[Art/Writing] Jairus: Merry Christmas

[Ren Gaulen]

Nice one, Jay. However, I think you should make his left hand a wee bit larger - or, rather, just the fingers. And, you seem to improve quickly. Keep up the good work! *summons a bunch of cheerleader Succubi to support Jairus*

[Tapewolf]

Abel is certainly recognisable, which is a good start.  I'd rather like to see this - or some descendant of the picture - inked and coloured, but that might be a bit ambitious if you're just starting out.

[Brunhidden]

i had expected you would have done abelroh, but i guess you will have to get wildy or pip to do that... now i wonder which girl would be tifa, loredia has the knockers but would look a little silly in the bellyshirt, mab may be able to magically grant herself the chestitude needed to do it, but ive never seen her wear less then a gown

[Jairus]

Any comments on Abel, out of curiosity?

Not at present. Been busy with work and stuff.

Right. No worries, Boxy.

Oooh! Ooooh! I nominate myself for the position of Rufus "Affably Young And Evil" Shinra! (not that this is a request, but what can I say.)

Abel/Vincent is an interesting one. At least they have the same terribly tortured background! (And at least Aniz is a more sane name for a true father than... ahem.. Grimoire Valentine. Damn you, Dirge of Cerberus!)

I tried to match up the nine central characters of DMFA with the FF7 crew as close as I could, which is why Jyrras is Cid: two brilliant inventors... and that's about it. I mean, the worst JyJy's ever said is "frig." But I try to get as a close of a match-up as I can.

As for Janus Shinra... we'll see. You won't get Jyrras though.

Nice one, Jay. However, I think you should make his left hand a wee bit larger - or, rather, just the fingers. And, you seem to improve quickly. Keep up the good work! *summons a bunch of cheerleader Succubi to support Jairus*

I'll try that later. And I really enjoy this now that I'm starting to fiddle with the costumes and poses to try something new. And thanks!

Abel is certainly recognisable, which is a good start.  I'd rather like to see this - or some descendant of the picture - inked and coloured, but that might be a bit ambitious if you're just starting out.

I intend to ink it once I've got it fixed up to my satisfaction. I think I want to do a handful of drawing exclusively for practicing my inking, since I'm definitely not used to that. As for coloring, I don't have a program to do that yet. Give me a week or two and I can start coloring the old pictures as experiments.

i had expected you would have done abelroh, but i guess you will have to get wildy or pip to do that... now i wonder which girl would be tifa, loredia has the knockers but would look a little silly in the bellyshirt, mab may be able to magically grant herself the chestitude needed to do it, but ive never seen her wear less then a gown

Abelroh... not sure I follow you on who that one is. A little clarification, please?

And here's the pairings I've got so far:

Dan Ti'Fiona = Cloud Strife (done)
Abel Rewanz = Vincent Valentine (done)
Jyrras Gianna = Cid Highwind (done)
Alexsi Ti'Fiona = Aerith Gainsborough
Wildy San = Tifa Lockhart
Pip = Red XIII (done)
Mab = Yuffie Kisaragi
Fi = Cait Sith
Lorenda Soulstealer = Barret Wallace
Dark Pegasus = Sephiroth
Janus Bond = Rufus Shinra (possible)

Again, tried to get as close as I could. And yes, Pyroduck is no longer Sephiroth. Maybe he'll be Reno... but then who'll be Rude? And who should Fa'Lina play? And should I stop this before I go insane?

[Janus Whitefurr]

I nominated Aliyka's berserker-kitty form for Barrett. More volatile rage and anger that way.

Maybe Nutmeg for Aerith? Just doing comparisons off the top of my head.

[Jairus]

I nominated Aliyka's berserker-kitty form for Barrett. More volatile rage and anger that way.

Maybe Nutmeg for Aerith? Just doing comparisons off the top of my head.

But neither of them are main characters. It may complicate the match-ups somewhat, but I basically wanted nine-for-nine. Besides, Alexsi's already got a staff... well, hammer, so that works out.

Besides, I think we already know that personalities are out on their butt. Jyrras is practically the opposite of Cid in abrasiveness and personality, and the only thing they really have in common is a pair of goggles, a love for machines, and a readiness to fight for and alongside their friends. And Abel isn't exactly a brooding shapeshifter, or if he is he hides it well.

And well, some of them don't fit well, but I want to make these all work.

[Janus Whitefurr]

I can see it now...

Dark Pegasus as Sephiroth descending from on high while Alexsi as Aerith prays....

...and then he gets pwned out of the air by the hammer and told to sit on his arse while Alexsi finishes.

[Ren Gaulen]

And should I stop this before I go insane?

I'm doing a DMFA/TTGL parody, and you don't see me fearing the insanity.

Again, tried to get as close as I could. And yes, Pyroduck is no longer Sephiroth. Maybe he'll be Reno... but then who'll be Rude? And who should Fa'Lina play? And should I stop this before I go insane?

Make Pyroduck Rude. And Azlan Reno.

Maybe Nutmeg for Aerith? Just doing comparisons off the top of my head.

Oh, I can totally see it: Sephiroth Pegasus stabs Aerith Nutmeg. She seems to be less than thrilled. He than proceeds to stab her with more sharp objects, until she gets bored and zaps him with a Disintegrate spell. Mab than pops out infuriated by Nutmeg's deviation from the script. "You were supposed to die in this scene!! " "Oh!.. ..I forgot. "

[Jairus]

I can see it now...

Dark Pegasus as Sephiroth descending from on high while Alexsi as Aerith prays....

...and then he gets pwned out of the air by the hammer and told to sit on his arse while Alexsi finishes.

That's one way of doing it, I'll give you that.

And should I stop this before I go insane?

I'm doing a DMFA/TTGL parody, and you don't see me fearing the insanity.

True.

Again, tried to get as close as I could. And yes, Pyroduck is no longer Sephiroth. Maybe he'll be Reno... but then who'll be Rude? And who should Fa'Lina play? And should I stop this before I go insane?

Make Pyroduck Rude. And Azlan Reno.

Oh, yes. Totally. That's great. And Albanion and Nutmeg can be... the other two Turks. Tseng and... Elena! That's her name

Maybe Nutmeg for Aerith? Just doing comparisons off the top of my head.

Oh, I can totally see it: Sephiroth Pegasus stabs Aerith Nutmeg. She seems to be less than thrilled. He than proceeds to stab her with more sharp objects, until she gets bored and zaps him with a Disintegrate spell. Mab than pops out infuriated by Nutmeg's deviation from the script. "You were supposed to die in this scene!! " "Oh!.. ..I forgot. "

I don't see Alexsi/Aerith as dying in this version at all.


Also, I have two more things to add to that list... well, one more thing and a little thing to be added in post-production. The first thing is the Highwing, a fusion of the Highwind and the Mecha-Gryphon into the hero's method of transportation: it is also involved in Jyrras' final Limit Break, "Gryphon Burst". The second is the addition of the Deathbringer Summon Materia to Jyrras Highwind's picture... with the feared Deathbringer already summoned.

[Jairus]

Well, I'm still getting problems over drawing Alexsi Gainsborough, so here's something I'm thinking of adding to Jyrras Highwind's picture when I get that far: the Deathbringer summon.

Deathbringer

Deathbringer, also known as "Deebs," costs 25 MP to cast. Itis signature attack is "Diabetic Shock," where Deebs uses its adorable cuteness to paralyze all enemies on the field for two turns, in addition to lowering all stats for the rest of the battle. While this doesn't seem to be much, the Deathbringer Summon Materia has the "Limit +" ability, which increases the rate at which the Summoner's Limit Bar increases. Once the Limit Bar is filled, the summoner can use a joint Limit Break called "Exa Death Flash," which fires a powerful beam that pierces through one enemy's defenses and deal direct damage: the attack's damage increases by how many Limit Bars have been filled. This attack also costs an additional 25 MP to cast in addition to draining the Limit Bar. Due to unknown circumstances, Deathbringer will only work when pair with Jyrras Highwind, and is equipped with him by default. It is also used in a number of FMVs, and thus Deathbringer cannot be sold or trashed


...
Yeah... clearly I have too much time on my hands. Well... it is kind of a joke character (and it really doesn't have a parallel in Final Fantasy VII), but really what other Summon Materia would be perfect for Jyrras Highwind? Anyway, this was just something I did because drawing Alexsi was driving me nuts. For some reason, Deebs looks... um, how do I say this?... "older" in this drawing: I think she might be a little long. In game... I don't know, I'd call her a fusion of the Chocobo, Shiva, and Bahamut summons. Anyway, she looks a little weird. Sorry about that.

Anyway, hopefully I'll figure out how to draw Alexsi shortly so I can finish her and get on with the rest of the party and characters. Otherwise I'll have to draw Fi and the Highwing.

[Jairus]

Well, I've gotten some tips on drawing from a few people (thank you especially, Keaton!), so hopefully I'll be able to draw Alexsi Gainsborough this coming week. Anyway, here's something that I've been working on: fake stats for the Furry Fantasy VII characters. Dan Strife's is the only set finished, so he's all you get tonight, though I'm halfway through Abel Valentine's set and then will do Jyrras Highwind's. Anyway, these are basically a hybridization of some stuff from DMFA and the FF7 stats...

Dan Strife

Dan Strife is a Warrior of no small skill. A fighter and swordsman, Dan wields a variety of large great swords in battle. His default weapon is the distinctive Buster Sword. He is also a Cubi, a race of shapeshifters and telepaths of no small skill, though his own shapeshifting skills are fairly lacking. Dan is mostly identifiable by his vibrant green eyes and his magnificent set of blue-feathered wings, which include the two headwings that he hides through shapeshifting: he can also extend a set of tendrils from his wings to act as a second set of limbs. Though he seems cocky and arrogant, deep down he is a compassionate and lvoing man who deeply cares for his friends and never hesitates to stand up for what he believes in. His physical stats (strength and defense) are well balanced, but his magic skills are somewhat low: he is best used by placing him on the front line to ensure attack power
Limit Breaks
   Braver - Level 1
   Single physical attack with a downward slash dealing three times normal damage.
   Z-Slash - Level 1
   Single physical attack with three slices dealing 3.25 times normal damage and inflicting Paralysis.
   Blade Beam - Level 2
   Strikes a single enemy with a heavy attack dealing 3.5 times normal damage, and hits other enemies for less damage with shockwaves.
   Hazard Run - Level 2
   Strikes enemy, then flies upwards running the sword along the enemy dealing 4.375 times normal damage.
   Bladerain - Level 3
   Summons five copies of the sword he is holding and then throws all six into the air to fall and hit random targets for 1.625 times normal damage each.
   Finishing Touch - Level 3
   Hits all enemies with a tornado causing Death and dealing 3.125 times normal damage for any enemy immune to Death.
   Omnislash Version 6 - Level 4
   Summons all blades in his collection to be used in a series of sequential critical hits for .75 times normal damage for each one, including Atk and Str increases. Power of the attack increases the number of blades in his collection.


...
Yeah. Kind of silly, but oh well.

Sheesh, I haven't posted here in a few days. My thread feels unloved.

[Jairus]

Once more, some weird stats, this time for Abel Valentine. Again, these are a combination of both 'verses, and I tried to be balanced. Jyrras' is next.

Abel Valentine

Abel Valentine is - like Dan - a Cubi. Unlike Dan, Abel is centuries old, and has mastered many of his race's powers, including the shapeshifting he uses to generate his clothes. He is a Gunner, and wields a variety of different pistols, revolvers, shotguns, and rifles. Abel is identifiable by his mismatched blue-and-green eyes, as well as his four Cubi wings that he only rarely hides. Personality wise, he doesn't interact well with others, and feels distant and unapproachable: nonetheless, he is loyal to those he considers his friends, and like Dan is willing to throw himself behind a cause he believes in. His past is fairly mysterious, and only a few clues have been gleaned. Stats-wise, Abel is fairly balanced, with above-average speed and magical abilities and defenses: he also has a fairly high Luck rating. He and Jyrras eventually seem to have a thing going on, though it may be nothing more than a deep friendship.
Limit Breaks
   Abel's Limit Breaks are slightly different from the others. His limits rotate around his Cubi abilities, and he has one attack and one support limit per level, except for the final level.
   Second Grip - Level 1
   Creates an extra tendril, allowing Abel to dual wield guns. Damage dealt is .75 for each gun. Lasts three turns.
   Hated Illusion - Level 1
   Casts Berserk on one friend or foe through use of an illusion. Lasts three turns.
   Tendril Blade - Level 2
   Summons six tendrils, and then sharpens their edges to razor sharpness. Deals massive damage to one target.
   Nightmare Surf - Level 2
   Traps one random enemy in a nightmare lasting three turns, paralyzing them for duration of attack.
   Copy Technique - Level 3
   Copies at random one enemy ability, allowing Abel to use that ability three times.
   Emotional Charge - Level 3
   Channels enemy's emotions to cast Regeneration and MP Recharge on party for three turns.
   Omniblast - Level 4
   Summons several tendrils and draws all of his guns simultaneously, and then fires them in a barrage at random enemies. Deals damage equivalent to average of all guns.


...
Yes, I know that Abel would never use something like what Aniz used on Hennya. I'm sorry: it's for gameplay purposes only. Besides, their backstories are slightly different, so really this isn't the "real" Abel anyway. Anyway, questions or comments?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

What, no origami?

[Jairus]

What, no origami?

No, that's Mab Kisaragi who attacks using the power of origami.

[Jairus]

Okay, I'm tired from moving furniture all day, so here's my post: the stats for Jyrras Highwind of the Furry Fantasy VII setting. Still trying to hybridize the two worlds properly, so still a work in progress. Any advice is appreciated.

Jyrras Highwind

Jyrras Highwind is a Kangaroo Rat Dragoon, and wields spears and lances into battle. Though young, he is also an accomplished inventor, and built the Highwing airship that the team uses as transportation. He is identifiable by his big bright blue eyes, his styled black hair, and the pair of flight/welders goggles that he wears pushed up on his forehead. The glasses that he wears are actually unneeded: he just wears them to promote his nerdy scientist persona. Personality wise, Jyrras is actually fairly shy and reclusive outside of his small circle of people he feels comfortable with, but is deeply loyal to his friends and can be counted on in a pinch. Mentioning the word "family" in his presence is enough to make him panic and run for some reason. Stats-wise, Jyrras is the fastest of all the other characters, and has fairly high physical defense and attack ratings, but he is lacking in the magic department, and has really low luck. He is also paired with the summon Deathbringer, which gives him an additional Limit Break called "Exa Death Flash." He seems to have a crush on Abel, though whether or not he is going to act on this is unknown.
Limit Breaks
   High Jump - Level 1
   Jumps into the air and strikes down with a spear into one enemy. Deals 2.5 times damage.
   Grenadier - Level 1
   Primes a grenade, and then hurls it into all enemies. Damage dealt is equal to 1/4 of Jyrras' maximum HP.
   Hyperdash - Level 2
   Dashes behind one enemy to attack them from behind with a focused explosion. Pierces barriers and defense to deal direct damage x2 to one enemy. .75 damage dealt to all enemies by shockwave.
   Gatling Burst - Level 2
   Highwing airdrops a large gatling gun turret to Jyrras' position, and then Jyrras fires 60 shots dealing damage equal to 1/20 of Jyrras' maximum HP into random enemies. The shots ignore defenses.
   Dragon Dive - Level 3
   Performs eight slash attacks that deal .75 damage to random enemies, and then one high-speed dash that does 1.50 damage to all enemies.
   Death Ray - Level 3
   Highwing airdrops a death ray to Jyrras' positions, and then Jyrras fires one shot dealing 100% of his maximum HP to a random enemy. The shot ignores defenses.
   Gryphon Wing - Level 4
   Jyrras summons the Highwing, which transforms into Gryphon mode and fires a barrage of 18 plasma blasts from its wings at random enemies.


...
Okay, I'm tired. Good night!

[Jairus]

Ah, a new drawing, and the first one since I got all of my furniture moved around. The Jyritto and the two Pouch Permission drawings have been put on hold for a pair of drawings I want to do. Here's the first...

"I, Jyrras Gianna, command you..."

Well, it's basically "what if Jyrras got a Geass?" It's still kind of rough, but I'm pleased at how short it took to draw this: only thirty minutes or so. It's kind of hard to tell, but he's got the Geass signet in his left eye, and his left arm is supposed to be doing... well, what Lelouch does at the end of Episode 1 of Season 1 of Code Geass. But you can pretend that he says something different after he says "I, Jyrras Gianna, command you" if you so please. And originally, he was going to be in Lelouch's uniform, but I couldn't quite pull it off, so you got this outfit instead. Sorry.

Next: Jyrras as Zero. Clearly, turning twenty-one has not magically gifted me with a social life. *sigh* Oh well.

Anyway, comments and constructive criticism and advice are welcome.

[WhiteFox]

Awww.

Your proportions aren't bad, and I like his hair. Especially the tuft on the end of his tail. His right (our left) hand looks posed a little awkwardly, and the image looks a little flat (Pose and flatness are both common challenges to deal with, but can be fixed with mere practice.) If I were to suggest something to work on though, I'd say the eyes. The style you're using seem fairly rudimentary.

Also, his cheeks look a little off. They're a bit chubby and a bit high. I sketched up a correction, cause it's hard to describe:

The side of the face comes straight down until it's level with the nose, then the line of the jaw angles in. This can vary greatly depending on style, however, so take my diagram with a grain of salt.

[Jairus]

Awww.

"Awww?" "Awww" is bad... this is supposed to be badass Jyrras who is about to order someone to off themselves, not cute adorable Jyrras who wouldn't hurt a fly... maybe I should draw him using his power to force Kria to serve him forever, to prove to her that he now has power, and is going to use it.

Your proportions aren't bad, and I like his hair. Especially the tuft on the end of his tail. His right (our left) hand looks posed a little awkwardly, and the image looks a little flat (Pose and flatness are both common challenges to deal with, but can be fixed with mere practice.) If I were to suggest something to work on though, I'd say the eyes. The style you're using seem fairly rudimentary.

No, he is quite flat. Usually when I draw characters (look over the last page or two), the feet are posed a little differently, and I also have more early shading. As for the arms... in terms of drawing, this is really the first time I've ever drawn an arm in perspective, so I'm not surprised that it didn't quite work out, while I don't quite know how to fix his right arm: it's just supposed to be lying at his side, holding his glasses as he geasses someone. And the eyes are quite rudimentary: just a half oval with a line over the top. I'll try to work on that.

Hm... it looks like either the right arm needs to be looked at straight on (in which case it wouldn't really show the elbow because it would be pointed straight back), or I need to rotate the hand slightly so that we can seen the back of the palm. I think that'll fix the right arm.

Also, his cheeks look a little off. They're a bit chubby and a bit high. I sketched up a correction, cause it's hard to describe:

The side of the face comes straight down until it's level with the nose, then the line of the jaw angles in. This can vary greatly depending on style, however, so take my diagram with a grain of salt.

Hm... I'll give that a try. Yeah, looking at a few pictures of Jyrras, his cheeks aren't that big, so I'll tone them down a bit. I really don't seem to have a style of my own yet (mostly aping Amber's, to be honest), outside of having difficulties drawing in a more cartoony style. Oh well.

EDIT: I forgot I wanted to link to these. Here's the first two minute sketch I did to get the basics down, and here's an intermediate step where I'd fixed a bunch and had some details in (except that Jy's shirtless... yeah). Hopefully this kind of gives an idea for my extremely rudimentary style.

[Jairus]

Okay, made a few fixes (not much, but a few), so here's version two of Jyrras Gianna about to geass someone...

"... obey me!"

Fixed the feet, the arm, tweaked the ears, rearranged his face slightly... little thing that I think helped out a lot. Also, I have currently decided that Jyrras is geassing Albanion here to be his loyal servant for all of eternity.

... and now the face is bothering me. Crud.

Anyway, comments and constructive criticism and advice are welcome.

[Ren Gaulen]

"... obey me!"

"YES, MY LORD!!" *insert insane smile here*
Good work, Jay! Keep it up!

[WhiteFox]

Awww.

"Awww?" "Awww" is bad... this is supposed to be badass Jyrras who is about to order someone to off themselves, not cute adorable Jyrras who wouldn't hurt a fly...

Yeah, but he's cute when he's got 'tude. Faces are about as complicated as hands, by the way, with all the nuances an expression can have.

A note on your two minute sketch: you're not using spheres to lay out the body and joints. Using spheres really lets you consider your drawing in terms of three dimensions. For example, the shoulders are really flat looking. If you'd planned it out with spheres, it would have been easy to turn his torso a bit, pull his right shoulder back (which would put it partially behind his torso) and push his left shoulder forward, which would add tension and depth. Then doing the same to the feet, wherein pushing the right foot forward would make his pose dynamic, and pushing the right foot back would make him look imposing. All that would require a complete redraw, though, so this is pretty much academic.

Those feet are much improved. You did a good job on them. And I think the face is OK.

[Jairus]

Awww.

"Awww?" "Awww" is bad... this is supposed to be badass Jyrras who is about to order someone to off themselves, not cute adorable Jyrras who wouldn't hurt a fly...

Yeah, but he's cute when he's got 'tude. Faces are about as complicated as hands, by the way, with all the nuances an expression can have.

Uggh... tell me about it.

A note on your two minute sketch: you're not using spheres to lay out the body and joints. Using spheres really lets you consider your drawing in terms of three dimensions. For example, the shoulders are really flat looking. If you'd planned it out with spheres, it would have been easy to turn his torso a bit, pull his right shoulder back (which would put it partially behind his torso) and push his left shoulder forward, which would add tension and depth. Then doing the same to the feet, wherein pushing the right foot forward would make his pose dynamic, and pushing the right foot back would make him look imposing. All that would require a complete redraw, though, so this is pretty much academic.

Yeah... I know. I really do. I will admit to only using two spheres in the drawing, and that was only a later phase: to try and get the left arm to look like it had a joint in it rather than being a limp noodle. All good notes, and thank you very much. But as a somewhat neutral pose, it isn't half bad.

As for a complete redraw... well, we'll see.

Those feet are much improved. You did a good job on them. And I think the face is OK.

Thanks, I like them better too. He doesn't look like a dancer anymore. It's funny, but now that I look at him he looks a bit more like a stereotypical anime character... I don't know if that's bad.

I'm actually working on a practice inking of my Dan Strife picture... I didn't really like the thing, so I'm gonna end up redrawing it at some point: I figured, why let a finished drawing go to waste, might as well practice. Especially since I don't want to fudge up this one or Jyrras Highwind or Abel Valentine.

[Tapewolf]

I have currently decided that Jyrras is geassing Albanion here to be his loyal servant for all of eternity.

I preferred commanding someone to kill themselves.  But then I always did like that one scene in Conan.

The eyes are a little strange in this version, but it does give a pretty good impression of 'psychotically evil', at least for me.

[Jairus]

I have currently decided that Jyrras is geassing Albanion here to be his loyal servant for all of eternity.

I preferred commanding someone to kill themselves.  But then I always did like that one scene in Conan.

The eyes are a little strange in this version, but it does give a pretty good impression of 'psychotically evil', at least for me.

Yeah, but I doubt that Amber would appreciate that. Besides, if Jyrras was Geassing someone to kill themselves, he'd do it to Aniz. Ehehem.

Um, weird how, out of curiosity? But then again, psychotically evil works for me.

...
I hate Clamp. For a simple reason: their outfit designs for Code Geass were meant only for that particular character design. I have hit immense difficulties in adapting Zero's R2 outfit to match Jyrras, so for the time being I am setting aside the JyRo project. Instead, I've decided to ink in three of my drawings as practice. Fortunately (or otherwise) inking in Dan Strife made me realize that the thing was butt ugly, and basically unsalvageable: I am going to redraw him at some point. In the meantime, here are the other two before I get to work on Jyrras Highwind, Abel Valentine, and Jyrras Zero. But the inking for Dan Strife was some valuable practice, and I definitely made the wings look much better.

Um, anyway...

Deathbringer, inked


Pip XIII, inked

Not much to say, except that they were pretty quick inkings of some slightly more simple and I'm going to take it slower on the other three. Any advice (aside from take it slow and steady) would be appreciated, especially last minute fixes. I may post some of my scans of the steps I tried to take in getting Zero/Jyrras' pose right, which was a nightmare in an of itself.

Oh, those three are going to drive me nuts, aren't they? What the heck should I ink in so that they scan right but don't look cluttered?

[Ren Gaulen]

Not bad, Jay. Though the next logical step would be to colour the inked sketches. Maybe you should try the GIMP for colouring?

[Mao]

Indeed.  Bring out the GIMP.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

... The GIMP is asleep...

[Ren Gaulen]

Awaken the GIMP.

[WhiteFox]

To expand on "take it slow,":  Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.

Other then that... only thing I can say is make sure your pencils are damn tidy. And be clinical about the amount of pressure you use.

Really, it looks like all you need is practice.

[Jairus]

To expand on "take it slow,":  Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.

That sounds delightfully zen. Could you explain it a little more, please?

Other then that... only thing I can say is make sure your pencils are damn tidy. And be clinical about the amount of pressure you use.

Pencil lines?

Maybe it's just me... but these look so much better when they're just pencil markings. You've got the rudimentary shading, it doesn't look as clean so the flaws kind of blend together... I don't know.

Really, it looks like all you need is practice.

Thanks.