"The elf is restricted to decaff for the rest of the adventure"

[Kitsune Ascendant]

linku
1001 things Mr Welch is not allowed to do in RPGs.
This is probably the fourth or fifth time I've seen this, and it's still hilarious.

[superluser]

linku
1001 things Mr Welch is not allowed to do in RPGs.
This is probably the fourth or fifth time I've seen this, and it's still hilarious.

What about the 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army? (191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.)

[Fuyudenki]

28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.

aww...

[Sid]

That's actually a repost of this entry (not sure if THAT is a repost, too, but it's the best I know of), which also has the rest of the list (501-1001) as a link.

[Ryudo Lee]

15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.

One of the guys in my gaming group would beg to differ.

[Brunhidden]

If i ever come in contact with a druid i will be sure to tell them to transform and roll out just on principle.


this does remind me however that somewhere there was an archive of the most stupid/glorious deaths that people on rollplaying games had encountered- i would like to find it as it was just as funny as this list. the specific death i remember was a band of adventurers raiding an evil temple, and came to a room with an unholy water font made of bone. the thief asked if there was a ledge high on the wall, DM said yes, thief climbed up it, rolled to shinny across to the font, rolled again to turn to the font, and then announced he was going to drop his pants and piss in the unholy water font.... DM had them all save vs explosion

[Netrogo]

37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.

Clearly I need to put him in touch with my supplier

[Kenji]

37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.

Clearly I need to put him in touch with my supplier

That made me think of Kim Possible. In his early years, her dad made an armed mech suit for the lab rat. Or was it a hamster...

[Netrogo]

If I go strictly off my SL character, then my mouse has a mech suit too.

Something else I noticed...

240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed.

Me and some friends did a Law of Ueki BESM once. In it I had a character who's god power was turning 'Bikes into Chainsaws' Hilarity ensued.

[Feroluce]

37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.

Clearly I need to put him in touch with my supplier

That made me think of Kim Possible. In his early years, her dad made an armed mech suit for the lab rat. Or was it a hamster...

'
its a Naked Mole Rat.

what? hey, its either that or the Go Show on TV in the mornings, and Im too lazy to do anything else.

55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.

Awww, but those elves taste so dry if they are fried without glaze.

97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'

If I ever run into a genie, I Have to remember this trick.

[Fuyudenki]

97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'

If I ever run into a genie, I Have to remember this trick.

Wouldn't work with most of the DMs I've played with.

Most of the other tricks in the list would, however.

[Kenji]

37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.

Clearly I need to put him in touch with my supplier

That made me think of Kim Possible. In his early years, her dad made an armed mech suit for the lab rat. Or was it a hamster...

'
its a Naked Mole Rat.

I don't recall her dad having a naked mole rat in his lab as a student.

[Netrogo]

97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'

If I ever run into a genie, I Have to remember this trick.

Wouldn't work with most of the DMs I've played with.

Most of the other tricks in the list would, however.

I threatened my DMs with real violence if they pulled any of the more 'assholish' tricks that DMs seem to enjoy.

[Fuyudenki]

My DM was a second-level Karate blackbelt and a Jiu-Jitsu brown-belt, and I'm a no-sash.

Not gonna work.

[Brunhidden]

as a former DM i have stories including a band of kinda evil characters (kobold, minotaur, gnoll, lizardman) who also had a lawful good paladin with an intelligence of 3- half the adventure was convincing the paladin to do things like assassinate the pope

it all depends on how insane the DM is, they can counter with equal weirdness as any player can dish out

[Ryudo Lee]

Back to the wishes thing... my group has learned not to utilize any wishes granted from a genie, ring, well, etc when it comes to one particular DM, who seems to enjoy literal translation.

EDIT:
Now that I think about it, there are a few things missing from the list.

-Halflings do not have the racial ability: impromptu catapault ammunition.
-Neither do gnolls, even if you cast featherfall on them, and even if the rules allow it.

[Brunhidden]

-Halflings do not have the racial ability: impromptu catapault ammunition.

that ability is restricted to dwarves, prefferably barbarian dwarves

[Ryudo Lee]

Not unless you're a Munchkin.

[Fuyudenki]

Back to the wishes thing... my group has learned not to utilize any wishes granted from a genie, ring, well, etc when it comes to one particular DM, who seems to enjoy literal translation.

Same here, except it's not restricted to any particular DM.  Any DM who's halfway decent will screw you over on the wishes.  My friends and I all ask the DM specifically if he's going to try to screw us over before we play with wish power.

-Halflings do not have the racial ability: impromptu catapault ammunition.

Of course not.  Every race has that ability.

[thegayhare]

-Halflings do not have the racial ability: impromptu catapault ammunition.

that ability is restricted to dwarves, prefferably barbarian dwarves

You know I read a short story about a group of draconian combat engineers who were saddled with a moronic minotaur as commander.  The Minotaur didn't realy understand the role of combat engineers and made there lives miserable.  So since he wanted them to all charge into battle berserker style They convinced him that the best way he could charge into battle was to let them launch him from a catapult.  Oddly enough they managed to kill a dragon with him.

[Toric]

This reminds me of the Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming thread, which has, aside from random banter, 6317 activities forbidden. The first 200 or so are ripped from Mr. Welch, but after that it gets original. It was locked at sixty-eight pages long. Happy reading.

"I will not attempt to make a Balance check while reading an accountant's ledger."

[Brunhidden]

-Halflings do not have the racial ability: impromptu catapault ammunition.

that ability is restricted to dwarves, prefferably barbarian dwarves

You know I read a short story about a group of draconian combat engineers who were saddled with a moronic minotaur as commander.  The Minotaur didn't realy understand the role of combat engineers and made there lives miserable.  So since he wanted them to all charge into battle berserker style They convinced him that the best way he could charge into battle was to let them launch him from a catapult.  Oddly enough they managed to kill a dragon with him.

you are referring to The First Dragonarmy Bridging Company, a short story which appeared in the collection Dragons of Krynn. the story was so popular that Bridgemaster Kang later went on to star in two more short stories, and then later two full length novels, its possible that more may be made.  in about a month or two from now the series who produced this is making a movie of thier first book, Dragons of Autumn Twilight, which was written the year i was born.

if i recall the story well enough the commander in question had lead SEVERAL brigades to battle, and out of all of them he was always the only one to return alive. the engineering squad was smarter then average grunts and knew he was a hazard to his own army, and got him piss drunk off of hard cider by telling him it was just apple juice. the catapult was not labeled as such, they said it was a new convenience in transportation.... anyone who has read the series knows that gnomes had used catapults to replace stairs, but gnomes are very aerodynamic.

[thegayhare]

yes thats the one I meant...

and I've read the other short stories

I loved Kang and his engineers there were two novels?
I've read one
Doom Brigade, where they discovered the female eggs

And they are making a dragonlance movie?
I didn't know that  I hope it comes out better then the dungeons and dragons movies.

[Brunhidden]

I loved Kang and his engineers there were two novels?
I've read one
Doom Brigade, where they discovered the female eggs

And they are making a dragonlance movie?
I didn't know that  I hope it comes out better then the dungeons and dragons movies.

the second book was called 'draconian measures' and is a very good book too, i would almost spoil it by saying they try to find a city to settle in after they find the eggs, but thats kind of why i hope theres one that comes after.

yes, you can find trailers on youtube. the author was present during its making so she could smack the producers when they tried to change the story. so its true to the story, although it does look as 80s as a hair metal band solving a rubix cube.

by the way, back when TSR was bought out by wizards of the coast TSR (makers of D&D and dragonlance) were talking with jim hensons studios about making dragonlance a muppet movie, when wizards bought them out all talks ended. ye gods, i can only imagine what would have come of THAT union....

[thegayhare]

Ohh come on that would have been cool


well maybe not as a muppet movie but the Henson creature shop can do some awsome and amazing things.  I still love the ultra gorgon from MonsterMaker.  and the stuff they did for the story teller series was epic...

that reminds me I should try to find that


atleast my favorite one about the soldier who traps death in a bag

[Brunhidden]

thats my favorite too, i don't know where you can find it now but about three or four years ago i picked it up at walmart for twenty bucks.



.....yeah, i would have liked to see a muppet dragonlance, if only for humor. i know kermet would be tanis, and miss piggy would be laurana, and maybe sam the eagle for sturm..... but who would be flint, tas, or raistlin?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Rastlin would be Fozzie.

;-]

[Ryudo Lee]

My group has considered using catapaults in massive combats, not to launch boulders, but combatants.  At the time, I was playing my gnoll barbarian, and I had with me some NPC gnolls.  The plan was to load the gnolls in the catapaults and cast featherfall on them and then launch them into the middle of the oncoming army.  Consider that my character was a combat machine, being decked out with a huge warhammer, rage, frenzy, cleave, great cleave, and supreme cleave.

It was vetoed.

Plan B was to launch a bunch of Daraen's(sp?) Fortresses (the ones that shrink down to a cube and then when invoked become a large fortress) at the army and have them on a timed invokation so that they'll expand into full fortresses in mid air.

That too was vetoed.

Our DM's are no fun.

EDIT:

I just thought of a few more.

-You cannot, under any circumstances, create a goblin PC with a high charisma and name him Fabio.

-No matter how high your disguise check, dwarves cannot pass as female orcs.

-"Chuck" the skull cannot be in more than one person's inventory. (There's a story behind this)

-Even though the DM said I can have one magic item from the DMG, that magic item cannot be a Sphere of Annihilation.

-There is no such spell as "I win".

-More often than not, trees are not enemies in disguise and therefore you should not attack them. (Another story behind this one...)

-For the sake of everyone's sanity, the two players in the group who have grown beards should not attempt to demonstrate a dwarven beard attack on each other.

[LionHeart]

-"Chuck" the skull cannot be in more than one person's inventory. (There's a story behind this)

-More often than not, trees are not enemies in disguise and therefore you should not attack them. (Another story behind this one...)

So do we get to find out what the story is for each of those?

[Ryudo Lee]

-"Chuck" the skull cannot be in more than one person's inventory. (There's a story behind this)

-More often than not, trees are not enemies in disguise and therefore you should not attack them. (Another story behind this one...)

So do we get to find out what the story is for each of those?

Sure, why not?

Chuck was a life-sized pewter skull that someone had brought to a gaming session one day (as a phys-rep) and somehow convinced the DM to let him put it in his inventory.  He wanted his character to think that Chuck talked to him, which was the whole point of having Chuck.  Well that PC died during the game, and being the good friends that we are, we looted his body.  Much confusion was had over who got Chuck and by the next few sessions, everyone had Chuck listed in their inventory, even that same player who had created a new character.  The DM finally got fed up and did an eenie-meenie-miney-moe to figure out who was actually carrying Chuck.  I forget who ended up with it, but more arguments arose over who should carry Chuck, and the DM got fed up again and, figuratively, chucked Chuck.

There was one player in our group who was... well... let me put it this way... he spent some time in Germany and swore that he saw zombies.  So he's not the brightest person.  But he played a sorcerer really really well.  We were playing a game that was putting the party through the various levels of the underhell, so we were going through a lot of battles, and especially dungeons.  Unfortunately, we already had a sorc in the party, and we needed a rogue.  He protested, saying that he didn't know how to play a rogue, but we promised to help him along.  Well, as the game progressed, the character became more and more paranoid as the player still didn't know how to properly play the character.  He considered a rogue as someone who was always looking over his shoulder and everyone is out to get him.  As the group passed through a dead forest, he looked up and said "I'm stabbing the trees!"  When asked why he was doing that, he replied "They might be enemies in disguise!"  He's no longer allowed to play a rogue.