A silly little quiz...

[lucas marcone]

...

Stygian, for some reason you frighten me.

a number of these creatures can be easily punted, while the majority of the rest require a good threat or playing dead. stygian is chuck norris in disguise....he can do any of these things.

[Brunhidden]

also note that most top predators and other dangerous animals maintain their reputations as being unchallenged by making sure that they don't attack things that could hurt them.

for example, sabre tooth cats were unlikely to attack cavemen- while the chance of the caveman killing the tiger was nill, the tiger still did not like the chance of a rock or sharp stick to the face. humans only really became dangerous to other preadators when we invented 'revenge' and found it somehow satisfying to track down and gang rape whoever ate zog and make him into a loincloth.


gorillas, actually peaceful creatures that can go wookie on your arms if you are stupid enough to provoke them. and you have to be stupid, a gorilla will spend as much time warning you to back off as possible before making your bones make squishy noises. the ability to walk away is probably the number one thing to save your life.

large cats, like many animals driven by instinct they are completely at a loss when you do anything other then what they expect you to do. what a large cat expects you to do is to run, and most of them really don't like any kind of prey that stands up for itself and will usually back off after something as paltry as an intimidating yell.

bears, oooh, tricky one. theres 'brown' bears and 'black' bears, despite either one comiing in a wide range of colours. the thing is, one kind of bear does not like confrontation and will leave alone anyone who puts up a fight (regardless of how pathetic a 'fight' you could give to a bear) while the other has no intrest in people UNLESS they fight back, in which case it becomes a rousing game of 'auuurrrg! thats my face!'. i could tell you which kind of bear is which kind of responce, but i find it more fun to make you guess.

crocs and sharks, the glaringly obvious thing here is that if you arent in the water they cant do jack to you. i know, obvious, but sometimes you just so happen to be in the water anyways. probably the best way to protect yourself from either is what would otherwise be silly trivia, such as a crocs mouth is rigged so that two men could not pry it appart but a small child could hold its mouth together due to its muscles not really caring about opening, or how the nose of a shark is one big hypersensitive organ that reaaaaly hurts when struck, or that great white sharks automatically take one bite and then swim away to wait for you to bleed to death so its actually quite easy to escape and get to a hospital while they wait. trivial pursuit can save your life.

dogs, eh, i always found that a dog kind of brings its own weakspot with it. for example most dogs that are dangerous to adult humans tend to jump in an effort to bite your throat, which not many people realise gives about a solid three second window to kick while its in the air. other then that most of the vicious types of dogs also fit under the heading of 'smart enough to know when to run away' and usually respond to a show of force so make sure they know who is on top of the food chain.

cat, seriously, if you cant survive a cat attack there is something wrong with you. quite possibly it means you do not have use of arms or legs, or are explosively allergic to pet dander.

racoon, if youve watched the episode of family guy where they move to the deep south you kinda know the whole story with a racoon attack, except rabies. coons get rabies fairly often, and once they do its pretty standard for them to seek out humans and wander around populated areas in the daytime.... oh yeah, they can also increase size when infected, up to tripling in size. once when i was a kid a rabid raccoon wandered into our driveway, and kinda just stayed there watching our door. we spent three days locked in our house, nobody wanting to open the door long enough to try and shoot it, until it eventually died as the rest of its brain rotted away.

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.

[Sunblink]

I think I only got the higher results from being capable of thrashing and screaming like an animal, which is probably useful as some kind of kamikaze defense. Otherwise those house cats would have kicked my ass.

Come to think of it, anything can kick my ass.

~Keaton the Black Jackal

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Pfft. I think it's generally agreed that Keaton would just make with the cute face, and they'd all die of diabetes. ;-]

[Sunblink]

Pfft. I think it's generally agreed that Keaton would just make with the cute face, and they'd all die of diabetes. ;-]

Too bad they didn't have an option for that on the quiz.

Otherwise I would have killed all those bastards with the eye-projected equivalent of a Care Bear stare. Can you do that, Styg? Can you incinerate all your adversaries with extraordinary amounts of sheer cuteness concentrated in a single stare?

~Keaton the Black Jackal

[Brunhidden]

keaton the care bear cousin, i will not be able to get that image out of my head for a very long time.

Once you see people as something to measure they just don't measure up.

[lucas marcone]

Pfft. I think it's generally agreed that Keaton would just make with the cute face, and they'd all die of diabetes. ;-]

Too bad they didn't have an option for that on the quiz.

Otherwise I would have killed all those bastards with the eye-projected equivalent of a Care Bear stare. Can you do that, Styg? Can you incinerate all your adversaries with extraordinary amounts of sheer cuteness concentrated in a single stare?

~Keaton the Black Jackal

i can incinerate random peaons on the street with a look of the purest hate. does that count?

[Brunhidden]

yes, thats exactly what a carebear does 



we practically have a 'if looks could kill' section, but i truly think many people here would do far better facing off with a person then with angry animals- which says a lot more, for a human is far more dangerous then any animal, and far more likely to kill

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

[Stygian]

...

Stygian, for some reason you frighten me.

You know, for some reason people have been saying that to me, but one knows it's bad when people assume the worst even when not having seen either you or your scars in person.

Also, while I at least recognize that cuteness has that effect on people, Keaton... I have no real respect for it. And you know just how useful it would be against me.

Also, Brun... I assume you've read 'The Most Dangerous Game'?

[Jairus]

...

Stygian, for some reason you frighten me.

You know, for some reason people have been saying that to me, but one knows it's bad when people assume the worst even when not having seen either you or your scars in person.

Oh, no, I'm not assuming the worst of you at all: I'm just commenting on the fact that your quiz said you'd survive all of them. I'm more frightened by the thought of the experiences that would have left you able to handle all of those things. Heck, I think I'd want to be hanging around with you in the event of all wildlife going crazy.

And you have scars, too? Sheesh, that's cool: the best I've got is a mark from a pencil that got jabbed into my arm eight years ago and a two-inch long scar on the top of my head from when I almost fractured my skull.

[Angel]

House Cat:  100% Chance
Racoon:  100% Chance
Coyote:  82% Chance
Medium Sized Dog:  71% Chance
Large Dog:  63% Chance
Wolf: 56% Chance
Small Shark:  41% Chance
Large Shark:  7% Chance
Predetory Cat:  15% Chance
Elephant 30% Chance
Lion or Tiger:  0% Chance
Bear:  7% Chance
Alligator:  0% Chance
Gorilla:  0% Chance
Human: 4% Chance

...The weird thing is, I took this quiz a few days after this topic was posted and I did better.

[Mao]

Would You Survive?
House Cat:    100% Chance
Racoon:    100% Chance
Coyote:    100% Chance
Medium Sized Dog:    100% Chance
Large Dog:    100% Chance
Wolf:   100% Chance
Small Shark:    100% Chance
Large Shark:    97% Chance
Predetory Cat:    100% Chance
Elephant   100% Chance
Lion or Tiger:    97% Chance
Bear:    97% Chance
Alligator:    82% Chance
Gorilla:    90% Chance
Human:   100% Chance

That surprised me, but I guess all those hobbies I had when I was in highschool/university paid off a bit.  Not bad for a software programmer.   

[VSMIT]

That's amazing.  A mouse actually did better than most of the people here...

[Mao]

What can I say?  I'm a mouse with connections.

[Jairus]

That's amazing.  A mouse actually did better than most of the people here...

Isn't there an aesop's fable where the mouse does something the lion cannot do? I also seem to recall reading somewhere that the reason our mammalian mouse-like ancestors weren't eaten by dinosaurs is because they were too small for a good meal... we were mostly preyed on by early birds. I think.

[VSMIT]

I believe that fable was the one with the mouse saving the lion from a rope net.  Which makes no sense as the lion could probably easily rip the net with his claws.

[Jairus]

Actually, I was referring to the one with the thorn in his paw. I'm guessing there's probably ten or twelve different versions of that one story.

[Mao]

But seriously, fear the mouse.  I may be small (not really, I'm 6'2" irl) but it just makes it easier for me to find and exploit your weaknesses.

[Jairus]

Would that be called "Mows-fu?"

Why do I suddenly have the feeling that Mab uses that as her martial arts form?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

But seriously, fear the mouse.  I may be small (not really, I'm 6'2" irl) but it just makes it easier for me to find and exploit your weaknesses.

Heh. Are you compensating for something? ;-]

[Mao]

Yes....


Wait.. did I just get owned by a box?  Dammit.  I did.

[VSMIT]

Don't worry.  Everyone gets owned by the box at some point.  It's only a matter of time.  At least you got yours out of the way early.

[Brunhidden]

just wait till you get owned by the stapler

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.

[yakanaj]

Would You Survive?
House Cat:  100% Chance
Racoon:  100% Chance
Coyote:  78% Chance
Medium Sized Dog:  60% Chance
Large Dog:  52% Chance
Wolf: 41% Chance
Small Shark:  71% Chance
Large Shark:  52% Chance
Predetory Cat:  60% Chance
Elephant 52% Chance
Lion or Tiger:  52% Chance
Bear:  45% Chance
Alligator:  22% Chance
Gorilla:  37% Chance
Human: 26% Chance

just wait till you get owned by the staplerquote]

I have yet to meet a stapler that I havn't beaten, James on the other hand, had trouble with the swing set. Ask him about it. it's funny. there's even a video on youtube about it.

[VSMIT]

Post it!  I wanna see!

[yakanaj]

Post it!  I wanna see!

I will when I get home from work, I can't get youtube here. It's blocked. Same with facebook.

Edit ~ Ok, so I found out that James had already posted the video. It's in this thread:

http://clockworkmansion.com/forum/index.php/topic,4371.0.html

[VSMIT]

Hmm.  So James is easily defeated by a swing set.  I'll have to remember that...

[Jairus]

I will when I get home from work, I can't get youtube here. It's blocked. Same with facebook.

Edit ~ Ok, so I found out that James had already posted the video. It's in this thread:

http://clockworkmansion.com/forum/index.php/topic,4371.0.html

...

*snrk*
*desperately trying not to burst out laughing and wake up the rest of the family who are all asleep*

Well, I have ammunition for the next time James shows his virtual face in the Banning Game under The Arena. Now, if you all don't mind, I have to bury my face in a pillow for a few minutes to get my laughing under control.

[VSMIT]

You don't just have ammo for the Ban Game, you have ammo for if you meet him in real life, too!

[Jairus]

Yeah, but the odds of me actually meeting him are fairly slight, unless for some reason I end up going to something like Anthrocon, which given my general lack of resources is highly unlikely.