Beyond 18

[Nikki]

Ok, i'm gonna be turning 19 in a few months here, and i need suggestions on what to do with my life. It's not that i'm dumb and don't know what to do, i just need suggestions because...well...just wanna know what you think i should do

Currently i am; Living with my parents and brother, shuffling between my parents' house and my grandparent's. I have a dog that is going with me if i ever move out and so much junk i don't know what to do with. I have no job, no outside of school social life and i am not allowed to move out. My parents love to control me to the point where they read my texts every day.

Here are some pics of my room, and all the stuff i have that i'd need to take with me, save for a lot of papers and stuff cuz i'm a packrat =.= and yes, it's messy. but i know where everything is XD
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

so yeah...what should i do? i wanna move out and move in with Elies or my friend Jacob, but every time i say i wanna move out, i get yelled at and grounded =<

[bill]

What are you doing for school?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

FWIW, if you want to move out, don't say anything about it. Just organise it and make it happen.

By the time you're 16 or so, being grounded is a matter of you accepting it, in my opinion. Sure, there are exceptions, but if it's that bad, move out.

Just be aware that there are a lot of bills that will come due as part of it. You must get yourself a job, and you must pay your own way. Anything else is just silly.

Edit:
Oh, and sort your shit out. You can do that now, without moving out, and you'll need to before you actually move, so it makes sense.

Plus you'll feel a lot better with your stuff organised neatly. Or at least into reasonable piles of boxes....

[Nikki]

Well it depends..right now i'm waiting for a phone call to know whether i get my diploma or not, and if i don't i'll have to go get my GED, then gonna go to a community College for 2 years, then transfer to a 4-year college. I don't know what i'm gonna major in yet, so my first semester/year is gonna be wingin' it.

As for moving out...i tried to just do it, and i had a few friends willing to help me move my stuff out, but my parents got wind of it and decided to put a stop to it =/ As for me getting a job, that's impossible as my parents won't let me apply. i want to work at either Animeniacs or Hot topic, but my parents hate anime and i think hot topic scares them. Basically, they have me on a collar and i'm too scared of them to try and get out of it.

Edit: I swear i've been trying to organize DX

[Dakata]

It's messier than my room! :o Tell me your secrets, Xze. I want to learn dirty-room-jutsu so I can trap people in my room. But my dad'll probably make me clean it..

Hmm...Can't Xze do anything to get her parents to back off? A restraining order might be a bit much (And Xze might not have enough money for one anyway. ) I mean, she's technically an adult. Her parents can't keep her restrained if she doesn't want to, she's not a kid anymore.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Hmm...Can't Xze do anything to get her parents to back off? A restraining order might be a bit much (And Xze might not have enough money for one anyway. ) I mean, she's technically an adult. Her parents can't keep her restrained if she doesn't want to, she's not a kid anymore.

I believe that was my point.

Although my experience is slightly different - my parents had lots of kids, so they -really- wanted us to move out from 15-16 onwards... ;-]

[Nikki]

Secret to a messy room- make sure you have a crapload of stuff, and mess it up in an organized way.

And i try to kind of tell them what i think, like my opinions and stuff, but it's nearly impossible. i know i'm -technically-an adult, but they have me..well...beaten into submission.

[Zina]

If you have plans for college, than how do you plan on paying for it? Working at Hot Topic isn't going to cut it.

[techmaster-glitch]

And i try to kind of tell them what i think, like my opinions and stuff, but it's nearly impossible. i know i'm -technically-an adult, but they have me..well...beaten into submission.

Oy. I know what that's like

[Reese Tora]

Well it depends..right now i'm waiting for a phone call to know whether i get my diploma or not, and if i don't i'll have to go get my GED, then gonna go to a community College for 2 years, then transfer to a 4-year college. I don't know what i'm gonna major in yet, so my first semester/year is gonna be wingin' it.

As for moving out...i tried to just do it, and i had a few friends willing to help me move my stuff out, but my parents got wind of it and decided to put a stop to it =/ As for me getting a job, that's impossible as my parents won't let me apply. i want to work at either Animeniacs or Hot topic, but my parents hate anime and i think hot topic scares them. Basically, they have me on a collar and i'm too scared of them to try and get out of it.

Edit: I swear i've been trying to organize DX

legally, as a person over the age of 18, you are an adult, and it's your right to move out.  If you have no other choice, you can take legal action (I stress that this is as a LAST RESORT! and not a good idea if you want to maintain a relationship with your parents that is at all civil)

I'd suggest looking at what skills you have, and what you like to do, and see what carreer fields would allow you to use those skills or do thsoe things.  See what's out there, and what sparks your interest, and find out about those things.

[Nikki]

If you have plans for college, than how do you plan on paying for it? Working at Hot Topic isn't going to cut it.

loans and/or parental help. I have a savings account just for college right now.

[Zina]

If you're taking out loans, than you'll need to pay them back, which is a huge pain. And it sounds like your parents really don't want you to move out, would they still be willing to help you pay for college?

[Nikki]

If i do move out, they'd most likely help out with payments and stuff like that, but if i stay home i basically get a free ride

[Zina]

Then get your stuff together and move out. You are 18, you CAN do that.
But, to be frank? I don't think you're mature enough to move out, and your parents probably realize that.

[Nikki]

Thing is that i'm scred that if i do, they won't really like me that much anymore and they'd be mad at me. i mean, they already went psycho the first time i tried moving out.

[Zina]

Xze, you are putting the blame on your parents, and I don't think that's fair. Because I think a lot of the blame lies with you.
Obviously your parents do not trust you to move out, and I can see why. This is your second senior year in high school, and you STILL might not graduate. And I can't even begin to count how many times you've complained that your parents have grounded you due to poor grades.
Your parents clearly do care about you, otherwise they wouldn't bother to ground you or punish you for doing so poorly in school. They wouldn't get angry when you tried to move out. But they have every right to be mad at you. If you can't graduate high school, then they're probably worried about how you will fair in the real world.
And then you say you want to move out and live with your boyfriend or another guy? I don't blame your parents for not wanting that to happen.

Bottom line, Xze. Stop making your parents out to be the bad guys. They know you're just not mature enough to move out.

[R.A.M.]

everything zina said.

QFTruth
honey,it is obvious that you're parents care about you enough to want you to stay home and better yourself for the future.
like zina also said you're maturity is suspect,calm down and reread your last few posts and think about how foolish(sorry )you sound.

my point:you are only 19 you can wait a while longer.
it can be so much worse believe me.
(my life is crappier lol bleak future)

[Damaris]

Yeah, I'm going to have to concur with Zina as well.  Moving out is not going to solve your problems- it's going to make everything much, much worse, and that's not even taking into account your issues with your parents.  Being an adult sucks a whole lot of ass, and if you're not willing to apply yourself to get out of school, then you're most certainly not ready to try and pay bills on time, find a full time job for insurance, etc.

So, what should you do with your life:

1) Suck it up.  Your situation is not perfect- my teenage years weren't either.  It's not the end of the world.  Sadly, you didn't get your crap together in time to make it through college without them.

2) Sign up for a GED class (if you don't get your diploma).  Get out of bed and go every day, study, and pass the test.  It's not that hard.  Yes, we know this to be true.

3) Spend the summer cleaning up your room.  You do not need all of that stuff. Make some tough decisions and purge.

4) Enroll in community college.  Because of your high school grades you almost certainly will need to do extra work for this.  See number two.  If you can't get yourself through that, you will never get your four year degree, and you will most likely work retail or food service the rest of your life.  You do not want to work retail or food service the rest of your life.  Additionally, many CC classes do NOT transfer to a regular college.  You will need to figure out which college you are going to and talk with them about which classes will transfer over- and then take those, or you will waste two years of your life proving to them you actually give a damn, and still have to take all four years.

Your parents may not understand you right now- honestly, that's not their job.  Their job at this point is to prepare you for the real world.  You may legally be an adult, but you're not acting like one.  Stay home, figure out how to get along with them, figure out how to whip yourself into shape, and THEN go from there.

[shadowterm]

I havent had to move out yet, but I can give advice on moving in general. Office supply stores have the best boxes. If you ask, they'll usually give them to you for free, they're just going to throw them away anyway. The office supply store is also great because the box sizes are perfect for just about anything.

Organize. It's been said before, but I'm not talking about your room because 1) mine would be worse if it weren't for the fact that it's sudenly becoming therapeutic (something that scares the shiat out of me.) and 2) nobody cares, especially me. I'm saying organizing THE BOXES. write on the box exactly what is in it, and make sure you put like stuff together. You will move into an appartment and un-pack your silverware, CD collection, and assorted bed coverings 3 months after you have moved and spent a lot of money re-buying items you thought you lost if you don't. there are exceptions. I have what I like to call "The drawer (like the kind in your desk) of chaos. I basically throw all of my PC peripherals and cords in and forget about them until I have to find it. (I like to say that the supreme being of Chaos lives in it, and that I must appease it with dis-organization. long story short, make sure you boxes are labeled, and the organization makes sense.

On the subject of parents, I only know half of where you're comming from. I live with my leniant but smothering and crazy mom for school days, and my dads on weekends, were I play lots of video games and my step mom forces me to do slave labor for a few hours. That said it's a strange combination of what you have and total freedom. All I can say is that at some point you have to stand your ground and tell them that you wont be their little kid much longer. I had to do that when I made the move to my moms. It sucks. You'll cry, most people do, and it ISNT fun, but if you don't do it, those parental clowns won't be laughing when their circus tent comes crashing down, and you graduate high school only to move out in the middle of the night without saying good buy, because if you try to they'll chain you to your room. At some point you have to stand up.

long story short stand up for yourself because if you can't who will, blah blah blah. I'll stop ranting and hope I at least pushed you towards the decision you think is right.

[RobbieThe1st]

First off, I completely agree what people have said about sorting stuff. I figure, from plenty of personal experience, that if you sort what you have there, I figure you can get it into one tall stack of boxes(or, perhaps, not that tall). Honestly, at least with pic #7, it looks bigger than it is - once you get rid of those boxes, any packaging, and sort the remaining stuff into boxes efficiently, you will greatly reduce its volume(if not its weight). Labeling your boxes is a *very* good idea, unless you are using clear plastic crates(though these cost money - but if you can get your parents to pay for them, they are a bit nicer to work with than cardboard boxes).

You could also reduce weight by taking the various cds/dvds you have(see pic#6) and putting them into one of those carry-cases. This, while it won't reduce your weight by much, will certainly make your cd/dvd collection easier to go through and reduce the chance of losing or scratching/stepping on them.

Please take this next part with a tablespoon of salt, as I don't have any personal experience with it:
It seems to me that your parents definitely want to keep you out of trouble, and are doing that by keeping you at home. Perhaps you can get them to understand that, if they stop monitoring you as closely, you won't fight them, and will be content to stay at home and out of trouble. They already know that you were to the point of actually trying it, and were serious about it, so it might work.
You might also try making a deal with them for good grades - So long as you get good grades in class, they keep out of your hair to some extent as an incentive.

I would see about doing everything possible to stay at home, as it would just cause problems. Obviously it *is* a last resort, and perhaps useful to make your parents come around to your side of thinking, but it wouldn't be a good idea, if possible.

I would *definitely* sort out your school situation, and try to ace a few classes you like. See about getting B's in the other ones, at the very least. I would imagine that if you can prove that you are getting good grades, you might be able to use it as a bargaining chip.

*** NOTE: I don't have any personal experience with the former section, only stuff I have heard about. ***

I hope this post helps!


-RobbieThe1st