[Writing] Attempt to reclaim the goove, Pt 1

[Drayco84]

Okay, attempting to get get back into the swing of writing again, now that the weather's cooling down and my brain will no longer slosh into a bucket. As some of you know, I said that I was writing a background/ancient history for my RP char, Zyrais. The important thing to note about it is that it's mostly just practice. My other crap is still up on my website, which I will be redesigning AGAIN whenever I get around to it... Also, I have an RP on the back burner that I need to do something with...

  Sins of Clan Coatl
Part 1: http://clockworkmansion.com/forum/index.php/topic,7850.msg340703.html#msg340703

[Drayco84]

Sins of Clan Coatl

Part 01

   Long ago, the goddess Quetzalcoatl, the Angelic Dragon of the Sun and Queen of the Angels, created this world. However, she grew lonely, and thus created Beings. But, unlike her, Beings were weaker and short-lived. So, she taught them how to tend the earth. Then, they encountered Creatures that wished to attack them and feed off of them. So, Quetzalcoatl taught them how to defend themselves. Eventually, her people began to prosper and grow, claiming more of the world that their Goddess had given them. Soon, despite her vast power, she could no longer protect and guide them all, so she sent her offspring and the lesser Deities to lead her people and watch over them in her stead. With their guidance, her people have flourished and prospered to this very day...
   "Must we start all of these meetings with that load of crap, Eclipse?" One of the figures seated around the large table complained. The speaker looked similar to a fox but with longer legs, had golden orange fur except for his black legs and matching mane, hazel eyes, and only had two wings on his back. He wore light armor and carried a macahultl at his side.
   "Shut your trap, Zuma..." Eclipse snapped, her feline, jewel-like emerald eyes glaring angrily at the maned wolf. Her body was that of a leopardess, with metallic, golden fur on her back and sides, but fading to a brilliant white on her chest, abdomen, lower legs, and forearms. All of which was dotted with small, densely packed, black rosettes. Unlike most of the others gathered at the table, she had four wings. A larger pair on her upper back, and a smaller pair on her lower back. "If it wasn't for your help with the last military campaign, you'd still be just a commander at an outpost in the middle of nowhere! Hell, I'm still surprised that Mother wanted you promoted! If it was up to me, your head would be on a spear and your soul serving as her lunch for the crime of abandoning your post during wartime!"
   "Please calm down, Eclipse." Coaxoch urged. Out of all of Quetzalcoatl's offspring, the albino boa constrictor looked the most like their mother with brilliant white, feather-like scales covering all of her serpentine body, save for her feathery wings. She was also the second-youngest of the Coatl clan, and was frequently doted upon by her eldest sister.
   "Yes, please calm down." Zuma added, almost mockingly. "If anything, you should be mad at your brother Zyrais, especially since he isn't here yet..."
At that point, the doors into the room opened, revealing a bipedal, draconic figure with pure purple fur and feathers, silver reptilian eyes that matched a decent-sized gem on his forehead, with matching talons on his feet and claws. Two of his feathered wings were visible, while his long, slender tail twitched from annoyance. The long coat he wore trailed behind him as he moved, while the chain-mail vest and twin swords that he wore looked out of place among the weapons the other angels openly carried. On his right shoulder was a reddish-gold, dragon-like creature with a vicious stinger on the end of its two-foot long tail. Out of all the angels there, Zyrais was easily the youngest at almost four centuries in age. However, while a few of the other angels had attempted to use military force against him, all of those that tried had been forced to withdraw.
   "Why haven't you installed a city-to-city portal yet?!" He complained, taking his designated seat.
   "Because the magical power that would be needed to fuel it would exceed what we currently have available..." Eclipse sighed.
   "That wouldn't be a problem if you'd stop sacrificing creatures whenever you find them as an 'easy' means to appease Mother..." Zyrais shot back.
   "Regardless, now that all the Nobles and land-holders are here, we can begin..." She started. "As most of you already know, Necalli's people have encountered some beings that have come from the sea. What's odd about them is that they've managed to take enough territory to set up their own makeshift city, and seem to be fending off Necalli's attempts to slaughter them, or drive them away." Eclipse explained.
   "Pah!" Necalli, an angelic jaguar exclaimed. He looked quite similar to Eclipse in terms of fur pattern and coloration, but his body was far more muscular and bigger. "They got lucky when they landed and set up their base in an area I didn't have much interest in. Later this week I'll gather my forces and hit them hard enough to wipe them out."
   "Hold it!" Zyrais began. "What kind of weapons do these newcomers use?"
   "It doesn't matter!" Necalli laughed. "While I'll freely admit the advances you've made because of your journey through the rest of the world, technology will never be able to surpass those with magic!"
   "Uh huh... That's what everyone here thought until I managed to defeat Coyotl's forces with a handful of followers and claim his territory, remember?" Zyrais countered. "While everyone knows about my considerable skills with magic, most of that was learned from cultures other than our own. Plus, I used weapons and fighting techniques from other cultures as well."
   "Zyrais..." Eclipse began. "While we understand that you've shown us just how much technology has improved, these invaders are few in number and Necalli's forces are made up entirely of seasoned warriors. I'm sure that they won't be much of a problem."
   "Any other news?" Necalli asked, completely missing the point Zyrais was trying to make.
   "Quetzalcoatl's tithes are going to be collected at the start of next month, as usual." Eclipse stated. "As some of you are already aware, the demands are five creature souls or ten being souls. I have spoken to Mother, and she is no longer accepting animal spirits as tithe."
   "That's completely unfair!" Zyrais protested. "You know good and well that when I offer a tithe, it's on par or greater than what everyone else sends!"
   "Little brother..." Eclipse began, seeming like she was running out of patience. "Trust me when I say that I vouched for you on this one... I really did... But, Quetzalcoatl has insisted that I make these demands. You MUST deliver the souls of ten beings or five lesser creatures if-"
   "That's IT! I can't take this anymore!" Zyrais suddenly exclaimed, standing up from his seat in rage. "For your information, one of those so-called 'lesser creatures' is my LIFEMATE, and I won't stand by and let her be insulted in such a way!"
   There was a moment of stunned silence at the revelations of their youngest member... To marry anything other than one of their own kind was unthinkable... To openly admit such a thing in Quetzalcoatl's own temple was blasphemy... 
   "Zyrais..." Eclipse gasped. "Do you have ANY idea what you've just said?! Do you KNOW just how repulsive such a... 'Union' is considered?! I knew that letting you go out and wander the world would expose you to large amounts of sin, but Mother thought YOU would be able to reject it... To just suddenly announce this... And just HOW long has this been going on, anyway?!"
   "About a century, give or take a decade." Zyrais replied. "I can send you a copy of the marriage certificate if you'd like."
   The room suddenly became so quiet that one could hear a pin drop. Hell, half of the angels present stopped breathing.
   "Okay everyone, we'll continue the meeting tomorrow." Eclipse ordered. "Zyrais... You and I need to visit Mother... NOW."

   "Zyrais..." Eclipse sighed as the two walked ascended the stairs up to Quetzalcoatl's personal chambers.
   "I'll admit that I was out of line with that outburst, Eclipse..." Zyrais replied, now a lot calmer. "But you haven't been around them like I have... A fair number of them can give all but the most powerful of us a fight for our lives. Plus, it's thanks to them that my territory is so prosperous!"
   "Zyrais... You know good and well that the other creature races are a threat to our power and position as masters of this world..." Eclipse began. "You also know that according to Mother's laws, creature souls are to be offered to her first, above those of beings."
   "Sister... Do you know Mother's secret?" He asked.
   "What... Secret?" She asked back, slowing down her pace and whispering.
   "Other species, like demons and cubi, feed off the power within souls to increase their own." He whispered to her. "In fact, when they gain enough power, cubi 'ascend' into immortals with amazing power, much like Deity-level angels. My guess is that Mother is hoarding those souls not only to keep us from finding out what we're truly capable of, but to make certain that she's stronger than we are."
   "What are you implying?" Eclipse quietly hissed, reaching for her weapon. Youngest or not, what he was suggesting was nothing short of 'Treason of the Goddess', an instantly capital offense.
   "Nothing right now." He replied, trying to keep his voice low, yet urge her to calm down. "It's just a theory. But, if it were true, what would you do about it? You're around Mother the most, and you've known her longer than anyone."
   "It isn't true!" She defensively snapped, forgetting to keep her voice down. However, she quickly recovered her composure. "If it were, however... Then she can be defeated, and we can end her tyrannical rule..."
   The rest of the journey was in silence until they reached the doors that lead into the personal chambers of the Goddess Quetzalcoatl. Eclipse knocked three times, then opened with doors and entered the large, ornately decorated room filled with gilded furniture, along with a pile of gold coins, jewels, and various, assorted valuable objects. Along the far side of the wall were rows upon rows of mirrors, each one reflecting the image of a different area within the Goddess's city. Within moments, the Goddess herself, Quetzalcoatl, emerged. Her long, serpentine body was covered in brilliant white, feather-like scales that seemed to put out their own light. Her six, brilliant wings moved as if she was gliding through the air at her own leisure. Meanwhile, her reptillian, golden eyes matched her claws perfectly. Her four legs touched the floor without a sound, nor a single scratch from her strong claws. Overall, she looked like a dragon, but her smaller size and incredible grace revealed her half-angel ancestry.
   Both Eclispe and Zyrais knelt before the divine creature. Zyrais wasn't happy about it, but now wasn't the time to anger the so-called goddess...
   "Why have you disturbed me, my daughter?" She asked, in a tone and voice that could make musicians and singers weep from jealousy.
   "Please forgive me, Mother of the Light." Eclipse began, kneeling along with Zyrais. "But you youngest son, Zyrais, has greviously sinned against your clan."
   "I am already aware of this." Quetzalcoatl replied, which didn't surprise Zyrais in the slightest. "He has fornicated with a succubus of the clan Nact'Larn, the most sinful of all the 'cubi clans. Even worse, is that he has allowed the lesser races positions of importance within his territory. These actions cannot be tolerated, and normally, the penalties for such defiance would result in getting stripped on his power and rank, but I expect that he will come around and be quite useful. Which, is why I am demanding the souls of one dozen creatures, along with the soul of the succubus known as Aegle."
   "Of course, Goddess." Eclipse replied, still kneeling. "As always, your kindness and mercy are astounding. Little brother, do you not have anything to add?"
   "Yes, of course." Zyrais began, getting up far quicker than either party anticipated. "Up yours." He remarked while throwing a mass of dispelling magic at Quetzalcoatl.

[Tapewolf]

This looks like it could be interesting.

So, is Aegle Zyrais' wife, or a rogue member of the clan?  Also, Nact'larn may be a 'sinful' clan, but pissing off their founder is unlikely to be a good idea...

[Drayco84]

!: Complicated.
2: Quetzacoatl is, in a few words, an arrogant bitch. That, and I'm also try to convey a distinct sense of bias against creatures from this group of angels. (Their leader also has a good reason for her arrogance.)

[Chairtastic]

How delightfully straightforward.  It seems a bit rushed, and by a bit I mean a lot; but still enjoyable.  Your characters seem to be bouncing around, and Zyrais seems nigh suicidal at the end of it.

[Tapewolf]

2: Quetzacoatl is, in a few words, an arrogant bitch. That, and I'm also try to convey a distinct sense of bias against creatures from this group of angels. (Their leader also has a good reason for her arrogance.)

Ah, I had missed that inference.  Particularly because some of them had multiple pairs of wings... I assumed they were a Holier-than-Thou 'Cubi clan, a'la Keaton's Jyraneth clan.  (AFAIK Angels tend not to cooperate very much)