You would think I'd be happy. The Steelers just won. But I just feel so and out of it that I feel like I'm in a state of paralysis or something. I can't do anything. Cant write, post. I can't even come on AIM. I haven't felt like talking to a lot of people for a while and the more I think about things, the less I want to do anything.
There is one way to solve that problem Tequila Part WOOWOO!!!! ^_^
Sometimes you just have to force yourself to socialize. Sometimes that's the only option for some people if they hope to get out of a funk or somesuch.
Case in point: my socially inept brother has recently been going to a Singles group back at my hometown's church. He may being going slow in moving onward with his life, but what he has forced himself to do hasn't impacted him negatively.
Also, I'm not so skeptical of parties like I used to, having been to two of Bobby's parties this semester. As long as it's not crowded, isn't deafening, and is laid-back and social, I dig it.
So yeah. Sometimes you have to say "fuck you" to your own will, throw caution to the wind, and just go out and do stuff. I know I've met more people on campus when I get out of the room every now and then.
Just remember to wear pants.
I went outside, now I feel worse than before. :tired
And proof that my life sucks. From here (http://www.monkeyquiz.com/life/rate_my_life.html)...
Life: 4.1
Mind: 5.2
Body: 5.9
Spirit: 5.4
Friends/Family: 2.4
Love: 1.4
Finance: 1.2
Analysis (from the site)
Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score is on the low end. Making key changes to different aspects of your life will bring you greater fulfillment. Do not be discouraged. Seek help outside yourself if need be. There is always time to change, and change will bring many rewards.
Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward.
Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. Your body score is fairly average, which means there is room for improvement. Keep a focus on your physical health. Protect your body as it is your most valuable physical asset. Nutrition, stress reduction, and exercise are key.
Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score leaves room for improvement. Consider making a concerted effort to redefine your attitudes and focus your beliefs. Boosting your spirit will lead to greater life satisfaction.
Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. You scored at the very low end for friends and family. This means that your social network is weak and not functioning. Consider re-establishing old bonds as you work on forging new ones. You will be greatly rewarded in return. Try using MeetUp.com to find people near you who share your interests.
Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is very low, indicating trouble. There is love out there for you. Seek the advice of wise people on how to go about finding it. Do not lose hope.
Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your finance score indicates that your financial situation is in disarray. This is an all-too-common problem. Do what you can to live within your means while improving your financial prospects for the future.
Life: 6.8
Mind:6.6
body:8.2
Spirit:4.2
friends/famly:7.3
Love:5
Finance:5.5
To Destina:
That's not too far off from mine (http://www.livejournal.com/users/sin_ominous/33485.html), actually.
Though I may be changing the Love category soon.
Edit: Fix'd. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/sin_ominous/33961.html)
Wow big change in love.
How can you all cry broke and have such great financial scores?
Cookies :mwaha
Must be some expensive cookies.
According to that test, it seems I need a bunch of rich and giving (in both love and money) people to befriend and mate with in order to boost the three lowest categories. Does anyone know where I can find these people?
date a pornstar. :)
Hell yeah. Pornstars make decent money. The female ones have better longevity in the industry too.
Well, first, Destina, you'll need to work on the self-confidence for a spell. Ain't nothing more attractive than someone with a less-than-morbid sense of self worth.
Then, get out there and get to know some people. That, or give eHarmony a whirl.
Now, as far as the money goes, while I may not have much money to work with, I make sacrifices on my purchases until I'm more financially sound. There, i have the one-up on my bro, who can't keep anything in his savings account to save his life.
I dunno about the pornstar tip. On one hand, since they work in the sex industry, they will see sex more as their job and thus be reluctant to be intimate. On the other hand, the only males ones I know of aren't exactly visually appealing. Plus the fact is that the idea of makes me squeamish, as I am a big proponent of fidelity and by definition, a porn star will have to cheat as part of the job.
Spig, the people I have gotten to know want nothing to do with me. Meetimg more people won't change that. And it's not self-confidence, it's an accurate self-assesment. If I were as pretty as Eva Longoria, then that'd be one thing. But I could give the Phantom of the Opera a run for his money. Then again, the Phantom wouldn't be too bad, if I could get past that whole living in a sewer and ultra-possesive streak.
Sometimes you gotta kick life in the ass, and take control, otherwise you'll die a very lonely shut-in.
Destina doesn't look bad at all.
She just lacks self-esteem.
I think at one point in our lives, we all could relate to that.
But it drives some of us insane when she discredits our giving a damn. I know that every time I care she chucks a "you won't" or "you'll betray me" or similar vernacular at me. What the hell am I supposed to say? I've been a more compassionate person after doing my own self-evaluation, and it saddens me when it's discredited.
maybe the person just doesn't trust you too well. Trust is a big issue that most friends have. Morely when trust is brought up sometimes the friends all become enemies and turn on another. Everyone has their own way of thinking, thus trust is hard to develop especially when everyone's opinions are different.
I've known Destina for four years and she still says that to me.
Spig, you've a while to go, heh heh.
Oh wow, I had no idea. :tired
Take heart, man! She's really cool to talk to, when she's not feeling down.
Especially about Mega Man and stuff. ^_^
Yeah, and he only started talkin to Nang after I talked to her for a year and found out she was a fan of his midis and sprites. AND she still says that to me sometimes too...
Not as often as she used to though, so I take that as progress.
Well, the thing is that you all say that you care, but when I ask you to show it, you balk at the requests, because you really don't care. So how am I to trust someone who I know isn't deeply devoted or dependent upon me?
Because what you do ask of us is a bit much. Like a servant to a master. And if any of us are not in absolute tandem with your beliefs, we're cast down like scum outright, and given the anti-trust treatment.
This ain't a dictatorship. Caring doesn't require being actionable. There is just basic consoling and being an ear or shoulder if you need to vent or cry.
And for pete's sake, on various issues, the concepts don't always have to be black or white. What about the balance of gray?
That last post doesn't sound very compassionate. And I don't require you feel the same way I do about everything, but I would like people who felt the same way I do about at least one thing that I think is important. It seems though that there's a universal disagreement and pressure from you all for me to be in step with you.
If you want me to trust you, show me that you can be a trustworthy person. I can't trust anyone who doesn't care enough about me to let me control them as much as he or she control me. If you can't do this, then that's fine, but don't act like you want to me to believe in you one minute then condescend to me in the next.
Nang, this seems to be the point that just about anyone in their right mind is going to say "no, I don't think I want to do that." I mean, unless they are a submissive person by nature, they would say no to that.
Actually, now that I think about it, in all honesty what it sounds like you need is a sub. O_o
wow...
Quote from: Destina Faroda on November 02, 2005, 11:45:27 PM
That last post doesn't sound very compassionate. And I don't require you feel the same way I do about everything, but I would like people who felt the same way I do about at least one thing that I think is important. It seems though that there's a universal disagreement and pressure from you all for me to be in step with you.
If you want me to trust you, show me that you can be a trustworthy person. I can't trust anyone who doesn't care enough about me to let me control them as much as he or she control me. If you can't do this, then that's fine, but don't act like you want to me to believe in you one minute then condescend to me in the next.
This actually makes sense to me. I have a lot of people who like controlling me for their own benefits. Now as for trust, I don't know how a person could tell if people are trustworthy or not. I don't trust many people myself. And I agree with Destina in this right now. You can't change acts.
When I wanted to befriend you, Dest, my ultimate goal was not to be controlled by you.
I mean, my best friend is Sephy, but if you think that implies that I have the right or reason to control her, then maybe you need to need another look at that view. True friends are not controlling, but just look out for each other.
wait a second, Jorge has seen Destina's picture?! Lucky bastard. I've known her longer than all of you...
:p
It's cuz Jorge's hispano-cool. =P
Heck, I have two friends I've known longer than you who don't even know my name.
As for pictures, he begged and pleaded until I gave him one. See, that's another talent of his...wearing down my defenses...
Actually, I'm not feeling as blue as I did when I wrote the inital post. Then again, maybe it's because I"m sleepy.
So if we beg and plead we get a pic?
Probably not so much as beg and plead as it was maybe "How can I judge your personal appearance if I've never seen you?"
If you think you're ugly and no one's seen you, they're gonna say stuff like that til ya do ;)
Frankly, I hope we'll be surprised and she doesn't seem as ugly as she calls herself.
Well, all girls call themselves ugly. It's a girl's nature to do that. Since we always want to look like something else.
Is that a societal or media pressure? Or both? For some guys (like me) personality is what gets the best nod over looks.
wow....most guys like the looks.
Well, I do admit looks are important.
But they're not THAT important.
If a girl is sweet and charming and nice, but not all that good-looking, she's still higher in my book than a pretentious gold-digging conniving stuck-up bitch that HAPPENS to have a nice pair of breasts and a decent face (those are a dime a dozen... worth looking at, not worth anything more).
Men's standards aren't as high as it appears, though. We don't 'need' supermodels (in fact I don't like supermodels' bodies... there's no squeezability and no warmth), and we tolerate extra weight if it's reasonable, and if the girl is nice, it doesn't even matter if her face isn't all that great. Then again, this is probably just my opinion, I could be wrong (Miller).
AGREE
They probably have hot girlfirends. That's why they say that.
Depressed again.
You know, I don't actually even know your name. I've heard rumors about what it is/might be (though now I can't remember what they had said it was, or who I heard it from.)
My name is Serena Briefs and that's the lie I'm sticking to. ;)
Quote from: Destina Faroda on November 09, 2005, 12:14:19 AM
They probably have hot girlfirends. That's why they say that.
Depressed again.
are you saying you want a hot girlfriend? ;)
If she's rich why not?
Yes, I am that mercenary.
Would you be willing to go out and do that?
Opportunities don't just fall into people's laps all the time. Some have to be sought out, with trials and tribulations along the way, of course.
I know that's not your name... although, I did purposefully NOT write down what your name actually was, so I have no clue what your name is anymore. Ah well...
I don't know whether to be happy or sad.
On one hand, this means I have regained a piece of my precious anonymity, which means I can do all sorts of "nasty" things to my on-line enemies and they wouldn't even know why.
But on the other hand, it's another step in you forgetting me entirely. I won't even have to die to fade from your mind.
*sigh Sigh* depression, something I know well, but yeah. Its hard to forget a person u have known for at least more than a month well for me anyway. I remember everyone I've met mostly.
Nang, i forgot your name 2 days after you told it to me. I'm sucky with names, and I assumed you'd want me to preserve your annonymity.
Quote from: Darkmoon on November 11, 2005, 03:36:56 AM
Nang, i forgot your name 2 days after you told it to me. I'm sucky with names, and I assumed you'd want me to preserve your annonymity.
What's my name, bitch?!
Clara E. Leet
Oh wait, you weren't talking to me.
ETA: In all seriousness, I just feel really, really empty, like someone sucked out my entire will to do anything. Why in the face of adversity must people perservere? Why can't they just do nothing, surrender, and give in to the nothingness? Because I don't have the fight in me, and seeing you all live is just killing me all the faster.
Are you French?
Oh, how nice...Mike Finkelstein. I don't care if I messed up the spelling for ur last name either. And I know ur wife's name too. At least I have the courtesy to remember.
And I'm Melissa...silly...you'd think you could remember it since I posted it and I sign my emails with my real name too?
:yeahthat
Quote from: Helena on November 12, 2005, 09:31:41 AM
Oh, how nice...Mike Finkelstein. I don't care if I messed up the spelling for ur last name either. And I know ur wife's name too. At least I have the courtesy to remember.
And I'm Melissa...silly...you'd think you could remember it since I posted it and I sign my emails with my real name too?
:yeahthat
Ooo, Aloe Vera.
Oh crap, and I was feeling so well today until like three minutes ago.
Here I was painting a piece on ArtPad and while I didn't love it at first, I was thinking "Wow, this does look nice" (by my low standards anyway) . But just as I was putting together the finishing touches, I accidentally closed the window... I didn't save it because I had actually started over again from a previous version and found this one better. Now when I try to do it again, it just won't work! Argh...
Ack, that happened to me a lot on my old computer. Corel would randomly die on me. Everything would just vanish, so I had to start making a point to save my work like, every five minutes.
yeah photoo studio likes to die on me too. It closes on its own sometimes so I'm a save freak now. And also a save freak on everything else such as games cuz my house loves to have the power go off from time to time.
But I have no life, I work, and my friends try to make me all happy it doesn't work too well, I snap at them big time. Recently I lost a friend, but I don't really care about her anymore. She got in my face and blamed me for things I didn't know about. I'm basically already depressed as things are so I cut contacts with her. So you all talk about friends? I only have what like two in real life now. Rest are online which can sometimes suck.
I only have two people I can truly call friends, the rest are just people I talk to also. Akward :blink
I have zero friends. I don't know anyone I would trust five dollars with.
Oh so you couldn't trust me. the man who gave a new ds away.
I have like, two or three friends that I can call seriously close. I hang with them all the time, talk to them as often as possible, they're closer to me than my family is, and I got a DS from one of 'em :D.
Joe, you should try to get a friend. They're awesome, even if you only have one or two of 'em.
Quote from: Fizzbit on November 20, 2005, 02:13:04 PMJoe, you should try to get a friend. They're awesome, even if you only have one or two of 'em.
No comment.
Aww...
Well, even though you may not have close friends, you have friendly acquaintances, and a lot of those acquaintances can actually be there for ya whenever you need them, even if you refuse to get close to them.
I'm with Joe on the friend issue. Sadly, I have no real life friends either. Friendly acquaintances can quickly disappear and/or turn on you.
So can true friends.
Of course they can disappear. Can't be tethered to their place of origin for the rest of their lives. People move on and do stuff. It's keeping contact going, THAT's the tricky part.
Oh, the turning gig I hate that. A true friend usually kills your trust for anyone after pulling a turn on you. Most of my old friends did that to me, they turned on me like that.
That prolly explains why I'm shy now when I meet new people sometimes. But, I'm shy-er towards men for some reason.
We're not Evil, y'know...
Some of us are rather alllllllright.
Don't believe the lie. The ones who are "nice" are either taken or not interested in women, which makes them evil too.
Bah, even if they were interested, you would've just turned tail and ran. You're super-shy like that. You'd probably think they were rapists or kitty-killers or something.
If you all were kitty killers, then you'd be higher on my list. Felines stink. :januscat :(
Wait, you are talking about baby cats, right?
Hey, you just gotta snag your guy quick, Destina. There are some chivalrous, decent, loving, respectful, and considerate men out there. If you see a chance to ask a guy out, do it. That's what I did when I found my guy.
They also sometimes happen to be the most overlooked. *points to self*
Oftentimes, said two people meet purely by luck and happenstance. That's how Janet and I met.
Yeah, the good guy always gets overlooked.
Sorry, I find that hard to believe. Until one of these "good guys" comes out of the blue, I refuse to believe this myth.
That's just the thing, they don't come out of the blue. They've always existed. YOU'RE just the one failing to see them.
Decent guys...where really I have not met any decent guys u all speak of as well.
Well, step one is to get out of the house/dorm more often.
Mind you, faulty AIM connections in the dorm compared to pristine AIM connections in the student center coerced me and my laptop into the more social scene.
So in a way, I benefitted from Networking's screw-ups.
To Destina and Helena, try finding the not-so-social guy wherever you work/school/etc. Or one that fits what Fizzbit described: "There are some chivalrous, decent, loving, respectful, and considerate men out there."
I know those natural traits have garnered eagerly accepted adoration from Janet.
That's the thing. All the guys I come in contact with are outgoing, popular types who'd much rather talk to other people than sit by themselves. The geeks exist, but they're in hiding, just like me. Or worse yet they hang out with each other.
Plus the fact that the decent guy might be gentle and non-abusive, but I bet he wants his woman to cook, clean, and do housework for him. So it's not just our perceptions. We're just not the the type of girls THEY want.
:yeahthat Exactly...
You've got to be kidding me.
First, I've gotten more social, but I still have introverted tendencies now and then. That in no way makes me popular just because I'm in the open. That doesn't mean that my rate of conversation has changed any.
And I can be pretty geeky, sometimes. Especially when it comes to technology.
I'd rather have at least 50/50 responsibility on the cooking/cleaning/housework than to leave it all to her. This ain't the '50s, y'know.
Shoot, I'm dating the VP of the feminist club on campus, for chrissakes.
In the future, if my career ends up interfering with my family life, I'll gladly become a housewife if my husband has a fitting job. I have no problem with cooking, cleaning, etc. You don't need a paycheck to know you're a good woman, and why would you protest to cooking and cleaning? They're basic household chores that need to be done.
If you're both working, household chores should be split about evenly, but if one stays home more than the other, the at-home partner should do the household chores. It gives them something to do, and doesn't put a workload on the other one when they come home from a long day of work.
On one hand, in an ideal world, the chores would be split based on the capacity to do them. In the real world, even when men think they're splitting the work around the house 50/50 they aren't. Just because you take out the trash and mow the lawn doesn't mean that you've done your share.
The problem with the idea of "cooking and cleaning" is that is loving someone on based on what they can do for you versus who they are. Because someone is talented in the kitchen or the bedroom, they will be able to hold onto more than those of us who are not as skilled in those areas. Now if you come out like me and say you only want a certain type of partner, that's one thing. I don't pretend to be a "nice" girl. But if you're a "nice" guy then that means you're not supposed to make demands of your partner.
And here's (http://www.atsweb.neu.edu/womens.studies/mainardi.htm) a page that I found that seems relevant to this discussion.
And if you truly love someone, then you'll be willing to be flexible to do stuff for them that you normally don't/wouldn't do.
I agree.
I don't make demands. And I wouldn't limit myself to mowing the lawn or taking out the trash. Someone seems to typecast a bit too much.
I just so happen to know my way around the kitchen, and I have both my mom AND my dad to thank for that. And I don't mind vacuuming, either.
And what they don't excel in, they learn. Ooooh, what a concept.
And what if my partner actually were to do a typecast chore by her own volition? Is that a demand that I have placed on her? No. That was her own damn choice.
What do you take me for? Just ask me directly without attaching a cultural norm beforehand.
^ Agreed.
Not all men are self-centered, chauvinistic, lazy assholes who make women do all their work.
Most men are, look I give up on men completely now anyway. I'll just be the crazy cat lady that has a pink house. I've grown too bitter already by now anyway. And its not a good thing when I'm on rebound right now as well. So eh.
No, I'm not typecasting. I'm telling it like it is. When it comes to romantic relationships, there are only four types of guys.
Sex Fiend
Chauvanist
Abusive
Taken or Otherwise unavailable (location, age, etc.)
I haver NEVER met any guy who wasn't in one of those four categories. Fortunately, the ones in the last category tend to be good people, but any dating prospects have sadly fallen into the top three categories.
Maybe not ALL men are unsuitable for a relationship with ne, but most are. I want someone who will take demands, not give them. Quite frankly, I have better things to do with my time than to look for love. All having a partner adds up to is having an extra person to take care of, think about, and spend money on.
*is hurt* That's not fair, and you know it. :(
And why should age matter, as long as at least 18?
I mean, I'd take demands, yes, but to have that be the SOLE BASIS of the relationship is like having my balls crushed in a vice. Authoritarian, as it were.
And did I not say that it's not all about demands? Did I not mention voluntary actions at all?
This is fear of rejection at its worst.
But you're already saying you'd reject me, so I'd think the fear is justified.
Quote from: Destina Faroda on November 25, 2005, 05:17:50 PM
No, I'm not typecasting. I'm telling it like it is. When it comes to romantic relationships, there are only four types of guys.
Sex Fiend
Chauvanist
Abusive
Taken or Otherwise unavailable (location, age, etc.)
I haver NEVER met any guy who wasn't in one of those four categories. Fortunately, the ones in the last category tend to be good people, but any dating prospects have sadly fallen into the top three categories.
Maybe not ALL men are unsuitable for a relationship with ne, but most are. I want someone who will take demands, not give them. Quite frankly, I have better things to do with my time than to look for love. All having a partner adds up to is having an extra person to take care of, think about, and spend money on.
Hey, when I met you I was none of those, AND single.
:P
You 'ASSUME' I'm a sex fiend 'cuz I openly talk about it and don't treat it like a disease like you do. I also wouldn't have minded taking a train ride over to see you and hang out (Rollercoasters! :P), but you were all closed up about it and so it never happened.
Wait, huh? Destina, did I miss something? I didn't outwardly reject you here. Curses how forums are so indirect.
There's a little thing called compromise that needs some attention.
Jorge, it's not that you talk about sex but expect it. There is no sex in the cham-Nang room. None. The ideal guy would wait for me as I wait for him.
Spig, I'm too demanding for you. In fact, you said something to that effect earlier in the thread. You don't want someone to give you demands. I don't compromise. That's your right to feel the way you do, but I object to trying to escape the scum label by doing so.
:meh I hate it when women act like they can categorize men and they believe they understand them. The truth is that not all of us are sex fiends monsters and just because some of them exist, it is not fair to judge the rest of us. Drawing to conclusions based on what youve seen and heard is not always the best way to treat a situation. Things are not always what they appear or sound. It seems that women tend to draw to conclusions so damn quickly yet they claim to perceive things better than men do. I believe that men have slower minds because they process things much more carefully... but they easily get distracted. When men are labeled as simple idiots that can be categorized, its kind of hard to stand by and watch especially when our history has proven what the power of Man is capable of. It even came to the point where Man challenged the authority of God when the Pharaoh ruled the land. And when people say it never happened that is just simply being foolish. They might as well claim that the holocaust never hapenned just because it happened a long time ago...and I dont want to get detailed into that right now though. The past was dominated by men, but women assume control of society presently. It is fair that they have equal opportunity now, but what the hell makes them think they are in charge? No one should be trying to control any one. We all have to do our duties whether it be cleaning around the house or fighting in war. Since when should women have to fight in war? Since when should men have to clean the house? Even back then women complained THAT was still an unfair trade. Hell, even when some men went to war they came back to a home with their wives missing or cheating on them just because they had been gone for a little while fighting for their godforsaken freedom. Sick of women stereotyping men as scoundrels and always being so septimistic. Its not healthy to look at everything from a negative point of view but it is ok to be cautious. What ever hapenned to the YIN / YANG balance?
Destina, if you and the ideal are both waiting, neither one of you will seek out the other and thus, will both die alone.
Does that make sense to you?
And I don't like demands ALL the time. I don't mind being demanded SOME of the time, however.
I feel like we've argued about this before. This view sometimes reads as "Master/Slave". Sorry, but the spikey heels on my balls hurt like a mofo.
Destina, if you're looking for a man to be your slave and take all of your demands but have none in return, you're better off moving to Africa or some place where slavery is legal, then you can do that. But here in America, you gotta give a little and take a little. And the amount of "little" can depend on what lifestyle you and your guy have.
Now who's the one not seeing "shades of grey?" There's a crucial dfference between being demanding and being in a master/servant dynamic. I can be demanding all I want, but since no one is swayed or affected by my words or action, my opinions are irreleveant -- I have no power over other people so therefore I cannot be held at fault for my beliefs. On the other hand, people who do shape the way others act reinforce an inequitable dynamic.
Also I wouldn't prefer anyone to be forced to serve me against their will. I'd want someone to choose to do out an overwhielming sense of devotion, as they needed more than anything else to make me happy. That undying need to do so would make me happpy as well, and if I got to that point, I might change my mind. I don't see myself compromising but then again that level of influence might affect me to the point where I become more compromising. After all, I've often said one of the reasons why popular people become corrupt is because the love of others changes them. I'm no different than anyone else in that regard. So why should I be denied?
That's just stupid. That's like saying "If you love me, you'll do this for me." It's controlling. Completely controlling, and it'll get old after awhile. It's almost exactly like men who say "If you love me then you'll sleep with me."
I love how she says "and if I got to that point, I might change my mind". That's like saying "Sleep with me enough times and maybe you might make me love you".
Quite the quagmire.
And what's this talk of power? Are you trying to form a dictatorship or something?
No one, and I mean no one, like's a power struggle. There has to be a balance of give and take.
Quote from: Jorge D. Fuentes on November 26, 2005, 03:21:51 PM
I love how she says "and if I got to that point, I might change my mind". That's like saying "Sleep with me enough times and maybe you might make me love you".
Quite the quagmire.
Believe it or not, there is some truth to your joking statement. Taken from a report on a study (http://www.mcmanweb.com/love_lust.htm) on how the brain works regarding to love.
"Don't copulate with people you don't want to fall in love with," she half-jokingly tells her students, "because indeed you may do just that." Testosterone can kickstart the two love neurotransmitters while an orgasm can elevate the attachment hormones.Also note that down later down, it says that that anti-depressants tend to limit sexual satisfaction, so if I'm depressed, then maybe medication isn't such a good thing for the romantic life. I've also read reports that women with self-esteem issues receive just as much satisfaction from being treated like queens as everyone else, so maybe the solution isn't to make us like everyone else, but to just give us what we want.
Then I see this...
Quote from: Fizzbit on November 26, 2005, 03:17:44 PM
That's just stupid. That's like saying "If you love me, you'll do this for me." It's controlling. Completely controlling, and it'll get old after awhile. It's almost exactly like men who say "If you love me then you'll sleep with me."
But wait, you just said,
Quote from: Fizzbit on November 25, 2005, 01:06:30 PM
And if you truly love someone, then you'll be willing to be flexible to do stuff for them that you normally don't/wouldn't do.
In other words, you first say I should sumbit to someone else and then you say no one should sumbit to me? Then where's the equality you espouse?
Quote from: Sin Ominous on November 26, 2005, 03:26:41 PM
And what's this talk of power? Are you trying to form a dictatorship or something?
No one, and I mean no one, like's a power struggle. There has to be a balance of give and take.
But love...I'd take it further that
all relationshsips are power struggles. Just read this quote from the same page (http://www.mcmanweb.com/love_lust.htm).
Romantic love, Dr Fisher explained in a lecture at the 2004 American Psychiatric Association's annual meeting, is not an emotion. Rather, it's "a motivation system, it's a drive, it's part of the reward system of the brain." It's a need that compels the lover to seek a specific mating partner. Then the brain links this drive to all kinds of specific emotions depending on how the relationship is going. All the while, she went on to say, the prefrontal cortex is assembling data, putting information into patterns, making strategies, and monitoring the progress toward "life's greatest prize."And look, aren't the three of you trying to gang up on me right now? I'd say there's a struggle here to get me to be subdued, with the prize being your sense of pride.
The bottom line is that you all say it's fear of rejection, but who's making the excuses as to why no one steps up to MY challenge? As I point to myself, my other three fingers are pointing back to you. ;)
You should be willing to be flexible, but flexibility shouldn't be forced. Saying "If you really love me, you'll ____" is forcing them, it's putting them on the spot and giving them a guilt trip. Learn to build up to it rather than putting them all on it at the same time.
And why are you trying to learn about your own love life and desires for a relationship from some fucking psychologist website? You should know what your mind and body wants, you don't need someone else to tell you.
So I should "build up" to being demanding through lies, trickery and subterfuge? Sorry, but I'm too honest and direct for that.
And I was posting the words from the outside link to add some qualified authority to my words. But then you raise an interesting point. If I shouldn't let someone else tell me what I want or need, why should you tell me either?
You're the one who started the thread, you tell me.
I'm not saying build up the demands. Don't even make them demands. You're saying you want your man to do everything for you, but you don't want to do anything for him, because that would make him seem "demanding" and that's not the type of guy you want.
Let's say that your husband and you have certain household chores. He'll cook and clean the house while you do laundry and mow the lawn. You guys may have other chores, but for now, those are the main two per person that we'll focus on.
Then your husband gets in an accident. Maybe he's in a car crash, or falls down the stairs at work or something. Anyway, because of this accident, he's fully incapacitated. He has to undergo surgery and be put on bedrest for two months before taking on light, unstressful work. Now, insurance or workman's comp will cover his injuries as far as medical costs are concerned, so don't worry about that. However, are you gonna take over his responsibilities of cooking and cleaning while at the same time doing your own chores and taking care of him? Or are you gonna do your own chores, order take out, and let the house become a filthy mess while he recuperates?
No man is ever gonna take a woman and take all of her demands and sit back without complaints. And if you find one that does, he'll never stay with you for very long.
Another thought, have you ever considered becoming a bisexual? That at least broadens your selection.
:yeahthat
The concept of "Give and Take" is lost on Destina.
You're relying too much on media to form your perceptions, Destina.
And we all know how fabricated love is in the media. :\
If you want to know real-life examples of love that works for both people, ask us three. Don't base your entire perception from the media machine.
Yeah, I started the thread about how I was geeling blue. I was half-joking in my earlier replies about snagging a rich man to "fix" my life. My whole point that went over people's heads was that there's an assumption that having a mate makes life more fulfilling, and while it definitely can, it shouldn't be the major determining factor in a "love" score. However, as people took it seriously, so did I, and we got here from there.
Quote from: Fizzbit on November 26, 2005, 04:45:22 PM
I'm not saying build up the demands. Don't even make them demands. You're saying you want your man to do everything for you, but you don't want to do anything for him, because that would make him seem "demanding" and that's not the type of guy you want.
Correct. It's not the "proper" answer but one that reflects how I truly feel. All I'm saying is that some of the "proper" replies are still either inherently biased due to the current unequal situation, or are a mere modification of past attitudes with the same results.
But in response to your hypotecial situation. Talk about being binary...and you complain about
me? How about Option C -- getting friends and family to help you through a trying time? Or are you suggesting that friends just abandon each other in time of need? Or that you and your husband should simply define yourselves by each other, which actually isn't too far from what I'm saying.
Quote from: Fizzbit on November 26, 2005, 04:45:22 PM
No man is ever gonna take a woman and take all of her demands and sit back without complaints. And if you find one that does, he'll never stay with you for very long.
Wow...so much for the whole hoping I find someone. The venom just pours out...where's the give and take here?
Quote from: Fizzbit on November 26, 2005, 04:45:22 PM
Another thought, have you ever considered becoming a bisexual? That at least broadens your selection.
I noticed you edited "lesbian" for "bisexual" in trying to be PC, but either way you've demeaned both bisexuals and lesbians by implying because I'm too demanding, I'd fit in with a sexual minority. After all, you've pegged me as a man-hater, so why shouldn't I go be with my "own kind"? Wow. What ignorance. The implications are very clear, but I have a tyrant personality, which is independent of my physical preferences. By the way, I lean toward asexuality on the sexual orientation triangle but romantically I lean heterosexual.
And, spig about the "media machine". The media may be fabricated to a point, but it is an amalgamation of the feelings and thoughts of society. To dismisss it as "the media" is to ignore that people shape it. Besides, anecdotal evidence is also flawed, especially when taken from a small sample.
I never once pegged you as a man-hater, only that your standards are way too high.
And I'm a bisexual myself. I'm not demanding, or at least my boyfriend doesn't complain about it. I try to please him just as he tries to please me. We have that whole give and take thing going on.
Also, in reply to your reply about the hypothetical situation: Are you saying you'd just have your friends and family take care of his side of the deal and help you out rather than you trying to take on a little extra work?
Oh now, come on. Don't pull the innocent routine. You implied that what I ask is merely the inverse of the lazy, misogynist males I complain about. You have also stressed the importance of a well-kept house and most tellingly, you did not challenge the writings of the Alucard Rose. There is a very strong undercurrent that because I am demanding, I am a misanthropic man-hater. And I personally don't give a which genders you find attractive. The idea of physical attraction is incomprehensible to me anyway.
You're not demanding, of course not. But when one person doesn't demand, the other one does. And you've shown that you're willing to be a doormat in excahange for support when someone challenges your worldview.
Funny, how you're not saying the people I want are out there now...my my my, what a difference a day or two makes.
Edited to add: Of course, I'd ask for help. You're saying that work two people do one person should assume? That's too much for one person. Not unless you don't like asking people for help.
"Funny what a couple of days can do" Yeah, also funny what you can learn in a couple days.
I'm not a doormat. There are some things I absolutely won't do, and I refuse to be controlled. I can be flexible. Being flexible does not mean being controlled, it just means doing some things to help make my significant other's life a little easier, just as he does for me. It adds a lot less stress to the relationship and doesn't change either person's personality or lifestyle.
Hahaha...funny, then it is the person who was advocating friendship and trust has turned on someone in the span of what, two days? What happened to the entire issue of "trust"? For a flexible person it looks like your personality has changed. If this is being flexible, then I think I'd rather be static. I may not be fair, but I am consistent. This is the very height of hypocrisy. All I say is simply this. If you claim to be for equality, fairness, and trust, then show yourself to be trustworthy and impartial. Othwerwise, I will expose you for being as flawed and demanding as I am in addition to being dishonest.
You can be selfish and quite cold-hearted sometimes, Destina. If this is how men have treated you over time, take a good look at how you're treating us.
What is there for your partner to appreciate if it's all about you? What does he or she expect out of the relationship for all the giving they do? It's not a balanced ratio, something I'm way too familiar with.
If you love the person and expect him or her to love you back, you've got to learn to be flexible. The ideal just doesn't fall in your lap.
And by flexible, we mean WHILE YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. As you are a girlfriend to neither of us, don't call bullshit on our flexibility to our respective partners.
I gotta go with Spig on that one
I have not denied that I am selfish or cold-hearted, so saying I am is very redundant.
When you admire somone, do you really expect them to do anything for you? There are plenty of people I admire, and it simply fills me with the ultimate joy just to be in their presence. As much as it kills me, I need them because they are so great. But it brings the ultimate pain that no one feels the same for me.
What is friendship other than a voluntary, non-romantic relationship? The same rules apply except for the exclusivity. But you seem to think that if you're involved with someone then no one else matters -- the very binary and LACK of compromise you have labeled me with. But I shouldn't be surprised, as you first write.
QuoteIf this is how men have treated you over time, take a good look at how you're treating us.
Then
QuoteAnd by flexible, we mean WHILE YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. As you are a girlfriend to neither of us, don't call bullshit on our flexibility to our respective partners.
So wait, I shouldn't treat you badly...but those same rules don't apply because we're not in a relationship? This...does...not...compute...
What I meant was that don't base romantic relationship flexibility on how we treat you. Look at how we and our partners treat each other. And unlike media constructs, we are real people who have figured it out.
A romantic understanding between our partners is built and contributed to by BOTH people.
But, shouldn't you treat all people by the same standards, regardless if they're your lover or your acquaintance? And, since you're so trusting, shouldn't there be the same level of understanding among the people you know? Isn't that was causes strife, the idea tha people don't understand each other and give each other equal regard?
ETA: Oh, and you say you've figured it out. So you mean to tell me you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with Janet? That's when you've figured it out. When the marriage has lasted. Everything else is a trial run.
And how do you find the way to understanding someone else? You open up and ask. The most basic principle of human communication there is.
Those standards aren't set in stone. I doubt you treat Dubya by the same standards as you treat your closest friend.
There's just something about the understanding between two people in a romantic relationship that is deeper than basic understanding in a platonic relationship. I can't quite put my finger on what that is, but I know that it and understanding in platonic friendships are quite different.
But I do open up, and what do I get? Nothing but contempt. Then you wonder why I don't trust you? It's simple. You want me to open up. Say nice things when I do.
And if you've read this thread, I have no friends, so any analysis of how I'd treat person a or person B is undefined.
Well, it's up to you to make friends.
Either way, I'd go insane if I was holed up alone in my house for the rest of my life. Now, I know you've told me that you don't live in a particularly safe neighborhood, hence my saying you should get out more and enjoy life already doesn't hold water.
Your life is what you make of it, yes, but don't expect a lot in return by your current rate.
It's also up to you to return my overtures in a positive manner. I can't be friends with myself. You say you want to befriend me, then by all means go ahead. You've listened to the warnings...from me. Don't get mad when I say something you don't like. You KNEW what you were getting into in the first place.
Yes, and it's painful to watch.
I wanna be your friend Desty. ^_^