[Movie Review] Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen *SPOILERS*

[King Of Hearts]

I enjoyed it better than the first movie. There's still a lot of focus on the people but the TFs get more screen time and personality. Well at least the new ones, for the old Autobots Ironhide ad ratchet only got a few lines, but at least Megatron does more than snarl a lot.  I thought I would really hate the twins and wheelie but they are actually pretty enjoyable characters that liven up the human parts of the story as Bumblebee is still quite mute.

Maybe its just me... but the characters seem to curse a lot now it was weird to hear Wheelie say S.O.B. And some of the humor is quite crass, dogs humping, wheelie leg humping Megan fox, Devastator's balls freely dangling... that sort of thing

Pace is pretty good, we only see Spike trying to live a normal life for just the first part, but I felt it became a bit stale by the length of the final battle between the start and Prime's revival... just by a little though.

I give it a 4.5 out of 5

*SUMMARY*

-There is now a Human-TF strikeforce called NEST hunting down Decepticons... I LOVED the scene where Prime was Paradropped from a C130 in the middle of Shanghai. There is a subplot that the US government was reconsidering the alliance with the Autobots as they believe that  since the Allspark is gone, their presence is was attracting the Decepticons in the first place.
-Spike apparently got embedded with the knowledge of the Allspark from the first movie, is now going to college.
-Decepticons drop down to revive megatron, taking down a submarine in their wake.
-The Fallen is revealed to be Megatron's master and one of the original 7 primes, he's in one of Saturn's moons in the Decepticon HQ along with a ton of inert Decepticons. Starscream is lording it up apparently while Megs was gone.
-Its revealed that the original 7 Primes harvested suns to power Cybertron but did not use suns which support life.
-The fallen wanted to use Sol but the rest of the primes stopped him and locked the machine that he was going to use to harvest Sol... the key is the Matrix which they hid in Egypt.
-Back in the present Spike starts uncontrollably blabbing about the knowledge he got from the Allspark. This attracts the attention of Soundwave [who is now a communications satellite] and the other Decepticons who even has a freakin' PRETENDER in human guise.
-Optimus Prime is killed in a three against one match to protect Spike.
-With Prime down, the Fallen comes to earth and demand Spike's surrender so he can fire up his Star Harvesting machine.
-Now a fugitive, Spike tries to decipher the information in his head along with that Section 7 guy from the first movie and finds Jetfire in the Smithsonian [the only TF old enough to read the info in spike's head] who then brings them to Egypt to find the Matrix
-Big Battle in Egypt. Devastator reveals himself and was awe inspiring at first but then the twins actually gave them a hard time.
-Humans are pretty tough against TFs, even Megs was getting his ass kicked by tanks. devastator gets taken down by a Destroyer mounted Beam cannon [railgun?]
-Spike is mortally wounded but the spirits of the original primes deemed that he had earned the matrix and sent him back to the world of the living.
-NEST brings Prime's body to Egypt and gets revived by Spike.
-The Fallen then teleports in and steals the matrix to unlock his machine.
-Jetfire is mortally wounded by Scorponoch [Incidentally, the final battlefield looks similar to same desert village in part 1 where Scorponoch first appeared] and sacrifices himself to become upgrade parts for Prime who proceeds to school both Megs and the Fallen
-Fallen gets killed and Starscream convinces a wounded Megs to retreat... yes there will be another sequel.
-Movie ends with Prime standing with Spike on top of an aircraft carrier giving a speech.

[Janus Whitefurr]

-Optimus Prime is killed.
-NEST brings Prime's body to Egypt and gets revived.

And a proud tradition continues!

[Turnsky]

-Optimus Prime is killed.
-NEST brings Prime's body to Egypt and gets revived.

And a proud tradition continues!

probably without one little thing however.

[GabrielsThoughts]

I don't know... After reading the spoilers and plot points  I smell a steamer. The only way they could pull it off would be if the actors were _that_ good... if not, well it sucks like christmas with the cranks.

Speaking of which "Spike" will be continuing his education, and is planning on getting an MBA.

[GabrielsThoughts]

oh, and before I forget, I spotted Optimus prime yesterday...

[GabrielsThoughts]

I have seen many action movies in recent years, and I have to admit I  will not sit through another Transformers movie. Transfomers  2: Rise of the fallen, should be well received by,  Patriotic Sports Fans, and quite possibly young boys, and/ or  returning soldiers might find this movie enjoyable. Moving at a pace similar to a football game, the Movie itself is _as good as_ the first movie. In fact, I would be hard pressed to say it was better. If I was a thirteen year old boy,  I could honestly say the movie was as awesome as Pumpkinhead or that it was better than the Mario Brothers. Unfortunately, I am now a man of 26, and my childhood naivety has been shed onto the earth like a second skin. In my opinion,  The Mummy 3,  Terminator: Salvation  and [shudders] Land of the Lost, are by leaps and bounds  better than this movie.  It’s only slightly better than last year’s Wanted, and to be honest, If I told you the humor in this film is roughly the same as you would find in an episode of ‘American Dad,’ I would be lying. The humor of the Transfomers 2 film is derived from jokes pertaining mostly to social stratification, and placing it in the low brow category would be an insult  to cave peoples…no the humor in the film is derived from soft core erotica and ethnic stereotypes… Stereotypes and sub stereo types, memes and tropes. Watching the latest version of Transformers was like watching an extended version of  Eagle Eye.


At three specific points in the film, the sound design was so horrible one could barely make out what was being said by the robots or the soldiers on the battlefields. However, I cannot determine if the fatal flaw was  in the sound design,  or possibly  poor speakers within the theater itself…   My intention was to watch Transfomerers 2: rise of the fallen on an IMAX screen at the Luxor. Sadly, the IMAX at Luxor has been closed down for at least 7 months. Which was a real surprise considering the three or four story billboard of Transformers they had plastered on the side of the building. Considering the nearest theater to the Luxor is at Mandalay Bay, that is just blatantly false advertising.

The intro consists of a mind numbing action sequence that isn’t worth mentioning, not because it doesn’t make sense, and not because it was so loud and full of so many explosions, and consisted of no dialog that would have made it easier to follow. I’m not mentioning it because  it would require more than a second viewing to gather and analyze the finer points of  what not to do when making an action scene. It was  confusing to say the least.


The plot…. Spike finds a piece of the “all spark,” it (the all spark) then uses nanospores to  upload a Datastream straight into Spike’s brain, it then burns his fingers,  burns a hole though the floor, and falls thought the ceiling and zips  into the kitchen before shutting down,  it then  immediately transforms all of the kitchen appliances, into evil gremlin like monsters…. Why all the robots are evil human hating monsters was never fully explained in the first movie; So I don’t know why I was expecting an explanation in this one.


The robots all head up  the stairs where we see  ‘Spike’ trying to put out the fire he started with the allspark fragment. The robots then shoot at him with the aim of a blind gopher  as  he, spike,  valiantly flees out his 2nd story window and drops into his back yard uninjured and unharmed. The tiny robots continue firing with the accuracy of a drunken sailor and manage to hit the broad side of a barn where Bumblebee is parked… bumblebee then transforms  and reveals his shooting accuracy is  as accurate as the kitchen hardware from hell. Obviously, with a bigger gun BB manages to destroy all the little robots while simultaneously destroying the house…

Joke spoiler- Mojo is a either a Gay Chihuahua  or he likes Big Girls, since Frankie is a unisex name in the United States I’m going to leave that one up to “your guess is as good as mine”

Anyway after the house is destroyed and  spike’s parents get an all expenses paid vacation to France courtesy of the American taxpayers while the government cleans up the mess… Spike can’t take bumble bee to school with him because California college campuses are High Schools, which is ironic, when you consider status based on seniority (aka freshmen, sophomore, junior, and senior ) have no place in an actual college setting. Additionally, since when are freshmen not allowed to have cars??? Even in high school this would be a load of bullshit, so I’m just going to assume, or rather pretend that it was a ruse to keep BB away from the college. Although with  some of the writing  I’ve seen one can never tell. I can however spot a writer who has never participated in, nor has had  an actual had days labor a day in their life, just as I can spot a writer that never spent more than a few days on a college campus.  Of course, as mentioned before, the movie relies on stereotypes… and the college appears to be a stereotypical college seen in Movies, Disney sitcoms, and  film, and appears to be nothing more. There’s no reality , just an illusion that is designed to relate more to the teenagers entering high school than one who has graduated…

Moving on, Spike appears to be suffering from a severe case of the Johnny mnemonics. He  misses his online chat with his girlfriend, and hooks up with a Decepticon  fembot  at a campus bar…or frat party.   They appear to  hit it off, Spike gives her as ride to her dorm in the Bumblebee and the car smashes her face into the dashboard a few times before spitting on her and throwing her out of the car…apparently “Double B” was incapable of detecting a decepticon in the passengers seat, because the bot little cutie lives to strike another day.

Meanwhile Sound wave uses a military- satellite to ascertain the location of Megatron and the remaining allspark fragment  (one of two identical fragments that are integral to the movie.) he then sends Cheetor and  an army of Bakugan to retrieve the all spark. The all spark is then used to revive Megatron.  Who is apparently a sub prime of a Fallen Prime…who along with Optimus is one of 7 primes that were created at the dawn of time.

Megatron Kills Optimus, the Decepticons reveal that there are aliens among us, Spike uses the second …and final fragment of the allspark  to revive Jetfire,  a stealth decepticon airship that was disguised as an American stealth aircraft, that was  declassified in the late 80’s or early 90’s. As an American predecessor to the stealth bomber, I find it  odd that the Transformed  airship would have a cane and  speak with a Scottish or Irish  accent. 

They all get transported to the Egyptian desert in theory, Having never been to Egypt I cannot be certain they’re in Egypt. Someone wonders if they’re near Las Vegas…which is probably a more accurate description of where they are located, because people in Hollywood like to pretend locations are where they say they are.

The movie lost my interest at this point , yet I suffered through the explanation of the matrix, the allspark’s evil counterpart that proved just as useless. For as soon as Spike picks up the Widget-McGuffin it evaporates into “pixy dust”  _You head me,” Pixy dust, that was supposed to bring Optimus Prime back to life….because I guess he was too far gone for the All spark to do any more than revive his upgrades. Apparently, the Transformers are like chess pieces  only a Prime can take out another Prime. Or so I’ve heard about “Queens” in chess. Which seems more likely than not a lack of imagination and a cheat if you ask me, but I digress  after Spike dies ten feet from Optimus Prime’s cold lifeless body…he gets visited by the other ghosts of Primes’ past…you know the other six…or was it five… anyways the  primes created at the dawn of time guide Spike back to the world of the living, so he can revive Optimus Prime… Jet fire then rips out is own heart, or techno organic equivalents and tells Optimus to use his body for spare parts.

Optimus then upgrades to Optimal Optimus prime and takes out Decepticon air, Megatron and Fallen prime… and I will never watch another  Live action transformers movie again. I don’t care if there is a sequel, they lost me as a customer. Not because it was a bad movie, but because there is a serious problem with a movie if the reviewer wants to leave  halfway though the engagement. Especially after I thought everything wrong with the  first movie was a fluke, and that all they needed, whomever they are, needed a second chance to get it right. And, while I can see a lot of effort went into the action scenes (if nothing else) I was dissatisfied with the final product.

Personally, I’d say giving it 2 out of 5 stars is more than generous. It was a valiant effort, But I think I shall never see another Transformers movie unless its animated, or unless  I’m the one producing, or directing it.   

[Turnsky]

tl:dr

edit: okay, some food, and drink, and a little sit-down time later, i gave this here review a look-see.. and to quoth the horse.. "no sir, i didn't like it"

Personally, I'd say giving it 2 out of 5 stars is more than generous. It was a valiant effort, But I think I shall never see another Transformers movie unless its animated, or unless  I'm the one producing, or directing it.   

i hear this in the chorus and scaringly well choreographed movement of you, and thousands of other fanboys going "*snort* i can do better" shortly before collectively wiping off accumulated cheetoes dust off your mouths, then skulking back to the depths of whence you came, simultaneously whining about Micheal Bay raped your childhoods, petting a plush optimus prime because it's your "preccccioussss".

The fact is, you're not a director, no studio worth their salt would look at you, and if they did, they'd hand you a mop, and tell you to go clean the dunny, if you had the wallet to fund such a project, go do so, instead of whining about it here.
It kinda burns me up when folks think they can do better, and the excrement that arises doesn't have an ungodly stench according to them... there are names for those kinds of people..


Uwe Boll.

[Alondro]

It's got a 22% rating from Rotten Tomatoes.  The plot is nonsensical.  The cartoons had better writing.  Hell, the old animated Transformers movie had better writing.

This is a Michael Bay film.  ALL his films are loud, noisy, and with plot holes as big as the Grand Canyon (Though at least "Independence Day" was fun and had decent acting).

The movie is Just-Another-Bad-Film, like "Super Mario Brothers" and both "Street Fighter" movies, just with a huge special effects budget.

Nuff said.

[GabrielsThoughts]

@ Turnsky

I was trying to write an actual review in the least offending manner possible to counter point the positive review of transformers. Had you actually read the review instead of focusing exclusively on a statement that was a veiled way of saying “I would never watch another Live Action Transformers movie , unless I had some marginal stake in it,” was an accurate statement. And, it was not a statement  born of  thought that I could make a better movie.

I am a 3rd year  visual media student.  I have a nearly flawless photographic memory for films, television series, and animation spanning more than my 26 years of life. My goal is to become a movie producer, and a director of voice, if not stage or film, a business man, an entrepreneur. I will become the next Jim Henson, Walt Disney, or Micheal Eisner and only God can stop me as I have clearly surpassed you as an artist.

I Gave a fair review of my movie experience, grow up.

[Alondro]

I will become the next Jim Henson, Walt Disney, or Micheal Eisner and only God can stop me...

*And God smote GabrielsThoughts, and he was eaten with worms, and he gave up the ghost* 

[GabrielsThoughts]

I will become the next Jim Henson, Walt Disney, or Micheal Eisner and only God can stop me...

*And God smote GabrielsThoughts, and he was eaten with worms, and he gave up the ghost* 

gabrielsthoughts then traveled back in time, possesed Alondro, convinced Alondro that his name was charlene, and all was right in the world.

[Alondro]

I will become the next Jim Henson, Walt Disney, or Micheal Eisner and only God can stop me...

*And God smote GabrielsThoughts, and he was eaten with worms, and he gave up the ghost* 

gabrielsthoughts then traveled back in time, possesed Alondro, convinced Alondro that his name was charlene, and all was right in the world.

But then the Master went back in time and bribed the architect!   

[Turnsky]

I am a 3rd year  visual media student.  I have a nearly flawless photographic memory for films, television series, and animation spanning more than my 26 years of life. My goal is to become a movie producer, and a director of voice, if not stage or film, a business man, an entrepreneur.

Good luck with that.

I will become the next Jim Henson, Walt Disney, or Micheal Eisner and only God can stop me as I have clearly surpassed you as an artist.

Don't tempt fate, usually the first to say "only God can stop me" are the first to get hit by the smiting stick, take it from me. 

[GabrielsThoughts]

@turnsky

Luck has nothing to do with it. all Luck is, and  has ever been  is opportunity, meeting preparation, and experience. besides, I believe well. And all things are possible to he who believes. Additionally, I'm self motivated.

Say  what you will about Uwe Boll. But one has to admit, he doesn't give up.  And while I don't admire his films. One can admire the fact that he was able to make a movie at all...and in 50 years there will no doubt be  a Parody in the style of Tim Burton's  Ed Wood

as for God, It seems odd that you would feel you have God's ear, and Know his mind above all mankind. I wouldn't brag about that for the same reasons you stated I should not tempt him.

[Keleth]

Not even God can sink this ship

Apparently, the Transformers are like chess pieces  only a Prime can take out another Prime.

. . Holy fuck, you've never played chess have you? Any piece can kill any other piece

You just proved everything you said, to me at least, invalid.

[Turnsky]

as for God, It seems odd that you would feel you have God's ear, and Know his mind above all mankind.

I don't...


the toe of his boot on the other hand...

[Alondro]

as for God, It seems odd that you would feel you have God's ear, and Know his mind above all mankind.

I don't...


the toe of his boot on the other hand...

I, on the other hand, shall ascend to the highest peaks of the cosmos, while all the scum beings writh below me in agony!  I shall walk the paths of Asragoth in the star-lit lanes as the Medusa Cascade swirls above me!  All of creation shall bow itself before me in fear of MY NAME!!   

If only the drums would stop... *drums his finger on the table to the incessant beat in his mind... tap tap tap tap... tap tap tap tap... tap tap tap tap...*

[Turnsky]

*drums his finger on the table to the incessant beat in his mind... tap tap tap tap... tap tap tap tap... tap tap tap tap...*

MY SHARONA!


*ahem*


sorry.

[GabrielsThoughts]

Measure twice, cut once.

. . Holy fuck, you've never played chess have you?

Since it was my intention to establish the fact I have played chess al least once,  and that I was still capable enough to figure out the rules of chess on my own, despite playing against an insecure cheat whose only way of winning was to make the Queen a god (and despite the fact I had the king pinned from two locations.)

Other cheaters rules I felt totally silly were "If you call your opponent's checking of the king before they do it becomes your check" and my particular favorite "a pawn can only take out a knight or another pawn" which is ridiculous, but those were the rules we agreed upon... and I made sure he didn't forget them either. 

Still my point remains "only a prime can defeat a prime" is the same as saying only dog can kill another dog via birthright, or a only man can be killed by another man, because women are too feeble minded for the task.  It was a retarded statement in the movie, and I was trying to point out the stupidity of it...


ATTENTION MODERATORS!! this discussion has become a poo flinging contest between trolls. The subject of this thread has moved away from  "Transformers 2: rise of the fallen" and has devolved into a contextual analysis of one critique, as opposed to a discussion of the movie itself. while I find it fascinating that my words can be taken both  literally, and out of context to mean something entirely different. I recommend the locking of this thread before it devolves into a flame war.   

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

ATTENTION MODERATORS!! this discussion has become a poo flinging contest between trolls. The subject of this thread has moved away from  "Transformers 2: rise of the fallen" and has devolved into a contextual analysis of one critique, as opposed to a discussion of the movie itself. while I find it fascinating that my words can be taken both  literally, and out of context to mean something entirely different. I recommend the locking of this thread before it devolves into a flame war.   

Your suggestion is noted.

"Before" seems a bit suspect, since you've started the name calling already, but we appreciate the effort you went to to use the report to moderator function instead of posting in the thread itself.

Oh, wait.

[Keleth]

Measure twice, cut once.

. . Holy fuck, you've never played chess have you?

I see what you did there

[GabrielsThoughts]

technically speaking Drathorin caled me a moron first... and my responce to Turnsky's insult was justified. so thje first to start the name calling was Drathorin.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

technically speaking Drathorin caled me a moron first... and my responce to Turnsky's insult was justified. so thje first to start the name calling was Drathorin.

Indeed. And that gives you every right to continue it, does it? I don't recall adding that particular requirement to the rules. Have they changed while my back was turned?

No? I didn't think so. Please, cease. The easiest way to let the thread die is to stop posting in it.

[Turnsky]

Turnsky's insult was justified.

i could argue that i only stated honest opinion and critique and thus never insulted you directly, and that you only took it as such. Yet you had a nice little cheap shot at me in return. But i digress, that'd only be feeding the flame frenzy, no?

That said, he who lives in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and Gabriel, you have rocks on your person just like me and Drath, so it would seem.  

[Keleth]

I don't know what Turnsky is talking about.

I live on an island that has no bedrock, it's just solid dirt.


STOP MAKING ME FEEL INADEQUATE!

[Turnsky]

I don't know what Turnsky is talking about.

I live on an island that has no bedrock, it's just solid dirt.


STOP MAKING ME FEEL INADEQUATE!

my island has bedrock, so clearly i have surpassed you as an islander. 

[Sunblink]

technically speaking Drathorin caled me a moron first... and my responce to Turnsky's insult was justified. so thje first to start the name calling was Drathorin.

No, to be honest, you were being a pretentious tool, and you still are acting like a pretentious tool. You insulted Turnsky and basically outright said "Haha, I have the potential to be something great and YOUUUUU DON'T, and I can draw better than YOU can." Turnsky did act like a prick, yes, but you're hardly doing much better either.

You grow up, and furthermore, learn to write movie reviews.

[GabrielsThoughts]

technically speaking Drathorin caled me a moron first... and my responce to Turnsky's insult was justified. so thje first to start the name calling was Drathorin.

No, to be honest, you were being a pretentious tool, and you still are acting like a pretentious tool. You insulted Turnsky and basically outright said "Haha, I have the potential to be something great and YOUUUUU DON'T, and I can draw better than YOU can." Turnsky did act like a prick, yes, but you're hardly doing much better either.

You grow up, and furthermore, learn to write movie reviews.

you might want to re read Turnky's statement before my reply.  Want to beholden about the right  to be a "pretentious Pri[ tool]  Turnsky actually made the first move on that one. Although, you want to beleive a second order reality above the first, that is your right as an individual. Just as I have the equal right to have a disfavorable opinion and state reason unto that fact. If that is pretension then you have no more, if not less, of a right to speak on the matter than I.


In order to follow an argument one must be willing to hear, or in this case SEE both sides of the argument.  I was attempting level the argument, rather than play to the politics of “sooner or later I’m greater than you.”

If you read before Turnsky’s Statement You’ll find his Ego equally inflated, if not more so.

But if you insist on quoting me and taking sides… on can see  Turnsky’s statements were more inflammatory than mine

“I hear this in the chorus and scaringly well choreographed movement of you, and thousands of other fanboys going "*snort* i can do better" shortly before collectively wiping off accumulated cheetoes dust off your mouths, then skulking back to the depths of whence you came, simultaneously whining about Micheal Bay raped your childhoods, petting a plush optimus prime because it's your "preccccioussss".

“The fact is, you're not a director, no studio worth their salt would look at you, and if they did, they'd hand you a mop, and tell you to go clean the dunny, if you had the wallet to fund such a project, go do so, instead of whining about it here.
It kinda burns me up when folks think they can do better, and the excrement that arises doesn't have an ungodly stench according to them... there are names for those kinds of people..”---Turnsky


My statement that I was a better artist, would be accurate, if only for the fact that Turnsky  believes I, and apparently the rest of humanity, is  lower than the  whale shit at the bottom of the ocean… [second order reality]

By the way, for those curious,  they have names for people, like Turnsky,  who make self deficating statements such as that while promoting everyone else lie down in  humility. What they are called relates less  to the “ones” creating  all the  bullshit and more related to  where it comes out.

_those_ Kind of people hurt people out of malice, spite, or to make themselves feel self important or self righteous. 

I said I surpassed him as an artist, if only  because I think higher of humanity, and that anyone is capable of doing anything, regardless of how long it takes or what boundaries or road blocks lay in the path.

Turnsky sounds like someone who has given up, or at the very least, the  only way he could make himself feel better was to dump on someone else.

[Sunblink]

You're absolutely unbelievable, Gabriel.

Let me be blunt: you are taking yourself far too seriously, and you flatter yourself too much. I acknowledge that Turnsky instigated the argument, but you insulted him by saying your art was better than his - which is an extremely pompous and extremely arrogant thing to say, regardless of your reasoning. In other words, low blow.

Not once did Turnsky insinuate that he believed that he was greater than the rest of humanity; that was just you being butthurt over the fact he called you out on how you claimed you could direct a better movie than Michael Bay. That is another arrogant statement, and it's basically an echo of what many people have probably proclaimed in impotent fury over being disappointed by the Transformers movie. That's not a label of humanity as a whole, it's pointing out a predictable and hilariously destructive pattern among some members of the fan community, and the unreasonableness of your remark. I don't think he was trying to crush anyone's dreams here.

Right now, I'm getting the biggest feeling of condescension from reading your post, like you pity us poor fools. You don't have any right to insult Turnsky as a human being just because of one thing he said (that you completely misinterpreted).

[Amber Williams]

GabrielsThoughts.  Stop posting in this thread and walk away.

This is an official warning.