Corrupt A Wish Revived

[Lysander]

Granted, but that much caffeine can't be healthy.

I wish to be justified.   

[Rakala]

Granted. You are justified in commiting suicide.

I wish I knew what to wish for. 

[Dagardo]

Granted, you wish for something that eats your intestines, but you live through it.

I wish I had a bed to sleep on instead of the floor.

[Kitsune Ascendant]

Granted. Unfortunately, the bed is courtesy of black mage.

I wish I didn't stay up so late.

[Rakala]

Granted. Technically you stayed up early.

I wish people at school would stop making fun of me for stepping in dog poo.

[Slowtini]

Granted, now they make fun of you for being stepped on BY dog poo.
waitwhat?

I wish I understood what I just said. ><;

[Lady Buggery]

Granted, but that fishy in the dishy happens to be an angry octopus. Lock up your Japanese school girls!

I wish for a cute lil puppy

[Darkdragon]

Granted, you get a cute demonic puppy, which also happens to be impossible to tame. Good luck when it grows up in your old age...

I wish we were reading a more interesting book in English...

[silentassassin]

Granted but you vecome blind and your hands fall off.
I wish for apple juice

[Darkdragon]

Granted. However, you go and shoot yourself with a gun.

I wish stuff made sense sometimes.

[Lady Buggery]

Granted, but like Nietzsche before you, learning the truth about reality makes you insane and your conscientiousness implodes in on itself as a result of everything making sense.

I wish for a cupcake.

[Jairus]

Granted. It is a perfectly ordinary cupcake, not outstanding or memorable in any way shape or form. You'll completely forget about ever eating it by the end of the day.

I wish that people never mispronounced one anothers names.

[Darkdragon]

Granted, however, you have no idea how to pronounce "Szczebrzeszyn" or "!xuble" and that severed potential ties at the fear of mispronouncing it.

I wish I can get started on my philosophy course.

[Angel]

Granted. You start with the Tao of Paris Hilton.

I wish John McCain had picked a different potential veep.

[Jairus]

Granted. Say hello to Vice Presidential candidate Paris Hilton.

I wish we were voting for leaders, and not politicians.

[yakanaj]

Granted. The next leader that is voted in is me! All who join my harem get free cookies!

I wish that stupid people would not stay at my hotel.

[Jairus]

Granted. Only geniuses stay at your hotel. They make you feel stupid.

I wish James Starrunner would not kill all those who joins yakanaj's harem.

[yakanaj]

Granted, he welcomes you with open arms and arsenic (Beware the cookies...)

I wish that even the smart people who stayed at my hotel weren't so dumb. I've met some really dumb smart people. Talk about oxi-morons.

[Lysander]

Granted, but they use they realize the greatness of the hotel down the street and leave your hotel vacant, informing everyone of the other hotel giving yours no customers.

I wish to stay a while in yakanaj's hotel.   

[Jairus]

Granted. Welcome to the Bates Hotel, I'm the manager Norman. My mother would love to meet you.

I wish I had gotten a little more sleep last night.

[Rakala]

Granted. You slept in late. And I mean late into the day. In fact you slept until tomorrow. You miss all the important meetings.

I wish my ears weren't infected.

[Angel]

Granted. Your ears have been replaced with freakish lumps of flesh, that are infection-free and harmless.

I wish I didn't have such weird dreams.

[Dagardo]

Granted. Your dreams are nightmarish instead of weird.

I wish I could have lucid dreams.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. You have a dream which is more classified as a nightmare and just when you realize you are dreaming and you can take control of the situation, you wake up.

I wish for a jolt of inspiration. (figuratively speaking)

[Lysander]

Congratulations, you are inspired to drink a bottle of Jolt.

I wish to grant this wish.   

[Angel]

Wish not granted. You have to grant your own wish. By the way, you have no clue what to wish for, and won't for a lengthy but undisclosed period of time. Sorry, pal, can't help ya. You're just gonna have to writhe in torment for a few years.

I wish I wasn't so lazy when it came to drawing my own comic.

[Darkdragon]

Granted. You are now too lazy to improve on social relationships as you are too busy drawing away at your desk.

I wish I can remember how that spell goes...

[Zedd]

Granted but it turns your family into newts!

I wish wonder what drugs Mother Goose was doing when she wrote her rhymes

[Lysander]

Granted, you learn by experience and create yet more disturbing poems.

I wish Zedd wasn't such a keen ninja...   

[yakanaj]

Granted, Zedd is no longer a keen ninja, but now you are and the assassins are now all coming after you.

I wish that I could understand and speak more Japanese.