Uwe Boll will quit making movies with one million signatures

[Ryudo Lee]

Yes, you read that right.  There's a petition going around (it's already topped 100,000 signatures) asking Uwe Boll to stop making the cinematic abortions he likes to call movies.  The petition itself can be found here.

Granted, I've never seen one, but from everything I've read, I'm glad I haven't.  I think these movies might actually make people physically ill.  And also, this is the guy that had challenged his critics to a boxing match in order to prove his movies are, in fact, good.

[bill]

i'm sure he will follow through

[rabid_fox]

I've never heard of the dude or seen any of the movies named in the article, but I love the boxing match idea. That's just fantastically manly.

[Lushin]

I've never heard of the dude or seen any of the movies named in the article, but I love the boxing match idea. That's just fantastically manly.

Not really he only challenged people that had no fighting skills. He was gonna challenge some guy on G4 but then found out the guy had studied Muai Thai Kickboxing and backed out.

[Brunhidden]

Does this mean mike tyson can make as many Hel-begotten films as he darned well pleases?

[GabrielsThoughts]

you know I've never seen one either ...He's the guy that made the blood rain, movie and alone in the dark. correct.

who couldn't tell from the previews that they wouldn't suck? 


EDIT:
If Blood RAYNE was so bad, how is it he managed to get funding for two sequels?

[Tapewolf]

If Blood RAYNE was so bad, how is it he managed to get funding for two sequels?

I've heard a few people saying that it was some kind of loophole, where people could write off large amounts of tax by 'investing' money into a known bad film.  Supposedly they weren't liable for tax if/when the film tanked.

[James StarRunner]

Time to clean up some trash. *signs the petition*

[mew]

don't be too hasty. watch one of his movies with director commentary before passing judgment

[Lushin]

don't be too hasty. watch one of his movies with director commentary before passing judgment

Umm yeah, it doesn't matter. He picks games that are popular then basically uses their title, a few popular characters from said game then basically writes a script that doesn't really have hardly anything to do with the game. No amount of decent commentary could make up for that.

[James StarRunner]

don't be too hasty. watch one of his movies with director commentary before passing judgment

Oh, believe me, I'm not being hasty. I work at a video store, I've seen too much crap from him.

[Jack McSlay]

to me, really bad movies are only bad as long as you haven't learn to laugh of how bad it may be

[Zedd]

All I can say is..Good riddens to bad rubish

[Brunhidden]

coudlnt they put effort into making more of the fun kind of bad movie? like attack of the kilelr tomatoes and the newer one named shoot em up

[Ryudo Lee]

to me, really bad movies are only bad as long as you haven't learn to laugh of how bad it may be

In the case of Uwe Boll, unless you're an experienced fighter, he'll literally punch you in the teeth for laughing at his movies.

[Alondro]

to me, really bad movies are only bad as long as you haven't learn to laugh of how bad it may be

In the case of Uwe Boll, unless you're an experienced fighter, he'll literally punch you in the teeth for laughing at his movies.

BRING IT ON BEEEYATCH!!!  I would SO whoop his butt! 

No one fights better than a crazy ultra-right-wing Republican after filling on beer and NASCAR!   

*in which case Bill would be the champ!*   

[Sunblink]

I have been living with the fear that Uwe Boll will make a Phoenix Wright movie.

Get those one million signatures, pronto, before my fear becomes reality.

~Keaton the Black Jackal

[bill]

I like Uwe Boll because he makes people cry after ruining their video games "great storylines"

[James StarRunner]

I like Uwe Boll because he makes people cry after ruining their video games "great storylines"

Maybe he should make a movie about the Pirates baseball team. It's about a game too, right?

[bill]

If it was about Dock Ellis and LSD i would totally watch that movie

[GabrielsThoughts]

ooh if Chuck Norris stared in Halo3 as master cheif...there is no way the movie would suck. because chuck would take control at the first sign of...

[Sufurin Scorda]

From [Wikipedia]:

Retort
Uwe Boll has released a video stating that he is "the only genius in the whole f**king [movie] business" and that other directors such as Michael Bay and Eli Roth are "f**king retards". He promises that his upcoming film Postal will be "way better than all that social-critic George Clooney bullsh*t that you get every f**king weekend." He has also expressed hopes that somebody will start a Pro-Uwe Boll petition, which he is sure will hit a million signatures.

No idea who the guy is (Which is why I wiki'd him), but that was funny.

[Caswin]

I like Uwe Boll because he makes people cry after ruining their video games "great storylines"

Some of them really do have great storylines.  There's a reason the Metal Gear fans were horrified at the prospect of Uwe Boll getting his hands on the franchise.

I haven't played most of the games he's adapted, but I do know that while Alone in the Dark didn't have the most epic of plotlines... well, just read this excerpt from an article by two guys who wrote a script for it, and subsequently got Boll-ized.

It was a mess. We knew we were in a terrible situation, and had written a script that was only going to confuse this poor guy. He kept asking us why the character in our script "Alone in the Dark," Edward Carnby, didn't have any special powers to battle monsters. We explained that the story revolved around suspense and a believable detective, based off the game. He replied by telling us he wanted to blatantly rip-off characters, as well as the tone of the films "Blade" and "The Crow." Here are some actual quotes from e-mails directly from the cinematic mastermind Uwe Boll himself in 2002:

    Edward is not mysterious and does business as usual – which destroys his entire heroism – his entire reputation built up by the game, would be DESTROYED by this film. Edward has to be mysterious like in THE CROW and BLADE, he has to have special abilities and weapons and no normal BACKSTORY!!!

    What isn't much use are grave things: the dialogue, Edward's Character and the story per se. IT IS GOOD THAT H IS NOT A SUPERNATURAL SUPERHERO - BUT HE CANNOT BE ALSO TOO NORMAL - HE IS A LONELY HERO.

    You don't have big screenplay experience and after my bad experience on House Of Dead, I need a Top Script now. Your first script wasn't that. I want to be scared, intelligent, not boring, packed and surprising at the end.

He wanted us to add "big gun battles" and "car chases." You know, all the things that make horror movies scary, particularly movies that revolve around suspense. We kept arguing with him about how to actually tell a scary story, as it became apparent he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. A big point of contention was the monsters; he wanted tons of big, slimy, dog-looking CG monsters all over the story, while we kept repeating it was far scarier to keep them in the dark - hey, what do you know, kinda like the title - and build suspense. We tried to use the (at the time) recent film "Signs" to explain this to him, but everything seemed to bounce right off the guy. Boll then went off on a rant that should rank as one of the most confusing arguments ever in history.

    WE MUST KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ALL THIS . LOOK in SIGNS THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE ALIENS WANTS TO DESTROY - SO HE AUDIENCE IS AFRAID. LIKE WHT YOU SAY ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN: WE DONT KNOW A LOT - BUT WE ARE FRAID - BECAUSE OF 11.9. - SO WITHOUT ANY INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE ALIENS WE ALL FEEL NOTHING - WE ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT LETS SAY YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOWED AN ALIEN IN SIGN - IT WOULD BE A DESASTER - NOBODY WOULD TAKE IT SERIOUS!!

EDIT: My mistake.  I was thinking of a game more along the lines of House of the Dead, which he also butchered.  Apparently, Alone in the Dark actually does have a great story.  Maybe I should play it sometime.

[Reese Tora]

Games I wouldn't mind Boll making movies out if:
Redneck Rampage
Deer Hunter
Tetris (wait... I may retract this one!)
Super Mario Bros
Diablo (but not Diablo II, which actually has a sort of a story line to ruin)

[Brunhidden]

Games I wouldn't mind Boll making movies out if:
Redneck Rampage
Deer Hunter
Tetris (wait... I may retract this one!)
Super Mario Bros
Diablo (but not Diablo II, which actually has a sort of a story line to ruin)

redneck rampage the movie, that would make me happy. i dont care how bad they do it, thats how its supposed to be

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

How about Rampage - the original one?

[Alondro]

How about Pong?

[Tapewolf]

How about Pong?

Now with added car-chases.

[Kenji]

This reminds me of that skit on Robot Chicken about the Chutes and Ladders movie, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and so on. I'm sure he'd be the one to do em. >.>

[bill]

Carmageddon IMO