[Story] Furrae Chronicles - Chapter 46 (25/06/2008)

[Gabi]

I guess it's sometimes hard to distinguish constructive criticism from aggression, and Gareeku's particularly sensitive. It's not your fault, JP.

Everything below this line refers to writing in general and not this particular chapter or story.

Gareeku, you should understand that we like your writings and we'll never disqualify them. Moreover, we like you as a person and we'll never try to attack you. Knowing that, everything has room for improvements, and comments from the readers can sometimes help. You're free to disagree, of course. And you may have reasons for what you write that the readers are unaware of. When it comes to writing, things aren't often absolutely right or wrong. In any case what you shouldn't do is see our comments as an attack. Because they're not.

[Gareeku]

Sorry about lashing out like that. It was uncalled for, and I apologise.

However, it does sting a little bit when people say things like I'm "particularly sensitive", like I'm a tempremental child or something. Things in my life have been, well, trying, to put it one way. I'd rather not go into it as this is neither the time or place for such a thing. I do agree that I should not have taken it out on others here, and I apologise. But, and please JP, don't take this as an insult or anything, sometimes some things you say can be a little, well, tactless.

I do admit that this chapter was a little uneventful, yes, but I don't really have the energy to write an epic battle between our characters and a group of ragtag thugs. The idea just doesn't seem like it could be epic in my mind, and any efforts to try and make it something more may look a little silly.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback guys, I do appreciate it, even if it does seem like I'm in a mood. I'll try and write something better in the next chapter, I guess.

[Gabi]

Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I did enjoy reading this chapter.

I hope things pick up for you soon.

[techmaster-glitch]

YAY! The original FC is back! *is happy*

[James StarRunner]

Aww... looks like I missed out on the fun.

Great to see you writing again though.

[Gareeku]

Chapters 40 and 41 are now up (to read chapter 40, click on the appriopriate link to the DA page where it's located).

Also, there is a point in chapter 41 where the music/sound effects on the mp3 that you can get by clicking on this link is quite appriopriate in a way (when the link loads, find the "Click here" link, right-click it, and choose "save target as"). See if you can guess when it is.

[Aisha deCabre]

Yay, Aisha's well again! 

Another couple of awesome chapters, Gar, pretty exciting.  As usual I look forward to reading more. ^^

[techmaster-glitch]

Oh, great. I can't read chapter 40. The 'mature content filter' was on. I hate those things

[Paladin Sheppard]

Awesome chapters Gar!!!

[Tapewolf]

Oh, great. I can't read chapter 40. The 'mature content filter' was on. I hate those things

If Gareeku doesn't mind, I can copy-paste it here.  Strange, I don't remember anything particularly obscene in it...

Gareeku, I think you did a good job on that one.  After the spat we had over chapter 39, I was kind of embarrassed to see you used some of my suggestions for the dam-fixing bit  .  You're quite right, by the way, tactlessness is an ongoing problem for me.  But I digress.

Anyway.  There are times when you can have an ending that is too abrupt, e.g. "The Inverted World" by Christopher Priest (which IMHO just stops) and there are times when the ending is too long, e.g the film version of "Return of the King".  With chapter 40, I think you've hit the sweet spot for ending that arc.

I see echoes of "Fellowship of the Ring" in chapter 41, not that it's a bad thing, of course.
My only criticism is that Jakob can only glide downwards, not fly upwards.  At least, not with his wings... still, I guess we can assume he used a spell or somesuch.  This is Furrae, after all  

And to echo Aisha, I too am eager to see what lurks in the mines...

[techmaster-glitch]

Oh, great. I can't read chapter 40. The 'mature content filter' was on. I hate those things

If Gareeku doesn't mind, I can copy-paste it here.  Strange, I don't remember anything particularly obscene in it...

Mature Content Filter is On (Contains: Violence/Gore and Strong language)

It's rating chapters 37-40 as one submission. I can't see the rest now, either, but I already read those ones.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I really need to update the copy on llearch.net :-/

[Gareeku]

For those who can't see chapter 40 because the mature content filter, I've now put a copy of it in the first post of this thread above chapter 41.

I see echoes of "Fellowship of the Ring" in chapter 41, not that it's a bad thing, of course.

Yeah it does have those echoes ^^; I've had the underground section through the mountains planned for a while, ever since you suggested the beef chew scenario to me. The way in which they actually decided to go through the mines, and well as the fact that the underground section takes place in mines itself, are the LotR-inspired sections.

My only criticism is that Jakob can only glide downwards, not fly upwards.  At least, not with his wings... still, I guess we can assume he used a spell or somesuch.  This is Furrae, after all  

Yeah, I should have asked you about that really. Well I can always change the name to whoever. Either that or I can use the explanation you've offered.

EDIT: fixed the mp3 link. I hope.

[Tapewolf]

Yeah, I should have asked you about that really. Well I can always change the name to whoever. Either that or I can use the explanation you've offered.

To be honest, Jakob has such a litany of abilities already that I'd rather not add flight as well.  I'll have to check the text again to see how high he's going, but one possibility is that he makes himself able to jump further than normal, e.g. by shapeshifting his legs slightly.  I'm thinking of the jump enhancement in Deus Ex which worked by increasing the performance of the leg muscles.

Or, as you say, you could simply change the character 

[Gareeku]

I took the simpler option and just changed the name to Nero where appropriate.

[Tapewolf]

I took the simpler option and just changed the name to Nero where appropriate.

Yeah, that'll work.  Thanks.

[Alondro]

*Charline peeks in*  When do I get to start mass-slaughtering things?   

[Gareeku]

X3 patience, you'll reappear again

[Nikki]

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! More of mah fave story i love reading cuz it's cool!!!

*reads*

[Nikki]

I Came.
I Read.
I Conquered.

not really cuz Xze's not in anymore ;3; but it's still a good story and i love it and will continue to love it <3

[Gabi]

Well... I hope it's not a Balrog. Never say you're not going somewhere...

I liked these last 2 chapters, especially the descriptions.

[Gareeku]

Glad you liked the chapters Xze. Sorry about your character not being in it anymore, but the group was getting to be very large, and I hadn't seen you in a very long time. Same goes for the other peeps whose characters left the group. You never know, however, they may return...

And I'm glad you enjoyed the chapters, Gabi (and haha, very funny I knew someone was going to say that sooner or later...). I tried really really hard with 40 and especially 41. I just hope it's paying off.

[Gareeku]

And chapter 42 is now up.

Like last chapter, a suitable piece of music can be found here by clicking this link (Again, like before, when the link loads, find the "Click here" link, right-click it, and choose "save target as"). Try listening to it near the end. If anyone actually chooses to, that is.

[Paladin Sheppard]

Another good chapter Gareeku.

[Nikki]

It's perfectly understandable, Gar ^.^ Yeah, the group IS large but if ya ever need a BIG Villan..There's Ozzie >D With her...cuteness..of D00m...what am i saying she's to cute to be evil DX

anyways, i REALLY like this chapeter...the whole thing in general ^0^

d'ya mind if i print it all out so's i can read the whole thing over again during my study Hall?

[Gareeku]

I'm always a bit unsure about people printing it out, but I can't stop you.

[Tapewolf]

Good work.  One point to note about the door is that 'Cubi can perform acts of telekinesis.  For example, even as a kid Dan was able to levitate rocks, so logically a properly-trained 'Cubi could slide a bolt across from the other side of the door.  Of course, this would likely mean that most locks are enchanted to protect against that...

As for the bodies, I'm surprised Alondro hasn't yet blamed Charline   I guess we'll have to see who or what is responsible for that.

[Alondro]

*Charline whistles innocently*  Who me?   

[Gabi]

Ok, this is getting interesting... Sorry for the late reply, I've been busy. In any case, I liked this chapter.

Just one little detail: where it says "the group was something that would help to prevent them from getting lost in this subterranean labyrinth", shouldn't that be "the group had something"?

[Gareeku]

Yes it is, Gabi. I'll correct that.

And yes, I know cubi can perform acts of telekinesis. We'll just say that there was some enchantment to protect it from telekinesis. Christ, is there anything that cubi don't have? It's' starting to getting frustrating when thinking of an obstacle that even cubi can't overcome without delving into their bag of tricks... -_-;