[Script] G.U.P.P. : Revolution - Prologue

[KarlOmega1]

Title: G.U.P.P : Revolution
Genre: Sci-fi.
Timeline: several years from present.
script Author: Karl Hestbech/ Karaius

Prologue

Narrator: It was a dark time when I realize the world had been corrupted by Backwards politicians and Purist fascism. I and a few friends had originally put together a New Political party bent of pushing the issue of "Progression" in the hopes that the world would become a better place for all people. We had called ourselves the Global United Progressionist Party...or G.U.P.P. for short. Our first order of business was to build a organization that would see to supporting the world Community, while acting as a base of operations for GUPP-related projects. this organization/corporation was named Hazardcore, mainly for the risk that comes with helping the community.
  Hazardcore on the surface was a multiple sector organization...we did anything...Medical, agricultural, technological...anything. we were even close to finding the Ultimate way to stop HIV through genetic engineering. The Underground part, however, was reserved for Human/animal Gene splicing and building Advanced Defense and Transport Tech. These "Black Projects" were to help establish new sentient races and defend the peace in the world. It can get pretty boring when the only race that can talk or build tech is humans.

(so... tell me how you think of it. Is it a good start?)

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I think you need more of it to actually start. This is an idea, so far, not a story.

Expand a little on things - extend the explanations out some more, bulk it up, explain more of the background. It's all well and good making it punchy and short, but you need something there to punch with.

Also, you might want to re-read it carefully for sense.

[WhiteFox]

My first thought is that the prologue sounds more like a first person perspective then an omniscient narrator. Which would make it a lot more engaging. A first-person perspective journal of someone's experiences is a lot more interesting then a third-person perspective slab of history.

Other then that, you might want to moderate your use of capitals.

I like your writing, by the way. Just the diction and pacing, I guess, and as dialogue it has a natural flow to it. Very readable.