Started by Tapewolf, August 26, 2009, 03:43:20 AM
Quote from: Cogidubnus on July 22, 2010, 02:47:10 PMThe way you portray creatures is growing on me. When they put Jakob in the cell, my first reaction was to ask "Why hasn't he used his godlike creature powers to escape yet?", but it made me think back to all the other times I've seen you use creatures, and I suspect that it's done on purpose, for two reasons. The firstly being that I think it makes for a better story.
QuoteThe second being that you seem to cast creatures in generally two lights - and Jakob has been both of them, really. The type of creature that overpowers society, and the kind that doesn't. I'm not nearly expressing myself well enough here, but what I'm trying to say is that reading a story which is not simply "CREATURE SMASH" is refreshing. Neither do I think you write in such a way, I merely am trying to express the fact that I liked the way you went about things here.
QuoteJakob did seem a bit...emotional, here, though? I'm not sure if that's on purpose or not. I suspect it may be plot related, as he usually strikes me as a bit more collected. But I could be being completely daft.
QuoteThe Archbishop's mind was shielded... nothing too unusual about that, though - there was no reason he had to be a Being, after all. And another Creature would certainly help against Jakob's nameless foe...
Quote from: Corgatha Taldorthar on July 22, 2010, 05:05:43 PMIs this a setting where religious figures have actual powers granted from their deities? I'm wondering if that Archbishop has actual power to back up his office, irrespective of whether he's a creature or not.
QuoteAlso, is Jakob's observation that QuoteThe Archbishop's mind was shielded... nothing too unusual about that, though - there was no reason he had to be a Being, after all. And another Creature would certainly help against Jakob's nameless foe...a world builder's assumption, a.k.a all people powerful enough to have mind shields are Creatures, or is it one that Jakob, a more fallible character is making?
QuoteOne last thing that interests me, is the "presence" of the narrator. You get a lot of information, especially in the first section, that's simply given to the reader by whomever is telling the story, and not say, through character observation or interaction. Any particular reason you chose to do it like this? In a related note, is any particular figure narrating this story, or is it just an omniscient disinterested third party?
Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on July 23, 2010, 12:33:25 PMI did wonder.
Quote from: Inumo on July 23, 2010, 12:24:43 PMWoo, twist endings!!! Made me giggle reading it.
Quote from: Gabi on July 23, 2010, 01:46:18 PM<typo checker>"glanced at him for a it" should be "glanced at him for a bit".</typo checker>
QuoteI liked the way the story was written. The suspense and the funy comments... even the ending, though Daryil enjoys causing fear too much. I liked the way the organ worked too.
Quote from: danman on September 20, 2010, 07:28:30 PMHmm, one question.Was Lady Ti'Nera a Tri-wing?
Quote from: Gabi on September 20, 2010, 09:25:28 PMWho wrote the 2nd edition?
QuoteBut why does the vegetable pie contain meat?
QuoteAnd how can Daryil not remember the clan he was born into?
QuoteSmall typo: on page 7, it says "are own lives" instead of "our own lives".
Quote from: Gabi on September 21, 2010, 12:28:38 PMBy the way, I like how Jakob got both a dedication and a Wall of Shame entry.
Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on September 21, 2010, 03:23:21 PMCassandra amuses me as well.I note that the directive is not to deliberately feed off another member; well, okay, the directive is not to feed, the explanation adds "intentionally"; given she wasn't intentionally feeding, she's kinda on the grey line between yes and no...
Quote from: Gabi on September 21, 2010, 04:10:29 PMCome to think of it, are there any rules about scaring Beings with health issues that could be worsened by their fear (like heart diseases, etc.)?
Quote from: Corgatha Taldorthar on September 28, 2010, 06:46:34 PMInteresting use of passive voices. And I did like the decisive (semi-decisive, if Keaton's soul can be brought back) ending. You know, I might just try one for SI with Ked. *wanders off, musing*
Quote from: Tapewolf on September 28, 2010, 07:26:05 PMThanks. Passive voice and narration styles aren't something I really have a firm grasp on, it just... happens rather than being planned. I haven't really been trained in its use, so suggestions and corrections are more than welcome there.