the list of movies that make better coasters

[GabrielsThoughts]

thats right, I am starting a list of bad movies this list will contain only the worst movies ever created and the movies in this list will be mocked by all.

For starters my current number on worst film of all time is...


1. The Wickerman- 2006: special edition dvd with the (pathetic )"shocking" alternate ending.

Reason: with an aditional half hour of more unrealistic acting. watch Nicholas cage make an ass out of himself! Watch Nicholas cage digging up a grave in a graveyard within  unrealistic colonial (celtic?) ruins. Watch Nicholas Cage running toward  a crypt with his ghost rider like powers immidately after prying the lid off of a nailed coffin with his bare hands. watch Nicholas cage, without skipping a breath, climbing down a fortified immitation colonial starcase (which alone should have winded  him) ,and stare in amazement as he mystically fights off the effects of hypothermia, allergies and more.

2.Cat in the Hat

Reason: number two on my list of the dammed is "The Cat in the Hat" staring Michael Myers. this one should be self explainitory, and to quote Mortitia Adams in "family values" as she skimmed over the book of the film's namesake "Oh god. He lives"

3.D.E.B.S.

Reason: the hollywood makover of this once independent classic just Sucked, it sucked out loud. with a cast of actors who all act and behave like twelve year olds, and nitwits the only charm it has is as rip off of a beter independent film of the same name. this movie is so tasteless it makes "Agent Cody Banks" look like James Bond in comparison.

4. Duplicate

Reason: thankfully as a low budget independent film only a handfull of Americans on the west coast have actually seen this film.  The movie is truely horrible and has no more than five actors which include the director the producer and his sister and their girlfriends. This would be number one on the list if it were less obscure.

5. A.I. :Artificial Intelegence

Reason: while the rest of America was being brainwashed into believing this was a masterpeice. The few of us who actually saw the film were ashamed that this peice of trash was getting rave reviews by critics who used the same trick with "The Passion of the Christ" simply as a tool to get butts in the theater seats.


This is my list of bad movies feel free to add to it, so that others will be spared the torture of seing these films, or recieving them as gifts.

[superluser]

*steals idea*

Actually, I already had this idea rolling around in my head, but it took this to get it out.

[GabrielsThoughts]

if you'll notice I posted mine first butt head.

[xHaZxMaTx]

That's why he said "*steals idea*" and "...it took this to get it out."  'This' being the thread.

[ilpalazzo]

*Cough* yeah, I vote both the Spider-man movies...... they were trash. Also the Batman movie that had George Clooney and bat nipples O.o

[Zedd]

Dont forget the batmooning

[Tapewolf]

I couldn't think of any films which were actually crap until I remembered some of the abysmal book->film conversions.
Here are some that spring to mind:

• Logan's Run - a very silly conversion of a fairly decent book
• Soylent Green ("Make Room, Make Room" by Harry Harrison) - I think this is the source of the "soylent green is people" bull.  It is actually a mix of soya and lentils, hence the name.  If you want an actual future society based on cannibalism, check out "Half Past Human" by T J Bass.
• The Two Towers - pretty, but badly damaged during transit.

...of course there are a number of films which I hate, but that's because I dislike the subject matter, not because they're bad in any technical sense.

[LionHeart]

How about some of those ones that were based on old video games?

Like Mario Bros., and the Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat (whichever it was - the one with Kylie Minogue in it) one.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I'm tempted to chip in "Rat Pfink A Boo-Boo", but that's so amazingly abysmal it's funny, sortof like the classic "Z-grade" movies.

Just as an example, it was supposed to be named "Rat Pfink and Boo-Boo", but a clerk mistyped it, and they didn't have the $25 to re-register the name...


For all that, I found it hysterical to watch... in a totally "hey, that terrier is running faster than our superheroes can drive their motorbike" way...

[bill]

"UltraViolet" is still the only movie I've walked out of.

[Aridas]

Just as an example, it was supposed to be named "Rat Pfink and Boo-Boo", but a clerk mistyped it, and they didn't have the $25 to re-register the name...

I hear that's not the real story... though the story you told should be $50 too, right? I only just now looked it up.

[Darkmoon]

I liked AI, thank you. Actually bought the movie.

(bans j00)

Cold Creek Manor was a bad movie. Just plain boring. I stopped halfway for some reason, and didn't feel the urge to start it again. This coming from the person that felt bad turning of American Pie: Band Camp, not because it was at all good (it wasn't... at all), but simply I had to know what happened (even though the movie was formulaic and I could guess).

[superluser]

"UltraViolet" is still the only movie I've walked out of.

Movies I've walked out of:

Jason X (not really sure why I walked *into* that one)
A Perfect Murder (or did I just want to walk out of that one)

Not exactly a list of abysmal movies there.  Just mostly bad.

[Sunblink]

For me, it has to be Master of Disguise and Elektra. Absolutely HORRIBLE movies, especially Master of Disguise. I have never seen another movie which I have hated more.

Oh, and Batman and Robin. I haven't seen it, but I've read the Agony Booth version--and that's MORE than enough.

~Keaton the Black Jackal

[Sid]

I actually liked Ultraviolet, even though mostly for the way the action scenes were done. The plot was fairly non-existent.

Bad movies... *ponders* oh yeah! The Rules of Attraction with "that guy from Dawson's Creek" (James Van Der Beek).
Saw it in a Sneak Preview with a few friends, and all of us went "What in the name of fuck?". Tons of people walked out of it, the rest (including our group, because some of us were fascinated by the sheer degree of badness) left at the end of the movie with typical "I wasted 90 minutes of my life" expressions.

[Zedd]

Manos, Hands of Fate! (Seriously...Whats up with that?)

Battlefield Earth (John Travolta...with DREDS!...Oh yeah blinding humanity about Scientology)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (Lucy Liu and Antonio Banderas..Beating the snot out of eatch
other...Just like in their other films!)

Speed 2: Cruise Control (Heh...Its bad enough a bomb is on a boat so big...It breaks through a small city...and things...ANd i dought anyone read the script for it too)

From Justin to Kelly (Umm...I just dont like poor scripited movies with idols I dont care about anymore)

Catwoman (Or I prefer as...CINO...Catwoman In Name Only it should of been....Oh sure the action was niceish...But...No...I am not gonna go there....Sequal...Mostly maybe... >_>;; )

SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (The first one is bad...The sequal is just as stupid or worse...A bullet to the directors brain thinking want see babies superpowers and diapers that are duo purpose)


Whew..Im done...For now...

[TheGreyRonin]

 Starship Troopers: "Hey, we have a lousy idea for a movie! It's so bad no one will watch it! Let's buy the right to some famous guy's novel, use his name and character names for our trash, and we'll make a mint!"

The worst part? Starship Troopers 2.

[Xuzaf D]

My movie shitlist is a little too large to post here...

Just name any horror movie or one of those films where everyone is against the same woman who ends up winning out despite spending most of the movie crying on the floor.
Now add the Matrix, X-men, and Highlander series and a few anime movies and your almost there.

[thegayhare]

Bad movies,  movies I've regretted ever seeing?

oddly there isn't that many because to me there is a viceral pleasure to be had in a bad movie. 

but a few I wish I'd  never seen

psychic wars,  an old and realy bad choppy anime it was crap animation and a terrible story, not even the fights were interesting.

I agree with the sentiment about AI and battle feild earth,  though I did like the book Battlefeild Earth

Tail Strike giant scorpions loose on a plane (trying to cash in on the snakes on a plane thing) 

I've got a few more lemme see if I can remember them

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Oooo!

Do we get to list movies that utterly butchered a book concept?

In that case, I'd list Damnation Alley, about on par with Starship Troopers, but started from a lesser height...

[Zina]

Brokeback Mountain.
Never before have a felt so compelled to walk out of a movie. Or scream at the ending. =/
All the horror movies they've been 'borrowing' from Japan and re-making have sucked pretty hardcore, too. Except for The Ring, which is sitll one of my favorite horror movies.
Ring 2, both of the Grudges, Dark Water and Pulse. Seriously. Most of those sucked in Japan, why try to re-make it?
I'd say all the movies on the Sci-Fi channel, but now I think about it, they are too amazing for me to never see again.

[Kitsune Ascendant]

Hmm... I think the movie that is most deserving of my wrath has to be the watered-down sithspit hackjob known as dune. I'm not talking about the six hour miniseries. no, no, I'm talking about the two-ish hour film. Not only was it poorly done. they changed key plot elements, simplified others, and basically watered down a classic story so that the ignorant masses might have some small chance of enjoying it.
Well, that's what I saw, anyways.

[superluser]

Highlander series

Does that include the original Highlander?  Because that one was actually good.

I think the movie that is most deserving of my wrath has to be the watered-down sithspit hackjob known as dune.

Hmmm.  While it bore little resemblance to the book, it was actually a really trippy film otherwise.

Of course, that trippiness doesn't even compare to the original concept for the film.  HR Giger was going to design the Harkonnens, Pink Floyd was going to do the music, Salvador Dali was going to play the emperor, and Mobius was involved somehow, too.

In addition, had this version been done, David Lynch would have probably done Return of the Jedi.  Imagine the David Lynch version of Jedi...

ADMIRAL ACKBAR

OK, men.  We'll be preparing our attack from Endor's Forest Moon.

LUKE (V.O.)

...Endor's forest moon...

Plus the Ewoks in tight leather suits...

[Toric]

Pinata: Survivor Island. It has a few points that are so bad they boomerang back into being hilarious, but they're few and far between.

My Boss's Daughter. Ever since this film I've taken care to avoid all movies ever made by Mr. "Punk'd." Nearly every single problem that arises in the movie is resolved within the last 15 minutes of the film, and some fo the situations are just too stupid to believe. Now, I'm sure the owl on drugs looked good on paper, but.... no. Just no.

[Alan Garou]

Book totally butchered: Blood and Chocolate. They turned it into a lame grown-up love triangle! In London, no less! I read the book, and it was great the way it was. Now it's a near clone of the director's only good movie. For shame. 

[Xuzaf D]

Highlander series

Does that include the original Highlander?  Because that one was actually good.

Edit: The hell? it posted only a qoute... wait a minute...

Edit again:

Yeah, I've been through this before. Basically, the action isn't that great, and the story is just some bullcrap they made up for the sake of putting swordsmen in New York. Go on and name the great and enlightening things about this movie, I dare you.

[LionHeart]

Highlander series

Does that include the original Highlander?  Because that one was actually good.

I agree. The original movie was pretty decent.

Then they made the sequel, which was apparently written by a committee, who had apparently been told about the movie, rather than actually seeing any of it.

Plus there must have been some studio execs putting their oar in:

Execs: "Hey, put some aliens in. Aliens are popular. Oh, and Sean Connery was in the first one? Put him in, too."

Writers: "Uh, his character died in the first one."

Execs: "Put him in anyway."

[Zorro]

ZARDOZ.

NOTHING stinks as much as that drug fueled turd.

[superluser]

Yeah, I've been through this before. Basically, the action isn't that great, and the story is just some bullcrap they made up for the sake of putting swordsmen in New York. Go on and name the great and enlightening things about this movie, I dare you.

Well, not every movie has to be M.  It was a fun film, and yes, a large part of it had to do with getting swordsmen in New York. 

I also thought that the police procedural concept was pretty interesting.  What do you do when you have a (reasonably peaceful) guy who can't die whose defining characteristics show up hundreds of years in the past?

[Valynth]

Yeah, I've been through this before. Basically, the action isn't that great, and the story is just some bullcrap they made up for the sake of putting swordsmen in New York.

Okay, remove a person's head with a pistol while it's constantly regenerating and then you can whine.  Until then, blades are the way to go.

There are other methods of relieving the body of it's head and, infact, there was an episode in the T.V. show, in which a train did the job I believe.

When they introduced Aliens...Yeah, then it sucked mightily.