Experiment 3 (art/NaNoWriMo story)

[CoyoteCaliente]

Basically I'm looking for a critique on the bookcover, and the general idea of the story. Art wise... well, does the cover look like something that's catch your eye in a store? And story wise, does the idea have enough backbone to carry me to 50,000 words in a month?

I'll post the cover, synopsis, and then a little excerpt.


Link to bigger copy... http://i930.photobucket.com/albums/ad144/LoneStarCoyote/CleanBookCover.jpg
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Rough Synopsis.
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10 very sentient, highly advance, and intelligent life forms were created under the radar by Carnegie and his scientists in order to fill a contract with the US and UN governments. They were discovered, and all of the experiments were taken and relocated into homes or appropriate professions that they had been created for, if they so wished.

However, Experiment 3 was missing. Number 3 was the general defense and bio-drone soldier request of the contract. Due to inadvertent and happen-chance circumstances, Experiment 3 was endowed with incredible psionic and psychokinetic abilities.

It's these abilities that will make the lives of the investigators charged with finding 3 a surreal hell, and turn the investigation into a deadly tumble down the rabbit hole. With Carnegie's psycho-social mind games at every turn, and 3's abilities to manipulate their very sense of perception, Lawrence Reeves and Anthony Roth's states of mind will be tested in every way possible throughout the chase.

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Rough Excerpt. (Just to give an idea of Carnegie)
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"Experiment 3 is the defense core you requested. He has no iterations, because his intelligence and psionic abilities could not be duplicated on any lower level of intelligence. He, in a way, is the pride of this entire... conspiracy, as you call it," he said, smiling. The penny round lenses of his glasses reflected light, hiding his dark eyes.

The interrogator waited for more, but Carnegie only smiled. The ex-military specialist sighed and ran his hand over his shaved head.

"If you talk, it will make things easier," he said.

Carnegie smiled more. "Enough to let me go back home to Tasmania?"

The interrogator snorted. "Is that what you think?"

"I know. That is, if you want to find Number 3," Carnegie replied, "Any files you find back at the labs should be... deliciously vague."

The interrogator had stopped dead in his methodical pace before the conniving scientist. Dammit, he though, This is going to require a lawyer. The bastard...

The interrogator changed tactics, not wanting to tread out of his boundaries.

"Mr. Carnegie, what do you mean by psionic abilities?" he asked.

Carnegie loaded another bit of ammo in his escape strategy.

"Well, I cannot tell you much-"

The hell you can, the interrogator thought.

"-But his abilities are few, yet amazing. Fiercely instinctive when it came to combat testing, but intelligent and even empathetic when it came to practical situations. And his psionic abilities... Even more incredible." Carnegie drug out the moment. "Tell me, sir, have you heard of psychokinesis?"

The bald man shook his head.

"Well, telekinesis? "

The interrogator bristled at being the one interrogated, but relented.

"Yes... Fiction. Move things with your mind and stuff."

Carnegie smiled, showing his white teeth.

"Fiction... what a misleading word."

[Inumo]

In terms of the cover, it definitely is eye-catching. The general title, though, is rather iffy. Experiment 3 is a good descriptor, but it doesn't really say much about the story itself, and is rather generic in the current market. The story idea seems like it could be interesting, although personally it's not my kind of story. If the excerpt reflects most of the story, I don't think a reader would be all that interested. However, this might sound better when in context, and could work well as a lead-in for readers. There's something a bit lackluster about it, but I can't quite put my finger on it...

Anyways, in terms of lasting power, depending on how invested you are, it could either stretch to the 50,00 mark and beyond, or fall flat. There's plenty of room to make the story interesting and worthwhile, but there's also a lot of room for pointless scenes that don't serve a purpose. Whatever happens, good luck, and I'll probably still read the story because I could be in for quite the treat... Above all, have fun!

[CoyoteCaliente]

I If the excerpt reflects most of the story, I don't think a reader would be all that interested. However, this might sound better when in context, and could work well as a lead-in for readers. There's something a bit lackluster about it, but I can't quite put my finger on it...

The excerpt is just giving an idea of the character Carnegie. Manipulative. But there is a lot of dialogue there, no action. And as for the lackluster, I hope to overcome that add give that something "extra" before the month is done.

Anyways, in terms of lasting power, depending on how invested you are, it could either stretch to the 50,00 mark and beyond, or fall flat.

Heh. Really?

Kidding, of course. And I see your point.

[WhiteFox]

The position of the three, for me, didn't connect with the rest of the title. My first impression was that this was a cover for book number 3 in a series.

The art and the outlined text may not be very visible from a distance (Say, if someone were looking at a shelf of books several feet away). If the text were set on a field of white, rather than outlined with it, it'd be more readable.

The bolder lines on the figure do a good job of separating him from the "static." The far ear seems faded; nice touch. Making them even bolder might make the image less top heavy.

The art itself, though, does a lot to sum up the ambiance of the story. Ragged, energetic, and bleak. I like the splatter/cracks around the lettering.

Good luck with NaNoWrimo.