[writing] Miscelaneous Sofox writing

[Sofox]

On a chat, there were some people interested in seeing some of the writing I'd done. Since most of it was only on my hard disk, and written for fun without major intent to upload, I thought I'd put a few of my choice selection together in a post for their reading pleasure. Hope you enjoy.

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Renard and Steve (think Tapewolf's already seen this one)
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Renard and Steve were sitting in their usual places in the ship's cafeteria.
"So the way I see it," Steve was saying, "is that since computers tell you all the navigation info and you can tell diddly squat from looking out the window, all the tour guide would need to do is circle around the stars for a while, land on a secret reserve on the same planet about ten miles from where they took off, and tell the tourists that they are on some exotic hidden planet an immense distance from their home when in reality, if they could get past the boundary, they could get a taxi back."
"Hmmm, yes I see your point, but it wouldn't really be that easy, there are a lot more problems you'd have to consider."
"Like what?"
"How would you hide such a big part of land and pretend it's a whole planet?"
"Just give it a front of some kind, you know, government sanctuary, or commercial greenery farm, a quick fence around it and maybe some natural barriers like rivers and rocks to stop tourists from going too far and there you have it, your own little planet."
"But creating something like that in the first place?"
"Any commercial venture requires capital to get it started, all you have to do is find the right people to finance it and prove you have an idea that can make money. After that it's just a case of buying land and shaping it to look like the wilderness of a far off planet, nothing that hasn't been done before."
"People would find out, word would spread."
"You underestimate the knowledge of an average tourist. Most of the are oblivious to even the simplest of the local customs, let alone what the local 'scams' are. Besides, it's hardly even a scam. If you really make them feel like they are taking off to a distant planet, leaving their cares behind so they can relax in an invigorating environment, then what harm are we honestly doing to them."

I'd just like to point out at this point that Renard and Steve aren't seriously intending to initiate any sort of tourist scam/business venture. I just showed this conversation to develop their personalities and while I could think of a subtle way to get this across, I really couldn't be bothered. So let's move on from this and get to the alien attack, which is afterall why I set this on a space ship, I mean why else?

"What was that," yelled Renard clutching the table strongly.
"Woudja relax there, it was probably just another asteroid."
"An asteroid, can't those things destroy the entire ship."
"Only if you act like a jerk. Now sit down, we don't need to worry about..."
The bing-bong noise of the ship intercom flooded the caffeteria. "This is the captain speaking," announced a nazal voice over the aforementioned system. "I'd just like to let you all know, we have been attacked by aliens, and are surrendering. If you want to speed up your inevitable imprisonment, please make your way to your living quarters and contact Ship Organisation."
"Well that sucks," Steve muttered, "come on, let's head to our quarters."
"But the captain just said that would make us be captured immediately."
"Which is why doing that will inevitably give us longest possible time before capture. You know what a big oxymoron Ship Organisation is. Poor Emmet is still waiting for his chocolate bar to fall from the vending machine, and even then there will probably be a dozen more forms to fill out before he can take it."
"Well if you're sure."

The method suggested by Ship Command DID end in taking Steve and Renard the longest possible time to get captured. Firstly, some organisational glitch had meant the alien soldiers missed their room, a second sweep of the area was canceled due to a grenade accident, and more problems, glitches and confusion seemed to arise from the intense ship bureacracy with regards to the simple task of capturing the waiting friends from their rooms. So much so, that the new alien ship crew had been relieved and replaced twice, the ship had been transported several trillion ecters into alien space, and practically the whole ship had been disassembled and cut up for scrap and resources save for the section of crew quaters our friends had been in (The remaining crewmemembers, who just ran around and shot weapons, were killed in a bloody gunfight, except for the captain who was considered such a jerk that he was thrown into the airlock, however since the aliens couldn't figure out how to actually flush the airlock before being called to do other stuff, the captain just starved there). Even when the duo did eventually get caught, through a damn fluke involving an alien intern and a mop bucket, they had barely been clapped with an alien brand of handcuffs before a resistance member shot their captor in the head and instantly freed Steve and Renard. (You may think that this resistance member his human, but in actual fact he's a member of another race that the first alien race were suppressing. You may also thing that this first alien race is some sort of dictatorial evil empire thingy wishing to enslave the entire universe when in actual fact, they really only pick on humans and that second alien race. Normally when they do something to the humans, the humans just complain to the Geddons, a hyper advanced 4th alien race, a race capable of obliterating a large chunk of the universe if the technology they possess fell into evil or just plain incompetent hands, and danger which to this point has been prevented by the heroic, courageous and intelligent Geddon named Tim. Anyway, when the humans complain to the Geddons about something the first alien race has done to them, the Geddons just go over, kick the first alien race's asses and tell them not to do it again, making the first alien race leave it for a couple of months before attacking the humans again. The second alien race doesn't complain to the Geddons because nobody cares about them, and so they are usually just constantly beat up and suppressed by the first alien race. The second alien race member who had freed our two humans had done so because he was an optimistic, daydreamer who truly believed in second alien race and human co operation and that heroic displays of bravery and dedication performed by the second alien race would inspire the humans to actually give a damn, creating a new era where the two races could band together to take on the first alien race without the Geddon's help (who would probably at that stage be distracted by a spinning shiny thing). He'd also freed the humans because their captor had crushed his favourite toy underfoot in the streets when he was six years old.
"Well thank you for freeing us there," said Steve to the second alien race member. The member stood there with open eyes. "Erm, I'm Steve and this is my friend Renard." The alien continued to stand there. "Er, so do you have a name?"
"Yes I do," replied the alien.
"Cool, well with introductions out of the way, we really should be out of here."
The alien pointed to an open hatch that lead to freedom through a convenient action packed and suspenseful path where those who traveled through it learned something deep and meaningful. However, Steve and Renard really couldn't be bothered taking the aliens suggested route so they just stole his ship.
"Hey," said Steve looking at the alien's Ship License pinned to the viewscreen, "I've got that aliens name."
"What is it."
"Yseyedo"
And so our duo continued on their heroic adventure that went nowhere.
The End

Epilogue: Yseyedo, eventually tracked down the duo and blasted back into his ship where he faced the duo and fought them in a fierce battle. However, through the fight, they got to know eachother as individuals, and through this understanding they became deep friends, and vowed to continue to fly through the stars on the ship having crazy and improbable adventures. Yseyedo is now a main character.



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Mechamock
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"And we're reporting live from the unveiling of the new Mecha Mechaguka by esteemed Japanese scientist Dr. Yuki Wanntabe. Doctor, could you tell us about your robot."

Yuki: A yes, it is the result of many years research. We have designed it for the advancement of mankind the the prevelation of global peace.

Reporter: Um, sir, the specs say the mech is mounted with a vulcan chaingun, 24 hard impact missiles and a prototype highly experimental railgun capable of punching through 150ft of solid titanium?

Yuki: You are missing the point, this mech is a machine of peace.

Reporter: Is that a laser cannon?

Yuki: You should not insult, I have built this so harmony and peace shall...

Reporter: Someone's stealing your mech.

Yuki: Huh? *turns around to see someone hopping into the open cockpit, closing it, and waking the machine around in a path of bloody and terrible destruction.* Nooooo! It was meant to be a thing of peace, to end strive and conflict, to create... *bullets shatter camera, static.*

*switch to bonnet camera of Japanese police car*

Officer1: We are in pursuit of stolen mech, right on its heels.

Speaker: Be advised officer. Mech is extremely dangerous. *officer pulls back a little*. It is mounted with a vulcan cannon *pulls back some more*, 24 hard impact missiles *pulls back even more* a prototype highly experimental railgun capable of punching through 150ft of solid titanium *pulls back to a large distance behind the mech* And is powered by an unstable nuclear reactor that if damaged could destroy everything within a 50 mile radius *officer pulls over*

Officer 1: We have lost the target. Recommend someone else regain pursuit.


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fdslk
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Michael looked calmly down at the still form of young Andy, laying there in the pristine white hospital bed, plastic tubes going into his nose but otherwise calm, serene, peaceful, a bitter contrast to his normal self.
"I know things didn't go easy for you," said Michael softly, "and I know if I were you, I'd be reluctant to return to the world too." Michael bowed his head, almost crying, "but that doesn't mean you shouldn't there are people here for you, people who care about, sure we haven't always shown it, and may have let you down, but honestly, you've got great fans out here, we want the best for you, and... and... for goddsakes you're only 8 years old. I mean sure you've had a rough time, but you've got your whole life ahead of you, so many chances to turn it all around, so many ways to break free, to find your way. Look, things get better, they always do, and I can honestly say things will only get better for you. If you just give it a chance, give all of us a chance... you know. We'll work together and I swear to God we'll get you through this."
Michael was now kneeling by his bed, elbows on the mattress and face resting on his outstretched palms as he sobbed away. It continued for some time, but gradually he calmed down and looked up again. Trying to get his thoughts together again, he became aware of steps outside and looked around to see Ceiladh walk in the door.


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Band
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"So, you're like the ringleader of this exhibition of circus animals."
"True, true, yep, the name's Rave; people call me that cos it's like Dave, cos like my real names' David, but people call me Dave, and then it became like Rave. Some people call me Davey, but I just go, you know, like, screw them."
"I see, and you're songs."
"Yeah, they're brill right. When I'm sitting down to write a good song, or got a piece of paper against a wall of whatever like, I'm always like, what do I want to write a good song about, but then there's like something on the telly, so I go watch that for a while instead. But then when I'm in the loop, you know, raved, switched on, I'm like, let's do it like this, and then I do it you know, cos it's like, why say you're going to do it like this, and then like, not do it."
"Well your songs have pretty questionable contents."
"Right it's like, let's write these songs about us like, stuff we like, what get's us moving. Cos you got these other bands, they're like: banging peoples heads in is skank, let's sing about that; but we're different we're like; we like banging peoples heads in, let's sing about that!"
"So you really mean what you sing about?"
"Of course like, it's not some manufactured piece of shite, it's us, what we are, what we're like. Take 'Wasted on a Saturday' night, I mean like, that's taken from experience. No some stuff we threw together. Then of course, there's that one about me Da, who you know, wasn't the greatest"
"Yes I gathered that from a song title like 'Bastard with the sperm that made me'"
"You got that? Cheers, didn't think I got it across, so anyway like, yeah, I got this thing, I wanna sing about it, so I friken go up there and say it. No pansie ass business, no sqeebing, just fricken go up there and yell the bloody thing."
"But don't you think some of your songs are a little obscene."
"We'll yeah, like, but I mean obsccece... obsissica... bad language is f***ing everywhere right, so why the f*** go on and pretend the world is a f***ing nice place with flowers and roses an sh*t, when in reality, it's a b*********** and you know it. That's what we say, that's what we get across, **** the ******** *********** with ******* ********."
"Errr, okay, well you say 'we' a lot, could you tell us more about those involved."
"Well there's like Rage, or Rach, she's like the Keyboard guy, or gal, whateva' like. And she's liek f*** this and belts the thing out, gotta admire her got the time, she's like doing English Litrature at the mo'. Then we've got Matt, at the drums like, his grandfather was a band drummer, his father was a band drummer, he wanted to be a financial consultant but his da wouldn' have i' at all, so he jus' bangs away, got pre'y good at it actually. Then we've got J, yeah, don't really know much about him, and then on acoustic we got Ka, he's into the whole mystic, Zen sorta, philosophical thing. One day he was like, he said to me life was like a guitar string, and then he went on about why, an' now I forget the why, but it was like really profound and stuff."



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Tommy
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There was no escape, and Tommy knew it. Trapped in a reinfoced isolation cell, in all directions he looked, all that met his gaze was dimly reflecting black metal, if it could be clasified as metal. Tommy guessed it was a lot stronger. In this box he stood in, four long strides would take him from one end to the other, and only a dim blue glowing from one of the walls, which had disappeared to let Tommy in and reappeared just as quickly, provided the only illumination.
Tommy sat down, arms resting on his pulled up legs, and his forehead resting on them both. There had to be a way out, someone who knew, a fact he'd overlooked, a subtle way around the security system... but he knew each possiliby was rediculous the moment he thought it. He hadn't told anyone, where he was going, no one had seen him come here, and this cell had probably held people a lot stronger and cleverer then he was. There was no way out, he knew it.

"Awwww, he looks so cute in his angsty, 'I'm all alone, no one loves me, I'm doomed' mood. Maybe we should leave him a little longer."
"Come on Ralph, just do your job."
"But I mean look at him, head sunk in his arms. He's probably sinking to lower levels of desperation and hopelessness as we speak."
"I know you love seeing him torture himself like this but this isn't really the place. Just free him now, and I'm sure you'll get another chance see him mope around like this soon enough."
"Ah, I guess your right." Ralph, looked away from the wall mounted display panel and down at the input device. Taking out a special device about the size of a pen from his pocket, he shone it at the panel like a torch, showing up a quick translation of all the commands, and then entered the relevant commands. The soft blue glowing of the adjacent wall faded away, as did the whole wall, and revealed the slumped, crouched figure of Tommy in something akin to the fetal position. He didn't even notice as the duo walked up to him.
"Rise and shine mopey boy, there's a buss leaving at eleven and I don't want to miss that."
Startled, Tommy looked up and the faces of his two comrades met his glance. "You? You guys are really here?"
"No we're just hallucinations brought about by your paranoid, desperate mind and-oooof." Ralph buckled over from the swift elbow delivered to his stomach by Elaine. "What? So that's not funny just because it actually happened to him once?"
"Yes Tommy," Elaine went on, ignoring Ralph, "it's us, and we're going to take you back to the base."
"How did you find me? I told no one."
"You filled out a flight plan on the way here, your ship has a transponder, and yesterday you told both of us and about half a dozen cadets about how you were thinking of checking out that radar blip sometime soon."
"But how did you get here, and how are we even going to escape? We're trapped in the deep bowls of the ship, there are aliens everywhere, we're never going to make it to the pod bay."
"Dammit Tommy this is a damn transport ship, not a battle cruiser. Those guys were firing at you to protect your cargo, not repel an invasion, and they were only using stun blasters not Obliterators. There were even about to call us before we arrived. Didn't you even look up at them as they dragged you to this cell?"
Ralph chimed in, "Yeah and this cell isn't even much of a cell. Just a place to store semi-hazardous materials. It's even got a standard input panel here-" he flipped open a cover to on the wall to display the appropriate panel "-to open the door from the inside in case someone is trapped. Of course it's a tad hard to understand, but didn't I give you a decryption key a while ago for just such a scenario?"
"But wait, they must be against us, they arrived without warning..."
Elaine took up the helm again. "They were unfamiliar with this part of space and quite a bit off course. We've talked with them already and they've promised to transmit the proper identifications signals, alert nearby outposts etc. if they drift off of their flight path, and ensure that they are aware of what sectors of space they are in at all times by using more sophisticate navigational systems. They were just a transport ship that drifted off into a place nobody expected them to be in. They've even apologised for harming your... leg, and have got both of our ships ready at the docking bay, so we can leave as soon as we want to."
"So... that's it then?"
"Yes, you're standing up right now, walking with us to the bay, accepting apologies from the ship's captain, getting into our ships, and being back at our home space outpost in less then an hour."
And that's pretty much what happened!

[Lysander]

The narration in the fist story is interesting: it's like the story is being told vocally instead of in written form which gives a unique feeling.

"Er, so do you have a name?"
"Yes I do," replied the alien.
"Cool, well with introductions out of the way, we really should be out of here."

I like how Steve only wants to know if the alien has a name and not necessarily know what it is. That and the story in general I found funny.

Officer 1: We have lost the target. Recommend someone else regain pursuit.

That's just awesome.

fdslk Seems like it could be a section of a worthwhile story.

A friend of mine described to me an interview with the singer of Cradle of Filth. Band reminded me of the description of that interview.

If I was going to read one as a full length story I'd choose the last.   

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Hrm. Many of them could be part of a larger story.

I did like the way the conversation with the band member turned into obscenity. And then descended into obscurity thereby...

[Sofox]

Llearch: Glad you like them. Yeah, I seem to be better at writing out individual scenes and ideas rather then a cohesive expanded plot structure. Guess it's something I'll just have to get better at.

Hey Lys, I really appreciate the feedback. It's not always easy to get feedback on writing, but I really like seeing your thoughts and responses.

The narration in the fist story is interesting: it's like the story is being told vocally instead of in written form which gives a unique feeling.

Thanks. Sometime when writing, I'm more driven by a theme or emotion or style rather then a specific sequence of events. I feel it's important, as a good writer is like a good actor, they need to be adaptable and give different performances in different circumstances.

"Er, so do you have a name?"
"Yes I do," replied the alien.
"Cool, well with introductions out of the way, we really should be out of here."

I like how Steve only wants to know if the alien has a name and not necessarily know what it is.

Wanna hear something really crazy? I remember writing this story pretty well, so I know I wrote this joke to be taken at face value. Later on in the story when it came to given the alien a name, I just typed in a really strange sounding word (maybe vaguely Japanese?) and went with it (hey, isn't that what most sci fi writers do?). However now, just after reading your post where you quote that dialogue, I've suddenly realised: The alien responds "Yes I do" when asked for his name, and his name actually is "Yseyedo"...
I put a joke into this story that was so damn hidden, even I didn'tsee it!

That and the story in general I found funny.

Thanks. Humour being so subjective, even I'm not sure whether something is funny or not.

Also like that you like the end of the robot story. Most of these stories were written some time ago, and only spellchecked and cleaned up before posting here (the titles are just the names of the text files they were in, hence "fdslk"), but that was one line that I just rewrote. The original line was a lot more limp (something like how the chase should be recommenced by people with experience in pursuing giant robots.)

If I was going to read one as a full length story I'd choose the last.  

Thanks Lys, do you mind telling me why? Is it the characters? The setting? The writing style? I learned a while back that what a writer likes about their work isn't always the same as what a reader likes about their work, and I'd like to know what part of that I did resonated with you particularly well.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Might I suggest you put the comments from the author in a different font? I realise that makes it different from the text files, but putting, say, tt tags around them differentiates them from the rest of the text...

[Sofox]

Might I suggest you put the comments from the author in a different font? I realise that makes it different from the text files, but putting, say, tt tags around them differentiates them from the rest of the text...

That okay?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I meant the bit inside the story.

eg:

I'd just like to point out at this point that Renard and Steve aren't seriously intending to initiate any sort of tourist scam/business venture. I just showed this conversation to develop their personalities and while I could think of a subtle way to get this across, I really couldn't be bothered. So let's move on from this and get to the alien attack, which is afterall why I set this on a space ship, I mean why else?

... type stuff. The stuff definitively outside the story boundaries is easily identified; the commentary inside is not.

Note that this is a personal preference suggestion, not a moderator order. ;-] So feel free to tell me to soak my head; artistic differences are welcome. *grin*

[Lysander]

If I was going to read one as a full length story I'd choose the last.   

Thanks Lys, do you mind telling me why? Is it the characters? The setting? The writing style? I learned a while back that what a writer likes about their work isn't always the same as what a reader likes about their work, and I'd like to know what part of that I did resonated with you particularly well.

Hmmm... Well I like things that are sci-fi for one. The story also seems like it's a part of a bigger story whereas all the others except fdslk could easily stand as their own story. This one specifically could be a prologue to something more. Tommy would probably be a main character with some deeper reason to behind what was being transported with more happening later with the aliens or something. The story also has a more serious feel that is presented in a good way: the part where it's only narration it's interesting; sometimes in places like that authors feel they need to describe everything to the greatest detail which isn't necessary to visualize what's going on. I also only read longer stories and books that I find pretty much amazing and I've never gotten into any books based around humor. It's good to have some around the book, but I've only ever like a large amount of it in short stories. But maybe I just haven't found the right book yet.   

[Sofox]

Lys: Thanks for the feedback, it's definitely something I'll be thinking over. Appreciate it!

Llearch: I see what you're saying. I've thought it over, and I think I'll be leaving it the way it is. I kinda wanted the paragraph to be a sudden change that caught the reader by surprise, but I can see how you think it's a bit distracting. Ah well, we'll see how we go at any rate.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

It wasn't so much that as it was unclear if that was intended.

Hence why I didn't go and simply change it and go "look, see? like this."

If you intend it to be misleading, then that's all good. Wonderful job. ;-]