The Clockwork Mansion

Breaking news bulletin: Keaton's Kind of Crazy (No One Surprised)

Short Story Long: My psychiatrist has been experimenting with giving me a cleaner med profile (for ADD and traces of a few other things), and adjusting has fucked me up something fierce. (According to most of the people I've talked to who have gone through changing medications, this isn't uncommon.) The clinical list of side-effects I've experienced in the last few days includes mood-swings (I know I always have them but they're worse now), depression, loops of apathy, incoherence in both thoughts and writing, at least one panic attack (which resulted in some really painful spasms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spasms)), breakdowns and just me feeling like a massive turd. Believe me when I say that me writing something as semi-articulate as this thread is extremely unusual given my current state.

Oh yeah, and I can't draw or write either, which has been making shit worse. Fancy that.

So I'm staying away from the Internet for a while - I'm going to pop on and off to check on things and keep people updated on my "recovery" every so often but my online presence is going to be less frequent. This applies to both instant messenger services and this (and any other) forum. Why requires a lot more emo ranting. I'm not too keen on the idea of making a giant announcement but I want to let people know I'm going to be absent.

My psychiatrist's personal opinion is that my new medication will kick in within a month, but I wouldn't be terribly surprised if it took me much longer.

Long Story Short: EMO EMO EMO I'm changing medications and this fucked me over and now I'm going to spend a lot of time sleeping and playing FPS games so I can stop being a babbling depressed lunatic.

I'll see you guys at the end of this fiasco. :tighthug

-Keaton

Yeah, well take care.  You will be missed...

 :tighthug

Take care kiddo.  We'll all be here hoping for a speedy recovery/adjustment.  I'm always around if you want to talk.

Get the crazy out, Keats- we will still be here when you return. Though it may feel odd to you being the only sane person here. But seriously- get well soon.

Ouch. I can't say I can imagine what you're going though, but I do hope you are able to pull through it. Good luck Keats, you will be missed, and we'll all be waiting for your return :hug

From what I'm told, the basic medications will work themselves out in a month.

As you suspect, it'll take a while longer for you to find your balance under the new scheme, though.


We'll still be here and waiting, happy to chat when you get back. And we'll miss you while you're gone.


... get well soon? ;-]

I'm so sorry Keaton.. Good wishes are coming your way. Do take care and try to keep your chin up.  :hug

When I went through such a thing it took about 2 months.  And you can tell when this happened by looking at my college transcripts.

I shall promise future huggles for when you return~

Damn, these things tend to be rough. Can't say much more than that we're pulling for you, and that you'll always have our time and attention.

Take care, Keats! We'll be here if you need someone to talk to!

 :tighthug take care of yourself Keaty, as the others have said, we'll be waiting, and if you need some support, we're here for you.  I wish you the best, and a quick and speedy recovery. 

Take care, Keats. See you when you get back. *hug*

Feel better soon.

Get well soon Keats.  You'll be missed, but your health and your sanity will always come first.  :hug

Take Care Keats <3 we'll miss you but you go look after yourself.

Take care Keatons,we miss you already!

Get well soon, Keaton.  I have ADHD, so I can empathize with you a little bit, although the last time I had to change meds (from Ritalin to Conserta), was back in childhood, and the transition went pretty smoothly as far as I can remember.

You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for your support and understanding. :tighthug I wish I could respond to all of you, but... well, I read all of your comments and knowing that so many people care is very uplifting. Thank you, guys. <3

I don't want to make any hasty conclusions, but I feel like things are gradually getting better. Day by day I've been making improvements, although I'm not there yet. Right now I'm feeling strangely lucid, and I haven't had any breakdowns in a long time - those were more at the beginning of the fiasco. The closest things I've experienced are really ambivalent emotions. I'm not completely together yet, but I'm hoping that I'll feel completely better soon. Depends on how often we tweak my medication. (Hate hate hate.) That just occurred to me. I hope that nothing nutty happens as we start weaning me off of certain pills.

I'm probably gonna keep being elusive for a while. The regularity of my appearances will depend on how I'm feeling. I'll do some writing and drawing exercises to see if I'm getting closer.

Quote from: ChaosMageX on November 14, 2009, 06:54:04 PM
Get well soon, Keaton.  I have ADHD, so I can empathize with you a little bit, although the last time I had to change meds (from Ritalin to Conserta), was back in childhood, and the transition went pretty smoothly as far as I can remember.

Just thought I'd mention this: thanks for the well-wishes, dude. c: As far as the meds go, I was on my older ones for a very long time before we started introducing and eliminating new medications, so I guess it's harder for me to get used to this new med profile. I'm not completely sure. I remember going through a lot of medication changes without incident when I was a kid too.

However, these new and old meds aren't just for controlling my ADD. They're for a few other things too. (Even though I don't have these complications full-blown, I have traces of them.) I think this might explain something, but I'm not completely sure.

Thank you for the update. I hope the feeling of getting better is real and continues. You sure seem to have a lot of friends here, and from all I've read/seen its for good reason. So I shall add my wishes for speedy and successful recovery!

Thanks for the update, I hope you truly are on the mend.

That's some good news, keaton! Keep getting better, we're all here for you! :hug

Good to hear from you Keaton, as well as generally good news. As before, the offer of an ear and a shoulder is always open, and I think most of the others will offer the same.

Do feel better, Keaton. I don't have any particular experience with losing creativity, but I do know how it is to break down, and I don't wish it upon anyone.

Well, okay, that might be a lie, but I don't wish it upon you, at least.

Speak to me later, and perhaps I can get that drawing done, mmkay?

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on November 15, 2009, 12:29:59 PM
However, these new and old meds aren't just for controlling my ADD. They're for a few other things too. (Even though I don't have these complications full-blown, I have traces of them.) I think this might explain something, but I'm not completely sure.

What exactly are these "other things"?  My mother was and still is very careful to make sure not to give my doctor any excuses to prescribe more psychoactive medications for me, because of the dangers involved.

I'm beginning to see that her suspicions are well founded.  I'll bet that they've just found these "traces" of things in order to make excuses to charge your family more money for drugs and essentially poison your mind and body in the process.

Man oh man, I'm definitely taking my mother's advice from now on.  Just nod and smile and say I'm doing fine whenever I take a physical for a med refill.  Don't give them any excuse to prescribe more meds that might cause an irregular heartbeat or evoke lurid thoughts. *shudder*

Man, I really feel for you now Keaton.  The greedy pharmaceutical industry has got you in its clutches, and escaping won't be easy.  :(  I wish you luck in doing so.

I say we stage a take over to take down those greedy bastard for hurting our Keaton.

But on a serious note, it good to hear you filling a bit better. I used to take medicine for my ADHD and when I first started taking medicine for it, back in 3rd grade, I had a really hard time controling my emotions. I would get really upset over the littlest thing.

Quote from: ChaosMageX on November 22, 2009, 12:08:44 AM
What exactly are these "other things"?  My mother was and still is very careful to make sure not to give my doctor any excuses to prescribe more psychoactive medications for me, because of the dangers involved.

Going into a slightly dispassionate laundry list: traces of Asperger syndrome and traces of bipolar disorder. (Both of those are probably right on the money.) None of those were self-diagnosed; they were done by a professional. To be honest, even though I'm pissed off very displeased with my psychiatrist because of this whole ordeal, I've known him since I was really young and can't say he's doing this for personal profit or because he's a puppet of the pharmaceutical industry. What had started the medication-changing in the first place was the fact he was uncomfortable with my original med profile, which was very cluttered in comparison to his other patients'. (Also, he wanted to find a medication that wouldn't screw up my weight. One of the offending meds was making me gain weight. Something a physician I visited mentioned was that not many psychiatrists that distribute prescriptions give a crap about their patients' weight.) Given the fact I've gone through some serious anxiety issues a few years ago, this was not pleasant.

But I do agree with you on the fact the industry is really fucked up. However, I am fairly sure my situation has nothing to do with that. Plus I have a hard time imagining my psychiatrist in a less-than-flattering light because he helped me through those anxiety issues I mentioned. And the phrase "anxiety issues" is an ineffective euphemism to describe the experience. D:

...that ended up being a bit too TL;DR than expected. :B FYI I AM NOT UPSET. Thank you for the well wishes. c:

Quote from: JackTheCubiWolf on November 22, 2009, 02:07:06 AM
But on a serious note, it good to hear you filling a bit better. I used to take medicine for my ADHD and when I first started taking medicine for it, back in 3rd grade, I had a really hard time controling my emotions. I would get really upset over the littlest thing.

Thanks a lot, Jack. c: I should note that your experience with the ADHD medication sounds pretty similar to mine. My emotions are still really wonky, even though I've made some improvements since when I was... well, thirteen or fifteen. I'm not sure if that was related to medication or just growing up. As for in third grade, when I started taking my medication, I can't really remember what it was like.

Emphasis on some improvements. SOME :U I'm still a temperamental thing.

But really, thank you for coming by and giving me well wishes. :tighthug It's muchly appreciated.

i hope they diagnose correctly then, i was diagnosed with asthburgers syndrome falsely and because of it i had a fairly screwed up childhood.

although, i think its a little late to screw up your childhood, but i really hope you don't get a screwed up adulthood





side note, spell check thinks asthburgers is supposed to be 'veggieburgers'

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on November 22, 2009, 10:23:16 AM

Quote from: JackTheCubiWolf on November 22, 2009, 02:07:06 AM
But on a serious note, it good to hear you filling a bit better. I used to take medicine for my ADHD and when I first started taking medicine for it, back in 3rd grade, I had a really hard time controling my emotions. I would get really upset over the littlest thing.

Thanks a lot, Jack. c: I should note that your experience with the ADHD medication sounds pretty similar to mine. My emotions are still really wonky, even though I've made some improvements since when I was... well, thirteen or fifteen. I'm not sure if that was related to medication or just growing up. As for in third grade, when I started taking my medication, I can't really remember what it was like.

Emphasis on some improvements. SOME :U I'm still a temperamental thing.

But really, thank you for coming by and giving me well wishes. :tighthug It's muchly appreciated.

For me, it was my anger issues that started when I started on meds back in childhood, so I too can empathize with what you're going though.  I would have the worst tantrums.  I finally had to deal with controlling my anger after some particular wuss classmate of mine got hit in the back of the head with chalk that ricocheted off the wall I threw it at in anger.  The moron decided to get his parents to press assault charges.  I was a minor, so the law's punishment was nothing more than a slap on the wrist, but after that my parents have never really trusted me since that day and my life has been gradually going down hill since then as the tension between us mounts with my age.

So yeah, I wish you luck in getting through this and I hope that you don't make the same mistakes I did, and end up indirectly hurting some pussy that will press assault charges or worse.

EDIT:
BTW, how exactly did your parents treat you because of this?  Were they mega-overprotective and emotionally hurtful with verbal put-downs towards you like mine are?
Is it because your ADHD made you do stupid things as a small child, like run in front of cars?
If that is the case, then I can REALLY empathize with what you've been going through for most of your life now. :)

EDIT2:
I know you probably don't have time to respond to it, but did you manage to get my PM, Keaton?

For your edit one, is that to me or Keaton?

Quote from: Brunhidden on November 22, 2009, 10:47:00 AM
side note, spell check thinks asthburgers is supposed to be 'veggieburgers'

Perhaps you'll have more luck if you ask it to spell assburgers? Or Aspergers, perhaps? ;-]

*giggle* athpergerth. With a lithp... *snicker*

Quote from: JackTheCubiWolf on November 22, 2009, 03:10:16 PM
For your edit one, is that to me or Keaton?

Both of you.  I want to compare my life with others who're medicated for ADD/ADHD.

Quote from: Brunhidden on November 22, 2009, 10:47:00 AM
i hope they diagnose correctly then, i was diagnosed with asthburgers syndrome falsely and because of it i had a fairly screwed up childhood.

I'm really, really sorry to hear that, dude. I've heard about a few false diagnoses that ended in turmoil. That's horrible.

I am very sure the diagnosis I've been given is accurate. The psychiatrist behind it is pretty competent, and it actually explains a hell of a lot of things. I don't think it suddenly changes how it thinks how I think of myself; I just ended up thinking "huh... that explains it," before I went back to playing Team Fortress 2. Besides, I don't have the full-blown condition. I just have a few traces, like I said. Doesn't change anything, considering I've apparently had it for a while and was never told point-blank. (Or I just forgot that someone did. That happens a lot where I'm concerned. I'm not even sure if this is of much significance; it's just something I need to regulate with time and effort and practice.)

Quote from: ChaosMageX on November 22, 2009, 01:46:44 PMSo yeah, I wish you luck in getting through this and I hope that you don't make the same mistakes I did, and end up indirectly hurting some pussy that will press assault charges or worse.

Ouch. D:

To be honest, my anger issues had not escalated to that point when they were most prominent. I mean not to the point I indirectly assaulted someone. I did lose it a lot in terms of lashing out and getting extremely volatile with people I really cared about, but those episodes don't happen with much frequency anymore. The only reason they've resurfaced this month is because of all this stress and chemical imbalance. Not that I'm trying to divert responsibility away from me, because they're still my actions - something that I'm still capable of influencing. It's kind of an embarrassing topic of discussion for me because I'm not proud of my behavior back then, or on occasion this month, whatsoever. I'm gonna admit that it's hard even describing this.

But yes, I still have some black-and-white emotions, but I'm getting increasingly better at controlling them. Just take my word for it when I say I used to be terrible. The circumstances were really weird, but I'm hoping I'm growing up in some capacity.

I'm having a hard time remembering anything pertaining to my early-ish childhood. I didn't get in trouble because of violent behavior; I got in trouble because I was extremely impulsive and oversensitive. Unbelievably oversensitive. I'm not sure if that's related to ADD, though. And I don't care about those years anymore unless I'm looking back and thinking "GOOD GOD I was a prepubescent ball of social ineptitude."

QuoteBTW, how exactly did your parents treat you because of this?  Were they mega-overprotective and emotionally hurtful with verbal put-downs towards you like mine are?

No. My parents are amazing and I love them.

(I'm gonna note that it's because of that I feel really sorry that yours were... yeah.)

QuoteIs it because your ADHD made you do stupid things as a small child, like run in front of cars?

Other than this one time at AC 09, no.

(teehee)

I can't really remember any situations wherein I did stupid things because of uncontrollable impulses. I have some awful concentration problems, but that's medicated so I perform fairly well at school. Come to think of it, I don't think my ADD's all that severe in terms of complications... I think. It's just the fact I've been forced to change medications and experience the drawbacks of such a transition that sucks balls. And I don't really research ADD online because I have a few insecurities here and there. Long story, but my psychiatrist was able to dispel most of those concerns.

Not to mention, I'd rather receive his opinion than use Wikipedia as a diagnosis-machine. I'll talk to him during my next appointment.

If we continue this line of discussion, let's do it over PMs. I've never exactly gone into such detail regarding my idiosyncrasies prior to this on a public venue.

Quote
I know you probably don't have time to respond to it, but did you manage to get my PM, Keaton?

Oh yeah, I did! Sorry I haven't responded to it yet. I'll see if I can get to work on a response today. Can't make any promises, though.

Although I don't really have much to add to here I still felt the need to pop in and say that it's good that it sounds like you're able to adjust and cope with the new medication set.  I hope for you that this adjustment period doesn't last too much longer and that things will go to better than normal for you soon.


Really the only part of this I can relate to is the ADD/ADHD area of it.  So, if you even need another person who can possibly relate to some of what you are going through or, at the very least, another ear to talk to...I have nothing but time  :)  (well, aside from that entire "work" thing I got to do five days out of the week  :P)

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on November 24, 2009, 10:31:07 AM
I'm having a hard time remembering anything pertaining to my early-ish childhood. I didn't get in trouble because of violent behavior; I got in trouble because I was extremely impulsive and oversensitive. Unbelievably oversensitive. I'm not sure if that's related to ADD, though. And I don't care about those years anymore unless I'm looking back and thinking "GOOD GOD I was a prepubescent ball of social ineptitude."

FWIW, that's probably the ADHD, based on my experiences and my son's experiences and my experience of my son (who is diagnosed Aspie, for those following at home)

It's not so much overly sensitive as not really understanding what "socially acceptable" responses to the emotional turmoil are. Everyone gets upset, that's perfectly okay. What you need to learn as an Aspergers or ADHD child is how you can express that in some better way than bursting into tears.

... this is something I wish I'd understood a lot earlier than I did. I may go home and talk to my child about it, and see if it helps him.

Heya, Keaton. I'm late as always, but I like to pretend my support means something anyway.

I still have you on Steam, or my AIM's listed on here, if you want to get in touch. Just try to take it easy; that's all you can do until life starts balancing out again.

Hmm, hearing the talk about running in front of cars because of ADHD makes me wonder if that was the reason I would take keys, when I was really young, and jam them into electrical outlits.

Quote from: JackTheCubiWolf on December 06, 2009, 02:14:18 AM
Hmm, hearing the talk about running in front of cars because of ADHD makes me wonder if that was the reason I would take keys, when I was really young, and jam them into electrical outlits.

No, that's just you.

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 06, 2009, 05:36:12 AM

Quote from: JackTheCubiWolf on December 06, 2009, 02:14:18 AM
Hmm, hearing the talk about running in front of cars because of ADHD makes me wonder if that was the reason I would take keys, when I was really young, and jam them into electrical outlits.

No, that's just you.

keys would never fit, even pennies dont work that well. really the best thing to use is a paperclip, and even then the fuse breakers blow long before anything serious happens


in case you were wondering- second grade, and the inside of my eyes had the most pretty fireworks ive ever seen

Fun fact: this post was written with a missing backspace key. My caps lock key looks like it's going to fall off at any minute. Happy day! Time to visit the repairs.

I wanted to give another update because I haven't been as active on these forums, or in general, as I've wanted to. Keep my disfigured keyboard in mind and you have Commitment.

Quote from: Dekari on November 24, 2009, 12:30:16 PM
Although I don't really have much to add to here I still felt the need to pop in and say that it's good that it sounds like you're able to adjust and cope with the new medication set.  I hope for you that this adjustment period doesn't last too much longer and that things will go to better than normal for you soon.


Really the only part of this I can relate to is the ADD/ADHD area of it.  So, if you even need another person who can possibly relate to some of what you are going through or, at the very least, another ear to talk to...I have nothing but time  :)  (well, aside from that entire "work" thing I got to do five days out of the week  :P)

Thanks so much dude. :) You know, I just appreciate the fact you're relaying some support even though you can't completely relate to the situation. Which is fine by me.

If I'm in need of a patient ear, I'll try to get in touch with you. Thanks again for the support and the offer. c:

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on November 24, 2009, 12:43:00 PM
FWIW, that's probably the ADHD, based on my experiences and my son's experiences and my experience of my son (who is diagnosed Aspie, for those following at home)

It's not so much overly sensitive as not really understanding what "socially acceptable" responses to the emotional turmoil are. Everyone gets upset, that's perfectly okay. What you need to learn as an Aspergers or ADHD child is how you can express that in some better way than bursting into tears.

... this is something I wish I'd understood a lot earlier than I did. I may go home and talk to my child about it, and see if it helps him.

I didn't know your son was diagnosed with Asperger's before I read this. (:tmyk, I guess.)

I completely agree with you on all counts – God, if you were really a box, I'd never let you get recycled. I admit I have a lot of some insecurities about this Asperger's business even though I sounded really nonchalant and confident about it, so your post made me feel a lot better.

(Oh yeah, I checked with my mom for clarification. I don't have the hyperactivity aspect of ADHD – it's more about the lack of concentration and stuff. I had a really hard time focusing in school, mostly during those oversensitive years I mentioned. I remember I kept drawing all over my papers instead of taking notes, and after my teachers grew tired of confiscating my pencils they just stopped giving me any drawing utensils during study time whatsoever.

I think my mind wandered the most in my 5th grade Social Studies class. Poor Mr. Taft. If I was a teacher, I'd never want me as a student.

Wikipedia, why have you made ADD a redirect to the ADHD page? Now you have made me even more confused when I am supposed to feel enlightened.)

Quote from: Siirenia on December 05, 2009, 03:12:52 AM
Heya, Keaton. I'm late as always, but I like to pretend my support means something anyway.

I still have you on Steam, or my AIM's listed on here, if you want to get in touch. Just try to take it easy; that's all you can do until life starts balancing out again.

Why are you being so hard on yourself? Your support does mean something – hell, it means a lot. Thank you. <3

I'll keep all of that in mind - I still have you on Steam as well, I'm just under a different display name. I'm hoping life'll balance out soon, and I agree with you about the taking it easy thing. I learned yesterday that imposing any stress on myself is just gonna make things worse.

Quote from: JackTheCubiWolf on December 06, 2009, 02:14:18 AM
Hmm, hearing the talk about running in front of cars because of ADHD makes me wonder if that was the reason I would take keys, when I was really young, and jam them into electrical outlits.

No. And I don't think I have an answer for you. Maybe it's the defining characteristic of an undiscovered disorder: Spontaneous Self-Electrocution syndrome.

Well okay, I admit I thought about doing that Insert Key A-into-Outlet B thing when I was a kid, but that has nothing to do with ADHD/Spontaneous Self-Electrocution syndrome and more to do with humankind's innate urge to press that one big red button just to see what it does, even though it's labeled with the words "Self-Destruct."

"It'd kill us all!"
"But it would look so cool."

Quote from: Brunhidden on December 06, 2009, 02:59:48 PM
keys would never fit, even pennies dont work that well. really the best thing to use is a paperclip, and even then the fuse breakers blow long before anything serious happens


in case you were wondering- second grade, and the inside of my eyes had the most pretty fireworks ive ever seen

God damnit, Brun, don't tempt me.


Alright, time for another update.

The Good: In a recent development, my mom spoke to my psychiatrist and learned about all the pills we're trying to strike off my med profile. It's a gradual weaning process. Thanks to him, Mom wrote down a list of all the medications that are temporary, and a schedule detailing when each pill will be removed entirely. All the dates are mostly theoretical, since they can be altered due to interruptions or miscalculations.

I can't deny I've been going through some great improvements, too. I've returned to school and talked to everyone there that I missed. I also filled in the school's owner/principal on why I had been absent for so long, and she was completely understanding, thank God. So I'm back to school.

Plus I'm not feeling like I did at the start of this. That in itself is good.

The Bad: I feel like the pills are actually not doing anything that they're supposed to do. So far they make me feel worse. That might change, but things have been so horrid that I am extremely pessimistic. I'm hoping I'll be proved wrong.

Another thing: it'll actually take longer than I thought to finish the transition to the new-and-improved med profile. That's after I'm weaned off of all the unclean pills. I need to ask my mom for the schedule so I can better understand this. And I'm still not sure if there will be more things to the adjustment process after I'm, technically, finished.

Writing and drawing still hasn't come back.

Had some bad, bad drama, which I guess qualifies as a notable mention since it did ever so much to facilitate my recovery. It is over and done with, though. Fun fact: Those two sentences were revised the most times out of anything else in this post while the whole thing was being written in Microsoft Word. It used to be seven paragraphs long.

For the past few days I've had anxiety up shitshoot. Suspicions about medical health and all. Going to see if I can have these fears alleviated by visiting a local physician for a routine check-up, because there's no way in hell I'm checking info online. Not that it isn't reliable – it's just that I jump to conclusions and I read everything that's given in lists of symptoms with a very literal, very panicked mindset. Oh yeah, and every ailment - even ones that aren't even life-threatening, or that can be properly treated - that I think I have will be treated as though it is instantaneously fatal upon discovery.

Seventeen years old - I once thought I had diabetes because I spent the whole day in a state of human-slug lethargy. Then I checked Wikipedia and when I noticed the barest resemblance between what I was feeling and what was described as legitimate symptoms, I freaked, thinking this confirmed my fears.

("...Frequent urination? Ohmygod I went to the bathroom three times so far today, I am fucking doomed.")

Never mind that my blood tests came back with pristine results (and blood tests are kind of good for these sorts of things so that should have mattered), THOSE WERE TAKEN A MONTH AGO. THINGS COULD HAVE CHANGED SINCE THEN.

So yeah, I still imagine me, still hysterical after this revelation, running to the nearest grocery store/pharmaceutical department and shrieking in the poor receptionist's face, "I NEED INSULIN! I have just learned that I" – dramatic pause, then said with a grave, perfectly stone-cold face – "AM A DIABETIC."

Uh yeah, I have no idea how I managed to do that whole thing with the diabetes story. I think writing this post made me feel a lot better.

P.S.: Oh no I have a cold.

I can't really help you with the clinical side of things, though of course you have my sympathy and support through the whole thing.

However, for the computer, think about getting a USB keyboard.  They can be had for something like £5-£10 here and that probably translates directly into dollars.
Yes, having a separate keyboard for a laptop is a bit of a nuisance when it has a keyboard of it's own, but as a quick fix it should Just Work (tm).

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on December 09, 2009, 03:20:52 PMbecause there's no way in hell I'm checking info online.

Yeah, good idea there.  Self diagnosis is probably not one of the better things someone can do for themselves.

*exaggerated situation (to be taken as humor and nothing else)*

Person A: Hey, (insert internet medical diagnosis site here).  I got random symptom1, random symptom 2, and random symptom 3...what do I have.

IMDS:  Congratulations, you either have the common cold or Anthrax.

Person A:  :erk.  Gee, thanks.  I feel a lot better now knowing this information  :blankstare

I've used online diagnoses, albeit more for humor value. One of them honestly wrote in that I had rabies.

Quote from: JackTheCubiWolf on December 06, 2009, 02:14:18 AM
Hmm, hearing the talk about running in front of cars because of ADHD makes me wonder if that was the reason I would take keys, when I was really young, and jam them into electrical outlits.

Maybe the ADHD just drives us to risk our lives when we're young and don't know any better.

And Keaton, I'm sorry to hear that your meds aren't working as well as they should.  Maybe its because you've had so many meds pumping through your veins recently that you're beginning to develop a tolerance to them, and so they can't work as well.

From what you've described about the way you've self-diagnosed yourself and reacted so badly to those diagnoses, I'm worried you may have one of those things that cause you to think you're sick when you're really not.
Or maybe I'm just the one panicking now.

I don't know much about Asbergers Syndrome, except that it is a good way of describing how Terminators behave, so I can't sympathize with you in that regard.

But still, I wish you the best of luck in recovering from your medication switch, and I hope that you can get back to drawing, writing, and being more active in the community really soon.

Also, if you're going to replace your keyboard, you should get one of those cool wireless mouse and keyboard combos.  I recently got the Logitech Wave Cordless Desktop (http://www.logitech.com/index.cfm/keyboards/keyboard_mice_combos/devices/3072&cl=us,en), and it has worked out great for me.  No more having to worry about tangled cords or lack of cord length.  I could type a message from across the room if I wanted.












(Also, did you get the most recent PMs I sent you?  One was asking about the shadow abilities of the Jyraneth clan and the other was to show you my attempts at drawing your character for some of the pages of Chapter 11 of Project Future.)

Quote from: ChaosMageX on December 11, 2009, 03:11:14 PM
I don't know much about Asbergers Syndrome, except that it is a good way of describing how Terminators behave, so I can't sympathize with you in that regard.

... Apparently, not even how to spell it. And no, it's not a very good way of describing how Terminators behave.

QuoteFrom what you've described about the way you've self-diagnosed yourself and reacted so badly to those diagnoses, I'm worried you may have one of those things that cause you to think you're sick when you're really not.
Or maybe I'm just the one panicking now.

Dude, calm down.

I don't have whatever you think I have. I've had anxiety problems for a long time and they've caused me a lot of grief in the past (as in 2005-ish), but up until this transition with the medication, I had managed to control panic attacks and other surges of paranoia by reasoning with myself. This included pointing out the flaws in such assumptions so I could realize how impossible this stuff was. I hadn't had a panic attack in years until what happened earlier last month, but the fact of the matter is: I'm still paranoid. Paranoia was the only reason that incident happened, and it was the only reason any other related incident happened.

And about the diabetes thing, that was just me joking. Yes, it really happened, but it was not meant to give anyone a reason to worry seeing as the event in question happened last year. I was just using it as an example as to why I try to avoid internet diagnoses. (Besides the fact I don't have a PHD.) If it came across as serious, I actually apologize because I didn't mean to do that or make anyone worry. Also, the ending was completely fabricated, because I'm sure if I demanded insulin from a pharmaceutical department I'd get in trouble. (Do they even sell insulin?)

If I had anything more serious than anxiety issues, I think my psychiatrist would have spotted it, seeing as I've been visiting him for years.

I went to the doctor yesterday, by the way. Things went fine and I am in perfect health.

QuoteAnd Keaton, I'm sorry to hear that your meds aren't working as well as they should.  Maybe its because you've had so many meds pumping through your veins recently that you're beginning to develop a tolerance to them, and so they can't work as well.

I'm hoping that's not the case. I really don't want to think about this possibility, because if anything exploring the idea of all the things that could be wrong with me is just going to make me feel worse, and add more problems to my laundry list. I really appreciate the sympathy, and my reaction could just be my mood at the moment, though. I'll ask my mom about the tolerance idea later.

QuoteI don't know much about Asbergers Syndrome, except that it is a good way of describing how Terminators behave, so I can't sympathize with you in that regard.

I'm just going to limit my response to this: No. God, I am not in the mood for this shit.


I think I've misplaced my sense of humor.

Quote(Also, did you get the most recent PMs I sent you?  One was asking about the shadow abilities of the Jyraneth clan and the other was to show you my attempts at drawing your character for some of the pages of Chapter 11 of Project Future.)

I did get them. I don't think I can respond to them for a while, even after I do read them. I'm really sorry - lately I have been feeling kind of overwhelmed by a lot of things that have been bothering me. I'll answer the PMs as soon as I can.


Finally. The response is done. Face, meet pillow. I need some goddamn rest.

Quote from: ChaosmageX on December 06, 2009, 02:14:18 AM


I don't know much about Asbergers Syndrome, except that it is a good way of describing how Terminators behave, so I can't sympathize with you in that regard.

...
You're seriously trying your best to tick off everyone here, aren't you?

Quote from: Techcubi on December 13, 2009, 04:03:52 PM

Quote from: ChaosmageX on December 06, 2009, 02:14:18 AM


I don't know much about Asbergers Syndrome, except that it is a good way of describing how Terminators behave, so I can't sympathize with you in that regard.

...
You're seriously trying your best to tick off everyone here, aren't you?

zinged by the newbie

i suddenly like you more TC

I sincerely apologize for offending anyone on the forums in regards to my comments about Aspergers Syndrome.

Quote from: ChaosMageX on December 11, 2009, 03:11:14 PM
I don't know much about Asbergers Syndrome, except that it is a good way of describing how Terminators behave, so I can't sympathize with you in that regard.

God, I hate myself so much right now.  That actually came from an article in Wired Magazine about the Terminator Franchise, or some other magazine, I can't remember which, and from the TV series itself, specifically episode 6 of season 2.  Look them up yourself, dammit! :<

I never even heard of Aspergers Syndrome until a little before that, when they talked about it on an episode of Nick News, describing it as an Autism spectrum disorder that wasn't as bad as having Autism itself.

My entire knowledge about Autism in general comes from Wikipedia, that episode of Nick News, an episode of Mental (season 1, episode 9), an episode of NUMB3RS (season 5, episode 5), at least two documentaries on the Science Channel about savant syndrome, and a few other sources I may not recall.

Heck, I didn't even know that much about ADHD until I started reading a book entitled "Driven to Distraction".  I'm so pathetic it's almost scary to me.

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on December 13, 2009, 01:17:24 PM
I don't have whatever you think I have. I've had anxiety problems for a long time and they've caused me a lot of grief in the past (as in 2005-ish), but up until this transition with the medication, I had managed to control panic attacks and other surges of paranoia by reasoning with myself. This included pointing out the flaws in such assumptions so I could realize how impossible this stuff was. I hadn't had a panic attack in years until what happened earlier last month, but the fact of the matter is: I'm still paranoid. Paranoia was the only reason that incident happened, and it was the only reason any other related incident happened.

Oh, that's very good to hear, especially since I also have a history of anxiety and paranoia, so I can empathize with that.  I always used to think that one bad grade would ruin my life forever, and my parents reinforced that anxiety, and they still do.

As a child, I also used to have an avid paranoia about the tidbits of religion I'd hear, such as how flipping people off was swearing to God, or that God might be able to hear my thoughts and punish me for them.

Heck, my first final exam in Fluid Mechanics is today and I'm still trying to resist flying into an utter panic attack because I don't think I've studied enough.  And the fact that I believe I haven't studied enough is another reason for adding more self-hate for the self-hate cilice.

I don't think I'm getting better. For the last week I've been in a wretched state, and I think I'm getting worse - I feel the angriest, saddest, and most hopeless than I have in a long, long time. My mom described some of the things I have been feeling as being similar to her experiences when she suffered from clinical depression (which happened under similar circumstances). I don't feel like the same person anymore. During all the moments of happiness that I treasure, I'm still volatile.

I need to withdraw and take a long break from the forums until I'm completely better. I hope everyone has a great holiday - I'll see everyone when I return. <3

-Keaton

 :hug I'm so sorry Keaton.. do take care and I hope you feel better soon.

Also sorry to hear that. We're pulling for you. 

Hope you feel better, Keats.  Have a good holiday.  :hug

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on December 22, 2009, 02:47:44 PM
I don't think I'm getting better. For the last week I've been in a wretched state, and I think I'm getting worse - I feel the angriest, saddest, and most hopeless than I have in a long, long time. My mom described some of the things I have been feeling as being similar to her experiences when she suffered from clinical depression (which happened under similar circumstances). I don't feel like the same person anymore.

That's awful.  I had a stint at that myself, though it was due to pressures at work which cleared up, in part because the other guys there realised it simply wasn't going to work out if it kept up like that.  (That and there was the whole 'buying a house' thing on top of it)
I hope you get over it soon, I really do.  You don't deserve this.

 :tighthug I'm here for you Keaty, if you need someone.  My thoughts and wishes are with you, and if you need your healy harem, just hit me up when i'm around.  Take care of yourself, i wish you as quick and pain-free recovery as possible.

Happy Holidays, and best of luck.

Yikes, that's bad news that you seem to have gone downhill since your last update. I wish you well, Keaton, and hope that at least your holiday celebration is a happy time for you.

Be careful now Keats, we do want you back when you feel up to it  :hug


Be kind to yourself ok? And have a Merry Christmas if ya can....

Update because I'm using this as a journal of sorts. Things are actually starting to look up and I want people to know that. Most of this was copypasted from another post on a separate website that I made.

We figured out around January 5th that my antidepressants were making me worse, as opposed to better, due to them being ineffective in combating my bipolar disorder and them just exacerbating matters. I had a horrible meltdown on the 5th because Mom experimented with the dosage just before we were changing my med profile. Turns out my bipolar disorder was full-blown and not consisting of simple traces like I assumed, but it was properly medicated before this profile change and therefore not a problem. My psychiatrist managed to figure this out after I was finally cooperative in visiting him for the first time in a few months, and now he's able to work on how to fix my medication. He put me on a temporary antipsychotic that can hopefully even me out. We're now visiting him one to two times a week.

I'm finally able to come up with ideas that are remotely creative but I still can't really write or draw even though I'm actively getting the urges besides simply wanting to be able to. Actually, inspiration's coming out of every orifice. It's a little frustrating that I can't implement the ideas, but I think things are finally really really really improving.

I'm still not going to be able to do anything serious around here, but things are gradually getting better. I just need to keep myself from getting stressed out and I seem to have a head cold. No, it is not the swine flu.

I'm still not completely better, but guys, thank you so much for everything. :tighthug :tighthug :tighthug I think I'm almost there.

I'm very pleased to hear that.  Get well soon  :3

Good to hear the uplifting news. As always, if you need anything we can provide, there are legions of forumites happy to contribute.

*hugs*

I'm glad to hear things are improving hon

I know how hard it can be.

I just wish I'd seen this sooner

*Hugs*

Here's to a continued improvement

Keaton says she's taken a turn for the worse, and will be AFK for a while, while she tries to get a handle on it.


She would have posted this herself, but it appears that the worse includes not being able to accept any post she could put together as suitable. Or something.


Here's hoping she recovers quickly.

oh dear... :mowsad

Is it just me, or is it every time she seems like she's getting better, she suddenly goes "whump!" again? I cannot imagine how tough this must be on her...

Quote from: techmaster-glitch on January 19, 2010, 04:57:17 PM
Is it just me, or is it every time she seems like she's getting better, she suddenly goes "whump!" again? I cannot imagine how tough this must be on her...

It does seem to be the way it has been going.  I wasn't exactly expecting this to be a lightning-fast and smooth recovery, but it seems to be particularly harsh on her which isn't really fair.

I do hope she does get better fast,she's like a little sister to us all..In most cases I would like to give her big hugs

 :tighthug You've been a good friend, Keaty, and you really didn't deserve go through what you already have, let alone deserve more suck.  I'm still around if you need me... Take care of yourself, Keaton, and i'll see you when you get back!

we'll be here when your ready hon

Hey Keats,
I'm really sorry I haven't put my voice up here until now but I only started checking this subforum yesterday.

I want you to know that you have my full sympathy in what you're going through and have been through and I wish you all the best. I hope you get through this, and things go brilliantly well for you.

What I say next I say with your best interests in my heart; but I believe you should cut out the medication.

The reason is very simple: Irritabilty, bursts of anger, frustration, depression, mood swings, worry and anxiety, days you don't know where you're going, inabilty to focus, being terse with someone who's only trying to help, fustration, confusion, desparation at not seeming to figure out the right way to live your life...

...all these things are part of LIFE. Practically everyone experiences these things at times. It's made worse by the fact that life these days is very unnatural. Kids are put into buildings for 7 hourse where they are expected to constantly pay attention learn things they they have no guaranteed interest in. And when a kid starts thinking of other things or feeling very uncomfortable in this very unnatural environment... they diagnose it as a mental condition?

You know why you sketched in class instead of paying attention? Because you found sketching far more interesting and loved it far more then the class you were in. Schools teach facts and are very left-brain (logical) orientated. Unfortunately the left side of your brain is where stress is generated, as it advocates rigid structures that you feel compelled to fulfull. Creative activites like drawing are right-brain activities and so can calm people. In class, that is simply the experience you preferred having.

As for bi-polar, well who doesn't change moods from happy to depressed over periods of times? Something tells me there aren't many more diagnosed with it simply because people are more tight lipped about their mental condition, not because they are any more emotionally volatile then the average person.

And Aspergers Syndrome? Incredibly common. Stereotypically speaking, nearly every geek/nerd could be said to have it since the characteristics of both overlap so much (awkward social skills, a love of logic and working things out, abilty to concentrate a lot on a given interest, affinity with computers... list goes on).

And you know what the real problem is? If you take medication, then how do you know if a problem you have is comming from the pills you have taken or from yourself? You know medication can have unpredictable effect, and if you've been taking them a long time, how do you know if a problem in your life isn't caused by them? Goodness knows being human is often like sailing a boat over a storm of emotions, but if we don't know whether a given wave was caused by some aspect in our life, our personality, or in the pills we take; then how do we know how to successfuly navigate them?
Cutting out your pills won't necessarily solve all your life's problems, but it will leave you in a much better position to deal with them at your own behedst.
No one stays the way they were born forever, the great thing about humans is we have the ability to work through or compensate our shortcomming and problems with time, dedication and support from those around us. As such, we can improve ourself, and leave us better prepared for the future.

Keats, I have a lot of affection for you. You are energetic, fun, imaginative and essentially a great person. It breaks my heart to think that you're going through so much trouble for something you're not even sure you need. Maybe if you had a severe cerebral problem, like a genuine chemical imbalance, medication would be appropriate (we're talking chronic stuff here, a mortal danger to yourself or your family); but otherwise, I see nothing special about your troubles other then another human being trying to make their way through this crazy world. It just worries me that in trying to deal with certain obsticals you face, you've brought up even more without realising it.

Regards and always wishing you all the best,
Sofox

I would recommend seeing a responsible doctor who knows what he's doing. Too many people have been wrongly diagnosed with depression, bipolar syndrome, etc., but that doesn't mean every single diagnosis is wrong. And dropping the medications all of a sudden could do more harm than good. Maybe taking them was a mistake in the first place, maybe not, and maybe she has something else entirely, but in any case it would be best to get a second opinion before making any rushed decisions.

In any case, take care, Keaton. You know we all care for you and want you to feel well and be happy.

FWIW, the taking medication and dropping medication is under Doctors Orders. So you lot don't have to worry about that.

... I'd have left it, but since it doesn't appear to be widely recognised, I felt I'd step in rather than wait for Keaton to reappear. She has said she's feeling a lot better now, as a result of recent changes, and that her doc is paying close attention to what she's taking, when, and what results it's having.

So it's not just her deciding to do what she likes, and you can all calm down and stop worrying quite so much. *grin* And get back to wishing her the best.

Since I'm new, not a medical professional, nor in Keaton's situation, what I'm about to say is IMHO and should be treated as such. I'm also not going to say that this is the RIGHT way to live, but all I'm doing is offering my viewpoint. This is remarkably similar to what my sister is going through, except add in more anti-psychotics and two instances of being declared a danger to herself and others. (And thus, held in a mental instiutuion against her will.)

I'm 25, and as far as I've known I've always had ADD. However, while I was still in school, it just wasn't readily diagnosed and medicated. (I got to find this crap out AFTER the fact.) That, and I don't think my Mom would've forced the stuff on me anyway as it was just rising in popularity, and there's still virtually no studies on it being used on growing kids. (And at 17, you're almost done with a good chunk of it, but you're not quite out of the woods yet.)

Yes, kids get bored when they're virtually chained to a desk for seven hours. (Heck, do that to an adult nowadays and see if you don't get sued.) Yes, kids get bored when the teacher is going on snd on over the same thing. And I will admit, I rarely paid attention in class and read through the book. (About ten times. I was a speed reader and found out in high school that the primary way I learn is through reading.) Yet, I still got honor roll, and my GED scores were *Fish, fish... Fumble, fumble...* Writing: 600, Social Studies: 600, Science: 710 (One of my faves.), Interpereting LIterature and the Arts: 800, Mathematics: 540. (These scores are for the state of Ohio, in case anyone wants to check. I think they might be public record... And yes, I kept my GED scores. 97 percentile in Science, and 99th percentile in Literature sounded like bragging rights to me.)

Yet, despite this, I loathed school, especially high school, where it didn't matter how creative or unique you were, nobody really gave a rat's ass. (Then again, maybe I just went to a crappy school.) But, my main problems were with elementary and middle school, where after being virtually chained to a desk for seven hours, I was virtually chained to a table for another five, where I sat and essentially stared at the crap they called "homework". My main problem happened to be the fact that I just couldn't focus. What I found out in middle school was that a 15-min break every hour or so helped my mind "refocus". After that, the stuff just became a lot easier and I could do it in the "normal" hour or two. But, the problems still persist and while in the middle of trying to do something, I find that my brain has not only left the building, but is on its way to Hawaii. (Heck, even when I'm trying to write this thing!)

HOWEVER! I wouldn't trade in my ADD for anything as part of me has managed to harness it, and use it to my own advantage. Give me a logical problem, and my brain will usually spit out a solution in one of those "blinding flashes of insight" everybody wishes would hit more often. (It's served me well in 2.5 years of tech support, and even though I've never finished a novel/story, I've started a lot with potential.)

While I can't say that this is what happens for everyone, all I can say is that this is what happens to me. And in brutal honesty, while it may not be the ADD that's causing my focusing problems/insightful flashes, I'm too scared to try altering my brain chemistry to find out just what it could be.

As for the mood swings, depression, anger, etc., do you, by any chance, happen to be related to my sister? (I kid! I KID! OW! Stop throwing things!) Seriously though, it's HIGH SCHOOL. Your mind has entered a state where it's finally able to analyze the thing that matters most in life: Yourself. You're probably learning things about yourself that are downright ugly, while at the same time realizing that the world you live in isn't the happy meadow of sunshine that you once thought it was. Yeah, it's a lot to take in at once, but eventually you'll get over it. (Either that, or your brain/psyche will snap like a twig. In either case, you won't be depressed anymore!)

So in short, I wish you luck and the best of happiness. (Or at least, becoming content with what you've got.) Hang in there, stick it out, and remember that misery loves company. (Or at least, inflicting misery upon others as well.)

I'm sorry guys, but this has been killing me. I have updates to give, but this is so important and is going to come first.

Please stop talking about my psychiatry or telling me what to do with my medication, or going on anti-psychiatry tangents about overmedication and quack misdiagnoses. I am not being cute. I'm seriously asking you people to stop doing that because it is hurting me. I'm stressed, I'm sad, and I'm beaten up from everything that's happened to me during this four-month rollercoaster ride. I'm tired of people instilling doubt in me by suggesting that my psychiatrist is probably a tool of the pharmaceutical department. I'm tired of people outside of the Internet, people who I don't even know, saying that psychiatry is a false practice and that I'm better off taking vitamins than Lithium. I'm tired of that similar atmosphere in this thread. I spotted it a while ago, and now it's pecking at me.

My psychiatrist is a person I have been seeing for seven years, meaning he's known me since I was 11. He is one of the best in my home region. He is greatly concerned with finding an adjustment that will be natural and will not overmedicate me, and he takes diagnoses very seriously. He thinks my art is beautiful and wants me to continue making it unimpeded. He is not a bad man and he sincerely regrets not being as aggressive as he should have been – this is why he started seeing me once a week even though he's a busy person and gets swamped with emergency calls from patients like myself. I HAVE NOT BEEN BRAINWASHED.

I had been trying to keep myself from describing the extent of what I've been going through because I've been volatile, and I was certain I'd become so violent or unstable in conveying my message that I would upset somebody. There was also the worry that I'd turn this into my personal LiveJournal, which would've led to thread-locking - I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing by posting right now. Now I'm concerned that by withholding this, I've made people think that I'm just seeing a psychiatrist over small, elementary things, and thereby blowing this situation out of proportion.  There was a person in my life who thought the very same thing, and they contributed greatly to my stress. They called me a "hormonal piece of baggage" before they ceased trying to contact me and I blocked their address; this was a person I cared very deeply about in the past. I'm worrying that this is a pattern of patronization that will continue throughout my life – I am in a state where I am struggling to understand what's going to happen in my life and the chemical imbalances aren't helping. Actually, my psychiatrist said that a lot of these problems are related to me becoming a teenager, and the hormones have exacerbated the experience. So you guys are kind of right.

Sorry guys. I'm 18 now, nearly 19, and you've had to put up with me since I was 15. I love you all for it. I've been on the forums for officially 3 years, not counting the Nice forum stuff. I've made so many wonderful friends here who don't judge me – wonderful friends who are supporting me in ways that have just touched me beyond words. You guys make me able to say "I have lots of amazing friends" and not feel the slightest bit self-conscious about the fact I can't go to the movies with them – registering here was one of the best decisions I ever made in my entire life. That sounds corny, but it's true. Just because I'm upset about the psychiatry advice doesn't mean that I don't appreciate your support, and I'm sorry if that made anyone believe otherwise. It's been helping me get through.

:tighthug

You are watching zee beautiful and majestic Keaton start to leave her cocoon as an angry, hormonal butterfly. The beautiful and majestic Keatonfly is hypercarnivorous, by the way, and consumes vertebrate animals for 90% of her diet like some big angry shark. Her mating call is strangely reminiscent of the guitar riffs from Marilyn Manson's Disposable Teens. </Jacques Cousteau>

My writing might be coming back after all, 'cos I really liked that metaphor. But here's where my update comes in, relating to that teenage thing.

It has come to light that I have full-blown bipolar type I, which is classic bipolar disorder defined by the presence of one or more manic episodes. I have had several of these manic episodes over the past few months. At the beginning, I was put on Lithium, a popular medication for bipolar people – it works on reconstructing the frail membrane of the brain's frontal lobe, therefore keeping emotions and moods stabilized to some degree. My frontal lobe inhibitor is very weak, which was illustrated in a chart that my psychiatrist made on his computer using icons, graphs, and little colored lines to highlight the irregularities. As Lithium makes living a less miserable experience for me, I will start to come together and the emotions will be balanced – I'll be free.

Bipolar disorder develops as a person matures. There is a chance that I might not have ADD at all because distractibility and anxiety is shared among the vast majority of people who have bipolar disorder (but do not have ADD or ADHD). Diagnosing bipolar disorder among children is a controversial thing because of its nature of growing and starting to rear its head around adulthood, so the ADD thing was probably made because of it being thrown off. However, I can't say that the medication was not effective. There were drastic improvements in my concentration that helped me throughout my life, but right now we've taken me off of the ADD medication because it was making my brain activity come in nonstop jolts that worked me up into hysteria. We're focusing on putting me back together, and now that the ADD meds are absent and the obstacles are removed, I can truly recover. We're also working on getting my sleep cycle in order since I just managed a good night's rest last night. All of these problems will pass and will be temporary. I'll be back on my feet very soon.

I'm getting better.

We're not going to talk about this psychiatry thing anymore – I'm not trying to moderate, I'm just trying to ask my friends an earnest request. Please stop.

Fun fact: this post was so serious I wrote it in a Word document. It was over a thousand words long and I just breached the second page. WOOOOOOOOOOO...!

Okay. Back to sleeping. G'night, guys.

Glad to hear you're getting better, Keats! :hug

Indeed. Bonus points for a coherent, stable, and polite message about a sensitive subject from a... ah... angry, hormonal butterfly. (Love that whole paragraph, btw.)


We'll be here and waiting for you when you feel up to coming back. Until then, take care of yourself. You're a very pretty butterfly, and we like watching you eat the damn noobs. ;-]

Hey Keats,
Sorry about that then, I made my post with good intentions (and we all know what sorts of super roads they pave!) but I clearly misinterpreted the situation. I want to say thought that I would never advise to anyone to go off or change their medication without a long talk with their doctor to understand exactly what the possible consequences are.

But it's great to hear you're feeling better and I wish you all the best.

I'm glad to hear you're getting better. I'm sorry if anything that I said offended you, that wasn't my intention. As I said, I care about you and I want  you do do/get whatever's best for you. :hug

*smiles an hugs the Keaton*

Jacques Costeau doesn't do the Keatonfly justice, I don't think.

Feel better soon, sweet one. *sends hugs*

Jackie Chan might be better?

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on February 01, 2010, 10:22:29 AM
Jackie Chan might be better?

Somehow, I don't think he'd do it justice either. ;)

I'm glad that you have a medical professional that cares about you, and is working so closely with you to make you better. *hugs*

Seeing a psychiatrist and going on medication was the best choice I ever made - I'm glad that you're doing what's best for you.

I am glad to hear your feeling tons better Keaton :3 I just hope we will see you again in the future!  :hug :boogie

I don't know if I'm all better yet, but I think the Lithium's finally making an impact. I've reached a state where I'm actually chemically capable of experiencing happiness. Two days ago I returned to school again, and I've realized that the Lithium is seriously patching up my brain. I feel sharper. I feel like I'm thinking more deeply about things I create, even if I haven't returned to writing and drawing. This confirms what my psychiatrist had said in that he said I might be better than before. I don't even need my ADD meds to concentrate anymore, seeing as I don't actually have the disorder and it was a miscalculation due to my bipolar disorder's development.

I'm still feeling serious anxiety over personal things, but that'll disappear soon. Actually, my psychiatrist is very happy with the progress I'm making. He basically said I was making as many adjustments to my med profile as if I was in a hospital. Me starting to visit him once a week was the real breakthrough.

I can't even believe I'm typing this. I feel like everything's going to trip up the minute I post this, or that something bad will happen that will set everything back, but here you go. Here's an update. It's not the final one.

Thank you so much, everyone. <3

That's wonderful, Keaton. I'm very glad that things are finally pulling together for you :)

(and I share in your hope that there are no further backslides)

 :hug  That's awesome Keaton! ^^ Really glad things are on the up =D  :boogie

That's brilliant Keaton, it's great to hear you've got people really looking out for you and that you're feeling better. Don't worry about anything, everything will go well.

Great to hear! :3  Just hope things continue to progress even further!! :D

That's great to hear, Keaton! I hope you continue getting better. ^^

I'm really, really sorry that I'm bumping this, and I'm sorry if this counts as necroposting, but things have made a big change.

I could barely get to sleep last night. Right now I'm this shambling wreck who feels like a piece of shit and I'm just breaking down really badly. I think right now I need to extend my break, badly, until my sleep finally gets regulated and I'm in a less "FML" state. I'm sorry, guys.

Take as long as you need.  Just get better, okay?

Keaton, do what you need to do.  We'll all still be here rooting for you.  Get well soon.

:tighthug Take care of yourself first and foremost, if you need some support, we're here for you Keats.  If you ever need an ear, a shoulder, or a friend, you can always come to me.  Wish you as quick and painless a recovery as possible.

 :hug  Well wishes, Keaton.

Man... and it seemd like she was finally doing good again, too.. :mowsad

Quote from: techmaster-glitch on March 27, 2010, 04:12:00 PM
Man... and it seemd like she was finally doing good again, too.. :mowsad

Yeah, the disappointment of that didn't help her any, from what I hear.

Keats we care more about how you are doing than how much you are online go take care of yourself! We'll still be here waiting for you. *sends much love at the Keaton*

Get better Keaton or we will be all coming for you and give you giant bear hugs!

What they said. We'll be here.

(and yes. it is technically necroing, but we're not jumping on you because of extenuating circumstances. *wink* )

I'm not completely better but I want to let everyone know that I've made a lot of improvement. At the time I wrote the last message, I had gotten very, very little sleep, which had been a recurring pattern. I completely break down if I don't get enough sleep, which has been a serious problem in my entire life. I still need a lot of sleep, but my psychiatrist might have found something that will help me, since the current arrangement is working well.

I'm taking time off to get my sleep schedule completely fixed.

Thanks for being so concerned, everyone. And thank you for being so supportive. :tighthug Just thank you. I hope this gets sorted out as soon as possible. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm doing somewhat better since I was breaking down during my last post.

*hugs*

Take care and get well. :hug

Good to hear you're getting better. Now just keep up that trend.  :hug

Ugh, more bumping. I'm sorry, guys.

Okay, so we've started reducing the amount of sleeping meds that I was on, because originally I was only told to take them because the Lithium hadn't started to improve my sleep patterns/anything relating to my frontal lobe. As it turned out, they ended up being completely overkill once I did start to get better, so I started sleeping too much and acting too sluggish in the daytime. We've removed the majority of the sleeping meds and have been weaning me off of the miniscule amount of benzodiazepine that I'm on. (Even though benzodiazepine can be extremely addictive and the weaning process means things like seizures and other nasty things from withdrawal syndrome, I haven't experienced any of that because I'm on such a pathetically low dose that it doesn't matter. And this is the case even though I've been on Klonopin - the benzodiazepine - for 4 years since I started experiencing panic attacks for a consistent pattern while I was 14. I don't have panic attacks anymore, especially not at such a crippling frequency, but Klonopin still helps me sleep.)

Now I'm wearing a progesterone-producing patch, and so far it's been doing well, because I'm not having full-fucking-scale anhedonia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia) anymore. I had an extremely depressed/borderline-emotionless period just a few days ago, and that was preceded by a period that was utterly miserable (going on about it would require another paragraph of drama), but that seems to have passed, and apparently if that happens again I need to get lots of sleep and wear two patches instead of one. I'm on a low dose for the patch, so that's acceptable. So hopefully that will start having some effect.

However, the forums have been extremely, extremely stressful for me so I want to avoid posting here frequently until I'm completely better. :/ I wanted to let everyone know about my progress, though, and to thank everyone for the support. Thanks for putting up with all these constant rises and falls - I'm sorry that things aren't really back to normal yet, though. :tighthug I'm getting there. Hopefully these changes will set things back on track.

EDIT: Oh, I just needed to clarify something. The two-patches thing was recommended by my psychiatrist and he explained it's perfectly safe, so I'm not tinkering with my meds without his permission. Basically, if we can find a medication that works consistently for me, I'll be in the clear.

Good to hear the prognosis is positive, Keats. Take your time. We're not going anywhere.


... well, okay, we might be moving, but the result from outside should be transparent... ;-]

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on April 20, 2010, 10:05:01 AM
Good to hear the prognosis is positive, Keats. Take your time. We're not going anywhere.


... well, okay, we might be moving, but the result from outside should be transparent... ;-]

What. But I've been staring at my computer screen for the past two hours and the forum hasn't moved anywhere :[



(I'm sorry, but the bad jokes you told me last night are rubbing off on me.)

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on April 20, 2010, 10:07:19 AM
What. But I've been staring at my computer screen for the past two hours and the forum hasn't moved anywhere :[

Sure it did. You just blinked.


Again.

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on April 20, 2010, 10:07:19 AM
(I'm sorry, but the bad jokes you told me last night are rubbing off on me.)

What are you sorry for? ;-]

Keep it up, Keats.  I can't wait to see you all better and on your feet proper. :tighthug

 :hug Well, keep at it and hang in there, Keats.  :) We're all still here. Or are we? We could just be an elaborate hallucination brought on by stress. Maybe you've never met or spoken with any of us. Maybe we're all just actors in some elaborate Truman's Show fantasy. Maybe the Matrix has you, Keaton! *Twilight Zone music plays, and a piano falls on an extremely pale guy* Whoops.

Nah, can't be any of that. Except that we're still here.

 :tighthug

Good news is always nice, glad to hear things are goin' better Keatsicle

Still around if ya need me, take care Keaty *tips hat and wanders back to books*

I add my hopes to that this new combination will help you in the way you need.

Keep going Keats, we're all here for you to pull through. :)

Get better fast! We're rootin on you! :tighthug