The Clockwork Mansion

The Grand Hallway => The Outer Fortress => Topic started by: Supercheese on October 23, 2006, 02:41:41 PM

Title: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Supercheese on October 23, 2006, 02:41:41 PM
As the headline says, "No joke! Chuck Norris becomes columnist." (http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52514)

There's another article I found interesting. http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52567

... so, yeah, that's about it. Wait, this needs moar emoticon-age...   :dface  There we go.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 23, 2006, 03:10:57 PM
On the second article: Holy crap, I hope chuck norris isn't the whacko religious type, considering how often he talks about it in the article for no real reason..
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Zedd on October 23, 2006, 03:12:54 PM
I second that somehow
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: DigitalMan on October 23, 2006, 03:26:45 PM
... What the hell? It's like I'm back in religion class. And evolution? Did he really have to go there? You can be a Christian and believe in evolution too, ya know.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Vidar on October 23, 2006, 04:42:20 PM
And I thought Chuck Norris didn't write, he roundhouse kicks the paper until the molecules align in a column.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Cogidubnus on October 23, 2006, 04:54:11 PM
Chuck...Norris...senses...tingling.

  *wind*
The eyes of the Ranger are upon you
Any wrong you do he's gonna see
when you are texas look behind you
  'Cause that's, where the Ranger's, gonna be




   
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: TheGreyRonin on October 23, 2006, 05:35:03 PM
Y'know, I always thought those lyrics kinda sounded Brokeback Mountain-ish....

That, or homicidal stalker-ish.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Cogidubnus on October 23, 2006, 05:36:43 PM
*Contemplates*

...

well...piss! You're right! :<
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Cvstos on October 23, 2006, 05:46:13 PM
Quote from: Aridas Soulfire on October 23, 2006, 03:10:57 PM
On the second article: Holy crap, I hope chuck norris isn't the whacko religious type, considering how often he talks about it in the article for no real reason..

I would not be surprised if he's a stereotypical right-wing Christian, considering his choice of paper to write for.  (WND is known to lean strongly conservative.) 
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 23, 2006, 06:53:52 PM
Seriously though, he does it three times in that article...


Chuck: *reference to a chuck norris joke* Well, *opinion* and also, JESUS.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: xHaZxMaTx on October 23, 2006, 06:58:52 PM
Quote from: Chuck Norris"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
He seems to be missing the point entirely. :|  And it seems to me that he's forcing his beliefs on everyone else.  I can't stand that. :mad
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Eibborn on October 23, 2006, 09:44:50 PM
QuoteIf your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.
His Blood. HIS BLOOD. NO YOU LEAVE JESUS ALONE YOU BAD BAD MAN. DXDX

...I can't be the only person who finds that sentence scary. NO POKING HOLES IN JESUS CHRIST, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HE'S HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT ALREADY.

Quote from: ×HaZ×MaT× on October 23, 2006, 06:58:52 PM
Quote from: Chuck Norris"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
He seems to be missing the point entirely. :|  And it seems to me that he's forcing his beliefs on everyone else.  I can't stand that. :mad
Le shrug. It doesn't seem like he's forcing them on anyone, just stating his opinion. It's way to heavy on the whole 'GOD GOD GOD OMG GOD' aspect to be taken seriously by most of the internet people, anyway.
Chuck Norris is lame, anyway.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: LigerJet on October 23, 2006, 11:02:53 PM
So...what's wrong with a person stating his opinions?
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: DigitalMan on October 24, 2006, 12:43:54 AM
Quote from: LigerJet on October 23, 2006, 11:02:53 PM
So...what's wrong with a person stating his opinions?

There is a huge difference between "I think this" and "I think this, so you should too." The former is often amusing. The latter is the cause for every war I've read about.

Chuck Norris has lost 583 respect points from me.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: RJ on October 24, 2006, 02:05:04 AM
In terms of awesome, Mr. T is now in the lead since his tv show seems a lot more awesome.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: LigerJet on October 24, 2006, 02:37:24 AM
He's not forcing his opinion on anybody.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Vidar on October 24, 2006, 03:02:26 AM
He just expects everyone to believe whatever he believes. That's kinda .... insulting, maybe?

Also, he proclaims his opinions as if they are the Absolute ,Total and Unshakable Truth and the Foundation of the Universe (aka "There Is No Theory of Evolution").
Of course, he is wrong: there is a theory of evolution. Whether that theory is close to the actual truth, we will never truly know, unless we can go back in time and look for ourselves.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: LigerJet on October 24, 2006, 12:41:19 PM
I apologize if I was blunt and didn't state everything I wanted to more clearly.  It's just not something I wish to talk about in depth at the time.  So... *slinks off*
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Cogidubnus on October 24, 2006, 12:51:01 PM
Hey, c'mon now guys...

I'm a newcomer here, so I'll try and keep my trap shut for the most part. But, is what he says really so offensive? It's a statement of faith. He thinks evoloution is wrong? So do many Christians: if he speaks out that he does not believe it to be true, is he being intolerant? If South Park has taught us anything, it's that tolerance and acceptance are two very different things. He is not threatening to roundhouse kick anyone. Making a statement of absoloutes is always going to draw fire, but c'mon fellas, that's about a 2 out of 10 on the fire n' brimstone scale. He speaks out about what he believes is wrong. What man does not? How can one hold this aganst someone? Tolerance is a two way street. There can be no condemnation in moral relavitism.

I'll shut up now. I fear I have said to much.

Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 24, 2006, 03:09:58 PM
Does he have to say it in every paragraph where he attempts to make a point?
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: xHaZxMaTx on October 24, 2006, 05:25:50 PM
Not once does he say, "This is my opinion,"  he just says it like it's fact.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: EvilIguana966 on October 24, 2006, 07:20:59 PM
And then the immature internet fanboys learned that the guy they were making jokes about actually has opinions, and they were shocked and apalled to learn that people in the world can think things beyond their own accepted orthodoxy.  They thusly excommunicated him from being one of the cool people. 


Quote from: ×HaZ×MaT× on October 24, 2006, 05:25:50 PM
Not once does he say, "This is my opinion,"  he just says it like it's fact.

It's his op-ed column.  Most intelligent people would be able to arrive at that point without needing a reminder every couple of lines.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: insanekaosx on October 24, 2006, 09:54:53 PM
H ebelieves it is the truth and absolute, he's not saying you have to as well. He may not say its his opinion, because he doesn't need to. These days, i really don't think one should have to say if somethign is their opinion or not, it really should be assumed. As long as no one is saying "You're wrong! This is how it is!" it really isnt' a problem...
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: RJ on October 24, 2006, 10:18:10 PM
I guess I don't really have much against what he says- just the way he shoves it down your throat.

And when Chuck Norris crams religion down your throat, he really DOES cram religion down your throat...
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: DigitalMan on October 24, 2006, 10:32:11 PM
When Chuck Norris pushes the bible, no one can push back! D:
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 25, 2006, 04:35:42 PM
...*finds and uploads a file related to Chuck Norris before it's too  late*

http://www.mooload.com/new/file.php?file=files/251006/1161808338/karate-kommandos-theme.mp3
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Zedd on October 25, 2006, 04:43:01 PM
Hey that show was so werid and so odd...Not a single thing had to do with ninjas or anything..Yet the figures where odd as hell
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 25, 2006, 04:46:55 PM
of course not. it was about karate. and commandos who couldn't spell.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Zedd on October 25, 2006, 05:04:59 PM
Quote from: Aridas Soulfire on October 25, 2006, 04:46:55 PM
of course not. it was about karate. and commandos who couldn't spell.

And good ol time racisim and sterotyping  >:3
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Toric on October 26, 2006, 12:45:41 AM
Quote from: RJ on October 24, 2006, 02:05:04 AM
In terms of awesome, Mr. T is now in the lead since his tv show seems a lot more awesome.

Bwahaha, I saw that this weekend, if it's titled "I Pity Da Fool". "The biggest room in any household....... is the room for improvement." I stared for ten seconds trying to accept the fact that Mr. T just said that, and so did the family he was talking to.

Oh yeah, I should add some on-topic-ness. Gotta say it's surprising to see that Chuck's such a Jesus-freak in addition to being a black-belt, a TV/movie celebrity, and the center of one of the internet's latest collective brainwaves. I don't have a problem with it, but it does separate the man from the myth.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: DigitalMan on October 26, 2006, 01:13:24 AM
Quote from: Toric on October 26, 2006, 12:45:41 AM
Quote from: RJ on October 24, 2006, 02:05:04 AM
In terms of awesome, Mr. T is now in the lead since his tv show seems a lot more awesome.

Bwahaha, I saw that this weekend, if it's titled "I Pity Da Fool". "The biggest room in any household....... is the room for improvement." I stared for ten seconds trying to accept the fact that Mr. T just said that, and so did the family he was talking to.

I think she may have been talking about the cartoon with Mr. T. Chuck Norris also had one, and they both appear on Cartoon Network sometimes, really early in the morning... it's hard to say which is cheesier.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 26, 2006, 07:45:24 AM
Quote from: RJ on October 24, 2006, 02:05:04 AM
In terms of awesome, Mr. T is now in the lead since his tv show seems a lot more awesome.
Wait a min, which show? His cartoon? The A-Team? T & T?
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Saist on October 26, 2006, 08:12:32 AM
Quote from: DigitalMan on October 23, 2006, 03:26:45 PM
... What the hell? It's like I'm back in religion class. And evolution? Did he really have to go there? You can be a Christian and believe in evolution too, ya know.

um. No. You can't.

On the edit: There are two different types of evolution, and I probably need to clarify this. What Chuck Norris is refering to, and what is taught in schools today is Vertical Evolution. Vertical Evolution states that a lower creature, over time, is possible of becoming a higher level creature. Vertical Evolution is already in flagrant disregard of the 3 Laws of Thermodynamics. If you don't know what those are, you could look over here: http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/431.html  The short version is that there is no genetic evidence that a monkey could turn into a human. After all the work done in today's scientific world it is still not possible for us to change the DNA strands in a creature and turn it into a completely different creature. We can change hair color, fur color, size of tail, size of muscle, gender, and other items, but we still cannot turn a cow into a horse. If we cannot modify ourselves with Aggressive Action, what makes us think that a passive action over time would cause DNA strands to change?

Christians have additional issues. By Definition, A Christian accepts that what is written in the Bible is true. A Christian, therefor, depends on the translations provided to them to be accurate, and expect the Clergy to research the original Greek, Hebrew, and in some cases, Latin, texts to be sure on the translation. Since Christians have to accept that Genesis is true, then all creatures and Humans have been created separately. Dogs, Monkeys, Cats, and other animals were created separately, and are not Humans. There are some aspects that we may like about them, but that is just some of the items that sets them apart.

As such, a Christian can not, under any circumstance, believe in Vertical Evolution.

Vertical Evolution, however, is not to be confused with HORIZONTAL Evolution. Horizontal Evolution is also known as adaptation. Charles Darwin noted Horizontal Evolution with Finches ( http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/historic_figures/darwin_charles.shtml ). He observed Finches with Longer Beaks, shorter beaks, bigger claws, different feathers, and other various external differences. However, the birds were still finches. A finch had not turned into a Canary or a BlueJay. A finch was still a finch.

There are also articles on file about Fish that live deep under the ocean or in caves that do not have eyes. They, rather, rely on feelers or sound waves to direct their movement. They still are fish, they haven't become "not-fish", but they have different characteristics. In these cases the 3 laws of Thermodynamics are even more apparent. The fishes have given up Eye-Sight for senses more suited to their natural enviroments. They haven't developed superior eye sight, AND the ability to hear sound waves or feel around.

Mutation also falls under this class, when you force something to change due to chemical, biological, or radiation reasons. Think about birds from Chernobyl that are reported to have 3 legs for a second, or for the overly large cows that have undergone gene-therapy. They haven't changed to be other creatures. They have, however, been forced to change into different forms, some beneficial, some not so beneficial.

I hope that clarifies what is being talked about by Chuck Norris and why the Evolution debate is such a hot topic.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Vidar on October 26, 2006, 08:31:38 AM
Quote from: je.saist on October 26, 2006, 08:12:32 AM
Quote from: DigitalMan on October 23, 2006, 03:26:45 PM
... What the hell? It's like I'm back in religion class. And evolution? Did he really have to go there? You can be a Christian and believe in evolution too, ya know.

um. No. You can't.

Apparantly, Digitalman can.

Christianity is not the same all over the world. There are about as many forms / interpretations as there are believers.

I've heard descriptions of god that range from extremely vengeful (as in He shall cast you down into the depths of Hell, if you ever think about anything other than him) to extremely forgiving (He forgives everyone for everything, even hitler's genocidal rampage). There's no such thing as one single unified christian faith.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: DigitalMan on October 26, 2006, 09:02:44 AM
*gets his "I have experience that you apparently don't" grin, which no one is ever happy to see*

Vidar is correct. That is how they managed to teach Biology at Lutheran East, where I went to school. Many of the students still preferred to take Genesis literally, but the only person to actually deny that Christians can believe in evolution was the second religion teacher. Who, for the record, is one schizophrenia episode away from attempting to kill a whole lot of people, so his opinions are generally thrown out, and even mocked by the staff.

It should also be noted that there are in fact some books of the Bible that are meant to not be taken literally. Revelations comes to mind. If the end of the world is spoken of figuratively, why can't the beginning be, too?

Conveniently enough, Christianity and evolution actually go well together. What's that you say? We humans have been incapable of manipulating DNA in an evolution-like manner? I think there's a term for attempting such, something along the lines of... "playing God." Just because humans can't accomplish something no matter how hard they work at it, doesn't mean it would be impossible for a much more powerful being. And don't even get into the "then that's not passive" thing, that's a whole 'nother topic entirely, and I'm not here to teach a religion course.

Quote from: je.saist on October 26, 2006, 08:12:32 AM
As such, a Christian can not, under any circumstance, believe in Vertical Evolution.

I shouldn't even have to say by now that that has been thoroughly, scientifically, and religiously disproven. And if you don't believe me, I'd be happy to get a letter from my biology teacher confirming that he genuinely is a real, live Christian that believes in vertical evolution.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 26, 2006, 09:10:47 AM
And let's not forget this whole selective adherence thing, where we tend to twist meanings and ignore things to suit our needs >.>

...and the double standards..

but I won't get into that now. The only religious figure I believe in is Father Gregori.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Cogidubnus on October 26, 2006, 11:54:47 AM
Good Lord. What has happened here? If we keep talking about things like this, I'm changing my title to 'Philosopher King'.  >:3

   Evolution, versus Creation, is somewhat a pointless debate. Yeah, I said it! Only because, there can no resolution to this. It WILL turn into a pissing contest. None of us were there - no-one can say with any EXACT certainty how the Universe was made. If you do, I hope you took notes! I want to see them!
    We can guess about how it happened. But, I would say, it is futile to argue about it:
     If you accept the Bible as true, then, you have at least 5 different theories about what Genesis means.
     If you do not, you have about 10 different theories about how the world came into being.
      Neither can be definitively proved.
        'But Rabbi?' You might ask 'Doens't Genesis make it pretty clear that the world was created?'
        Yes, my child, it does. But, Genesis might indeed be more metaphorical than popularly thought. Think about it:
      The Jews spent over 300 years in captivity - the Pentateuch, or the first four books of the Bible, were written by Moses, who wrote down the Oral Traditions of the Bible. It is likely that their time in captivity affected these oral traditions. I.E.:
        Genesis 2:"2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

   Now, what does that mean? What does God hovering over the waters have to do with anything? Well, as it's been explained to me, the Egyptian creation myts stated that their gods came out of the sea. So, this was a way of saying 'Yahweh is greater than your gods, Egyptians!'

    So, be careful what you say as fact.

   Yeah, that's it. The title is now Philosopher King. :mwaha
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Cogidubnus on October 26, 2006, 11:55:26 AM
Something strange happened...sorry. Double post. :mowdizzy
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: thegayhare on October 26, 2006, 01:55:09 PM
Quote from: Aridas Soulfire on October 26, 2006, 07:45:24 AM
Quote from: RJ on October 24, 2006, 02:05:04 AM
In terms of awesome, Mr. T is now in the lead since his tv show seems a lot more awesome.
Wait a min, which show? His cartoon? The A-Team? T & T?

No I bel;ive they mean his new show named "I pitty da fool"
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: DigitalMan on October 26, 2006, 02:01:58 PM
Nice post, Cogidubnus. And a nice title, to boot :P

As interesting as arguing over creation theories is, it always causes very bad things on forums. And as much as I'm not here to teach religion, I'm not here to teach biology or anything else, either xD But when people want to argue "it is not possible for anyone to ever believe in this and this at the same time" in spite of my personal experience, that's a big no-no >:3

I need a title. I should be the king of "Oh no you di'in't!"

As for which show RJ meant... Dood! Get back here and tell us what show you meant! :dface
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Supercheese on October 26, 2006, 02:10:56 PM
http://tv.yahoo.com/feature/ipitythefool.html
http://www.tvland.com/originals/ipitythefool/

And what the heck is up with his Wikipedia article?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._T

Looks like it's been/being vandalized a crapload.
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Mr._T&action=history
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Aridas on October 26, 2006, 02:16:30 PM
Bah. He should give up while he's ahead.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Eibborn on October 27, 2006, 08:58:43 PM
Thanks, guys, for explaining to je.saist about the whole Christian/Evolution thing. It really irks me, being told what I can and can not believe in.

Moving on, I agree one hundred percent that Mr. T is more full of awesome than that Norris man.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris... the Columnist
Post by: Cogidubnus on October 28, 2006, 12:50:13 AM
(http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j5/Cogidubnus/Chucknorris27-WallTroyMcCleary06new.jpg)