[Story] The Future History of Jakob Pettersohn (11/Jul/09 - Final Chapter)

Started by Tapewolf, February 24, 2007, 03:15:04 PM

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techmaster-glitch

Quote from: Tapewolf on November 15, 2008, 07:54:13 PM
"Turn yourself in.  Tell the judge that you're really, really sorry and that it won't ever happen again.  If we can convince Daryil, he may be able to influence them to reduce your sentence.
"The only other way I can think of to settle this mess is for you - armed with only a small pistol - to break into the evidence chamber like Linda Craft did in CheeseRaider and bring Ashford's soul to us so we can resurrect it.  The choice is yours."
Ahh.

... :B

That certainly doesn't sound like he was kidding...
Avatar:AMoS



Tapewolf


J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


techmaster-glitch

Avatar:AMoS



James StarRunner

I could have commented earlier I guess, but writing messages via PSP is a paaaaain (didn't have the lappy for awhile)... Looks like the conflict is rising. I eagerly look forward to what comes next.

Tapewolf

This was made a bit late by RBW.  While I'm not exactly short of material it was a bit of a job to decide the cutoff points.Thanks to James for his help with the dialogue.




Chapter 46 - Meetings

"You have a visitor," the prison guard said.  Dasgard gave a sigh of despondency as the robed figure of a red fox entered the cell, the bolt slamming fast behind him.

"Go away," the dalmatian told the monk sharply.  "Whatever religion it is you're peddling, I am not interested.  I have no wish to spend my final hours listening to your prattle."

"I apologise, my son," he said.  "My purpose here was twofold.  Yes, I may offer salvation for your soul if you would have it, but that was not the only reason I wished to see you.  There is another reason, one quite unrelated to my vocation as a man of the Cloth... a hobby of mine, if you will.  I have something of an interest in the affairs of the Incubi and Succubi.  I would know why you have done what you did."

"Fair enough," Das said.  "If nothing else, knowing that someone else has heard my side of the story will make it easier when..." he closed his eyes for a moment.  The brother held his hand for a few moments, consoling him.

"Eight people died because of you," he said softly.  "Why?  What was it all for?"

"I went on a rampage," the incubus said.  "Well, it was supposed to be, anyway.  But... I... they never said it would be like this!"

"How do you mean, my son?  And what, may I ask, were you expecting it to be like?"

"The professor always told us it was an exhilarating experience, holding the lives of Beings in our hands and crushing them as if they were rotten fruit.  It was something we were supposed to do, to revel in the glory of being 'Cubi and therefore superior..."

"Professor?  What subject was this?"

"Pain and Terror."

"Thought so," the monk mumbled.

"I beg your pardon?" Dasgard said, looking at the fox strangely as a suspicion began to dawn in his mind.

"Nothing... Anyway, this professor.  She seemed to believe you would find the rampages to be thrilling, even pleasurable... did she not?  What did you actually feel?"

"Guilt.  Disgust.  They were people, just going about their everyday lives and... and I just came along and... murdered them.  I didn't even enjoy it.  I thought... maybe after the first few it would become easier, but it didn't... it got worse and I could feel their horror and it made me sick and I knew that I was basically doing it all for no reason.  They weren't attacking me, they weren't even in my way... they just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time... and many of them had families... or parents... Oh gods, oh gods... I deserve execution!" he sobbed.

"I am glad of your remorse," the monk told him.  "But of the people you had slain before you came to your senses... what became of their souls?" he asked, a harder edge suddenly entering his voice.

"Freed," Das said.  "Gone to find their reward.  I may be a murderer, but what right have I to deny them eternity?"

"...Then I may be able to help you," the brother hissed furtively.

"That is good, my child," he continued normally.  "Had you killed without remorse, or murdered their souls then I should leave you now to explain your wicked misdeeds to the Gods themselves..."

As he spoke, one finger morphed into a sharp blade and he traced the figure of a small heart, apparently in mid-air.  There was a faint crackling sound and he placed something small and cold into the canid's palm.  Das looked down, and to some astonishment realised that whatever he had been given was completely invisible.

"Place it in your locket," the monk whispered urgently.  "Make sure you are wearing it when you are taken to be executed.  It may just save you."

"What is your name, brother?" he asked.

"Brother Niall, my son."

"Time's up," the guard told them, and led the monk out of the cell.

* * *

"My apologies," Sanderssen said, standing once again in their impromptu headquarters in the Islington.  "There has been a major development.  Ordering your arrest was the quickest way of bringing you here."

"And next time we go outside?" Joshua snapped irritably.

"I've cancelled the order for your arrest.  And please stop sulking, Mr. Oswald... your ill-gotten hoard will be returned to its true owners.  You're lucky you weren't charged with robbery yourself!  Anyway, Jakob...  Are you there?"

Jakob's face appeared on the screen.  There was another, younger-looking wolf incubus standing next to him, alike yet unlike.

"May I present my father, Petter Josefsohn," Jakob said.  "A professor of Religious Studies at the S&I Academy."

Jakob glanced back to his father, just in time to see Daryil pounce and drag him to the floor.  "Mine!" the tri-wing cried.  "Or I will help you not!"

"I think we can probably live without that kind of help," Jakob said.

James chuckled a bit at the display. "Reminds me of my wife, Hanna when she... Uh..." After getting a few quizzical looks decided to drop the subject. "...Nevermind."

"Squirrel porn," Ashley said and made a face as his mind-shield strengthened a few notches.

"When your leader has quite finished," Sanderssen said patiently, "There is someone I need you to meet.  You can come in now," he called.  The door opened a crack, and the face of a cougar poked timidly through.

"Come in," the demon told him gently.  "Don't be afraid."

"The Father doesn't know I'm here," Brother Abidan said nervously.

"I'll take that, if you don't mind," Sethir said, reaching for the ring glinting on the newcomer's hand.

"No, you don't understand!" he yelped.  "Don't remove it!  It'll explode!"

"We've seen first hand what can happen when kept on.  So tell me then, how do you know it'll explode?" James demanded.

"It's happened before.  One of my Sisters tried to remove hers to take a bath.  The Father preached about it for weeks afterwards, and we had to clean up the mess!  When it happens he will know... He always knows!"

"That implies telemetry," Azrael said.  "Your precious Father may be able to detonate it remotely if he twigs what's going on.  We'll have to try and remove it safely."

Ashley, James and Sanderssen - the only spellcasters to hand - spent the next five minutes trying to unpick a complex mixture of spells and technology built into the device.  The three of them stiffened as a sudden pulse of magic throbbed through the air.  Quick as a flash, Ashley's tentacle flicked around the puma's hand, slicing and flicking.  A severed finger sailed through the air.

"Soul's End, Ashley!  What the f-" Azrael stopped as the digit suddenly consumed itself in a blinding flash.

"N..nuh..." the cat gurgled, staring in shock at his hand and the blood pumping from it.  Ashley looked stricken as the realisation of what he'd done and the puma's own shock and pain suddenly hit him.

"Oh gods, gods, gods," the incubus wailed, "I-I thought he was a robot!"

"Let's not lose our heads.  Had he still had his finger when that thing went off, he'd be dead.  As bad as it sounds, I think a finger for a life seems like a good bargain to me." James informed them grimly, as he quickly moved to heal the feline's bleeding hand.
Ashley, still whimpering, tried hard to suppress the pain in their impromptu patient while James magically closed the wound and stopped the bleeding.  "I can't regenerate lost limbs or digits, but this should do for now."

* * *

"An interesting case," the succubus told Dorcan.  She was a border collie of Clan Duskayne, her fur a mixture of black and pale blue.  "And one not entirely without precedent," she added after a moment.  "I'm not sure we've ever had an android before, but there have been cases where souls have been swapped, or otherwise re-housed.  If your mother is willing to testify to you being her son, we should make some headway."

"How long will it take?  What will it cost?" Dorcan asked.

"Our clans are not in any state of conflict," she said, "So I shall waive the retainer.  I will take the case on a no-win-no-fee basis and our usual rate for such work is 15% of funds recovered, plus taxes."

"Sounds good," the Doberman agreed.

"Unfortunately there may be some delays in starting, I fear.  As you may have heard, a wayward child of Clan Duskayne has taken it upon herself to elope with a member of... Istharya's Clan," she practically spat, her heterochromic eyes narrowing with anger.  "I have been called to testify in this matter myself.  If it impacts your case by more than five working days of each month I will offer you a discount.  I take it you are currently employed?"

"I'm starting this month, on thirty-two thousand a year," Dorcan told her.

"Very good.  If you can leave your contact details, I will let you know how things progress."

* * *

Niall did not stop until the body was safely in the back of the mortician's shop.  It was owned by a complex chain of subsidiaries and shell companies, which even an Angel would find difficult to trace back to Nilson Ausmann of Jayhawk Cybernetics.  Placing the coffin upon a trolley, he touched a glowing hand to a sequence of bricks in the back wall and a portal opened up, taking him straight to the Arctic laboratories.

The foxes' ancient heart sang with joy and the sheer exhilaration of the rush which always came with this kind of job.  It had taken at least three shapeshiftings to pull off.  Firstly the monk, a red fox with considerably different markings to his own.  Then he had masqueraded as a relative attending the hanging itself before finally becoming Edvik the mortician to collect the body in the evening.

Safe within the complex, he reached for the locket around the dead dog's neck and removed it.  His hand glowed briefly as the heart-shaped sliver of soulstone became visible.  He tipped the thing out, pocketed it and closed the locket before examining a small parcel someone had left on his desk.
Opening it he found another soulstone wrapped in paper and sticky tape, and a hastily-scrawled covering note from Keaton.  Apparently she had managed to evade the guards long enough to leave the soulstone among the Evidence Chamber's own outgoing post.

Another resurrection, he thought.  We really should start charging for these, or at least offering them on credit or something...  He sat down at the terminal, searching the WorldNet for stock photos of the late Commander Ashford.  Having printed a few out, he placed them in a folder alongside the soulstone.  While Daryil could sculpt the entire fur patterning and body shape from the memories within the soul itself, photographs definitely made things a lot easier.

As he turned to go, the vulpine's eyes fell on Dasgard's locket and in a sudden moment of curiosity, he opened the thing up and glanced at the photograph inside it.  "Holy gods," he said.  It was Dorcan.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Gabi

Wow, Niall's done a lot of work! It was nice to see more of him.

And... squirrel porn? :rolleyes
~~ Gabi a.k.a. Gliynn Starseed, APF ~~
Thanks to Silver for the yappities, and to everyone for being so great!
(12:28:12) llearch: Gabi is equal-opportunity friendly

Tapewolf


J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Gabi

Oh, I remember that strip. But I thought he was thinking about a burrito back then! :P
~~ Gabi a.k.a. Gliynn Starseed, APF ~~
Thanks to Silver for the yappities, and to everyone for being so great!
(12:28:12) llearch: Gabi is equal-opportunity friendly

James StarRunner

"Hmm... I just ate a bean burrito and I'm about to give you a musical present..."  >:3

My wife laughed really good at the Daryil pounce/squirrel porn segment. ^_^

Tapewolf

Quote from: James StarRunner on December 02, 2008, 03:21:50 PM
My wife laughed really good at the Daryil pounce/squirrel porn segment. ^_^
Glad you liked that addition.  It just seemed so.. right... that Ashley should suddenly just come out with that without thinking.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Sunblink

I laughed hard at the Istharya/Duskayne reference. For some reason, I really, really like the Succubus lawyer that was introduced in this chapter. Blue and black fur and heterochromatic eyes? Awesome!

I need to post in this thread more often. :3 I loved the chapter. Keep up the good work.

Tapewolf

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on December 02, 2008, 07:07:58 PM
I laughed hard at the Istharya/Duskayne reference. For some reason, I really, really like the Succubus lawyer that was introduced in this chapter. Blue and black fur and heterochromatic eyes? Awesome!
I need to post in this thread more often. :3 I loved the chapter. Keep up the good work.

Thanks.  Regarding the character design, I've been meaning to have a Border for some time.  They often have heterochromia, typically one blue iris and one normal, brown eye.  The fur is pale blue because, unusual colours are a trait of Creatures which I haven't really got the hang of, so now seems as good a time as any to start...

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


techmaster-glitch

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on December 02, 2008, 07:07:58 PM
I laughed hard at the Istharya/Duskayne reference.
Could there be an explanation for us ignorant of the background? :<
Avatar:AMoS



llearch n'n'daCorna

You know, I wonder how Duskayne is pronounced. The same as DuQuesne, perhaps?

Things to think about...
Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Tapewolf

Quote from: techmaster-glitch on December 02, 2008, 07:51:19 PM
Could there be an explanation for us ignorant of the background? :<
You might want to re-read the previous chapter, most of what you need is there.

In short, they are two 'Cubi clans who consist almost entirely of lawyers and are in a state of (legal) conflict.  One of Keaton's pictures ('Puzzle' aka 'Themes no. 98') does feature a Duskayne succubus, so there is probably a deeper background, but it's not really relevant to the story as such.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Sunblink

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 02, 2008, 07:59:01 PM
You know, I wonder how Duskayne is pronounced. The same as DuQuesne, perhaps?

Things to think about...

Exactly as it looks. Dus-kane.

Also, Tape is right, there is a bit of a story behind this... I just haven't come up with it yet. :B SO THERE. But the Succubus featured in the "Puzzle" picture Tape mentioned is Desdemona, who is Lianna's psychiatrist while she is admitted at SAIA. I haven't really solidified this yet, but I think Desdemona was infamous for defending the criminally insane in trials before she retired as a lawyer, although she did have a great deal of knowledge in the field of psychology. So generally, she was the scumbag lawyer who you love to hate for trying to excuse people's inane actions with improbable defenses.

Ohohohoo~ *flies away*

AndersW

Just started reading yesterday, just about to start chapter 25 good story so far.  Little hard to follow at times, but really good.

Found something interesting that I had to point out.

Quote from: Tapewolf on August 04, 2007, 12:20:12 PM
Chapter 13 - Thief

"Kind of.  I don't know the gory details but Fi survived and was re-bound to Clan Ti'Fiona.  Her new owner happened to be in the Academy at the time I was taking Fa'Lina to task, so she summoned Fi to the office and questioned her over it."

Dan started his own clan did he?  :mowsmile

Tapewolf

Quote from: AndersW on December 06, 2008, 02:52:07 PM
Dan started his own clan did he?  :mowsmile
Holy hell.  That was written on the plane to Anthrocon 2007 and no-one spotted it since!

**EDIT**
Fixed now.   I may rewrite that bit for the comic version anyway - Fa'Lina's omniscience was not known at the time.  I'll have to try and find out if it's possible to work around it somehow.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


llearch n'n'daCorna

I suspect that, at the time, Cyra clan hadn't been identified.

Had it?
Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Tapewolf

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 06, 2008, 05:45:52 PM
I suspect that, at the time, Cyra clan hadn't been identified.  Had it?
Yes, it had.  I don't know if it was the first reference, but it certainly came out in 528 which was at least 18 months prior.  Goodness knows what I was thinking at the time.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


AndersW

I thought it was intentional, and it seemed to work in some weird way.

Dan starts his own clan, then goes off to SAIA.  It could work.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Finished reading the whole thing. Good times.

"You abolished the law of gravity," Jakob pointed out.

In Chapter 7 the executioner said, "It's just a pity we can't hang you twice."  I was waiting for Dorcan to reference that when he was hung the second time.

Just so many good things.  Can't wait to see some of these events in Project Future.

Tapewolf

Quote from: AndersW on December 06, 2008, 08:36:45 PM
I thought it was intentional, and it seemed to work in some weird way.
Dan starts his own clan, then goes off to SAIA.  It could work.
I would not presume to choose Dan's direction for him... that's Amber's privilege, and hers alone.  Also, I don't see it working very well, since he'd surely have to have studied hard at SAIA to learn how to branch the clan in the first place.

What might be interesting is if he persuades Fa'Lina to change his own clan affiliation (I'm assuming this is possible) as a precondition to his entering the Academy.  Something like that may yet happen if he discovers that his clan is notoriously evil, etc...

QuoteIn Chapter 7 the executioner said, "It's just a pity we can't hang you twice."  I was waiting for Dorcan to reference that when he was hung the second time.
I was originally going to, but I thought the 'return customers' lines was better.  I might fit both into PF if I remember and have space.

QuoteJust so many good things.  Can't wait to see some of these events in Project Future.
Nor can I, actually...

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


AndersW

Having now read the entire story again, I have a list of events that  I wish to comment on.

Quote from: Chapter 15 - Poor Man on September 10, 2007, 08:28:39 AM
He had the strange impression of being about two-thirds of his previous side, and there was something very odd about his muzzle.
Should be size.

Quote from: Tapewolf on November 10, 2007, 08:06:51 AM
It's a bit like having full 'Cubi powers and using them exclusively to peel oranges or something.
Quote from: Chapter 34 - Journeys on June 07, 2008, 10:05:39 AM
As she finished one orange, her wing-tentacles were busy peeling another in advance.
:mowhappy

Quote from: Chapter 20 - Aftermath on November 26, 2007, 12:34:28 PM
"Legal history was made as the judge ruled himself in contempt of court..." Jakob read out.

Quote from: Chapter 28 - Madness on March 15, 2008, 04:59:34 PM
"Look, can't we deal with this later?" Fendrick sighed.
...
"That was a prototype for an asteroid defence system.  But I couldn't get the accuracy... the distance was big enough to make the speed of light a limiting factor."
...
A moment later, Tanholt was out cold on the floor next to the jackal, who lay on her back clutching her impromptu mace.(Did you mean Fendrick?)
Speed of light a limiting factor.

Quote from: Chapter 29 - Water on March 29, 2008, 08:55:30 PM
Fendrick looked like he was about to explode - if it wasn't for the fact that he was a machine, his blood pressure would have been horrendous.

Quote from: Chapter 30 - Punishment on April 12, 2008, 07:29:45 PM
"Lord Ikaarion Daryil - Tri-Winged incubus and founder of the clan that bears his name.  Bane of the dreaded fire-snail, nemesis of Clan Ti'Nera, scourge of Q&B Home Improvement Limited, eater of pies and founder of the Subtle Paw."

Quote from: Chapter 33 - Bounty on May 24, 2008, 08:05:14 AM
"Burnt toilet paper," he said.
...
"Oh, you're up already!" Jakob said.  "Wonderf-"  He staggered back as she hugged him.  "Gods, Daryil!  What did you do to her?!"  Is she on drugs or something?
...
Dorcan's heart missed a beat.  At least, it would have done if he'd had one. 
Keaton is awesome.

Quote from: Chapter 37 - Stalemate on July 26, 2008, 04:25:38 PM
As he left, one of the cupboards opened and Keaton climbed out, quickly shoving the remaining marshmallows into her mouth.
Keaton is very awesome.

Quote from: Chapter 38 - Disguises on August 09, 2008, 08:12:06 AM
"I swore an oath to serve justice," Seth said.  "That would take precedence."
"Just like the three laws of robotics," Niall murmured.  Seth looked most affronted.
Funny because he is a robot now.

Quote from: Chapter 38 - Disguises on August 09, 2008, 08:12:06 AM
Daryil fixed his protégé with an odd expression.  "With powers like these, I could conquer worlds," he said.  There was a strange gleam in his eye for a moment.  "Instead, I use them to fight crime, arrange flowers and cheat at game shows."
...
"But of course!  Three out of every four evil deeds are committed in the kitchen," the raccoon said, proudly.  Jakob just stared at him.
...
"Who's this maniac?" Daryil asked, walking past.  "He sounds dangerously insane.  Why have you let him in?"
...
"Honest dealings don't count as evil," Johns gasped.
getting villainy reviewed, and Daryil calling someone insane. :mwaha

Quote from: Chapter 38 - Disguises on August 09, 2008, 08:12:06 AM
A few minutes later, Johns walked slowly up to one of the cupboards, as though he was listening for something.  Jakob watched him with blank incomprehension, until the raccoon suddenly opened the cupboard in a single, swift movement.  Keaton gave a cry of alarm and pulled the door tight shut before Jakob had quite registered what had happened.

"Harbouring a fugitive..." the raccoon beamed and ticked a few more boxes.

Keaton...? As Johns moved on to study the sink, Jakob opened the cupboard again.  It was empty.  I must have imagined it...
Quote from: Chapter 39 - Disasters on August 22, 2008, 07:20:59 PM
Keaton sat in her favourite cupboard in the kitchens, busily playing Soul Eater III on her GamePuppy.  Despite the contempt and disdain she held for Beings, Keaton was forced to concede that when it came to entertainment, they really knew their shit.
Keaton hiding in the cupboard again.

Quote from: Chapter 41 - Ha'Khun on September 19, 2008, 06:45:17 PM
"I think it's time someone taught you a lesson," he said.  The collie assumed a defensive stance, as did his sidekick.
...
"Now, I suggest you remember that, and remember it well, because if ever you cross my path again, it will come up in your test."

Quote from: Chapter 42 - Apples on October 03, 2008, 05:15:02 PM
"They're going to serve me with a summons.  Idiots with swords I can handle.  Lawyers?  No way."
...
"He's been alive all this time and never called?!" James fumed.  "Hanna and I went to his funeral thinking he was dead all this time!  I'm totally going to kick his butt when I see him next!  No cookies for him!"

Quote from: Chapter 43 - Cults on October 19, 2008, 07:23:46 AM
Eat your soul out, Linda Craft, she thought.

Quote from: Chapter 44 - Psychometrics on November 01, 2008, 09:17:25 AM
and a restraining order for you."  Daryil beamed, and ran to pin it up in his room next to the others.
...
Another resurrection, he thought.  We really should start charging for these, or at least offering them on credit or something...

Tapewolf

Quote from: AndersW on December 08, 2008, 02:30:21 PM
Having now read the entire story again, I have a list of events that  I wish to comment on.

Should be size.
I noticed a typo myself the other day - 'our' instead of 'out' (chapter 26).  I'll try and fix them both.  (Also "Made his out" in chapter 3)

QuoteA moment later, Tanholt was out cold on the floor next to the jackal, who lay on her back clutching her impromptu mace.(Did you mean Fendrick?)

Speed of light a limiting factor.
I don't see anything wrong with the 'speed of light' bit, but yes, it is Tanholt.  He's fainted.  Fendrick has vanished within a cloud of feathers, the assumption being that his head has suffered a graphically-violent fate.  I'm not quite sure how we're going to portray it in the comic, but we've got plenty of time to solve that problem.

QuoteKeaton is awesome.
Very much so.  Writing her has been tremendous fun, I was very reluctant to let her go, but I was running out of ideas for her.  It is fair to say that if I hadn't taken her character to heart like that, the series would probably not have lasted this long.

Oh, and I'll have to see if I can dig up the origin of the Fire Snail.

Quotegetting villainy reviewed, and Daryil calling someone insane. :mwaha
If Daryil thinks you're crazy, you've really got problems.  'Nuff said.  And yes, I saw a few possibilities when that DMFA strip came up.  If you look hard, you can often see the comic's influence - you can sometimes work out when parts of it were written if you know what you're looking for.

Quote"He's been alive all this time and never called?!" James fumed.  "Hanna and I went to his funeral thinking he was dead all this time!  I'm totally going to kick his butt when I see him next!  No cookies for him!"
James wrote that line.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


AndersW

Quote from: Tapewolf on December 08, 2008, 03:15:02 PM
QuoteA moment later, Tanholt was out cold on the floor next to the jackal, who lay on her back clutching her impromptu mace.(Did you mean Fendrick?)

Speed of light a limiting factor.
I don't see anything wrong with the 'speed of light' bit, but yes, it is Tanholt.  He's fainted.  Fendrick has vanished within a cloud of feathers, the assumption being that his head has suffered a graphically-violent fate.  I'm not quite sure how we're going to portray it in the comic, but we've got plenty of time to solve that problem.

I found it funny that the speed of light was a limiting factor, I didn't have anything wrong with it.

It is confusing what was going on.  Keaton hit Fendrick, then Tanholt fell down.  It doesn't say that Tanholt fainted, just that he fell down.  It also doesn't say what happened to Fendrick after Keaton hit him, it just jumps to saying Tanholt fell down.  It makes for a very confusing sequence.


I also notice in several scenes you have the androids crying, "Dorcan wept as he..."  I thought they couldn't cry?

Tapewolf

Quote from: AndersW on December 08, 2008, 04:42:30 PM
It is confusing what was going on.  Keaton hit Fendrick, then Tanholt fell down.  It doesn't say that Tanholt fainted, just that he fell down.  It also doesn't say what happened to Fendrick after Keaton hit him, it just jumps to saying Tanholt fell down.  It makes for a very confusing sequence.
It could have been done better.  I was trying to do my usual trick of keeping the reader guessing - and probably overdid it.

QuoteI also notice in several scenes you have the androids crying.  I thought they couldn't cry?
They can't cry tears, no.  But pretty much everything else is implemented.  If it was supposed to be a comical scene, I might have written "Dorcan was extremely emotionally distressed and made loud sobbing noises", but that wasn't quite the mood I was trying to evoke  :P

Now - the Fire Snail.  It took me a while to dig this up, but here it is.  Some time around 19 years ago, when PC games sucked, I got hold of a small B&W dungeon crawler called 'Reargard'.  It was okay, but buggy as hell and took itself much too seriously.  So I took it apart with a hex editor.

The result was "Beergarden", in which the player encountered people and things they might expect to encounter in a garden and all the spells were changed into different brands of lager.  I wasn't able to change the sprites, but whatever.

Here's an example:

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k216/tapewolf/games/beergarden/beer1.png

Anyway, the Fire Snail was one of the altered foes.  I think it was probably a fire dragon or drake or something:

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k216/tapewolf/games/beergarden/beer6.png

Like I said, the game was buggy.  Remarkably this wasn't because I'd damaged the code, it just was incredibly unbalanced:


http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k216/tapewolf/games/beergarden/beer3.png

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


James StarRunner

Quote from: Tapewolf on December 08, 2008, 03:15:02 PM
Quote"He's been alive all this time and never called?!" James fumed.  "Hanna and I went to his funeral thinking he was dead all this time!  I'm totally going to kick his butt when I see him next!  No cookies for him!"
James wrote that line.

I actually wrote that at about the time I ate that giant cookie that's in my art thread now.

Tapewolf

Thanks again to James and Keaton for proofing etc.



Chapter 47 - Tidings

Father Albina looked at the email signifying the detonation of ring number 143 with some concern.  It had occurred outside of the local network cell, which meant that whatever had happened had taken place outside of the temple building.  What concerned him more was that no-one was currently assigned on a mission and that in turn meant that he either had a delinquent, an incompetent... or a traitor.

Whichever it was, they're dead now, he reasoned.  The thought gave him some comfort as he ran a search for the owner of that ring.

* * *

Dasgard's eyes opened.  He was in a bed, apparently a hospital bed.  His powers and senses were gone!  This was not good, but far better than he'd expected.  In all other ways he felt fine.  Sometimes rogue Creatures were punished by countermagical charms which robbed them of their powers until such time as they had repaid their debt to society.  Perhaps they had commuted his sentence at the last moment...?

Rolling over, he climbed out of bed.  He was about to look for some clothes when he realised with some surprise that he was already wearing a jerkin and trousers which looked similar - if not identical - to the ones he'd been wearing when he was taken to the scaffold.  As he glanced around for a mirror, his eyes suddenly locked on the adjacent bed in an expression of horror.  The occupant was obviously dead, his neck bent at an unnatural angle.  The body was a well-toned looking dalmatian and his spot patterning was very familiar.  Das gave a little whimper of fear as everything suddenly fell into place... he was a ghost, staring down at his own corpse.  He sat upon the floor and began to sob gently to himself.

"Ah, there you are..." the voice said.  Das turned.  The figure was looking straight at him.

"Y... you can see me?" he asked, incredulous.  Then: "Are you dead too?"

"I beg your pardon?" the fox asked, looking at him strangely.  Head-wings burst from his hair and then Das knew terror.

"Don't eat me!" he begged.  If he was truly just a naked soul, bereft of his own 'Cubi powers and defences, the other incubus could feast upon him right now, destroying everything that he was, just like his clan's leader had been destroyed.  No-one else would even know...

The Creature frowned, glanced at the body on the bed and looked contrite for a moment.

"Oops," he said.  "That shouldn't still be there.  No, you're not a ghost.  I needed the original body close at hand to do some last-minute comparisons and checks.  Anyway, I'm Niall.  Pleased to see you've made it."

"Brother Niall?  The monk?  I did wonder if you might be a..."

"Niall Jakobsohn, actually.  I find that posing as a man of the cloth is the easiest way to visit the condemned.  Maybe it is wrong to impersonate a holy man, but you can't argue with the fact that I did, in a manner of speaking, save your soul."

"But my body..." the dalmatian pointed futilely at his own chest.

Niall patted him on the back.  "Synthetic," he said.  "You're an android replica.  Perhaps it is judgemental of me, but at the end of the day, you did misuse your powers as an incubus.  Now you are just a peg or two higher than a Being.  But at least you're alive, and when your corpse is cremated at a private funeral later this week, the Mundesburg officials will never suspect a resurrection."

* * *

"So, Brother Abidan..." James said.  "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly are you? I can't quite tell what kind of Creature you are."

"I'm a shapeshifter," the puma said simply.

"Well now, that narrows it down a bit," Azrael said coolly.  "Incubus, Mythos, Dragon, Were, Phoenix, Fae... that's only about half of the known races, isn't it?"

"Cut him some slack," Ashley said impatiently.  "Jakob didn't know what he was when he was growing up.  Why should our friend here be any different?"

"You're right," Azrael sighed.  "You must forgive me, I think we're all a little tense here.  Coming to us was something you did at great personal risk and I should be far more grateful than I have been.  Pray continue, if you would be so kind."

"Well, we kill and take the place of other people.  The Father says that it is to help purify their souls, but..." he looked around furtively, as if the priest might suddenly appear and smite him with some kind of divine judgement.  "...but I don't think I believe him."

"I fear you may be correct in your assessment," Sethir said.  "But what was it that made you seek us?  And whom have you replaced?"

"The Father preached a sermon against him," the Brother replied, pointing at Councillor Sanderssen.  "He told us that Brother Arcuros had been executed by the Councillor for the crime of belonging to a false religion.  But... somehow, I could tell he was lying.  But as for my Brother's death... it was the ring, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was.  He faltered in his impersonation of the real Arcuros and then took his own life to evade capture," the Councillor sighed heavily.  "What could he possibly fear so terribly?  We treat our prisoners well."

"Summary decapitation," the Brother said fearfully.  "The Father has oft told us of a room filled with the stuffed and mounted heads of the Councillor's enemies.  But one day when I was purchasing supplies for the Father, I bumped into you and felt I could trust you.  I know it sounds silly, but I just knew... don't ask me how."

"Your gut feeling was quite correct," Sanderssen said.  "Ha'Khun has not had the death penalty for several centuries, and even during the despotic reign of Cross, that power was kept for his own use exclusively."

"And exercised less than a dozen times," Jakob chimed in.

"Whatever.  If I did have some kind of head collection, I'd be looking at some serious jail time the moment it was discovered.  The last thing a successful psychopath wants to do is to brag about it if he intends to stay free."

"I notice you've avoided the second question, Brother," James said pointedly.  "If your kind slay and replace others, have you done this yourself?  Was there really a Mr. Abidan whom you've murdered?"

"No!" the puma squeaked.  "I haven't!  It's sort of like... a rite of passage.  But I attended one of the rituals.  I knew then that the Father would soon call me to do this myself and I had to know the truth first..."

"We'd all like to know the truth," Ashley started and began to make a curious gesture with his hands.  "What you've done has been invaluable in giving us a far clearer picture of what's going on.  Now, let's see if we can't work out what you are," he said, passing the Brother a sheaf of papers and a pencil he'd pulled from mid-air.  Sethir looked at him enviously for a moment.

"This is one of our standard employment forms.  If you can fill out as much as you can, we should be able to get some idea of your capabilities, and deduce what kind of a Creature you might be."

"Souls eaten?" the puma queried a few moments later, with a nervous chuckle.  "You can't eat a soul... it's not a physical object..." his voice trailed away as he realised that the others weren't laughing.

"I'm afraid you can," Sethir told him gently.  "There are spells which allow one to remove the soul of a Being or Creature.  There are good uses for this, but generally you only get to hear about the bad ones, people having their very existences torn from their screaming bodies to be stuffed into a jar as a trophy or devoured like... like snacks.  It's one of the reasons Creatures are feared so amongst Beings, and I pledged my life to help stamp it out.  I had thought all this was common knowledge."

"I have lived what you might call a sheltered life..." the feline began and then faltered.  "Did you... is it only Creatures who can do this?" he queried, looking from face to face nervously.  "You're all Creatures, aren't you...?"

"Basically yes, on all counts," Azrael said.  "Though there was this one Being guy... Elvis of Melbourné or somesuch... he had an enchanted sword that allowed him to suck out the souls of his victims and consume them to prolong his own wicked existence."

"That's horrible!" the brother said and shivered.  "What happened?  Is he still out there?"

"Him?  He was found soulless in the middle of his ballroom by one of his descendants.  They think he cut himself with it one day while training, and that was it for him.  The sword was destroyed there and then, but even so, no-one was quite sure if his spirit passed on or not.  Good riddance...  To the sword, I mean," he added hastily.  "It's far too easy to have a nasty accident with a horrible thing like that, as he discovered to his cost."

* * *

"My Children," Father Albina called out, "The Wheel has granted me insight last eve and the tidings I bring are heavy."  He lowered his head.  "Our poor Brother Abidan has strayed from the path and wanders no more upon this world."  A muted gasp of horror ran through his flock and he waited a moment for it to die down.

"How came this to be, Father?" one of the elder Brothers asked.

"He has in sin made a pact with the forces of Evil, and foolishly sold his immortal soul to a Demon, the foul Councillor Sanderssen."

The Brother made a gesture of horror, blessing himself.

"It is true.  For his pains our poor dear Brother's head is being stuffed as we speak, ever to remain a trophy in that hall of the damned.  His face is terrible to behold, my children," he said, choking slightly.  "Pleading for mercy, an eternal regret that can never be fulfilled..."

"Know you all, that Evil never keeps its end of the bargain," he warned.  "One cannot compromise with Demons."

* * *

"Jakob... Jakob..." Dorcan called out, and suddenly noticed that there were two grey wolf incubi at the desk instead of one.  Fleetingly he wondered what would happen if called the name a third time, before realising that the other wolf was someone else.  A relative, perhaps.

"You're talking to Ha'Khun, right?" he said, focussing his attention on his boss.  "Is Joshua there?  Martha's got Commander Hanson on line three.  He wants Josh to testify at Keaton's trial."

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Gabi

Quote"Well now, that narrows it down a bit," Azrael said coolly.  "Incubus, Mythos, Dragon, Were, Phoenix, Fae... that's only about half of the known races, isn't it?"
That phrase made me laugh.

And I liked the whole interview with Abidan. Too bad I didn't get to see how it ended. (You'll show it in the next chapter, right?)

And Dorcan's mind is weird.

Nice chapter overall.
~~ Gabi a.k.a. Gliynn Starseed, APF ~~
Thanks to Silver for the yappities, and to everyone for being so great!
(12:28:12) llearch: Gabi is equal-opportunity friendly

Tapewolf

Quote from: Gabi on December 15, 2008, 05:15:20 PM
And I liked the whole interview with Abidan. Too bad I didn't get to see how it ended. (You'll show it in the next chapter, right?)
I haven't quite decided where to pick it up.  There might be a short gap where we cut to where they work out that Abidan is (as if you haven't guessed  :rolleyes ).  There's also the part where Petter gives his verdict on the religion - that may happen first.

QuoteAnd Dorcan's mind is weird.
Some people may have missed that.  I cut the "Jakob... Jakob!" bit out at first, then woke up the following morning and decided it should have been there after all.

QuoteNice chapter overall.
Thanks.  I was starting to worry... usually there are more comments than this :P

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E