I have to say this about the current header.

[Howl]

It reads "Its gonna get better.".

Some things don't get better. Some things can never get better. You just adjust to them being worse and that becomes your new normal, but it's not better.

I don't want to get onto a big tirade or anything, but I have to say this somewhere. The meaning of life is to suffer because existence inherently leads to suffering due of its finite nature and that living things are naturally drawn to each other, setting themselves up to suffer at some point. The only thing you can do is to try to forget about it until it's time to pay the piper again.

Doesn't that suck?

[Sofox]

I'm an optimist generally, and have been very lucky my entire life, but at the same time, I do admit I'm not that keen on the phrase "It's gonna get better." Put simply, most of the times its an affirmation without actual reasoning backing it up.

At the same time, however, I do think we should strive to make things better, and some faith that improving things is possible is definitely healthy.

The last century saw two world wars and the brink of nuclear apcalypse. Going back further there were diseases that would take out a third of the population, unending dictatorships, and so forth. So many of these hardships were taken by people who wanted more out of the world than suffering, and made to produce some good that could truly benefit the world (though often long after the fact).

Democracy came about because people saw how terrible dictators could be and decided that the people of the country should have the final say on who they were ruled by. Modern day human rights came about in response to the holocaust, and the stark realisation of how a government could turn on its own citizens. Through all of this, war in general is less widespread that it has been before. Humans on this planet just don't want it as much.

But on a personal level. Yeah, it sucks death will happen. Bummer. But as I sometimes say, focusing on death in order to make sense of life is like trying to find the meaning of a sentence by only focusing on the full stop.

I don't get life 100%, but I know it's got a lot of opportunities and cool stuff in it. I know at each passing moment, we've got decisions to make, and things we can do to make it better for ourselves or others. Sure there are lessons to learn too, but more understanding can give us more ability to handle situations better.

And yeah, sometimes things suck. That's part of life too... but it doesn't have to be all of life either. Life is neither all good or all bad, but hopefully its more of the former than the latter. And I think connecting with others and being open with ourselves can really help that.

I don't know all the answers. "It's gonna get better" isn't necessarily true in my opinion, but I believe "It CAN get better" is a sentiment we should all strive for.

[Amber Williams]

Oh goodness.  I didn't intend for my top-phrases to get notice.

Truth be, the reason I wrote the first one was because I was still thinking about Kettle at the time.  And it was more a reminder that it hurt right now but for me, it was going to get better and that the pain I was feeling at the time wouldn't last forever.  I've found that a big problem I have with my anxiety/depression is that I often fall into the trap of "I feel this way so that is how it is going to be forever" and end up forgetting that the emotions I'm feeling will ebb and fade.

So I try to set myself various memos and reminders that what I'm feeling isn't permanent even if at the time I felt like this was going to be the new normal.


On the grand scale of things though, I can understand the reaction to the phrase.  It can come across as a band-aid phrase that just dismisses issues rather than addressing them.

[Nightmask]

The meaning of life isn't to suffer, people that say that tend to be trying to justify defending suffering being inflicted onto others because they are opposed to doing anything that might ease or end that suffering because they're too selfish to care about anyone passed themselves.  What meaning life has is subjective, there is no objective meaning to it.

[Prroul]

My two cents on the topic, feel free to disregard on this inherently subjective matter.

Shit happens. It's inevitable in life that tragedy will strike in some form or fashion. The constant in mortal life is that it will one day end. This cannot be changed. What can be changed, however, is our responses to tragedy and loss.

Like the old parable of the two wolves living within each of us, and the one who wins is the one you feed, your attitude on life will necessarily depend on your outlook on it. In the original post, we have a classic example of the ultimate pessimist. The glass is half empty, shit sucks and it will always suck, there is no 'getting over' it, you just learn to live at a lower bar. The inherent flaw here is that you're dwelling, reveling, in loss. That leads to depression, which is a bad place to hang out, and isn't a particularly healthy outlook on life. Then there's those who go to the exact opposite of the spectrum, refusing to acknowledge hurt or grief, which can lead to psychotic breaks with reality. So also not good. From there, we have a whole host of coping mechanisms and philosophies ranging between the two.

You can acknowledge your grief, your loss, without being overwhelmed by it. It's a process. Take your time to grieve, it's perfectly natural and a healthy response for the loss of a loved one. And when you are done grieving, cherish your pleasant memories. Look back on the good times. Sure, there may be a touch of bittersweet to them now, but acknowledge that you had good times, and now you must continue on. Of course, you don't have to continue on 'alone', you have others around you, your social circle or social group that you are a part of, friends who will be there for you. People who will be there for you and can help you.

Dwelling on your pain is a good way to end up in a very, very dark place. Refusing to acknowledge it is nearly as bad, repression is bad mmmkay. Dealing with it, accepting it, and eventually moving on from it, is a healthier emotional progression. It doesn't happen overnight, there's no shortcuts unfortunately, but it does eventually happen if you work at it. The other key part here is 'if you work at it'. Otherwise, you end up in the OP's mindset.

[Rithm Alfortele]

The meaning of life isn't to suffer, people that say that tend to be trying to justify defending suffering being inflicted onto others because they are opposed to doing anything that might ease or end that suffering because they're too selfish to care about anyone passed themselves.  What meaning life has is subjective, there is no objective meaning to it.

It can also be that people say that because they're trying to rationalize the suffering they've had inflicted onto them, don't always assume that someone who says that is the person actively causing suffering.

Howl, forgive my presumptuousness, but I feel like you're talking from this position.  As someone who struggles from depression, I'm not gonna try to diagnose you from a single forum post over the internet, but I would advise finding someone you can trust to talk to about your issues.  There's a lot of things about life that suck, but there are a lot of things that make it worth living, too.  It's hard to remember that, sometimes, especially when circumstances force us into a situation where we internalize that pain and feel like it's something we were born to live with.  When you and I deserve better.

[Howl]

The meaning of life isn't to suffer, people that say that tend to be trying to justify defending suffering being inflicted onto others because they are opposed to doing anything that might ease or end that suffering because they're too selfish to care about anyone passed themselves.  What meaning life has is subjective, there is no objective meaning to it.

And I'm saying it because it's the end-result of simply existing and not being abjectly horrible to everyone.

[Nightmask]

The meaning of life isn't to suffer, people that say that tend to be trying to justify defending suffering being inflicted onto others because they are opposed to doing anything that might ease or end that suffering because they're too selfish to care about anyone passed themselves.  What meaning life has is subjective, there is no objective meaning to it.

It can also be that people say that because they're trying to rationalize the suffering they've had inflicted onto them, don't always assume that someone who says that is the person actively causing suffering.

Howl, forgive my presumptuousness, but I feel like you're talking from this position.  As someone who struggles from depression, I'm not gonna try to diagnose you from a single forum post over the internet, but I would advise finding someone you can trust to talk to about your issues.  There's a lot of things about life that suck, but there are a lot of things that make it worth living, too.  It's hard to remember that, sometimes, especially when circumstances force us into a situation where we internalize that pain and feel like it's something we were born to live with.  When you and I deserve better.

Well I did say 'tend' rather than using a broader generalization implying 'always'.  Like I tend to go into too much detail at times listing all options when it can bog down what I'm saying and detract from the overall point I'm trying to make.

For the latter part, yes you've done quite well in that regard as I do pretty much operate from that position.  Finding someone to trust and talk with is difficult when people tend to eventually stop wanting to listen after a while, to the point they miss when you are doing good and end up bringing you back down again right when you'd started improving.  Yes, we do deserve better, it's getting better that's so difficult.