Fantastic four: Rise of the silver surfer (spoilers)

[Gryphon]

Just so you people would know I was dragged along for this one. Before my group went in we knew rotten tomatoes slammed it pretty hard opening night.

However in the group we had a die hard silver surfer fan, a die hard fantastic four fan, a person who really just needed a nap in an air conditioned room, me, and two people who wouldn't see a movie that rated that poorly. They went to see Ocean's 13.

Well lets kick start this movie off with the destruction of a planet and a bright comet flying off towards earth. Ooh. Scary. What could be scarier than that? Take four (urgh bad pun) for a fantastic four wedding. And part of the preparations? A bachelor's party. Now who doesn't see something going terribly wrong this time around? Didn't think so. Of course bad things come in threes so here's the big three.

One: The wife to be sees him with his arms literally wrapped around two women.
Two: An old general with a grudge to settle needs to have a little talk with him. They need a sensor to detect this weird cosmic radiation.
Three: The good news? The wife to be isn't that mad. The bad news? She had a wilder bachelorette party.

Well here comes the big day and the sensor is online. Stan lee makes his now trademark cameo. Don't worry about missing him. He's very obvious in this movie. Now the big event starts to occur and of course we have a gatecrasher. The silver surfer nukes the sensor and the FF team has to scramble to save lives. Johny storm tries to catch the silver surfer and fails as the silver surfer pulls Neo moves from the matrix on him.

Now as the Silver Surfer cruises earth an old enemy somehow manages to revive himself. No its not Doctor Doom. It's emperor Palpatine. An additional encounter, though it knocks him on his ass, makes him no longer hideously scarred. How convenient.

Now Palpatine manages to undercut Reed Richards and forces the army to force Reed to work with him to disable the silver surfer. Some research and an ominous moment of tinkering by Palpatine latter they find out that they have a way to separate the silver surfer from his board by this really complicated four part energy generator thing. Yes. It's really just a coincidence that they need four generators exactly.

As they are setting up the invisible woman learns from the silver surfer himself that he is not the destroyer. Now just to be evil Palpatine manages to get a rocket assault started on the silver surfer to speed things up. Cue the scene where we see the silver surfer being a bad ass by blowing up the army. Unfortunately the generators work as planned and the silver surfer is separated from his board. The army comes and off we go to a Russian prison with its own resident torture expert. Of course the fantastic four are locked up as well.

Guess its time for the invisible woman to earn her keep and get some info from the silver surfer. Who is apparently not that powerless as he boots up a stomach tv. The audience then learns that, gasp, the true destroyer is Galactus! Of course the real twist is that the beacon is his own board. Which unfortunately Palpatine has managed to take control of. Now infused with power cosmic he one shots the annoying general.

Time for the FF and the silver surfer to save the day in their new soon to be childrens toy the Fantasticar! Or at least thats what I think it was originally called. However Dr. Doom doesn't want to give up the board for the good of the world and we see him beat the snot out of the landscape. To top everything off Sue then suffers a comic book death. Thus opening the gateway for Johny storm to power up and beat the living power cosmic out of Dr. Doom.

The silver surfer, now with his board back, brings sue back to life and goes off to confront Galactus. One seemingly self anihilating explosion later and Galactus is destroyed. Alive once more we get back to the truly important thing. Getting married. Surprisingly enough... It succeeds! The poor priest who was present for the last four weddings finally finishes it. Jumping into the fantasticar, despite it being ultra important that they solve the crisis now, manage to do this perfect fantastic four cloud writing symbol.

As the credits roll we see the seemingly lifeless body of the silver surfer... wakes up.

Personally... My thoughts on the movie? It's stupid tricks with superpowered people. Hey lets see people make idiots of themselves with super powers! Granted this is the sort of crap people would do if they have super powers. But seriously. For a bunch of super heroes try to be heroic SOMETIME.
Aw... Johnny storm has this problem where if he touches someone other member of the fantastic four they switch powers. Watch them all make idiots of themselves!
Dr. Doom, just to make a point of how evil he is, dresses up like emperor Palpatine. He even has a weak version of force lightning!
We have these two awesome villains which the whole story has building up to. All this awesome build up and what happens? TWO anticlimactic battle scenes. I weep.
Has anyone noticed that stan lee is getting bigger and longer cameo's as these movies go on?

End thoughts: Looks pretty and is pretty short. Unlike Superman this just doesn't give off this super hero vibe. Everyone seems sort of underpowered.
Not liking it. Sorry.

[Aridas]

wasn't "everyone switches powers" a plotline in the modern cartoon?

[Netami]

The silver surfer... killed Galactus...

The silver surfer... 

KILLED...


GALACTUS?! 

Hollywood over. Go home.

[bill]

You should have seen Ocean's 13. 

[Gryphon]

Whoa there. Is that picture er... appropriate? Anyway technically there is still a chance it was a teleporting thing and not a death thing. Sort of ambiguous. Could still be alive.

I should have gone to Ocean's 13. But the two that went were a couple. They needs some... alone time. If you get my drift.

Never saw the modern cartoon. So I wouldn't know if it was a major plot line, a minor plot line. But here? It was a deus ex machina gag and an excuse to beat on Dr. Doom.

[Netami]

Appropriate? No. Part of the forum's emoticon list? Yes.

[bill]

OH MY GOD ITS A PENIS


GET IT OFF MY SCREEN

[thegayhare]

OH MY GOD ITS A PENIS


GET IT OFF MY SCREEN

I'll take that thank you

*walks off happy*

[Zedd]

Yet I am dispointed they used the storm and not the real machoized purple armor guy...

[GabrielsThoughts]

That's a real shame. I was disappointed with the first movie because all it did was show the Fantastic Four team as a group of failures, who caused more trouble than  they benefited humanity. Nobody wants to see their heroes consistently fail at everything they do. 

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I'll take that thank you

*walks off happy*

*rotfl*

[King Of Hearts]

Surfer's alive...

so its HIGHLY unlikely that Galactus goes bye bye.

I like that he's a cloud, he's a plot device and not a character for the F4 movie. Galan as a character would be better explored in another story... say FF3?

Ive heard rumors of them making a Surfer movie... but that feels odd.

[Netami]

It may feel odd, but it smells like money. 

[Alondro]

Uhm... wasn't the point of Galactus that you kinda couldn't kill him or the entire balance of the universe goes wacky and this ultra-chaotic entity emerges and starts destroying everything? 

Meh, these FF movies are even campier than the comic books, and with awful writing to boot.  Die Hollowwood!  I command a level 12 earthquake to send that part of California cascading into the depths of the sea where its bad movies shall never again see the light of day!   

[RJ]

Galactus is The Eater of Worlds, he runs on like the universe's biggest set of ever-lasting batteries and is basically like a god. And they make him into a scary cloud? The hell? He's supposed to be a giant indestructible dude with a Magneto-like helmet of awesome.

And the Silver Surfer destroys him? Even though in comparison to Galactus his powers are like a drop in the ocean? Dangnabit, in the original storyline all they were able to do was drive him off, not destroy him. That's why Silver Surfer got stuck on Earth, because Galactus got all moody over the fact he didn't get any dessert.

I probably won't be seeing the movie until it gets released on DVD then.

[Caswin]

And the Silver Surfer destroys him? Even though in comparison to Galactus his powers are like a drop in the ocean? Dangnabit, in the original storyline all they were able to do was drive him off, not destroy him.

Heck, the way I understood it, they didn't even so much drive him off as convince him Earth wasn't worth the effort.

My problem with this (apart from turning Galactus into a cloud, although you can kind of see his head in the fire): it felt like an overblown TV episode.  The same goes for the first movie.  The Spider-Man movies have gravity.  The X-Men movies, arguably, have more.  Even Daredevil - the director's cut, at least - had it.

Here?  You'd think that a super-duper-powered Doctor Doom and a giant planet-eating entity called The Destroyer would, between them, pose some kind of a palpable threat... but, well, they didn't.  Somehow, I blame the PG rating.

[Fuyudenki]

Yeah, I should have known something was up when I saw it was rated PG, instead of PG-13.  How do you make a PG-rated superhero movie, anyway?

And besides that, I think it should have been rated PG-13 for language, anyway.  I've seen Red Vs. Blue episodes with milder swearing.

And yeah, ditto to the cloud, and dead-Galactus objections.  Galactus is one of Marvel's great recurring villains, you can't kill him off!

Meh, these FF movies are even campier than the comic books, and with awful writing to boot.  Die Hollowwood!  I command a level 12 earthquake to send that part of California cascading into the depths of the sea where its bad movies shall never again see the light of day!   

That reminds me of my re-write to the original Superman movie, wherein Superman hears of Lex Luthor's plan to destroy the Californian coast, realizes there's nothing there worth saving anyway, and asks if he can get in on the deal.

Lex: wait... seriously!?
Superman: sure!  I'll even guide your missile to the blast point for you.

[Alondro]

*dances a jig around the Los Angeles crater*   

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

That reminds me of my re-write to the original Superman movie, wherein Superman hears of Lex Luthor's plan to destroy the Californian coast, realizes there's nothing there worth saving anyway, and asks if he can get in on the deal.

Lex: wait... seriously!?
Superman: sure!  I'll even guide your missile to the blast point for you.

Bwahahaha! I love it! ... where do I get a copy?

[RJ]

That reminds me of my re-write to the original Superman movie, wherein Superman hears of Lex Luthor's plan to destroy the Californian coast, realizes there's nothing there worth saving anyway, and asks if he can get in on the deal.

Lex: wait... seriously!?
Superman: sure!  I'll even guide your missile to the blast point for you.

I lol'd. 

It makes total sense too if you've read enough SuperDickery.

[Fuyudenki]

Well sorry, Llearch, no can do, but here's the next best thing.

[Caswin]

Yeah, I should have known something was up when I saw it was rated PG, instead of PG-13.  How do you make a PG-rated superhero movie, anyway?

Like this.

[Zedd]

This is why Hollywood sucks This is why there was no need for a F4 movie...This trailer proves it!!

[Caswin]

This is why Hollywood sucks This is why there was no need for a F4 movie...This trailer proves it!!

I still want to see a DVD of that.