Right, I saw this game in another forum, and I figured why not give it a go here?
It's simple.
The user above you inserts a coin into the vending machine, and you dictate what comes out, whilst inserting a coin of your own.
Example:
User 1: *inserts coin*
User 2: A thousand fiery lances of lazer death come out of the Vend-o-mat 9000, aimed directly at your corneas. Enjoy.
User 2: *inserts coin*
Get it?
Let's begin!
*inserts coin*
Well, why not?
A perfectly baked peanut butter cookie comes out of the Vend-o-mat 9000. Yum.
*inserts coin*
An Elephant-Gun comes out of the Vend-o-mat 9000.
*inserts coin*
A vulpix comes out and jumps on to your head, promptly falling asleep
*inserts coin and presses 4-2*
You get a new copy of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Share and Enjoy!
*Inserts coin*
A sign drops down stating "The Vend-o-mat 9000 does not like your antics, and shall not be granting you anything today*
*inserts coin*
the vending machine spits out cds for two obscure point and clicks: ultimate haunted house, and goosbumps: escape from horror-land
*inserts coin, and a second one for good measure*
A glass bottle filled with an unidentifiable liquid that smells faintly of lemons and sugar comes out.
COULD IT BE... *gasp* LEMONADE?!
*inserts coin*
you get the Amityville toaster and some eggo waffles.
*inserts coin and bottlecap from lemonade*
You get arrested, on account of attempting to use counterfeit currency.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 rejects your coin with such a velocity it causes hemorrhages on your body.
*Inserts coin*
The Vendo-O-Mat 9000 gives you Sunlight-In-A-Can, for those days when you need to pierce the darkness of your own name.
*inserts coin*
A wave of Pink comes out washing you away.
*inserts coin*
Magic pink bubble gum monsters with soul intent of eating you
*inserts coin*
Assassination orders come out.
*inserts coin*
I come out becuase you are on one of those orders
*inserts coin*
A can of ORANJ bounces out and smacks you in the face.
*inserts coin*
Liquid Awesome comes out.
*inserts coin*
Ignoring the local laws of physics, the Type-0 Colossal Blade comes out.
*inserts coin*
BFG 9000 (classic model) comes out (stripping the numbers from the Vend-o-mat in the process).
*inserts coin*
A small packet drops out of the Vend-O-Mat 9000, landing on the floor at your feet.
It has a note attached to it, which reads, briefly, "Smoking may be hazardous to your health". There is another line printed at the bottom, which is too small to read without picking the packet up. However, when you do, the packet explodes, blowing all your hair back in true cartoon style, leaving you with blackened face, and just the note in your hand. Now, you can read that it says "Please do not move this packet."
*inserts coin*
A collection of burning sparks flit out of the Vend-O-Mat 9000, igniting your delicate cardboard exterior and causing you to burn merrily.
*inserts coin*
A Behelit comes out.
*inserts coin*
A Behemoth comes out.
*inserts coin*
A Bahamut comes out.
*inserts coin*
A Gigas comes out.
*inserts coin*
A small, innocent looking coin drops out of the Vend-O-Mat, bounces on the floor, and lands on your toe.
Whereupon it returns to it's usual size and shape, being that of a fairly large, heavy prison cell door.
*inserts coin*
a web cartoonist falls out of the Vend-O-Mat knocking you over.
insert coin
Another Vend-O-Mat falls/bursts out of the current Vend-O-Mat.
*inserts coin*
A hand appears out of the Vend-o-mat, grabs all your money and disappears back into the machine, which sprouts a pair of legs and runs away!
*inserts coin*
The One Ring falls out of the Vend-O-Mat.
*inserts coin*
The Two Rings fall out of the Vend-O-Mat.
*inserts coin*
The Ringling Brothers Circus pops out of the Vend-o-mat.
*inserts coin*
a new com-bot falls form the Vend-O-Mat.
insert coin
A Ferrari pops out... and drives off.
*inserts coin*
a chaos emerald pops out. cool. put it in belt
insert coin
An Abel Plushy drops out. Isn't it cute?
*inserts coin*
A guitar plectrum plops out. RAWK.
*Coin'd*
The Vend-O-Mat clonks and thumps as if it were dispensing something, but doesn't actually drop anything at your feet.
Unless it's dispensing air, you lost out.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat produces a small cardboard box. There seems to be nothing inside it.
*inserts coin*
The very fabric of reality warps around you, and you are left in an infinite void, with naught but a speck of compressed probability next to you.
You go "Hmm... It'd be neat if there was some light."
AND THERE WAS.
And it was good.
*inserts coin*
The Vendo-O-Mat rumbles and buzzes, and a three-year-old, 450-lb Bengal tiger by the name of Richard Parker leaps out. And eats your face.
*inserts coin*
An adorable sleeping ferret emerges. You take him home and name him Fred. Awwwww...
*inserts coin*
A baby kangarabbitmousquirrel (http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/funny-pictures-baby-kangarabbitmousquirrel.jpg)emerges, and is understandably confused as to why it's in your hands.
(what no coin?)
inserts coin
A small note labelled "Thanks for for the money" pops out, and then explodes in your hand Inspector Gadget style.
*inserts two coins, to make up for it*
TWO cans of orange soda pop out of the Vend-o-mat 9000.
(And that was too frigging cute, Janus.)
*inserts coin*
you receive a new copy of the current Janus Bond book.
insert coin
You receive the rated-x graphic novel version of the current Janus Bond book.
*insert coin*
Homework drops out of the Vend-o-mat 9000, biology homework about the male body, it comes with a teacher for good measure, he's japanese and beats you up ninjutsu-judo-karate style when you don't finish it on time by the way you are already to late and -then- he sets you on fire and hands you a note saying. "Why you not so nice? :< and no sun came to shine down upon you, Aiyno."
*insert coin*
A can of Falcon Punch comes out.
*inserts coin*
a renamon pops out in the middle of their diamond store attack. *Duck!*
insert coin
A lazer-blast shoots out of the machine, and hits you directly in the chest, imprinting the words "I am an idiot, mock me at every turn" onto your body permanently.
Enjoy
*inserts coin*
A master ball comes out and captures you. Congratulations, you caught a Slowtini!
...
What's this?
Slowtini is evolving!
...
Slowtini evolved to Slownair!
*inserts coin*
A Rather Annoyed Slowtini comes out of the vending machine.
D:<
*inserts coin*
Nothing Happens. Perhaps it's broken?
*Inserts Coin, regardless*
a 6-inch Abe lincoln figurine pops out at 1.37 jiggawatts. Please, PLEASE don't ask.
*inserts dilitium crystal coin*
You get some (5α,6α)-3,8-didehydro-4,5-epoxy-6-methoxy-17-methylmorphinan-2-ol and a dab of Minovsky physics.
*Inserts coin, minted in 1996*
You get a tiny container about the size of a matchbox, tightly bound together, with the words "Please Pass To Jairus. Do Not Open At Any Cost" written on a hanging tag.
*inserts Australian coin*
You get a drop bear. Have fun.
*inserts coin*
you get a mp3 player playing the time warp over and over again.
insert coin.
A can pops out, bearing the label "Genuine Whoop-Ass. Open in presence of bad guys."
*inserts coin*
Naturally, bad guys pop out next.
*inserts coin*
out pops a book on Hersey. enjoy
inserts coin
Out tumbles a SD card with some rather damaging pictures of a certain senator.
inserts a coin.
*Passes package to Jairus*
Out comes the results of this year's Canadian parliament elections.
*Insert coin, minted in 2006*
*puts package in pocket, determined to have the police examine it for suspicious details*
You get a carton of milk from 2006. Ewww.
*inserts coin*
Fire comes out. LOTS of fire.
*inserts coin*
A baby drops out, and it starts crying.
*inserts coin*
out pops duck dodgers.
*inserts coin*
out pops wild duck burgers.
*inserts a coin*
You get a baby's first word.
*Inserts Euro coin*
Out pops Lichtenstein.
*inserts coin*
With a chilling scream "
HERESY!!" an Imperial Commissar bursts out of the Vend-O-Mat.
(http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh121/RentheKnight/More%20Random%20Pictures/Vend-O-MatHeresy.png)
I'm not kidding. :[
*inserts coin*
Out pops Ziggy. Naked. With a gleaming look in his eye. Start running now, Ren-tan.
*inserts coin*
Out pops Jyrras, and he's all yours
*insert coin*
*Grabs Jyrras and runs*
Out pops a full collection of DMFA chibi dolls. Aren't they cute?
*inserts coin*
Out pops something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
*Inserts 24 carat gold coin*
Spanish Inquisition popes out. ..That was unexpected. :[
*inserts coin*
Batman pops out... and he does not approve. (http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e143/J-RasZ/batmandoesnotapprove.jpg?t=1224088678)
*inserts coin*
Kira pops out.. and quickly leaves the scene. (http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh121/RentheKnight/More%20Random%20Pictures/KiraSlide.gif)
*inserts coin*
Ziggy pops out. Oh crap... he's not going after you... (http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e143/J-RasZ/CatandMouse.png?t=1224088939)
*inserts coin, and then runs*
Twelve knights of the Holy Order pop out and chase Ziggy.
*inserts coin*
Out pops Twelve Zombies, who then proceed to shamble after the Twelve knights of the Holy Order.
Also this.
(http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Tr-e_e-/th_LOL.gif)
*inserts coin*
A Holy Hand Grenade pops out.
*inserts coin*
*1 cubic meter of neutronium metal pops out... good luck with it.*
*inserts a rupee*
*A strange looking fairy pops out and runs away screaming about how some loony with a green cap stuck her in a bottle and jammed it in there*
*inserts a coin*
A great big squirt of Visine erupts from the Vend-O-Mate 9000, right into the Sauron avatar eye.
*inserts coin*
Spice starts flowing out of the Vend-O-Mat. It doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.
*inserts coin*
Miles Teg pops out of the vending machine and then zooms off in a blur of flesh.
*inserts octanium coin*
A fountain pen comes out of the Vend-o-Mat.
*inserts a coin*
A BRICK WALL OF TEXT COMES OUT OF THE MACHINE D:
You attempt to TL;DR, but fail! D:
*inserts fake coin*
Counterfeit money comes out.
*Inserts coin*
You come out.
*inserts coin*
A wrecking ball crane comes out and hits you unconscious.
*Inserts Coin*
Seven Priests, who are engulfed in fire, come out of the Vend-o-mat, and attempt to convert you to their faith.
*inserts coin*
A shimmer of golden particles come out of the Vend-O-Mat, followed by an oversized hammer that reduces you to light.
*inserts spice-coated coin*
A thousand angry Latvians jump out of the machine and gnaw on your face.
*inserts an old coin*
A sheet of paper slides out, with a lot of complex writing on it signed by the Shadesvixen, something about individuality rights and a divorce.
*inserts coin*
A facehugger jumps out, and due to having horrible aim, latches onto your shoulder, where it just sort of sits there awkwardly.
*inserts coin*
A writer's block hurls out at you!
*inserts heptagonal coin*
*pets the facehugger and trains it to facehug others on command.*
A fragment of wood flies out of the Vendo-O-Mat and embeds itself painfully into your flesh. You now have a literal chip on your shoulder!
*inserts coin*
The horseman and the three pedestrians of the apocalypse come out and reek havoc upon the world as you know it. As if we needed more incentive...
*Inserts sixpence coin*
A pocket-sized bag of rye comes out.
*inserts coin*
A heart shaped bottle pops out of the Vend-O-Mat, labelled "To: Lion" with "One Dose Of Courage" in smaller print underneath.
*flips coin in the air, then inserts into machine.*
A paragator comes out. Perhaps you should feed it?
*Shoots coin into Vend-O-Mat 9000 from ten paces*
A bullet exits the Vend-O-Mat 9000 at high velocity.
*inserts a coin into the Vend-O-Mat 9000*
The Vend-O-Mat produces a bottle of ABSOLUT HERESY.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat produces a bottle of PARTIAL HEARSAY.
*inserts a coin*
The Vend-o-mat produces a Heresy Cocktail.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-o-mat ejects Sixteen Gallons of Choclat Heresyrup.
*inserts six dollars*
Six Imperial Commissar hats are catapulted from the Vend-O-Mat, combining together to form CAPTAIN COMMISSAR, because the HERESY is YOURS!
*shifty eyes, and sneaks a coin into the Vend-O-Mat*
Five bankers leap out of the machine, each one yells out their specialty to form
Captain Credit! (http://urbankotq.livejournal.com/505437.html)
*chews on a coin and puts it in*
A swarm of bodiless teeth emerge from the Vend-O-Mat and start chewing at your ankles. Teeth! TEETH! They're biters! D:
*stuffs the Captain Credit pastiche into the machine as a coin*
Led Zeppelin leaps out of the Vend-O-Mat and use fanda as guitar picks.
*starts stuffing teeth in the Vend-O-Mat after Captain Credit*
A horribly written theme song comes out of the Vend-O-Mat, proceeds to stalk you, and plays at the most inopportune times.
*inserts battery*
A brain flies out at a very high speed, barely missing you, and vanishes in the distance. (http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh121/RentheKnight/Motivation/Barbarians.jpg)
*inserts coin*
The Discworld Tooth Fairy emerges. Since the Tooth Fairy is in fact the first Bogeyman, she immediately figures out your worst fear and frightens you to death.
*inserts an Ankh-Morpork dollar coin into the machine*
CMOT Dibbler emerges from the Vend-O-Mat, holding random items from its interior, and offers to sell them to you for a low low price, and that's cuttin' me own throat.
*inserts a coin crafted from a random gemstone*
A gigantic drill bursts out of the Vend-O-Mat, followed by an equally gigantic red robot engulfed in green light. You feel that the robot is looking at you.
*inserts coin*
The Big O pops out. And then combines with the gigantic red robot. Oh boy.
*inserts coin*
Gao-Machines for GaoFighGar fly out and proceed to orbit you aimlessly, as if waiting for something.
*inserts coin*
A very large and energetic ham MAN emerges and shouts something about "Final Fusion" being approved.
*inserts coin*
a 40 meter tall mecha griffin pops out of the vend-o-mat
insert coin
A P-1056 Codarl comes out (http://www.full-metal-panic.com/image.php?file=images/recon/mecha/codarl/codarl01.jpg)
*Inserts coin*
*does nothing*
*inserts a zen coin*
Out pops a pair of goggles
*inserts a chaos coin*
Sargaras comes out.
*Inserts token*
A Demon Cannon Girl pops out.
*inserts ringpull*
(I see what you did there.)
Carousel-horse Mab pops out.
*inserts whatever money they use on Furrae*
(I did nothing. *innocent whistle*)
The Furrae equivalent of a diet soft drink comes out. It happens to be several colours, and makes the strangest sounds. It may or may not be consumable.
*inserts a tiny red gemstone.*
A long white staff with a golden head with a large reddish-pink jewel in the center of the head drops into your hands. You transform into a Magical Ferret. Your password is "Mustelidae Magical."
*inserts 1 gil*
This (http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/images/2008/10/12/bilde1.jpg) pops out, and curls up in your lap.
*inserts random coin*
A red rose pops out and drifts into your hair
*inserts a soul coin*
You get a one-way ticket to join the River of Souls. Mina's rather unhappy that you're late.
*Inserts gold piece*
Out pops a ShadesFox, who took your gold piece.
*inserts a plastic coin*
Out pops an Azlan with a magic wand and faerie wings who turns you female.
*inserts a cursed gold coin*
Out pops the curse of Oedipus.
*inserts a demented coin*
Josephus and Comicus pop out, and run from the guards.
*inserts a coin made of pure destruction*
A thousand nations of the Persian Empire descends upon you from the Vend-O-Mat.
*inserts a Persian coin*
A Prince pops out of the machine and promptly falls down a handy pit onto some spikes, with a little scream.
*inserts Ren's hat into the Vend-O-Mat*
The Vend-O-Mat spits it back out, with a letter attached saying, "WTF is this? No currency, no product."
*Inserts Ren's manhood into the Vend-O-Mat*
The Shin Commissar One flies out with a Commissar Tomahawk in its hands and smites you for your heresy.
*inserts a Core Drill*
The Vendo-O-Mat whirrs and humms with green energy, which suddenly turns a blazing red, and Lord Genome emerges from the machine to promptly punch you silly because your spiral energy has run out.
*inserts coin*
A Janus pops out. You stare at each other in disbelief for a couple of seconds, then the Vend-O-Mat realizes its mistake and sucks you in, leaving the copy to roam free.
*Inserts a coin*
The Vend-O-Mat chugs and whines, and begins chugging out copy after copy of Janusii, both ferret and red pandas, until you are buried beneath a confused mound of hybridity and Australianess.
*uses the clone to insert a coin*
A blue screen of death appears. What hath you done?
(I think the plural of "Janus" is "Janii")
*Inserts drachma*
(I use Janusii (ya-nus-eye) because it sounds pretty evil.)
A drachpa emerges and runs off with your previously inserted drachma.
*steps aside to let someone else insert a coin*
*inserts two coins for self and Janus*
Out pops two copies of the newest Janus Bond/Doctor Jyrras book: Never Too Late to Love.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 ejects a baby Vend-O-Mat 9000 into your arms, and gives you an intimidating stare with its various lights to treat it well.
*inserts coin*
It explodes! Luckily the baby Vend-O-Mat 9000 is already grownup and can be placed in its spot.
*inserts a time paradox*
Naked Snake jumps out of the Vend-O-Mat 9000 and dies on impact. You hear a voice in your head asking what you're doing, because you've created a TIME PARADOX.
*inserts an Azlan-faced coin*
The vend-o-mat chugs and churns for a while, then goes still. Just as you think it's given up delivering anything, it coughs, and ejects an Azlan tail.
*inserts coin*
An augmentation upgrade canister pops out. You can finally get the fourth lever of the thermo-optic camouflage.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat clunks and whirrs, before spitting out a note and nothing else.
Shipping Receipt
Item 3441 - Skull Gun
Designed For: Hermann, Gunther
Received By: Carter, Sam
Notes: Return to Sender - Agent Inactive
*inserts coin*
A pair of sunglasses appear from within the Vend-O-Mat.
*inserts coin*
A Spray-Bottle of "Heresy-B-Gone" comes out of the Vend-O-Mat 9000.
BAM! And the Heretic is gone.
*inserts coin*
A huge portable missile launcher appears. You can see a word "Redeemer" and a radiation sign on its side.
*inserts coin*
A large Zweihänder pops out. Everyone can use an extra sword :)
*Inserts coin*
A huge war hammer appears after the sword. Now no knight is safe.
*inserts coin*
A heavily technological war hammer with an inscription reading "40k" on the side pops out and lands on your foot.
*inserts coin*
A pointed stick wielding maniac pops out of the Vend-o-mat.
IF ONLY THEY HAD COVERED POINTED STICKS IN SELF DEFENSE CLASS!
*inserts a rutabaga*
You are promptly smacked a good half-kilometre away by the Vend-O-Mat's sprouting of a Root of Baga, until it correctly parses what you inserted and just sits there, deciding to give you nothing.
*inserts Slowtini into the machine*
You receive a magikarp
*inserts Janus's glasses into machine*
( Hey! I need those! D: )
You receive a small essay on the usage of glasses in altering the 'cute' or 'attractive' factor in male and female figures, as well as a pair of Janus-coloured contact lenses.
*inserts Azlan's antennae into the machine*
(hey the patch hides those! :cry)
You feel strange... it is quite odd and very pink.
*inserts musk stick into machine*
You receive a Janus-plush-flail.
Bonus: You can detach the Janus plush and use other plushies.
*inserts an chaotic evil D20*
You see Cthulhu. I'a i'a Cthulhu fhtaghn!
*inserts computer chip into the machine*
Out pops a jump damage table that includes the height "Orbital"
(cookie to those who know the reference)
*inserts a strip of bacon...mmmm bacon....*
Your long lost Uncle Frank pops out of the Vend-o-mat, Smelling of Liquor and Cheap Tobacco.
He staggers around for a bit before throwing up on your shoes and passing out.
*inserts Maplestory into the Vend-o-mat 9000*
syrup gushes out in a a slow river.
insert coin.
A Cyber-Elf flies out and starts orbiting you.
*inserts coin*
Quote from: Valynth on October 18, 2008, 12:52:51 AM
Out pops a jump damage table that includes the height "Orbital"
(cookie to those who know the reference)
Hmm.. "Worms"?
A Rand cannon flies out, but promptly hits you and dies, becoming useless.
*inserts a bolt*
Quote from: Ren Gaulen on October 18, 2008, 11:46:47 AM
Quote from: Valynth on October 18, 2008, 12:52:51 AM
Out pops a jump damage table that includes the height "Orbital"
(cookie to those who know the reference)
Hmm.. "Worms"?
Nope
Hint: Think 80's taletop RPG.
A standard issue Space Marine bolter gun emerges.
*inserts a police badge*
An Arbite shotgun with executioner rounds pops out.
*inserts some used gum*
As for the reference, that does sound suspiciously a lot like a thing Paranoia would do.
Two pills, blue and red, and a glass of water pop out.
*inserts a screwdriver*
Out pops a screwdriver (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screwdriver_(cocktail)).
*inserts a throwing knife*
Quote from: ShadesFox on October 18, 2008, 03:49:59 PM
As for the reference, that does sound suspiciously a lot like a thing Paranoia would do.
cookie for you! *tosses like a frisbee.*
Three ninjas clad in black clothes appear out of the Vend-O-Mat, awaiting your orders.
*inserts a nine inch nail*
The Vend-O-Mat chugs and grinds, in tune, before Trent Reznor pops out to give you an autograph.
*inserts coin*
a coin pops out. sorry for the inconvinience!
*coin'd*
Eric Clapton pops out and gives you a critical eye. *100,000,000 damage*
*inserts a rock CD*
Ayers rock comes out.
*Inserts liquid gold*
a small, sparkling metal cube comes out. when it lands, you can hear some faint sounds: "buy it use it break it fix it trash it change it..."
inserts a piano and a tuna.
The Fourier transformation of a cat comes out.
*Inserts Change*
A sign pops out. it says "this space for rent" and somehow manages to be present at any point in the universe while still being perceivable as a normally-sized sigh
*inserts red pill*
The matrix pops out and begins making action figures transforming robots.
*inserts random villager number 35*
my asploded brain falls out. it is squishy. poke w/ stick? y/n
*inserts the squishy*
A Kitsune Ascendant doll pops out. It is designed to be a vodoo doll and a random vicious cub grabs it and begins stabbing it in various places with needles.
*inserts Necronomicon*
out pops a mysterious object shaped somewhat like insanity and certainly not meant to be part of any euclidian space.
*grabs the cub by the scruff of it's neck and sticks it in the time-out compartment of the vending mahine*
The Lament (or, depending on your source material, Lemarch/and) Configuration pops out. It's a very tempting cube-shaped puzzle. Don't you want to complete it?
*inserts actual coin*
The Vend-o-mat clunks and thumps for a moment, then pauses. Whines for a bit, then goes silent again, then thunks and clunks again, before dispensing a actual, delivered neatly inside a klein bottle.
*inserts coin*
A weighted companion cube falls out beside you. thunk
*inserts a coin*
A rabid wolverine rolls out of the machine, right into your pants.
*inserts my hatred for javascript*
A program written in C++ comes out.
*Saves money to donate to the APFU fund and inserted a coupon*
Gallons upon Gallons of rat trap glue pour out of the Vend-o-mat.
A voice then comes out of the grille located on the front of the machine, stating "Sorry, your coupon was expired"
*inserts a Gallon of Mr. Bubble into the vend-o-mat*
A Bouncer Big Daddy (http://bioshock.wikia.com/wiki/Big_Daddy) comes out. He goes off to find a Little Sister.
*inserts an Incinerate! Plasmid*
An efreet (or ifrit, depending on your localisation) emerges, igniting the surrounding area and causing hot desert sand winds to blow you away.
*inserts a miniature Getter Tomahawk*
An appropriately sized Getter emerges. Too bad you don't have his tomahawk anymore...
*inserts coin*
a pyramid head pops out from an adjacent vending machine and promptly beats you with his rusty excuse for a sword
*insert with a little lube an luck a masamune*
Their older sister Doreen emerges from the Vend-O-Mat and turns you into a bowling ball dreaming you're a plate of sashimi.
*inserts coin*
A human hand falls out of the Vendomat-9000 and proceeds to attack you.
*inserts coin*
A can of hot coffee falls out.
*inserts a coin*
Hastur emerges from the machine, engulfs your head, and proptly digests it.
*inserts the sun*
The sun comes out, saying to you "Oi', Wot'd ya' do that for?"
*inserts the moon, and the three stars*
Nerevar pops out, holding two extra stars and asking why did you insert them in the first place.
*inserts a credit card*
A small slip of paper comes out that says Declined.
*inserts a coin*
A small slip of paper comes out, saying "We don't accept your funny money here, now GIT!"
*inserts cat*
The Vend-o-mat 900 dispenses, into your waiting hands, a pair of pyjamas for the cat.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses an elephant for the pyjamas.
*inserts Groucho Marx*
A small tune issues forth, "hurray for Captain Spalding, hurray hurray hurray!"
*inserts duck soup*
Out pops a bowl of witch soup.
*inserts a deep fat fryer.*
The machine issues forth a glob of fat.
*inserts seven apples*
You are promptly impaled by a rapid fire barrage of dispensed apple shards. That's gotta sting.
*inserts a shard of Cogi.*
Arms emerge from the machine and rebuild Cogidubnus into CogidubneX. Faster, stronger, harder, better.
*inserts katana*
the massively gamebreaking katana I made in NWN pops out. It's got +10 to attack and damage, 1d4 acid damage, 1d4 fire damage, hastes the user, and probably has some other neat stuff I can't remember.
Oh, and *inserts four x's and a counterweight*
The Vend-o-mat chungs and clunks, and dispenses a +20 two-handed vorpal teapot of death.
*inserts coin*
Vend-o-mat regurgitates Adam West.
*inserts mow*
Mab comes out, looks a little confused and then promptly disappears.
*inserts a coin*
A thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you from the Vend-O-Mat, their arrows blotting out the sun. Now you will fight in the shade.
*inserts a cursed Aztec coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a cursed Aztec.
Sadly, the solution to his curse involves sacrificing a handy heretic to his gods, and he promptly does so, cutting your heart out on top of the pyramidal form of the vending machine, then throwing your sadly brutalised corpse into a fire.
Which, there not being anything else handy, he made out of your car.
Sorry about that.
*inserts coin*
Two rabbits come out.
*Inserts coin*
Twenty rabbits come out.
*inserts coin*
An avalanche of rabbits erupts from the vending machine, burying you under a mountain of multi-coloured fur.
*inserts thirty silver pieces*
The Vend-o-mat dispenses a rope, helpfully tied into a noose for you already.
*inserts rabbit*
Carrot pops out. He proceeds to arrest you for mistreating animals.
*inserts coin*
Angua pops out.
*inserts coin*
SUDDENLY
ICE CREAM CONES
HUNDREDS OF THEM
*inserts coin*
Enough icecream to fill all those empty cones erupts from the Vend-O-Mat, also inadvertantly chilling you to the point of stasis for... the days it takes for the icecream to melt.
*inserts chocolate coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 clunks for a minute, then dispenses the gold foil wrapping from around the chocolate coin, along with a small note that reads "Thanks, that was delicious."
*inserts coin*
The machine goes 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then dispenses some chocolate along with the same note dispensed previously. Not just a copy but the same note.
*inserts a coin*
a future-imperfect copy of LOTR babies on dvd pops out, along with a file and a street address.
*inserts sharpened penny*
You hear a lot of metal-on-metal screeching, and a sharpened can of soda flies out at you.
*Inserts a coin.*
You get a pet rock. It promptly piddles on your rug.
*inserts a rock lobster*
Quote from: Cogidubnus on October 23, 2008, 05:04:42 PM
The machine issues forth a glob of fat.
...Rosie O'Donnell?
Out bounds a toy poodle matching the description of Quiche Lorraine.
Inserts a ceramic coin bearing the face of Cyber Ceasar!
A cyber centurion pops out and seems mildly confused by his situation.
*inserts a coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 spits out a rigged slot machine.
Inserts an old cell phone.
The Vend-o-mat clunks a couple of times, whines a bit, then dispenses an old cell.
Your old cellmates aren't best pleased by this...
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat spits out a a book titled "Humerous Sarcasm"
*inserts coin*
Vend-o-mat 9000 goes skiing on the moon.
Inserts a turkey sandwich.
A container of ez-squeeze mayo comes out.
*inserts a coin*
A book entitled 'The Worst Jokes Ever' tumbles out.
Inserts an old AOL CD.
A FIST OF ANGER +10 POPS OUT OF THE VEND-O-MAT, AND BOPS YOU IN THE NOSE
Vend-o-mat HATE AOL.
*inserts BEEF JERKY!*
A cube of oil falls out.
*Inserts penknife*
A gigantic blade appears from the vending machine and stabs at thee.
*inserts an arrow*
Blood spurts out. Oops.
*inserts a coin*
A Metal Gear Solid-esque decoy/hiding box tumbles out.
inserts a can of worms
It produces a pile of nutritional soil.
*inserts legumes*
Out tumbles a bust of George Washington Carver, made from a paper machete of shredded peanut and legume husks.
Inserts a copy of 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Omnibus'
The machine whirrs, and spits out a waiter's note pad. It says "First Italian Bistro" on it.
*inserts coin*
Out tumble Eee PCs for everyone each protected by an oversized prize capsule. It took the Vend-o-mat a couple hours to get them all packaged right complete with ribbons, bows, and personally addressed tags that proclaim: 'Do not open till Christmas, or coincidental holiday.'
Inserts a 16GB SD Card
The SD comes out, filled with unsavory images, that it's illegal to possess in your current locale.
Oh, and it's read only.
And the Vend-o-mat just called the police.
A pair of running shoes also pop out of the vend-o-mat
*inserts coin*
Naturally, the police emerge from the Vend-O-Mat next.
*inserts coin*
A hammer for destroying the illegal SD Card tumbles out.
Inserts screwdriver.
you hear a loud scream as you realize that wasn't the vendomat
*inserts one token*
A cookie pops out of the Vend-o-mat.
*inserts a coin*
a tube of lipstick pops out.
insert coin
A Nintendo console pops out.
*inserts coin*
A heart comes out, attached to a Tyrant-class Bio-Organic Weapon. RUN!
*inserts coin*
Cute, but pink comes out.
*inserts coin*
A confused looking cat pops out of the vend-o-mat, panics, and latches to your face.
*inserts gum*
death bringer pops out and calls for her younger sister to help her.
insert patch
The vend-o-mat turns into a Kangaroo, then decides "You know what, screw this", and hops off.
Another Vend-o-mat drops down from the sky to replace the previous one.
*inserts bread*
It ejects a field of wheat.
*inserts bundle of wheat*
Pumpernickle pops out.
*inserts waffles*
It ejects a ferret.
*inserts squeaky toy*
Out bounds Rush who bears the squeaky toy in his mouth and runs off.
Inserts a mechanical pencil.
out pops metal man who promptly rust and falls over
insert metal cuter.
Proper Grammar pops out of the Vend-o-mat.
*inserts IMPROPER GRAMMAR*
out comes my 7th grade english teacher to send you to i.s.s, the bad one that is, it has a decaying orbit, and will hit a numerous amount of satellites on it's way down.
insert a super structure
A Non-Euclidean Sweater pops out.
Good luck figuring out how to put it on.
*inserts spatial geometry*
Trigonometry slides out smoothly, and promptly takes the cosine of you.
*Inserts Multi-variable Calculus.*
Out pops 1 + 1 = 2.
Inserts the memory of Carl Sagan.
Billions and billions of stars appear in the night sky.
Inserts the body of Carl Sagan.
Out comes the body of Carl Sagan, the machine merely places him in a crystal coffin.
Inserts a Pocket Ref (http://www.sequoiapublishing.com/pdt_pocketref3ed.htm)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 clunks and thumps, and dispenses a get out of jail free card, helpfully stored inside a Klein bottle.
*inserts coin*
Out comes a Blancmange curve (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blancmange_curve)
*Inserts coin*
Out tumbles a chunk of Niobium.
Inserts a high end processor.
the Jurassic park T-Rex explodes form the machine and chases you before a new machine lands in the spot vacated but the first.
insert digivice!
Spiral Mountain pops out.
Congratulations. You just caused an age of darkness.
The Digiworld Weeps.
*inserts JESUS*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses Jesus Brother Bob (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGB7iLpVrhQ).
*inserts coin*
It dispenses everything.
Please only take one.
*inserts everything*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 emits a few stressed beeps and then buzzes and begins smoking.
Inserts Nickel Cadmium batteries.
The Vend-O-Mat starts working properly again.
*inserts a gold bullion*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a golden bull.
*inserts stone tablets*
The Vend-o-mat dispenses the commandments as interpreted by George Carlin, inscribed on the tablets.
*inserts a coin*
Two coins pop out.
Feeling overjoyed by this development, You reinsert both of them, in hopes of an even bigger payout.
Nothing comes out, except for a note, calling you a Greedy <expletive deleted>.
*inserts Cool-Whip*
Some button come out and ask you for your preferred flavor of pie, you pick and get a pie shoved down your pants, no pie for you... kinda.
*Inserts a leg.*
Wheat Toast comes out.
*inserts Pumpernickle Bread*
A leg comes out.
*Inserts wirt's leg and a scroll of town portal*
a note saying: "I love White Blood Cells" falls out and somehow gives you a concussion
*insert the queen marry 2 cruise liner.*
An iceburg comes out.
*Inserts the Libris Mortis.
A bunch of cows armed with polearms come out (a bit too late) and slay you.
*inserts a Horadric Staff*
Diablo comes out.
*Inserts a two-headed coin, burnt on one side*
Two-Face (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Face) comes out.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses The Joker.
*inserts resignation letter*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 lets out a booming laugh as a shackle connected to a ball and chain falls out.
*inserts a coin*
Orange comes out.
*Inserts coin.*
Cool! ive got a.... hand full of live scorpions.... wheeee....
*inserts medical bill with non-swollen hand*
antigen comes out.
insert turtle shell.
A goomba comes out, which promptly walks off the nearest cliff.
*Inserts lemon-lime*
A rather agitated Ren Gaulen comes out of the Vend-O-Mat, complaining that you didn't give him Oranj.
*inserts Oranj*
Gunther jumps out and grabs the Oranj before it goes in. He promptly starts nuzzling it. I don't know what else happened because I had the good sense to look away at that point.
*Inserts Insert*
*a small sheet saying 'divide by cucumber' comes out*
what is this? i cant use this, its making my brain hurt
*inserts hurting brain*
mother brain pops out trying to take over the universe until .....
insert meteoroid
You get pelted by an asteroid. The size of Texas.
*insert coin*
lucky dimes pop out.
insert coin
The book "How 2 Grammar! Become more understood fastly!" pops out.
*inserts David Bowman*
Florance Ambrose pops out looking a little angry.
insert data tablet
Sam Starfall pops out, Data Tablet in hand, and runs off into the distance.
*inserts internet cartoon*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 starts playing Yakitty Sax.
*inserts coin*
A Trilby hat falls out. Sweet.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat produces an excellent curry, fit to murder.
*inserts red-hot ice cubes*
"Hot Ice" Hilda comes out and promptly hits you with a stun knuckle.
*inserts a Caster Shell number 4*
'Twilight' Suzuka comes out and cracks you over the head with a bokken.
*inserts a coin*
Lord Hazanko emerges from a sphere of nothingness, says something in Japanese and blasts you with a dragon-shaped fireball.
*inserts a Caster Shell number 9*
It shoots you.
*inserts Vespene Gas*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses you a cup of russian soup (http://www.roflposters.com/in-soviet-russia-so-lii-eats-yoll/937481/).
*inserts coin*
A coin pops out.
*re-inserts coin*
The same coin pops out again, but this time with high velocity.
*inserts a shiny new coin*
Additional Pylons emerge - took them some time to show up.. >:[
*inserts the Khalis crystal*
AUGH! ZERGINMYAHAIR!
GETTEMOFF!
*crams zergling facefirst into coin slot*
A hydralisk appears from within the vending machine.
*inserts the Hodadric Staff into the coin slot*
an aggravated archmage pops out looking for the demon he was fighting.
insert monocle
Inu-Yasha comes out.
*inserts Baal's soul stone*
Zuul emerges from within the vending machine.
*inserts coin*
Ghsotbusters emerge from the machine, i tell them they have the wrong vend recipient
*inserts empty soda can*
Gallons of Soda shoot out of the vending machine, and now your cloak's all sticky.
*inserts dishwasher detergent*
Clean dishes shoot out of the Vend-O-Mat.
*inserts Unlimited Blade*
An Infinite Sword pops out of the Vend-o-mat.
*inserts EVE Online*
parses eve appears attaching it's self to you.
insert omnislash.
A Timber Wolf Clan Omnimech appears.
*inserts an armour-piercing round*
Natascha pops out. With the ability to slow down your enemies with every shot that hits, this gun's a real beaut'.
Use responsibly.
*inserts sandvich*
The Heavy comes out, munching the sandvich gratefully, then punches out all your blood and breaks your spine for not inserting a coin.
*insert coin*
A medic pops out of the Vend-o-mat. BUT WAIT!
OH SHI- NO UBERBAR
You are promptly backstabbed.
*inserts coin*
A blackjack club emerges, with "BONK!" written on it.
*inserts Fist of the North Star*
out pop Ken-oh intent on conquering this world.
insert coin
Out pops a deliciously looking cake, but it disintegrates as soon as you touch it. A piece of paper with a word "LIE" is the only thing that is left.
*inserts the Matrix of Leadership*
Out pops a receipt. You are attacked by a cat who wants to play with it.
*inserts a shiny bottle cap*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 clunks and thunks for a while, then spits the shiny bottle cap back at you, with a flashing error message "Silver dubloons are only valid tender for pirates."
*inserts coin*
Coin is ejected too, and the same error message appears.
*inserts a silver doubloon*
The Vend-o-matic 9000 spits out the silver doubloon with an error message, "Silver doubloons are not valid tender for commisars."
*Inserts a US dollar coin*
out pops a dirty looking wig.
insert taco
Out pops a stomachache.
*inserts a pink floyd album*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses the dark side of the moon.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-o-mat dispenses a dvd copy of The Wizard of Oz to accompany the dark side of the moon.
*inserts a coin*
The Vend-o-mat spits out a spear, stabbing your icon in the eye.
*inserts a coin*
It produces a BOOT TO THE HEAD!
*inserts Tai-Kwon Leap*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a leap year.
*inserts coin*
Vend-o-mat 9000 starts to play the timewarp
insert coin
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses a copy of H.G. Wells The Time Machine
*inserts festering pile of sewage*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 refuses to accept Harry Potter as legal tender, and dumps it back on your feet.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 a lock of otters hair.
insert fish
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a bathtub full of brightly coloured machine tools, while you hold the giraffe.
*inserts banana*
It goes, "ring ring ring ring ring ring".
And then produces a banana phone. It makes a small, victorious noise.
*inserts the G-man*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a pair of brightly colored boxers.
insert lasagna
A rather content looking orange cat pops out of the Vend-o-mat, burps contently, and waddles off into the distance.
*inserts Lemon-Lime Gatorade*
Agent Gunther Hermann appears out of the Vend-O-Mat and sets you on fire with a flamethrower for failing to provide him with Oranj.
*inserts a bio-electric cell*
EVE pops out. Now, if only you had enough Adam for that plasmid >:
*inserts Big Daddy outfit*
A larynx-adjustment tool erupts from the Vend-O-Mat and does horrible things to your throat.
*inserts gold-coated chocolate coin*
Easter eggs pop out burying you.
insert phoenix feather.
It dispenses a phoenix, who promptly crumbles to dust.
*inserts dust*
dust burns into ash form which a new phoenix springs.
insert quill.
DELICIOUS BOOZE sprays forth from the Vend-o-mat.
*kicks the vend-o-mat*
Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses a boxing glove attached to a spring aimed at your face.
*inserts narcotics*
Police emerges from the Vend-O-Mat and promptly arrests you.
*inserts coin*
It dispenses you.
*inserts Klein Bottle*
The Vend-o-mat is returned inside the Klein Bottle.
*inserts coin*
The machine just ate your money.
*inserts fake money, so that I do not sufferthe same trajedy*
It stares at you crossly, and ejects the money.
*inserts yellow highlighter*
It spits out an iPod. It only players Boston's "More then a feeling".
*inserts his homework*
The Vend-O-Mat returns your homework, covered in red marks and a large 'F-, see me', on the top.
*Inserts a computer virus*
Six Thousand Noobs emerge from the Vend-o-mat.
What have you wrought!
OH GOD!
D;
*inserts a container of sprayable kevlar*
It shoots you.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-o-mat fondles you lovingly, then dispenses a leaflet extolling the virtues of babyfurs.
It's a one-page pullout, which merely says "There aren't any."
*inserts coin*
It dispenses a 8,000 page long dissertation on the evil of the currency relationship.
*inserts copy of The Communist Manifesto*
Herbert Spencer comes out and beats you into a pulp.
*inserts coin*
A giant, spacefaring T-Rex glowing with purple radiance asks you what you're doing, and then blasts off for mars.
*inserts coin*
A railroad tie falls out of the machine, crushing your foot.
*inserts Liberian dollar*
out pops a new york key chain.
insert balloon
Ninety-Nine red balloons pop out of the Vend-o-mat, and they promptly devour you.
:<
*takes the Vend-o-mat out to dinner*
The Vend-O-Mat spits out a bill for 500 dollars.
*inserts long, angry rant into the Vend-O-Mat*
The vend-o-mat sighs, shuffles around for a bit, and nods politely a few times before delicately trying to leave the room.
*inserts advil*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses Tylenol.
*inserts a "yo momma" joke*
The Vend-O-Mat prints out a piece of paper, upon which is written "beep beep I'm a jeep."
*inserts bottlecap and pull tab*
Suddenly! Cheesecake! Everywhere!
*inserts Orange Soda*
The vend-o-mat takes back all the cheesecake.
Insert lemon lime.
The Vend-o-mat transforms into a mechanical exoskeleton, in which one "Ren Gaulen" can be seen at the controls.
He doesn't look happy.
*plucks a spare Vend-o-mat out of the ether, and inserts a desk lamp*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a burst of light.
*inserts a necrothreadcer*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a feather form moderator Ink
insert Lego block
THE DREADED DUPLO ERUPTS FROM THE VEND-O-MAT, AND PROMPTLY DEVOURS YOUR FAMILY. :<
Good thing the vend-o-mat keeps a spare set around.
Meet Martha, your new uncle.
*inserts Cherry Pepsi*
The vend-o-mat destroys you for this heresy.
*inserts diet cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper*
The vend-o-mat dispenses a BRAND NEW ME. D;
Now with more bubbly personality.
*stuffs Cogidubnus headfirst into the vend-o-mat*
It produces a pile of drivel and a letter opener.
*inserts coin*
out pups several previously destroyed robot masters.
inset E-tank.
An energy pellet comes out.
*inserts a coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a ghost. You'll need that pellet now...
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat produces a muffin.
*Inserts a cell phone*
The Vend-O-Mat runs up your bill, and then skedaddles out of town, leaving you to pay it.
*inserts Irish sixpence*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses a load of beer.
*inserts a bottle of beer*
The Vend-O-Mat thanks you for the beer, and gives you a ticket to the Live In-Concert showing of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
*inserts pineapples*
(The machine produces a cassette of Téléfrançais (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T%C3%A9l%C3%A9fran%C3%A7ais).) Umm, hey, if you don't want it, can I have it?
(inserts a scrunchie)
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses Kootie Pie Koopa (Wendy O. Koopa)
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 smacks you for not inserting a coin
*inserts coin*
The vendo-o-mat 9000 dispenses Mirrors edge
Yay!
*inserts 100 metal*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 spits out metal shavings at you.
*inserts coin*
A magnetic screwdriver flies out at you.
*inserts a coin*
A cordless drill pops out.
*inserts coin*
out pop four 4X4's
insert coin
A bullet rain of french fries fires out at you.
Inserts a folded-up piece of tin foil.
Foaly pops out, and thanks you for the hat.
*inserts coin*
out pops Artemis fowl who steals Foalys hat and a lager amount of gold.
insert LEPcommunicator.
Julius Root pops ou-ohwait.
*inserts LAVATUBE*
a model LEPshuttle appears
insert time paradox
GIR pops out, with an exploded head. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5AZKykqggU)
(inserts a gumdrop)
out floats earthworm jim with an inflated head (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGHYyewL948).
insert ammo
Soda cans rain down on you like bullets.
(inserts Apocalypse Now on DVD)
A torrent of abuse that begins "Where you from, Private?" pours out of the Vend-o-mat 9000 and piles onto your shoes.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-O-Mat flattens it further, engraves a stylish yet somehow ugly design on the "heads" side, and spits it back aimed directly at your forehead.
*inserts sheet music*
The machine grows speakers and blasts "In the Hall of the Mountain King" as loud as it will go.
(once she is finished air-conducting, inserts a souvenir penny from SeaWorld)
The machine dispenses a souvenir sea.
*inserts half a rolo*
The machine spits out a half melted, half rolo.
*inserts a garrote wire*
THe Vend-O-Mat spits out a picture of Luca Brasi covered in a fish.
*inserts an estoc*
Inigo Mantoya pops out and begins chasing after the six-fingered man.
*inserts mask*
First, a sword sticks out and carves a "Z" on your shirt. Then, through some miracle of physics, Zorro pops out riding Tornado off into the distance.
*inserts a jar of peanut butter*
The Vend-o-mat fails to dispense anything, being irretrievably clogged up with peanut butter.
And stuck to the roof of your mouth.
*inserts coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a tube of toothpaste.
insert comic book
The Vend-o-Mat gives you a life size statue of Batman.
*inserts a GI Joe action figure*
The machine dispenses Cobra Commander, crushing the GI Joe and jetpacking off before you can get an autograph.
(inserts a page from the novel, Fight Club)
Pink Soap pops out.
-Inserts the novel "Nightlife" by Rob Thurman-
Two copies of "Nightlife" pop out.
*inserts a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater*
Nothing good comes out.
Then again, Good is relative.
*inserts AN EPIC SONG (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCvIw7DMHXc&feature=channel)*
The vend-o-mat ejects tons of EA hating gamers who come and erase the song and all mentions of it's existence.
*inserts concentrated stupidity*
You pop out! *gasp* :U
*inserts MUPPETS (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r395r7V7hjo)*
A slinky comes out and strangles you in an extremely violent fashion.
*Inserts extreme violence*
UltraViolence pops out, and boy does he look pissed.
*inserts sixteen iPod Nanos*
One iPod Tera comes out.
*inserts one Knightmare Frame activation key (http://www.mahq.net/mecha/codegeass/geass-tv/lineart/z-01-activationkey.jpg)*
SUDDENLY
USB KEYCHAIN DONGLES
HUNDREDS OF THEM.
*kicks the Vend-o-mat*
A sign pops out. WARNING: DO NOT TAUNT VEND-O-MAT 9000
*inserts Happy Fun Ball*
A Happy Fun Rock (http://www.wowhead.com/?item=18640) pops out.
*inserts a coin*
The coin pops out. The Vend-O-Mat needs exact change, or so it says.
*inserts a :)*
The Vend-O-Mat spits teeth.
*inserts festering ooze*
A tar monster pops out of the Vend-o-mat, and it demands hugs.
*inserts bad karma*
dispenses bad luck
inserts chaos. (No. not the sonic character.)
Order pops out, and it wishes to have a word with you.
*inserts boot*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a boot to the head.
*inserts ice-cream*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a slightly used waffle cone.
*inserts a pb&j sandwich*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses licked bread.
*inserts a switchblade*
Out pops a copy of West Side Story.
(inserts the air)
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses carbon dioxide directly in your face.
*inserts a feather*
It spits out a chicken.
*inserts an egg*
Tiny Pancakes come out. But instead of syrup, it's superglue, and they somehow managed to become attached to your chest. :<
*inserts USB Stick*
The Vend-O-Mat's little light-up screen displays, scrolling slowly, "I'm sorry, Slowtini. I'm afraid I can't do that..."
(inserts a snakeskin belt)
The Vend-O-Mat dispences an undead snake that is rather pissed it was made into a belt.
*inserts coin*
out pops a talking ferret that slaps the snake and tells it to "shut up" because it's dead then proceeds to slap you.
*insert dead/alive/wraith snake*
The Vend-O-Mat plays Dead or alive 3
insert police report
It comes back out with a messily scrawled message in Sharpie saying "DON'T TRY IT" and a photo of one of your loved ones tied to a chair.
(inserts pencil shavings)
you get a ball point pen, now you never have to worry about sharpening your pencil!
inserts crumpled dollar bill
out pops a picture of Washington crossing the Delaware done by a five year old. aren't you so proud?
insert failing report card.
out comes a rotten sock, with an F written on it
insert running shoes.
out pops shadow the hedgehog
insets x-tornado
the vending machine explodes in a whirlwind
inserts monkey wrench
Out pops a tool kit, with an independent contractor attached.
(inserts a copy of Highlights magazine)
Repressed Memories come out.
*inserts quarter*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a half.
*inserts dime*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a very old looking wheelchair.
insert a rose in full bloom.
The ThornKannon MkII Beta is dispensed promptly from the vend-o-mat.
Use Carefully. Avoid pointing at the face.
*inserts Gish*
out comes a smashed pumkin and a fish, which made quite a dish.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gish
Inserts coin
Out comes a multitude of Sacagawea dollar coins. I'm in a good mood tonight.
(with a great deal of effort, inserts Castlevania: Symphony of the Night)
Alucard (the cool one in red) emerges, and gives you a grin.
*inserts coin*
out pops a badge with the name Vitoria on it.
insert a sliver cross
Out pops a black, multiple-eyed dog, with the cross in its teeth.
(inserts a 'magic bullet')
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses JFK.
*inserts coin*
out comes mario, who proceeds to beat you up and take the rest of your remaining coins
*inserts lightsaber*
Out comes a flashlight, worthless for fights, useful for finding your way in the dark.
*inserts Kuriboh*
the vulture from the desert level in mario 64 comes and steals your hat.
inserts google.
out pop three different digidestined leaders
insert hoof
The other thing from texas pops out.
*inserts a banana*
The Vend-o-mat dispenses a banana cake, complete with icing and a cherry on top.
*inserts coin*
out come 700 IQ points
*inserts death*
The other three Horsemen of the Apocalypse are dispensed. Because they are from Good Omens, they ride over you with their Harleys and off to cause destruction and mayhem.
(inserts a Best of Queen tape)
out pops a championship cup.
inserts care bears movie DVD ( it doesn't matter which one)
out comes a dvd music video of the queen song princes of the universe featuring care-bears. go figure.
Inserts gummi-bears dance remix
The Vend-o-mat 9000 plays the Gummi Bears track, Fat Bottomed Girls, vocals by F Mercury.
*inserts a copy of the "buggre all this" bible*
OH MY GOD, GOD COMES OUT OF THE VEND-O-MAT, and boy does <Gender-neutral gender-specifier goes here> look pissed.
-inserts self-
What? Slowtini is evolving!
(Vend-O-Mat pulses)
...
...
...
...
...
(dispenses something)
Congratulations! Slowtini evolved into Vanilla Coke!
(inserts a half-dollar)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a slurring, badly shot rapper.
[inserts an obviously reluctant headcrab]
put pops The Freeman, with a crowbar
(inserts football)
out of the Vend-o-mat 9000 rush the Greenbay packers ready to take you down on the ling of scrimmage. hut hut hike!
insert dictionary of pain
out comes a coupon for a thesaurus of suffering
inserts the dark side :mwaha
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses duct tape.
*inserts duct*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a duck.
*inserts festering ooze*
out comes acne, go figure
inserts dance montage :ipod
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses Michael Jackson at your face.
*inserts Amityville Toaster*
out pops a toasted robot hand
insert web comic
Strands of spiderweb shoot out of the Vend-o-mat, attach themselves to your chest, and drag you back into it's depths.
-e_voyager has been inserted, albeit reluctantly-
Vend-o-matic dispenses stuff that you'd rather not know what it was.
*inserts a Mow* :mowdizzy
The Vend-O-Mat does nothing for a minute. Then it starts to shake. And it shakes even more. And it shakes even more.... and A TIDAL WAVE OF MOWS pours out and sweeps you up in the sheer force of their combined fluff and buzz and meep, leaving behind only the smell of washed cotton.
(inserts her Christmas list)
The Vend-O-Matic dispenses a genie bottle, only without the genie. A message flashes saying that in order to acquire the genie, you must insert a Santa.
*inserts (http://a.deviantart.com/avatars/l/a/larryplz.gif) into the Vend-O-Matic*
Out pops Super Bust-A-Move. Hmmm....
(inserts Slime)
out comes an ice puddin straight from exile III which freezes you to death.
Inserts fluffy.
Chewy comes out.
*inserts Growly*
*what you think is pork fried rice pops our*
*inserts Amber*
*out comes star control 2*
*inserts max payne*
*out comes Constantine on DVD*
*inserts a plain, ordinary, 1984 US quarter*
out comes the novel, 1984
inserts Macintosh computer.
out pops a huge 'frigging huge' bill for patches that you never knew you needed.
insert chronic back pain
The Vend-o-Mat dispenses a very well-paid chiropractor.
(inserts donated hair)
The Vend-o-mat dispenses Cousin It.
*inserts one thin dime*
out comes 1 peso
inserts UFO
An excessive amount of cheddar pops out of the Vend-o-mat, burying you in cheesy goodness.
*inserts Lactose Intolerance*
The machine discharges massive quantities of milk.
*Inserts a Zorkmid*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 spits out a crystal ball that needs new batteries.
*inserts mallet.*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses Amy Rose, who has moved her crush over from Sonic, to you.
*Inserts crazy purple anime hairstyle*
out comes dragon ball Z
inserts my fist.
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 dispenses Mike Tyson.
*inserts The Clockwork Mansion*
out pops the tea time of infinity
insert boot strap paradox
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 dispenses These boots are made for walkin', and that's just what they'll do! One of these days these boots are gonna' walk all over you.
*Inserts /b/*
The Vend-o-mat frowns at you.
>:C
*inserts a plain old, normal coin.*
The Vend-o-Mat dispenses a plain old diet coke.
*Inserts Ronald McDonald*
It dispenses a very angry irish ninja.
*inserts Asmodeous*
out comes a history channel special about the seven levels of hell
inserts a kid with a full grown moustache.
It dispenses a dinosaur, complete with saddle for riding.
*inserts dish soap*
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 dispenses laundry detergent.
*Inserts Mr. T, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, and Mike Tyson.*
the vendomat explodes, you can't fit that many people in a vending machine.
inserts my video camera
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a slip of paper saying "Thank You" and a box of Lindor chocolates. I am sitting inside the machine with the camera, giggling and hugging it.
(inserts a Band-Aid)
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a Bono, well used and with a bone pipe sticking out.
[inserts a copy of Final Fantasy X]
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispense several jumping sharks.
inserts five golden rings
The Vend-o-Mat produces the words, "FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!!" in an immaculate chorus.
*Inserts a ruby*
out drops an anarchy Beryle
inserts power wave
The Vend-O-Mat DISPENSES ITS LAZER.
(inserts a repetition)
The Vend-o-mat dispenses a repeat of the earlier prescription.
*inserts a coin*
An Anti-Coin pops out, and proceeds to devour your wallet, your firstborn, and your vehicle.
*inserts a potato*
The vend-o-mat dispenses Lucky from Lucky charms
*inserts red dye 5*
Great.
The Vend-O-Mat's bleeding all over the carpet. :<
*inserts Spore*
while you leave your computer to insert the game the penguin empire develops into space age and then destroys all of your spice mines.
*inserts Super Mario RPG*
The machine dispenses Geno, who gives you that awesome finger gun he has. You lucky jerk.
(inserts a strand of yarn)
The machine dispenses a cat that is playing with said yarn.
(Inserts Optimus Prime)
The Vend-o-mat dispenses Ultra Magnus.
*inserts a coin*
BURGER KING ONION RING comes out.
*promptly noms*
-inserts zesty sauce-
out pops Xander Cruse
inserts a soul from evermore
The Vend-O-Mat gives you a rock band from New Zealand.
(inserts a Sudoku puzzle)
The Vend-O-Mat spits out nine small square pieces of paper with numbers on them.
*inserts a book*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a Reader's Digest version of the book.
*inserts a long, thin thing with a sort of lump at the end*
The machine dispenses a thermometer.
(inserts a marker)
It dispenses a blast of cold air.
*inserts Soviet Russia*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 inserts YOU!
*inserts cover for same*
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 gives you an error message reading, "Whateva'."
*Inserts Metal Gear RAY*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 gears up for some metal dispensing. \m/
*inserts same*
Same comes out, but something's off.
It's a little bit different than what you remember.
*Inserts Plush Sheep*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a Sealy's mattress.
(inserts a page of Rorschach's journal)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a house in the middle of the artic circle. With a greenhouse attached, opened, filled with snow and three dead bodies.
*inserts self-reference*
boot straps erupts form the Vend-o-mat 9000 and pull you in.
insert video tape
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 dispenses Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes 1, 2, 6, and 16 recorded onto said video tape.
*Inserts Olga from MGS2*
*An Ocelot is dispensed and it looks cranky*
*inserts a coin*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a Gatorade.
*Inserts a canine tooth*
The Vend-o-Mat dispenses a vampire who bids you velcome.
(inserts a National Geographic)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses the Discovery Channel.
*Inserts Longcat*
YOU FOOL, LONGCAT HAS NO END! :O
*carts out another Vend-o-mat, and promptly inserts THE BATMAN.*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses Tony Zucco (http://www.worldsfinestonline.com/WF/thebatman/bios/zucco/07.jpg).
*Inserts a large-sized webcomic message board debate*
The Vend-O-Mat bursts into flames.
(uses a fire extinguisher, and inserts a piece of stained glass)
The Vend-O-Mat spits out a chapel on top of you.
*Inserts a normal coin*
A small lightbulb starts flashing on the side of Vent-O-Mat. You feel somehow better.
*insert a slot token*
Chuk! Chuk! Chuk!
The Vend-O-Mat displays a lemon... "BAR" symbol... and a glorious sunset. Not a winner.
*Inserts a purple-monkey handpuppet*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a Fraggle.
*Inserts an artist's depiction of Longcat this time.*
The Vend-o-Mat chugs, humms and buzzes a bit and then churns out a sheet feed of paper with the words: "Wow, that's long!" on it.
*inserts an ink cartridge*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses Ink, in all his 'Cubi glory.
Do enjoy yourself, then.
*inserts patience*
time around the Vend-o-mat 9000 grinds to a halt for a timeless time then resumes.
inserts invisible man.
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a naked visible man.
*inserts e_voyager*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a 7/11
*inserts an ipod commercial :ipod*
Suddenly! People having seizures! Everywhere!
*inserts oxcarbazepine*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses what appears to be an illegal substance. A nearby security guard spots you with it and tackles you, only to discover it was the contents of a Pixie Stix.
*inserts :doommuffin*
The Vend-o-Mat dispenses Mab.
*Inserts a piece of paper with 'Why so serious?' written on it.*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses The Joker.
*inserts a sushi roll*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses a hibachi dealer with prosthetic lips.
(inserts a bit of red fuzz from her stuffed lobster, Rock)
out pops cowboy Bebop's Toys in the attic.
inserts Faux Pas.
*click*Whrrrrrrl*
A mechanical arm extends from the Vend-o-mat 9k and slaps you on the face, twice.
*inserts a zergling*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a Hydralisk. It shoots several spines at you as you flee in terror.
*inserts a Zealot*
The Vend-o-Mat dispenses a dragoon that then proceeds to aim its photon cannon at you, counting down seconds faster than they actually should be counted.
*Inserts StarCraft II*
*steals your copy before it can go into the Vend-0-Mat.*
*inserts a jewel case for a random game so that it doesn't realize how it's been gypped*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 appears to accept the case... Then a cannon-like implement pops out the side and shoots the case at you faster than a bullet!
*inserts WoW's third expansion, "rumored" to involve the Emerald Dream*
*The Vend-o-Mat slaps you, displaying the words "World of WarCrack steals your soul!"*
*Inserts Ergo Proxy*
The Vend-o-Mat develops sentience and a mouth, and dispenses much screaming and a jar of insanity.
*inserts monopoly money*
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 puts a lean on your home and books and computer.
inserts one of RF's muffins of doom.
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses one of Mab's brownies.
*inserts a cat :januscat *
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a silly phrase and returns your cat, now posed appropriately.
*inserts Corgatha Taldorthar*
A Welsh Corgi wearing some silly looking armor is dispensed.
*inserts a 24k solid gold bar*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a single gold coin, and you hear amused laughter radiate from somewhere overhead.
*inserts Mao Laoren*
A chocolate bar appears from the vending machine. You can see some words on its side. They say: "It's chocolate! It's people! It's Cho-Co-Lent! :D"
*inserts the Fist of the North Star*
The Vend O Mat dispenses dust.
*inserts Two Kirks a Kahn and a Pizza Place*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 explodes in violence, screams, and pizza slices.
*inserts Rakala*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a fox. It's evil like that.
*Inserts Angus Mengsk*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a copy of Starcraft 2.
*inserts Loki, God of Mischief*
Vend-o-Mat 9000 dispenses... The Mask...
*Inserts Samir Duran*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a Terran Wraith. "Go ahead, commander."
(inserts the common cold)
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses some Zerg hyper-evolutionary virus, and you are noFOR THE SWARM!
[decloaks and saps the Vend-O-Mat]
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 saps YOU.
*Inserts Kerrigan*
The Vend-O-Mat: Zerg Edition dispenses Infested Kerrigan. She goes Queen Bitch Of The Universe on your sorry ass. >:3
*Inserts Terran Goliath*
The Vend-O-Mat produces a GDI Titan.
*inserts some blue tiberium*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 emits a creak and a puff of foul-smelling smoke.
*inserts 24 hours of anime*
The Vend-o-mat dispenses a DVD box set of Fullmetal Alchemist.
*inserts Zeratul*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a large quantity of dead zerglings.
*inserts Full Metal Panic: Fumoffu*
A certain Sagara Sousuke emerges from the Vend-O-Mat (or, rather, jumps out of it), proceeding to introduce you to a course of Close-Quarters Combat, breaking at least five bones in your body in process.
*inserts a depleted uranium anti-tank round*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 gives Ren cancer.
*inserts Jacob Ramsey*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses the state of Ohio.
(inserts a paper fortune-teller)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a South Park episode involving spying, slumber parties, faked deaths, and crossdressing.
*inserts AuRon, son of AuRel*
A certain Bruce Willis look-alike in a red coat and with a huge sword appears.
*inserts additional pylons*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a large human city having absolutely nothing to do with the Protoss race except for the fact that both tend to have pylons somewhere within their walls.
*inserts DharSii*
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 dispenses me. o-o;;
*One of us inserts a pie, while the other inserts a cake, then we both insert a piece of paper with "WHICH IS BETTER?" written on it.*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a large orange dragon with dark stripes down his sides.
*inserts both Orion Asmodeus Dezagrats'*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a bat.
*inserts xkcd*
Rick Astley comes out and stares at you.
*inserts Kamen Rider*
out pops ghost rider...
inserts 1 fifth vodka, and 1 quart orange juice...
out pops a very irate hedgehog name Witt
inserts purple rain cd
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a silicon umbrella.
[inserts rape-flavored candy]
The machine dispenses Drip, but rather than immediately attack you he simply leans in and says ... "Thanks for the candy." (My apologies to Dane Cook haters...)
(inserts a Confederate flag)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses that banjo and guitar duet from 'Deliverance'.
[inserts mushrooms containing psilocybin...]
The Vend-o-mat 9000 says, "Duuuude... got any more?"
*inserts a rickroll*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 sends out disembodied hands that dispense a mega atomic wedgie.
inserts a picnic basket.
THE VERY ESSENCE OF CREATION COMES OUT OF THE VEND-O-MAT.
It warps time and space around you.
In the end, all that is left is a Talking bear in a Green Hat.
*inserts the newly formed Yogi*
He deserves to be with his Picnic Basket.
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a sammich.
*inserts Amber*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a hoard of DMFA fans.
inserts a thesaurus of Woo
Two smg's are ejected out into the air and caught by an actor whilst preforming an incredible feat of acrobatics. Upon landing the actor merely looks up and says: "Be proud Mr. Woo."
*inserts a very old Chinese coin that was dropped by the actor*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses Confucius, who begins to drone at you in a monotone yet funnily-accented voice.
*inserts a DMFA fan*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses Dan x Matilda fanfiction.
(inserts a chopstick)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses the stick, chopped.
*inserts half a lemon*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a glass of water with a sixth of a lemon in it.
*inserts a Thae'lith*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 spits out a very confused Foxfire Chronicles fan, who dies shortly from lack of updates.
*inserts a question mark*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a stick figure wearing a black top hat. The figure is startled by the group waiting in line to use the machine, and vanishes into his hat, which begins scooting away in short, jerky motions.
*inserts Doctor Zhivago*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses the rolling bomber special! (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2447877231270015933&hl=en)
inserts madness!
*it dispenses meeeeeee~*
*inserts zietgeist*
Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses the Great Arkleseizure.
* inserts the Face of Boe *
A faint audio clip comes forth from the Vend-o-Mat:
"But... remember this, Time Lord... I... preferred... Eccleston!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TR_61ibA7U)
*Inserts 500 Meat*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 makes a horrid grinding sound and dispenses a meat stack.
*inserts :mowcookie*
A mow wearing a labcoat pops out, and promptly latches onto you.
*inserts a plush bear*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a grizzly bear and Teddy Roosevelt. Whee!
*inserts Japanese vocabulary*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses 5000 rabid fan girls and otaku.
inserts rolling bomber special
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses the Power Rangers, who want their jobs back.
(inserts good music)
Out pops a van with these guys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN0oDnoc3-c)
*inserts necromow*
out pops a flier saying "but mow are immune to magic"
inserts sleeping potion.
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses 3 Major Dreamless Sleep Potions.
*inserts Elixir of Dream Vision*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a nightmare.
The Vend-o-mat 9000 is angered by your lack of an offering, and takes back the Nightmare it dispensed. It then dispenses four very ancient, very green, and very insane dragons, known as the Dragons of Nightmare.
*inserts the Buster Sword*
The Vend-O-Mat clanks, then is cut in half by the giant sword. The Buster Sword then transforms into a new Vend-O-Mat.
*Inserts a vial of liquid pretentiousness.*
Vend-O-Mat 9000 regurgitates Ray Comfort and a banana.
*inserts VSMIT's head into Vend-O-Mat 9000 *
Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses a clone called TEMSV
inserts a gun blade
out pops delta squad from gears of war, using assault rifles with chainsaws...
*inserts econ paper with plan to solve US national debt*
out pops the president of the us who's issues you a metal and thanks you then vanishes into the capital.
inserts said metal
out pops the president who hands you my paper with a several page overview on how to get the US out of debt by selling government bonds only to china, then canceling said bonds... making them worth about as much as the paper they're printed on, and the ink that was used on the paper...
*steps into vend-o-mat 9000*
The vend-o-mat is confused by your actions.
*inserts a rope, to get basilisk out*
vend-o-mat spits out a soap on a rope
"inserts a cake"
the Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses the true life store of a fictional character.
inserts a flash point!
out pops me... "the fu.... where the hell am i?!"
*inserts small child
The Vend-o-mat dispenses a flaw any child could see.
*inserts one same*
The machine produces an Uncanny-Valley off-kilter clone of you. It identifies itself as "the exact same."
*Inserts a tennis racquet*
The machine produces a cover for same.
*inserts half a old-style UK penny*
Out pops an old school London style bobby, complete with billy club... he doesn't look to happy that your using old money on a new machine...
*inserts empty cardboard box*
Out comes a box full of impending doom. (http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh121/RentheKnight/Motivation/40LBBoxofRape.jpg) >:]
*inserts a credit card*
The Vend-O-Mat 9000 dispenses massive debt. enjoy the poor house
insert gold brick
the vend o mat dispenses 1 thousand dollars worth of gold plated pennies...that is to say an thousand dollars worth of pennies that are gold plated....ow
*Inserts dirt devil forged in hell attached to a work bench employee named "Sam"*
Strange noises come out of the Vend-o-mat, and eventually it dispenses Sam back out again, but with an interesting power attached.
Sam is now a were-vacuum.
*inserts holy water*
Out pops Freddy Kruger
*inserts 1 can, Coke Zero*
Zero bursts out, riddling you full of holes with a Z-Buster. (http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh121/RentheKnight/LolMecha/AwesomeZero.gif)
*inserts nuclear device*
Out pops Albert Einstein, reciting the theory of relativity... in mathematical form
*inserts mechanical pencil*
out pops slime.... possibly sludge. the pencil got jammed into a few of the gears and the vend-o-mat is sparking and smoking...hmm seems like a good time for a repair.
*hires the brother from another planet to fix the vend-o-mat with his glow powers*
the vend o mat draws in the brother from another planet and dispensers Equidna from zoo city
inserts electrosabra
60,000 babies pop out.
I hope you remembered to pick up the formula!
*inserts the essence of silliness*
The machine dispenses Weird Al Yankovic and a few awesome flash cartoons.
(inserts a hit Broadway show)
Out pops the black knight from Monty Python's The Holy Grail
*inserts 1 pair of scissors*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 runs away with them.
*inserts half a cruskit*
The vend-o-mat transforms into a koala
*Installs new Vend-o-mat*
The Vend-O-Mat just sits there. You gotta put something in first.
(inserts a single Frito)
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a Lay...............'s chip.
*inserts a Pringle*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses that freaky head-mascot, which bounces on you.
(inserts little yellow boxes)
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a complete, assembled llearch. You're in trouble now.
[inserts a fine Manacuda Ropos cigar into the corner of the Vend-O-Mat's insert slot, and lights it]
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a smoke moebius.
*inserts half a penny farthing*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a a bear named Paddington
insert box of the unknown!
Nothing good comes out.
*inserts my recently-removed cast*
a metal rod swings out of the Vend-o-mat 9000, and brakes your shin bone... it then gives you a new cast
*inserts a pony*
Richard pops out, astride said pony.
*inserts my Yankee lamp*
the Vend-o-mat spits out, or rather launches, a base ball... I'm in quite a lot of pain. I've collapsed to the ground and my voice is now two octaves higher.
*Crawls up to the vend-o-mat an inserts the lint from my pocket.*
the vend-o-mat 9000 lint warps into the next reality
builds new vend-o-mat 18000 but loss the plans halfway though.
The Vend-O-Mat falls on top of you for your insolence.
(sets it back up and inserts Two-Face's coin)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses half a pigs head, in sauce.
*inserts a tooth*
Out pops Gali the Alligator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOETlkc_nNY)
*inserts 1 concert ticket for Incubus*
It dispenses a subway station guitarist playing "Drive."
(inserts a 2-euro coin)
The Vend-o-mat 9000 dispenses a mini-Vend-o-mat 9000.
*inserts a CD of video game music*
Vend-o-mat dispenses a copy of the new 50 cent game... (aka video game based on CD music)
*inserts a pack of dentyne ice arctic chill*
an arctic blast escapes for the Vend-o-mat freezing you solid.
insert Heat vision.
Vend-o-mat dispenses a solar flare, flash vaporising the entire area, along with glassing a good 300 square mile swath of earth
Inserts chunk of glass found by vend-o-mat
glass gets turned into a beer glass and is filled with beer, enjoy!
*inserts rotten bannana peel!*
The Vend-o-mat ejects the banana peel forcefully, and points you in the direction of the nearest garbage disposal.
*inserts cleaning solvent*
the solvant gets sprayed down your throat
*inserts the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow*
* Vend-o-mat fires a large coconut at your face *
*inserts now empty beer glass*
the vend-o-mat fills the glass, drinks the beer, and smashes the glass over your head.
*inserts solid snake*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a cardboard box that sneaks past you to go find some wild animals to kill in order to survive.
(inserts a Border's coupon)
The Vend-O-Mat dispense a book that shreiks endlessly when opened. And complains when you keep it closed. Don't even get it started on bent corners.
*Inserts a Dave and Busters CreditsCard*
you get blasted with milions of dollars!
*inserts a starbucks card*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses a Medium (NOT Grande - MEDIUM) White Chocolate Mocha. It also dispenses a small note from one of those employees who gives you a look when you order a regular coffee. You know the ones.
(inserts a klay man)
clay-face popsa out.
*inserts the best darn coffee in the world!*
It produces a very nice hat.
*Inserts the territory of QUILLIAN!*
This backfires horribly. The Vend-O-Mat sends Quillian spiraling into chaos. Bob the Builder William Dufris Saint Dane wins again. :[
*Inserts a microphone*
the CIA, KGB,FBI and mafia are all ejected from the Vendomat along with a foul order of skunk spray and burning fish.
insert air freshener
Out pops a several ton pine tree
inserts a small bag of coins from assorted nations
A hundred men and women come out, each originating from one of the nations.
*inserts self to look at the inside*
Evil twin pops out, locks you(FreeFull) in there!!!
*Inserts an object of strange origins.*
The object unlocks me. I come out and chase my evil twin.
*inserts evil twin*
*pops out a demonic twin bent on raiding your mind*
*inserts coin*
Vend-o-mat dispenses copy of twilight on dvd
*inserts watchman graphic novel*
*btw that is pure evil I nearly died reading the book*
*out pops night owl....................................just standing there*
*inserts night owl back into the vend-o-mat*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses Archie, the flying owl-ship.
(gets in the pilot's chair, and inserts a hat into the Vend-O-Mat)
*Vend-o-mat dispense 1 bot labeled 40lbs RAPE*
*inserts empty bottle of beer*
*Bottle of Ever-There Beer pops out. Enjoy the infiniteness!*
*Inserts Weird Al CD*
Vend-o-mat dispenses guitar
*inserts pebble*
*out pops a boulder and squishes you*
*inserts 4 leaf clover*
out puts a little man in green running from a group of kids while clutching a box of cereal.
insert running gag.
Out pops a rubber ball-gag, which sprouts legs and escapes.
(inserts a Susan B. Anthony dollar)
Out comes that horribly itchy and ugly sweater that your grandma gave you for your one and only Birthday present this year. *NO REFUNDS!*
*Inserts bread clip*
*Out pops a Frenchman in braids. He runs off, yelling something about elderberries*
*Inserts beanie baby*
*out pops a hula hoop, pet rock, and several other fad objects throughout the years*
*inserts a kitten into vend-o-mat*
*Somehown, someway, out pops a Mab. Yes. Mab.*
*tries his luck and inserts a ferret*
Ferret refuses to enter the Vend-o-Mat. Long story short, you now need plastic surgery to replace a missing nose, a single eye, and your new hare lip.
inserts a sock.
It dispenses a foot. Don't ask where it came from.
*inserts coin*
You receive a used and scratched CD - "The fat lady has sung"
Inserts an sleeping pill.
*out pops a pre-mixed drink* ... do you trust the vend-o-mat?
*inserts foam finger*
a head of foam from beer explodes out!
*inserts disembodied head*
*out pops a bloody torso, and some cops follow shortly after*... seeing you at the scene of the crime, they assume you did it
*inserts pony*
*Out pops richard, yelling his famous WarCry. He then immolates your home, the pets, and random kids.*
*inserts a PsP and DS*
out pops an N-gage... enjoy looking like your talking into a taco whenever you make a phone call >:3
*inserts a can of coke, and a pint of rum*
Out comes a working mom who had a long day.
(sprays her inhaler into the coin slot)
The Vend-o-Mat 9000 dispenses some hacking sounds and a few mothballs.
[inserts a pack of jelly beans]
*out pops a pack of gummy bears*
*inserts a 19" LCD computer screen*
The Vend-o-mat 9000 makes a few grinding sounds and dispenses a Walmart store.
*inserts Tiamat*
the machine sputters a bet before a dragon the size of a rabbid chihuahua pops out and nibbles on your fingers.
*inserts a waffle drizzled in syrup*
*out Pops a guy screaming LEGGO MY EGGO YOU BA*****D!!!*
*inserts a JokerFish*
*out pops a tiger shark*
*inserts some ice cream*
The machine rumbles ominously for a while before crackling and hissing furiously. Explosions within it, muffled as they are, deafen you nonetheless; hundreds of lights flash in sequence at varying intensities before they all simultaneously shine brilliantly, blinding you. As your senses return, you find yourself staring at a very appetizing ice cream sandwich.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I throw in a bloodied fork with one bent tine and hit the button.
*out pops a matching spoon.....and some big blue bug-looking guy screaming its name.....*
*Inserts a gold brick*
*out pops a heavily modified mini-cooper*
*inserts a VIP ticket for a club*
*out pops one of the most expensive club sandwiches ever.*
*Inserts the MiniCooper*
*out pops a clown car, with a 10 foot tall clown, juggling chainsaws*
*inserts a permanent marker*
*out pops an artist. And not a very good one at that*
*Reinserts the clown car, wants his minicooper back!*
A Scion pops out.
*inserts a shard of broken glass*
*out pops a massive chandelier, complete with razer sharp crystal facing downward*
*inserts a small carved-ebony statue*
*Out pops a record singing something about ebony and some other material.....marble I think....*
*Inserts a bill for trillions of dollars to be given to people who give themseves multimillion bonuses...*
*out pops an Obamanation*
*inserts a massive needle (think ink sized needle)*
out pops a wave of fear and panic that drops most within a 100 meter radius to their knees
Quote from: e_voyager on March 31, 2009, 05:19:51 PMout pops a wave of fear and panic that drops most within a 100 meter radius to their knees
I throw E_Voyager into the Vend-O-Mat to compensate for his refusal to insert anything.
*out pops a mildly confused E, who has been run through a series of conveyor belts*
*inserts a business suit*
*out pops a lawyer with a class action suit at hand*
*Inserts a clown that "excells" at lame puns*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses tomatoes at you for forcing it to put up with the clown.
(inserts a mustache)
The Vend-O-Mat seems to consider this, then dispenses a manual on Mustache March.
*Inserts same.*
*out pops a disturbingly british box* >:3
*inserts a gas mask and a shotgun into vend-o-mat*
*Out pops a young child with a gas mask.*
"Are you my Mummy?"
*Inserts the sign off the door to the Tardis.*
*out pops Dr. Who, with a mildly confused look on his face*
*dropkicks the child out a window while shouting no. then inserts a cell phone into the vend-o-mat*
*out pops a guy that constantly asks "Can you hear me now? Gooooooooooooood"*
*Inserts an undead character*
out pops Elvera mistress of the dark
inserts paradox ploy #9
*Out pops solid snake from MGS 3... complete with 2 eyes, and a super mullet*
*inserts a pair of sunglasses*
out pops blues with his protobuster and he looks peeved.
insert cold chain
Uh... alright. *Inserts a very well-refrigerated length of chain*
The machine produces a remarkably detailed "Repteal's Dungeon" playset, complete with little posable Repteal and Mikelo dolls. (Mind, if you want a happy Mikelo doll, you'll have to look elsewhere.)
*Inserts a tidy assortment of firearms*
*Nicolas Angel pops out* he ask "do you have a permit for those firearms?"
*inserts a baseball cap*
out pops a pennet winning baseball team.
inserts a rabbit in a hat with a bat.
*out pops a fox, in a box, with some Glocks*
*inserts 8 inch skin diver's knife*
The Vend-O-Mat dispenses an episode of Law and Order SVU where just such a weapon was used, and cuffs you.
(inserts the Four Elemental Fiends)
It dispenses the Six Alchemical Menaces.
*inserts a copy of the Hacker's Handbook*
outs pops a locksmiths guide.
inserts a sleeping power squirrel
*out pops a chipmunk, hopped up on red bull*
*inserts polo shirt & car keys*
out pops Mojo Jojo in the middle of a long speech about who he is and whats he is.
inserts a can of red bull
*out pops wings*
*inserts trench-coat + sunglasses + progenitor virus*
A veritable swarm of trenchcoat-wearing Neos fly out of the machine to spread the Keanu Reeves plague and engulf the world.
*Abandons all pretense and inserts Albert Wesker himself*
*the vend-o-mat rumbles, shakes, then 9 of every 10 people spontaneously combust... the remaining 10% of the worlds population become superhuman in the process*
*inserts some ash from 1 of the many dead people waiting in line to use the vend-o-mat*
*out pops a zombie - ready to eat the brains of the super humans*
*Inserts a kitty*
out pop a giant can of tuna and a panther. Hope you have a can-opener
*inserts the star wars gangsta rap #2*
out pops a function 1:1000 model death star that transforms into a mini bar
inserts a bucket of suspension of disbelief
*out pops a lightsaber*
*inserts family crest*
out pops a Kevin and Kell mouse pad.
inserts rock man 8 style super bolt