Castlevania - Nocturn Of Blood

[TurboJustin]

I am busy with a giant fanfic about Castlevania ( d'oh ) and since four of the chapters are already done and since they are way to big to post here, I will give a link to  my site where you can read them http://castlevania.uni.cc/ Enjoy, and if you like all chapters, or some of them, please leave a reply in my Guestbook. Or join the forum

[thernody]

Those Ethan Belmonts always mimic Richter. 

[TurboJustin]

THOSE Ethan Belmonts? Damnit, I thought I found a original name 

[Destina Faroda]

I started to read this last night and after the first few paragraphs, I was ready to proclaim it trash.  I'm reading this again with fresher eyes.  It's okay...there's good and bad in it.

Im not certain if you were going for a simplistic, stream of consciousness, very literal style or because you're not all that great describing things.  It comes off as the latter more often than the former.  You have to be REALLY skilled in order to pull of the style you seem to be aiming for.  Skill as in varying sentence structure, showing (and not telling), an a use of words that is varied but not random.

Another problem is that you really don't seem to have any sense of pacing or suspense, which are critical to action pieces.  On one hand, many writers tend to go overboard with the cliches and false scares.  But on the other hand, everything is too muted in your piece.  I get no sense of anxiety or adrenaline when your character takes up the whip and is fighting for his life.

Believe it or not your actual plot and general outline aren't too bad, but you don't flesh it out.  Right now this fanfic reads like a generic summary, which is not good.  You don't have to over-dramaticize everything but you do need a sense of emotion or else you'll turn off the readers within the first paragraph.

[TurboJustin]

I started to read this last night and after the first few paragraphs, I was ready to proclaim it trash.  I'm reading this again with fresher eyes.  It's okay...there's good and bad in it.

Im not certain if you were going for a simplistic, stream of consciousness, very literal style or because you're not all that great describing things.  It comes off as the latter more often than the former.  You have to be REALLY skilled in order to pull of the style you seem to be aiming for.  Skill as in varying sentence structure, showing (and not telling), an a use of words that is varied but not random.

Another problem is that you really don't seem to have any sense of pacing or suspense, which are critical to action pieces.  On one hand, many writers tend to go overboard with the cliches and false scares.  But on the other hand, everything is too muted in your piece.  I get no sense of anxiety or adrenaline when your character takes up the whip and is fighting for his life.

Believe it or not your actual plot and general outline aren't too bad, but you don't flesh it out.  Right now this fanfic reads like a generic summary, which is not good.  You don't have to over-dramaticize everything but you do need a sense of emotion or else you'll turn off the readers within the first paragraph.

Thanks, and I know that I suck at describing things and such since I am Dutch and my English isn't ubertastic lol. I will work on it more, with detail and stuff.