[comic] Manifest Destiny - WARNING - RATED MA

[JaxiD]

I have had an idea for a fan fiction comic for a while now, and this is it.

The comic is however rated MA, and not just because the first comic has a fair amount of blood in it, the comic gets a lot darker from what I've wrote for it so far.

It's called Manifest Destiny.

Comic 1

I'm hoping you like.

[Tapewolf]

Definitely a dark beginning.  I'll definitely keep tabs on this, though.  What update frequency are you looking at, and out of interest, what made you pick the name 'Keaton'?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Nice art.

I'd suggest coming up with an actual archive before you go too much further, though. It might be a bit early to say if it's any good - it certainly shows promise, but you'll have to keep up with it.

[JaxiD]

I'd suggest coming up with an actual archive before you go too much further, though.

Well I do like archives. This is the thing however, I don't really want to go ahead and make 100 comics and put them up only to find out that not many of the actual fans of DMFA like it, because I'm making it to entertain the readers of DMFA. Which is why I want to display each one here in turn so I can get enough feedback to make sure it turns out well in the future. This comic took me about 2 days to draw in any case so I'm pretty capable of building up a large collection in speed.

out of interest, what made you pick the name 'Keaton'?

I always thought it was a good name, I found out recently that a member of this board has the same name but I don't want to change it seeing as it is in the script already and I have got use to calling that character Keaton.

[Tapewolf]

Well I do like archives. This is the thing however, I don't really want to go ahead and make 100 comics and put them up only to find out that not many of the actual fans of DMFA like it, because I'm making it to entertain the readers of DMFA.

Hmm.  One of the things I've heard said is that things like this you have do to because you enjoy them, not strictly because other people enjoy them.  Though I admit, it is nice when other people enjoy it too.

Couple of other questions:
1. Was the guy who was murdered part-Demon or just a bovine Being?
2. When is it set, relative to present-day DMFA (guns being scarce in the present)?

[Dannysaysnoo]

"Not with a bang, but a gunshot"? Aren't they kinda the same?

[JaxiD]

"Not with a bang, but a gunshot"? Aren't they kinda the same?

Oh, sorry this is Turkish through into my writing. The Turkish Onomatopoeia for gun shot is Bam, not Bang.

The Onomatopoeia Kish actually describes the sound of crushing bone, so, yes, revolting.

In any case it's a play on words of The Hollow Men and the quote: This is the way the world ends, This is the way the world ends, This is the way the world ends, Not with a bang but a whimper.

Hmm.  One of the things I've heard said is that things like this you have do to because you enjoy them, not strictly because other people enjoy them.  Though I admit, it is nice when other people enjoy it too.

Couple of other questions:
1. Was the guy who was murdered part-Demon or just a bovine Being?
2. When is it set, relative to present-day DMFA (guns being scarce in the present)?

I would not draw this if I did not enjoy it.

Also! Question one. You'll have to find out.
Question two. It's set in the future, how far in the future is left to speculation.

[WhiteFox]

The only thing that sticks out to me, that hasn't been commented on so far, is the title of the comic. "Manifest Destiny" seems kind of... generic.

The art looks pretty clean, tho. Kudos.

[Lysander]

Success so far, I'd type. I like your art style, and I'm interested in reading more. Also, you're the 2nd person I've known to have read (or at least mention) that interesting poem that I like for some undefined reason.   

[Sofox]

I take it you're a Jack fan?
That head gunshot looks a lot like how Hopkins would draw it, in my mind at least.

[JaxiD]

I take it you're a Jack fan?
That head gunshot looks a lot like how Hopkins would draw it, in my mind at least.

What is strange is that I only heard of Jack a day ago from Brian and by then I'd already finished all the sketches. I hate the method of drawing a dark shadow of the person being shot with a line through it, so I decided to show what it would look like in full. To my knowledge that is what it would appear to look like.

Success so far, I'd type. I like your art style, and I'm interested in reading more. Also, you're the 2nd person I've known to have read (or at least mention) that interesting poem that I like for some undefined reason.   

I've read a lot of poems, Paradise Lost I have a hard back copy of. Though as you can imagine it takes me a while to read through any.

The only thing that sticks out to me, that hasn't been commented on so far, is the title of the comic. "Manifest Destiny" seems kind of... generic.

The art looks pretty clean, tho. Kudos.

Manifest Destiny is a working title, I had to call it something and Manifest Destiny does tie in with the plot of the comic as a whole.

I may probably change it once I create enough to think long and hard about the name.

[WhiteFox]

So far, it seems like you're waiting to find out if other people like your comic before you commit to it.

The comic will be good as long as you're excited about the project and take pride in the work you put into it. If the comic is good, people will like it.

I'm not big on Jack. The style is stagnant, and the visuals lack definition: half the time I can't tell what I'm looking at.

My favorite poem is Invictus.

[JaxiD]

Does anyone here want any cameo's as random background characters?

If the comic doesn't pick up you can at least get some free pictures out of it.

[Jairus]

Does anyone here want any cameo's as random background characters?

If the comic doesn't pick up you can at least get some free pictures out of it.

*shrugs* You've got my permission to use Jay if you want to. If you need references, just ask me... though most of those references are for a character in Ren Gaulen's story, so there are some differences at work. I can make those clearer if you want.

And as an introduction to the story, this is a good way to draw us in. I look forward to mow, Jax. Is it okay if I use Jax?

[Mao]

I don't mind if you use my character, Mao, as long as you run the details of it by me first.  Don't want stuff that's out of his character too much used.

With regards to the comic:  I like the art, and love that you've used colored lines (so much nicer than black lined in most cases.. but so much more work imho).  I can't comment on the story/dialogue quality because well...there's only the one page.  I have to agree the working title is a bit lame, but if it fits the story then so be it.  If it really fits then it can be passed off easily enough.  Not knowing the story makes it hard to really comment on that, of course.  Another option to consider is not having the name really have anything to do with the comic. (see Tikiman's 'Just Another Web Comic' ...if you're 18+..for an example)

[Faerie Alex]

To me, "Manifest Destiny" makes me think of the old west, or westward expansion, like that. I could see it fitting (in the context of that this is what's destined to happen, or something), and I'm interested to see where this goes.

And I wouldn't mind if you used Alex, Miranda, or Faerie, if you want.

[Tapewolf]

I don't have a problem if you want to borrow any of my characters - as long as they aren't used for target practice 

[JaxiD]

A pro tip for anyone confused over the name Manifest Destiny, Google it.

And now I'm going to have to decide someone to use in a crowd scene. XD

[Jairus]

I don't have a problem if you want to borrow any of my characters - as long as they aren't used for target practice 

But wouldn't Joshua just be perfect for target practice?

[Zedd]

Nice opening kid,I hope to see more soon

[Arroyo Milori]

The artwork in the comic is pretty good and how the comic was set up was pretty good as well. Though the way the beginning started could be a bit better in my opinion.

And yes, your free to use any of my characters as a cameo, as long as you tell me which one you used. : 3

[Dekari]

Hate to sound like the broken record, but I do have to agree with everyone and say that the artwork is really well done.

Though, IMO, I would have left something like this till maybe a second or third page.  I usually go the way of giving some kind of story build up before doing something like this.  Although I have seen other comics start in a similar way (start with something dramatic with little or no explanation), it's not always a good way to start if you don't follow up properly.

So, with that said, I can't really give a full opinion until about 5 to 10 comics in.  But I will say, good luck until then, and don't forget to have fun while you are at it.

[GabrielsThoughts]

while I prefer black lines to color lines, I can see you did an exceptional job with the coloring. A simple textured overlay could improve the pages overall appearance and highlight or draw ones eye across the image like a razor (that's BS for "it would sharpen and enhance the image dramatically.") The plot of a one sided gun battle has probably been around since the gun was invented, so originality of writing could not be judged, since you were obviously inspired from without instead of within... your art doesn't express anger or malice, I don't feel sorry for the victim or even care... that actually takes some planning on your part, and to do it at all takes more than the unexpected. It's not necessarily bad, it just lacks empathy...

His glasses disappearing is just bugging me,  Inattentive blindness usually covers over mistakes like that. but in this instance,   It usually only works when it's different page being presented after another. He's only got one arm as far as I can tell, so unless it spontaneously re-generated I want to know how he took the glasses off. Flipping the second panel could fix that , but you'd have to re color the eye and highlights.

[WhiteFox]

your art doesn't express anger or malice, I don't feel sorry for the victim or even care... that actually takes some planning on your part, and to do it at all takes more than the unexpected. It's not necessarily bad, it just lacks empathy...

I dunno. I mean, for the most part it seemed like the unnamed victim was familiar with Keaton. There's some real empathy there for ya. And if Keaton seems kind of callous, well, judging from that smirk at the end there, I get the impression he is. I think there's a lot of expression there.

His glasses disappearing is just bugging me,  Inattentive blindness usually covers over mistakes like that. but in this instance,   It usually only works when it's different page being presented after another. He's only got one arm as far as I can tell, so unless it spontaneously re-generated I want to know how he took the glasses off. Flipping the second panel could fix that , but you'd have to re color the eye and highlights.

Perhaps he took off the glasses, gee I dunno, with the arm he does have?  There's no reason the right hand can't hold the glasses from the left side, or travel to the left while taking them off. Besides, they look like pince-nez, which would allow for even more range of movement.

As for the art, everyone else seems to like it, but it doesn't really seem all that impressive to me. It's kind of hard to judge with only one page to go on, though.

I'd have to see more to tell whether or not I liked the comic.

[JaxiD]

Well he took off his glasses in the second pannel although I never showed it very clear.

Perhaps now I should draw this comic again in a different style and see what people think this time around.

[techmaster-glitch]

Perhaps now I should draw this comic again in a different style and see what people think this time around.

Nah, do the next comic in a different style. Then choose what you think is best.
Good artist styles evolve over time, no one ever get's it right the first time. But, you don't keep restarting, you just keep going.
If you every want to try out new ways of doing things, always test it in your next comic. That is, in fact, how their styles evolve; they try new things while still going with the comic. Most of the artists I've seen around here do that, at least.

[GabrielsThoughts]

okay, just hear me out. You have one arm, you want to take off your glasses. with one arm you wouldn't reach your arm around your head and pull the glasses off from the from the other side. Nor would you reach over your head pull them off.

    one arm--> o.o <--stump of arm. The glasses were removed from the side with a stump of arm.

This causes confusion because the  good arm must reach around like a \/ with a twist of the wrist to pluck off glasses that way, it's awkward movement and uses more muscle, effort, and stamina.


If he was pulling off the glasses to throw them like a shuirikan maybe, but just plucking them off like that to put them in his good arm pocket, or throw them to the ground, would be a silly.

I'm providing feedback the artist needs to improve body movement and character perspective. It's a suggestion to help improve the quality of his work not to detract from what he did.   If you want me  to draw the image by hand  to explain I can.

[WhiteFox]

okay, just hear me out.

I know what you're saying.

I just don't agree with you.

(Five minute sketches. These aren't meant to be sequential.)

By the way, pince-nez glasses don't have arms that hook around the nose. They pinch the bridge of the nose to stay on. Pince nez glasses would be considerably easier to pluck off then regular glasses. If he's using pince nez, he's probably holding the glasses by the spar across the bridge of the nose as he takes them off anyway. (See: The Matrix, when Morpheus meets up with Neo as he comes out of the Oracle's apartment)

[EDIT] You know, this is a really silly point to nitpick over.

Perhaps now I should draw this comic again in a different style and see what people think this time around.

Nah, do the next comic in a different style. Then choose what you think is best.

Quoted for truth, on both points.

[JaxiD]

oh! Keaton doesn't only have one arm, he has two. In the first pannel he was standing with his left arm behind his back.

I have got to work on showing each action clearly rather than focus on trying to finish things as quickly as possible.

Okay next comic I'll keep the same style but make improvements to it and spend more time working on each action rather than just try to get it done as quickly as possible.

[Turnsky]

oh! Keaton doesn't only have one arm, he has two. In the first pannel he was standing with his left arm behind his back.

I have got to work on showing each action clearly rather than focus on trying to finish things as quickly as possible.

Okay next comic I'll keep the same style but make improvements to it and spend more time working on each action rather than just try to get it done as quickly as possible.

i think the boy just nullified your arguement, Gabe. "inattentive blindness" does go both ways, of both the artist and the viewer, where everything is not what it seems, being an artist yourself, you should know this.  

and Jaxi, don't pay too much attention to those two, K? i like your style, it's smooth, clean, and stands out without stabbing you in the eyeballs. You clearly do have a lot of coloring skill behind you, and it suits the comic well.

Keep up the good work.