help!

[lucas marcone]

speech class is makeing me do a "process speech" wich is where i explain how to do something and i need ideas as to what i should ramble on about.

[xHaZxMaTx]

Set the time on a VCR.

[Darkmoon]

How to perfectly cut your toenails so they are all the same length. Make sure to have a lengthy presentation.

[thegayhare]

I had to do something like that once... we all had to explain how to make a penut butter and jelly sandwhich... and the teacher would exactly follow our instructions

I screwed up because I forgot to explain you take the knife out of the jar before applying it to the bread

[Alan Garou]

How to think of a boring topic for a presentation. (It really can work.)

[Stygian]

Are you people serious?! 

This would... in the swedish school system... that'd... Is anyone expecting intelligence?

[bill]

How to preform triple bypass surgery without anesthetic. Ask for volunteers.

[DigitalMan]

Oh dear god, I had to do one of those once. Mine was about making orange juice, the concentrated kind that comes in a can. But apparently unlike in TGH's instance, it was presumed that the reader would have some level of intelligence, so you didn't have to go through every action like you were talking to a computer.

Set the time on a VCR.

That would actually work pretty well, especially if the VCR must be unplugged and brought in.

Or maybe a LEGO model. Even just a tiny one would create a massive paper. "Place the light grey brick that is one peg long by four pegs wide upright and centered perpendicularly over the lengthwise side-most pegs on the dark grey plate that is two pegs wide by six pegs long. Press the light grey brick down onto the dark grey plate." Damn, I should have used that back in elementary school...

[Cvstos]

I had to do that twice, once in HS and once in college.  For the former I chose "how to recover control of your car when it hydroplanes", and for the latter I chose "how to make your house energy efficient".

I went into much more detail that either my teacher or prof expected, particularly with the WHY you do something. 

But then, I'm an excellent public speaker.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

How to preform triple bypass surgery without anesthetic. Ask for volunteers.

*evil grin*

Alternatively, speak for one minute, and one minute only, without hesitation, repetition, or deviation, on the subject of "the inside of a pingpong ball" starting now.

[Stygian]

I have but one thing to say; the similarity between Llearch and pingpong balls is staggering! There is only one difference in material.

[xHaZxMaTx]

And shape.

[bill]

And size.



Still sticking to your example?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

And content.

[Stygian]

Now, that last one was wrong, I'm sure.

[bill]

Oh, give up, Styg.

[thegayhare]

True few ping pong balls are full of monkies

but I do know nine tenths of the human brain is used for storing pengiuns

[Stygian]

You mean the ninety-nine percent of it that people mostly do not use?

(I am ragingly fishing for gibleeeeets!)

[xHaZxMaTx]

Last I checked, 9/10 is not equal to 99%.

[bill]

No, the XBox 360 uses the rest of your brain to store saved games.

[DigitalMan]

To somewhat link that back to the actual topic... explain in detail how to play a specific game. Alternately, explain how to obtain a PS3.

[Stygian]

My splendid hyperactivity seems to be completely lost at this. I am going to take a shower and a cup of tea, all the while explaining to myself how I am doing it and why. Maybe that'll slow me down...

[xHaZxMaTx]

...explain how to obtain a PS3.

Step 1:  Kill current owner of PS3.
Step 2:  Abscond with said PS3.

[bill]

"I shall demonstrate. Would any PS3 owner in the audience raise their hand?"

[thegayhare]

You mean the ninety-nine percent of it that people mostly do not use?

(I am ragingly fishing for gibleeeeets!)

Exactly yes...

I bet  no one knows the book I took that referance from

[Aisha deCabre]

Huh...I think I remember having to do the same thing for my speech class.  Not sure.  It was way back in my Freshmen days, and I'm a Junior now... 

I remember our professor did a demonstration on how exactly to make peanut-butter cookies.  Fairly easy process actually.  And tasty.  You could do that, and bring cookies to class for everyone.  Earn yourself points. 

[Jim Halisstrad]

Vore Parties.

[RJ]

You guys fail 


Explain how to fold underwear into a perfect square. Or make a paper crane... yeah....

[bill]

Explain how to square the circle.

[Alondro]

Process speech is very similar to the biochemical protocol papers we had to index for a time at my old job.  Every tiny detail, manufacturers of ever single piece of equipment and chemical, even water, had to be included along with each and every painstaking step of the process.  They were torment.  They took so long to do that we had a different quota per day when we worked on them.  The normal indexing quota was 75 articles indexed per day... with the protocols, the quota per day was 12.

But process speech is very useful for things like animation, where you actually do have to plan every movement of everything beforehand, even a twinkling star or a falling raindrop, or a random tossing of the leaves in the wind.  I have to think about those sorts of things alot, since I'm the director of an independent animation project.

You could give a process speech on something thhat most people never think about at all!  Like breathing, or a heartbeat, or the firing of a neuronal action potential!