XD I'm not sure why. I just thought it was great.

~Keaton the Black Jackal

[Sienna Maiu - M T]

oh man! llearch n'n'daCorna has publicly displayed some art?!?!

Which leaves me it a sad state. For you see, I can't read more than just the first page, on account of it's nearly one and reading and I don't really hang after midnight.

Later though much, much later*cough*

but seriously, I liked what I saw, the start of the fight scene is good and dramatic. And normally I wouldn't reply on something I haven't properly read, but you're llearch.

or something like that... ?

[Azlan]

Eye of Aragon... kidding.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Eye of Aragon... kidding.

*snerk* probably, yes. Although I haven't seen a copy of that, I -did- find reference to a Genericon game which consisted of seeing who could read the most of it straight-faced, without pausing, and without mispronouncing words... which kinda explains it all by itself.

Writing from llearch?  That's new.  Certainly readable, and interesting enough to make me want to read the followup chapter, assuming there is one.

Criticisms:

* To be honest the constant wisecracks got a little dull - you might want to use that a little more sparingly.

* IMHO the fight went on a little too long.  This may just be me... I can't write fight scenes myself and they end up like Hawk the Slayer where each fight lasts approximately 14 seconds or less.

Apart from that, pretty decent.

Hmm. Fair enough. I'll admit I had trouble figuring out how to end it, which explains some of the length. The wisecracks? Well.. he's supposed to be annoying. A smart-arse, in fact, and then some.

I'll bear that in mind, however.

[RobbieThe1st]

Hey, it was great! A nice, long, plausible fight scene.

At several points I actually laughed a bit out loud!

Please, oh please, make more?

-RobbieThe1st

[Gabi]

the denizens would rather drink than be descried. Or described, for that matter.

That made me chuckle. That, and the 'polite' joke, because I thought of it too.

Is it bad if I find him somewhat likeable?

Nice writing style, too.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Is it bad if I find him somewhat likeable?

Probably. He's a pain in the posterior to anyone who has to deal with him for any length of time, as will become apparent.

Particularly me, because I never planned more than the one scene, and now I've got all these ideas for -other- scenes, and no plot to hang them on. :-/

Oh, well.

[Gabi]

Welcome to the world of writing. Now you have to live a writer's life.

[Tapewolf]

Welcome to the world of writing. Now you have to live a writer's life.

With apologies to Bal Sagoth:

O grim gods of writing
Empower us this night and always
Anoint us with the Crimson Rain
Forever feed our pens with slaughter
Let every blow be a killing blow
Grant us eternal victory
Until we die a writer's death

..doesn't quite have the same ring, does it?

[Janus Whitefurr]

I still applaud the fact that this is (technically/metaphorically/maybe spiritually?) my fault, since he blames my muse.

But what do I know about writing? ;p

[Boog]

Woah, Llearch writes. And apparently, he does so rather well. I like the dialogue, and the fight scene's well written. However, some parts of said fight scene (such as when the stoat bounces off the floor to retrieve his tonfas) get a little bit confusing. Overall, I'm with Keaton. Can't wait for chapter two.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Welcome to the world of writing. Now you have to live a writer's life.

Oh, not another one. I've got three or four lives already. Can't I cut back?