Corrupt a Wish, Part Trois

[lucas marcone]

granted. you don't exist. take it how you want it.





i wish i had an army of squrrils

[DarkAudit]

Granted. They think you're a bad nut and toss you down the garbage chute.

I wish my DirecTV DVR could be installed today instead of Saturday.

[GabrielsThoughts]

granted, throught the magic of timetravel your wish is granted...unfortunately the one who installed your Direct TV DVR is a pervert and traveled back in time to make sure you were an big breasted woman with loose morals... have fun.


I wish for a pineapple, and no faces this time.

[lucas marcone]

ok this one has a butt




i wish for humanity to wisen up

[Zedd]

Granted, Now we have many ways to piss people off more with our sarcasim and many witty things among the list.

I wish all fruits had butts

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, but now old people won't touch them, and children won't stop giggling at them, and... well... you don't wanna know what those guys in the trenchcoats are planning.

I wish writing on paper didn't make my hand hurt so much.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. Someone wanders past and suggests you use a pencil or a pen, rather than your hand, to write with.

Of course, being who you are, you won't stop, but you can't say we didn't try to help...



I wish people were more attentive to minor details sometimes.

[DarkAudit]

Granted. Now every little task takes four hours longer than normal.

I wish my elbow didn't hurt so much.

[Zedd]

Granted,Its broken in two places and now your in worse pain.
I wish for pyrmid of fresh hot and not explodsive or deadly hamburgers

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, they're completely raw, but it's fresh meat. and totally drowned in habanero sauce making them nice and hot.  But that's the way you like 'em, right?

I wish everything could be accomplished with the push of a single button.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted.

Figuring out -which- button, or who needs to push it, or how to push it, is all left as an exercise for the reader.
In heiroglyphics.
In code.
And run through PGP for good luck.


I wish I had more motivation to work.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, you're pretty well motivated now... but you're still not getting enough sleep at night, so you ain't got the drive.

I wish I could be more creative.

[GabrielsThoughts]

Granted, you are creative at finding ways of accomplishing nothing, now go out there and put those skills to good use.


I wish for an apple pie

[Zedd]

Granted but Bill used his winkie on it to re-enact American Pie with the group

I wish to meet the famous Doctor Who actor Tom Baker

[Angel]

Granted. He comes out of his house to greet you after you are caught stalking him. You carry on a nice two-minute chat about his work as the Fourth Doctor before you are thrown in prison for a few comfy nights.

I wish I could do my homework faster.

[Madd the Sane]

Granted, but you forget to turn it in 

I wish that I had known Benjamin Franklin without the use of time travel.

[GabrielsThoughts]

granted, the average lifespan of a human is now 25,000 years and while humans reach physical maturity 50 years of age, and are able to reproduce like bunny rabbits, the world population has now  reached 106 billion people.  this caused a massive famine resulting in fewer humans being born... including Elvis, and the inventors of the telephone, elevator, and ironically Dick Cheney.  Oddly enough the Africans of Samolia are now the fattest people in the world...and Jonathan Swift's "modest proposal " is taken literally.


I wish that America  had colonies on the moon, mars, phobos, and demos.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted... but the events depicted in the Doom series actually happen because of that.

I wish I could remember everything I ever read and heard with perfect clarity for the rest of my life.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. You just can't remember anything you've seen on tv, or said, or anything else, -unless- you've read it. You can't even remember how to talk... Or use any of that information you -do- have.


I wish I had more time to spend with my wife.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted.  You're fired.  But hey, on the plus side, you can spend more time with your wife.

I wish I was in better physical shape.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. You're now a perfect triangle.


I wish I had a better corruption for that.

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, but now you can't use it because it's not your turn anymore.

I wish I could be quicker with my witty responses and faster with my physical reflexes.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. You're just slower at thinking.

Much slower.

So slow, in fact, that you keep getting into trouble because you don't understand your witty responses, often for hours at a time...


I wish I hadn't wandered down here to catch up on the posts.

[Caswin]

I wish I hadn't wandered down here to catch up on the posts.

Granted.  I'll resist the temptation to play the "you didn't come here > no post > time paradox" card... but for want of information to base it on, your post is totally irrelevant, as this topic has become devoted solely to the praise of tasteful emoting, and you had no idea.

I wish I could edit my story in spite of the fact that it's more than a month old. (I JUST noticed that scene with Boko sounds like a "they wake up together" scenario. O_o)

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted, but BillBuckner locks it again, because he's just that helpful.


I wish I didn't have to eat.

[Zedd]

Granted, Now your Anorexicphiliac

I wish I could find that jelly baby factory here in the states without traveling so far where i live

[Ryudo Lee]

Granted, Google Maps is your friend, but that's as close as you'll ever get.

I wish all immigrants to the US would make a real and honest effort to learn the english language.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted.

Sadly all the locals don't. As can be figured out from any random view of any AOL chatroom.


I wish I could play the guitar like John Butler.

[GabrielsThoughts]

granted, unfortunately the twelve year old John butler from South America has no desire to pick up the guitar any time soon



I wish for computer mediated, interpersonal, and intrapersonal communication skills with perfect memory and retention for everything I see and hear, and that my ability to live, see, communicate, and hear can never be taken away, and my body remains free from harm or injury for the rest of my life.

[DarkAudit]

Granted. But you've just been "volunteered" for a trip to the edge of the universe. One-way. Via the least-populated route. In the slowest craft they have. With no suspended animation equipment. Or communication equipment.

I wish for a cookie.