AC 2007 story

[Alondro]

Well everyone, as I always do, I'm writing stories for the Anthrocon convention booklet.  I've had a story in there every year for the past four.  

I think I've got a winner for the "Looking to the Future" theme of the convention this time, but the problem is that I have two totally different endings. 

I want to know what everyone here thinks is the better one.  I'll post one now, let everyone reflect on it, then post the other in the afternoon.


The Ever Changing Reflections
By Charles de Charleroy, Jr


   "Father!  Father!" came the voice of his son to the famed Leyjonan technomage, Andoro Selorus, who was in the library conducting research for his royal client, Lord Alondro Feleonax.  After running to his father and latching upon his leg, with claws extended, the young lion-like cub continued to cry, "Father, I'm going to be a terrible person when I grow up!  I don't want to!"

   Wincing, his father gently withdrew his son's little talons from his thigh, "Espero, why would you think you're going to be a bad person?"

   Espero quickly looked to the floor, wrinkling his muzzle with his sniffling, tail drooping to the floor, "I-I saw me when I'm grown up."

   His father sighed deeply, "Espero, did you look into the Reflecting Pool?"

   The cub confirmed the suspicion with a subdued whimper, "Yes Father."  He yelped as his father quickly took him in his paws and set him upon his lap.

   "You know it is forbidden for any but the most skilled of our order to use that pool, don't you?" his father said sternly with the hint of a growl.

   "I'm sorry," Espero squeaked, hunching like a mouse under his father's leonine gaze.  "I-I just wanted to see what I'd be when I grew up.  I didn't know I was going to be so bad."  He began to tremble, "Are you going to kill me, Father?"

   His father suddenly clutched him to his chest, and Espero shut his eyes as tears flowed down his muzzle.  "Espero," came his father's voice.  "Look at me, my son."

   Slowly, the little cub looked up and saw as many tears in his father's eyes as in his own.  "My son," Andoro said.  "I know what you saw.  You saw yourself doing terrible things, killing innocent people, ravaging the whole world."

   Espero's eyes widened in horror, "You know about it?  Then I'm really going to do those things?!"  He began to shake and sob, "I deserve to die."

   "NO!  You most certainly do not!" his father said in a powerful tone with a hint of a roar in it, which silenced his son's sobbing instantly.  "My son," he said after a moment in a much gentler tone.  "Why do you think we forbid anyone from looking in the pool alone?"

   Espero thought and thought, "I don't know, Father."

   "It's because our thoughts and our fears influence what we see when we look," is father replied.  "We shape the future, and thus if we have fear hidden in our hearts and worry about what things we might do wrong, we will tilt the balance slightly more in favor of a bad future and that is what we will see.  When we of the Guild wish to look for a certain event in the future, we must meditate for hours to clear our minds of all thought of self and all fear.  We must look with clear minds focused as one, seeing only what is.  Even so, only those things that are close to coming to pass or are out of our influence can be truly believed.  Events far off, like the crowning of a new emperor at a certain time, or an accidental death can change suddenly." 

   He hugged his son and then set him down.  "You looked many years ahead, far off in a time that is as fickle as the waves of the sea even to our trained eyes.  You saw your fears given form; a nightmare, nothing more.  Now come with me and I'll show you what I mean."  He stood and led his son outside, down the path to the Reflecting Pool.

   Espero looked uneasy, "Father... we're not going to look again, are we?  I'm afraid to see myself again."

   Andoro smiled, "Trust me.  It will not be the same.  Think about the happy things of your life now; think about your fondest dreams, your hopes and your loves."

   As the young cub knit his brow and tried to focus only on happy thoughts, Andoro took on a trance-like appearance as he held his paws over the pool, focusing on his son's life a little time forward.  "Look now, my son," he said.

   Espero gingerly peered into the lightly rippling waters.  There, instead of the brutal beast he'd witnessed before, was a handsome adolescent Leyjonan earning his doctorate from the Technomage University.  "That's... me!" he exclaimed in surprise and delight. 

   Andoro let his arms fall and mumbled a quick spell to keep the pool from showing anything further.   Random images that would begin to pop up once their minds began to wander.  "You see?  That future we just saw is closer to the present and was what I saw when I cleared my mind.  It is a hundred times, at the very least, more likely to come to pass than what you saw.  Do you feel better now, my dear son?"

   Espero smiled brightly, his little tail flicked up happily.  "Yes Father!"

   Andoro patted his head as they left the pool, "We always have the choice in the directions we take in life.  For good or evil, our thoughts and our decisions shape what we will become.  Wish to live a good life with all your heart and you will find a way.  Always remember, my son; do not let the fear of the future keep you from living it."

   Those were wise words from a wise lion Espero heard that day.  And many years after that day he repeated them to his son when he, as the sons of every Technomage Master eventually had done since ages past, he looked with doubt into the Reflecting Pool.

The End

[RJ]

Wow, I really enjoyed that- wonderful story. But I'll wait until you post the next one to call a proper judgement on which.

[Tapewolf]

Rather nice, although short.  You're probably working to a word limit, mind...

[Aridas]

I'm not sure, but I think this may be only the tail end of it, unless I misunderstood.

[Tapewolf]

I'm not sure, but I think this may be only the tail end of it, unless I misunderstood.

Perhaps.  I interpreted it to mean that he was going to unveil a different ending for this block.  I guess we'll see..

[Alondro]

It's a word limit.  To make sure enough people can get their work into the con book, the stories have to be less than 1000 words for the most part (though there are exceptions, especially for guests of honor who are writers).  It's challenging to write a comprehensive story in a limited medium, but it's one good way to learn how to put everything you need for the story to work in a small space.  You learn to get all the vital parts, get your message out (if there is one), and make the characters as believable as possible in just that little page or two. 

Then if you care to write a longer version with more detail, you already have your core plot in mind and you'll know how to expand it while staying true to the theme, or find places to add side plots, or use the short story as a side tale in a major novel.  The short story is a very useful thing.  I like to note Kurt Vonnagate's "Harrison Bergeron" as a prime example.  It's impact is dependent on its shortness.  A longer version of it would lose the power of the suddeness and harshness of its end.

Hmm.. does it show that I did very well in my literature classes?  Odd for a science major!  I'm a jack of all trades!  A will-o-the-wisp!  A Swiss Army knife, just without the pointy ends!   

[Alondro]

Erf, have ta double post to get the second version in.    I had a hard time with this one, cuz I'm actually a softee at heart.  I don't like writing sad or horror scenes, but I know that sometimes they're needed to make strong points or simply strong stories. 

As for the incomplete look of both short stories, those who've read ewnough of them will realize that most are like that.  Especially in short stories that are very heavily dependent on character dialog rather than narration, much of the critical character detail is only hinted at, inferred, or quickly said in passing at various spots where it fits the conversation.  Add too much and the dialog just doesn't seem real.  Who goes into a detailed discussion of their entire life every time they talk with someone they know?  But you also have to be sure you're not leaving things out that are critical to the plot, or could help advance the plot or add another important or interesting angle with only a few additional words.  It's a tricky tightrope walk, maintaining that balance.

Well, here it is.  The sinister and shocking 'Outer Limits-ish' version with the twist ending.  RJ, do not read.  You will cry.   

Dark Reflections
   By Charles de Charleroy, Jr.

"Father!  Father!" came the voice of his son to the famed Leyjonan technomage, Andoro Selorus, who was in the library conducting research for his royal client, Lord Alondro Feleonax.  After running to his father and latching upon his leg, with claws extended, the young lion-like cub continued to cry, "Father, I'm going to be a terrible person when I grow up!  I don't want to!"

   Wincing, his father gently withdrew his son's little talons from his thigh, "Espero, why would you think you're going to be a bad person?"

   Espero quickly looked to the floor, wrinkling his muzzle with his sniffling, "I-I saw me when I'm grown up."

   His father sighed deeply, "Espero, did you look into the Reflecting Pool?

   The cub confirmed the suspicion with a subdued whimper, "Yes Father."  He yelped as his father quickly took him in his paws and set him upon his lap.

   "You know it is forbidden for any but the most skilled of our order to use that pool, don't you?" his father said sternly with the hint of a growl.

   "I'm sorry," Espero squeaked, hunching like a mouse under his father's leonine gaze.  "I-I just wanted to see what I'd be when I grew up.  I didn't know I was going to be so bad."  He began to tremble, "Are you going to kill me, Father?"

   His father suddenly clutched him to his chest, and Espero shut his eyes as tears flowed down his muzzle.  "Espero," came his father's voice.  "Look at me, my son."

   Slowly, the little cub looked up and saw as many tears in his father's eyes as in his own.  "My son," Andoro said.  "I know what you saw.  You saw the waters of the Pool darkened and angry, as though blood and ink had been swirled into them.  You saw yourself doing terrible things, killing innocent people, ravaging the whole world."

   Espero's eyes widened in horror, "You know about it?  Then I'm really going to do those things?!"  He began to shake and sob, "I deserve to die."

   "NO!  You do not deserve it!" his father said in a powerful tone with a hint of a roar in it, which stopped his son's sobbing instantly!  "My dear son," said Andoro in a much gentler tone.  "Why do you think it's forbidden to look into the pool without training and with the rest of the guild present?  It is because all good people have a fear in their heart that they will become evil, and that fear directs which future of themselves they see."  He hugged his son, "You saw what you're afraid of; a nightmare that is very unlikely to be real now."  He then set Espero on the floor and stood up.  "Follow me.  I'll show you what I mean."

   Espero toddled after his father.  He stepped out the door of the library.  He saw his father's suddenly grief-stricken face turn away.

   BLAM!!

   The little cub crumpled instantly, half his skull blown apart, and tumbled down the marble steps.

   "So, it was unavoidable, as we feared," the elder Guild member behind the door said as he stepped out of the shadow and resealed his focused shock wave weapon.  "He saw the future of himself, and thus set in motion the events that would have led to it, in spite of our efforts.  I know this was the hardest thing you have ever done, Andoro.  But think of the alternative.  He was going to become a monster."

   "He was still my son!" Andoro cried, picking up the limp little corpse of his cub from the pool of blood upon the terrace.  "Wasn't there any other way?  Why didn't we just destroy the Pool?"  He laid a trembling paw over his son's face and shut the lifeless eyes.  "He hadn't done anything yet.  He didn't deserve this..."

   The old Guild member growled, "You would have us destroy that which has saved our race countless times for one cub's life?  Andoro..."  He turned and began to leave the yard.  "Andoro, you saw the other paths of his life.  All but one led to that end.  This day was his final test, the only way that future could be avoided while allowing him to live.  He failed.  Sometimes there is simply no other way.  For what little it is worth, I'm sorry.  He was my grandson.  But we have a higher duty to uphold.  It's the price we pay for the power to see what will be."

   The future the Guild saw later that day was one of tranquility and plenty for their race once more.  Only they ever knew what it cost to ensure that peace whenever the waters of the Pool were darkened.

   The End

[Tapewolf]

Hmm, someone likes Steven Barnes.
I'm afraid I'll have to go with the first version as written by Charles, rather than the second version as written by Charline.

[Nikki]

 

*breaks down bawling*

[Aridas]

...I THINK that means you should stick with the first one...

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Interesting.

I kinda like both. In different ways....

[Alondro]

I'll need more opinions before I can know for sure.  This one's very tough for me.  On the one hand, there's the hopeful, optimistic story.  On the other, the painfulness that would result if one could actually see the future.

For instance, if you could stand in front of Adolf Hitler when he was only a baby, knowing what he'd do as an adult, would you be able to kill him?  It's a very interesting and ponderous philosophical question when you think about it.

It's one of the reasons I think that even if time travel were possible and people could avoid or not have to worry about paradoxes, they'd still never time travel for very long.  Seeing the terrible things they could prevent, either giving in to the idea or trying to resist it while watching innocents die.  There is also the temptation to use their knowledge for their own gains... there's pretty much no way it wouldn't lead to horrific consequences.

That's why I have a slight leaning to the second.  It's cold and cruel ending is what I see as the likeliest sort of outcome of a society that had the ability to ensure peace by removing threats before they become threats.   And would they be justified?  Many lives saved at the expense of one?  As we see, they tried to alter the future.  From what the grandfather said, they tried very hard, used every possible measure save destroying the Pool.  Of course, this story implies that there is such a thing as destiny, which one can debate philosophically for an eternity because there is no solid evidence for or against it.  Heck, Plato was arguing about it over 2,000 years ago!

In the end, the stories are fiction, and I can only hope they're good fiction. 

[RJ]

I'm going to have to go with the first one... without first thinking about that post you just made, it seems too violent.

That and I'm a sucker for happy endings...

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

For instance, if you could stand in front of Adolf Hitler when he was only a baby, knowing what he'd do as an adult, would you be able to kill him?  It's a very interesting and ponderous philosophical question when you think about it.

Critical point is - what's the cost?

For instance, Robert Heinlein had a point where someone mentioned going back and slipping a condom to the right (or wrong) father at the appropriate time to remove someone from history. End result was nuclear catastrophe within 100 years, as the story goes - for all the troubles and horrors that the person in question had triggered, it was all a release valve that the human race desperately needed to avoid a much worse fate.


And the most critical point is, even if you have a time machine, you still can't go back and do it over. Despite what Hollywierd would have you believe, a la Back To The Future....

[Tapewolf]

I think, ultimately your choice depends on what you're trying to do.  This is going on some kind of Anthrocon brochure, so the question is really this - do you want to put people into a foul mood as they turn up or an optimistic one?

[Alondro]

*chuckles*  There have been uncomfortable stories in the Anthrocon book before.  The panel does their best to pick the best-written stories, not simply ones that have happy endings.

Anyway, time travel is (fortunately) a purely fictional excursion.  Even the allowance by relativity to 'travel in to future' is an illusion, because the traveler's perception of space-time is actually slowing down relative to the rest of the universe.. and there's some debate as to how much of a real physical effect that would have on an object.  Even so, you'd just end up a little way in the future.  It'd be the same as waking up from a few years in a coma.  There's no way at all, on the other hand, to even appear to go backward.  TIme is not a dimension like the other three.  What we perceive is the progression of entropy, the movement and passage of kinetic energy and fluxes between equilibrium states.  It's nothing like moving back and forth, up and down, or side to side in a dimension defining a spatial parameter.  That's why time is part of space-time.  It's not a dimension on its own. 

But it's a fun part of fiction, and allows for stories and circumstances that could never happen otherwise, in the same way magic and inter-dimensional travel are used, and teleportation  too.  The latter is impossible on the basis that teleporting anything larger than atomic particles defies several major precepts of quantum mechanics (such as the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle) and requires exponential amounts of energy to attempt.

That's what fiction is for, the imagination.  As long as it's written well and gives you a fascinating story, the reality of it doesn't matter... so long as its being 'real' and true to the world in which it is set.  Internal reality and consistency are what's most important.  The only time you need to worry about real-world physical laws are when you set your story in the real world.  Then all the natural laws must be applied, or have a very good reason for breaking them.  Note the difference between Star Trek and say, Wing Commander.  In Star Trek, everyone walks on the floor of the ships, even in the tiny shuttles.  Well, they have invented artificial gravity!  How did they do that?  Who cares!  It's in teh future!  Anything's possible! 

Wing Commander, on the other hand... regularly burning wreckage in a landing bay that was in a vacuum... pushing the wreckage out of the ship and then having it FALL off the edge of the ship instead of floating away... sealing the fighters by simply plopping down a hatch with a flat edge with visible gaps where the air would rapidly leak out.  I think you see the difference between good fiction and sloppy storytelling.  A good story doesn't desperately rely on suspension of beliefs to entice the reader.  A good story is one that is so good that the reader WANTS to suspend their beliefs and accept it.  We know, for instance, that a gold ring cannot make you invisible.  But J.R.R Tolkien made such a wonderful tale that we don't care!  We accept that fantasy world's rules as real because of how carefully and cleverly the story was written and how much we like the characters and their adventure.

Just look at DMFA itself.  None of the creatures are real and few could ever be real (Or so we think... Charline laughs in the shadows and the flash of a certain doctor's grin is seen as he prepares an injection for his next experimental subject!  >.> )  But the story is just too good to care about that.  *poke!*  Oww!  Who stuck me with that needle?  I-I feel funny... 

Always remember the keys to good fiction!  I'm so glad I had my literature classes.   

Still not sure which one to choose.  Meh, I might just submit them both and let the committee decide.  There's no limit on the number of submissions.  Heck, I've even had two stories in the con book before, in 2005 for the 'Heroes' theme.  Oh yeah, somebody died in one of those too.