Star Wreck'd IC ("Mature"): Is your life insurance current?

[Drayco84]

In the launching bay, a fine, newly built ship gleamed, eager to take its crew far beyond the farthest reaches of known space and kick the ass of anyone that dared to stop it...

This... Isn't the story of THAT ship...

This is the story of the ship behind THAT ship... A ship that Murphy's Law had come out of the corner with a baseball bat, and beat the living shit out of it... For all of the experimental technology and insanely high budget, it was known among the brass as "Probably the most amusing deathtrap ever constructed." So, the brass in charge of the project, instead of manning up and admitting that they had made one of the biggest screw ups in the history of The Alliance... Nay, in the history of ALL space travel, decided to cobble together the WORST possible team, or at least a bunch of people they wanted to "conveniently disappear". That way, they could just claim that it was all the crew's fault and move onto another project, which they would also undoubtedly FUBAR and again blame on the next bunch of suckers they recruited.

   "Admiral Brimstone, Sir. We've finished going over the personnel records, and I think we've found a crew for, uhm, what's that thing called again?"
   "Eh, I'm rather partial to Ohgawd." The seated, yet massive and shadowy figure replied. "If anybody asks, just say it means 'Great Journey' in some ancient Earth tongue or something. Anyway, go ahead and summon the crew to the briefing room, feed them some bullshit, and get them into that ship and as far away from here as possible, as quickly as possible."
   "Sir, you really should give the engineers at least a little credit on this one..." The shadowy, standing figure replied.
   "Not while I've got 'stupendous fireball of death' as the means of destruction for that flying coffin in the betting pool, Snivers!" He snapped. "Now go and get those idiots together so I can finally wave something in McKnightly's face!"
   "Very well, sir..." The standing figure sighed, then turned around to begin walking, only to smack into the wall. "Goddamn it! Can't you EVER turn on the damn lights?!"
   "And ruin this brooding, evil atmosphere? NEVER!" The seated figure exclaimed, bringing their hand down onto the desk only to connect with something sharp and pointy that, it the lights had been on, he would've seen and been able to avoid. "SONUVA-"

   Snivers, a middle-aged wolf-like creature in a business suit, returned to his desk and began making the needed calls  to "collect" the crew using almost any means necessary to bring them to the orbital shipyard, where their date with a ship awaited to seal their fates...

[Shachza]

When Snivers got to his desk he noted among his inbox messages an urget one marked as top priority.  Opening it he found that Special Study Case #006782-AA3 had been approved for transfer from the super double-secret moon laboratories.  The techs must really be anxious to be rid of the subject; his acceptance of their request to have their request for a subject transfer to anyone but themselves had only been sent out yesterday.  A bureaucratic transfer that quick must have involved a lot of palm grease.  Maybe it had something to do with the emergency classification of Assistant Jenkins' personal files.

Outside Secure Storage bay 17 another computer screen flashed a message.  The guards on duty checked the computer and promptly started sweating.  Their platoon had all taken bets on who would have to enter the storage bay, and Corporals Smith and Kal'alan had just lost.  They not only owed their next month's pay, but now they had to move the box to the briefing room.

Several minutes later a pair of nervous Corporals opened the door to to the briefing room, disengaged the magnetic latches, gave the hoverdolly a shove, and then promptly closed the door before walking away.  All of which was very much against standard protocol.  They did a miserable job at pretending to not want to be anywhere but where they had been as they hurried away.

The secure confinement case, with top now very much open, softly bumped the conference table and came to a stop.  The rock inside was content to sit where it was and wait as the confinement case was pretty comfortable.

[Inumo]

While Snivers pondered the rather confusing lack of anything frightening coming out of the box, a Naiti entered his office. "You wanted to see me, sir?" The Naiti asked, instinctively keeping away from the opened box.
"Yes, uh... Jason, was it?" Snivers responded
"Jason Bray, sir." The Naiti clothes looked disheveled, like he had just put them on.
"Yes, Dr. Bray, I called--"
"Um, sir, it's Mister."
"Okay, Mr. Dr. Bray--"
"No, sir, just Mr. Bray. I never got my PhD."
"Uhm..." Snivers tried to look apprehensive, while secretly overjoyed that the doctor-that-wasn't-a-doctor was going on the suicide mission. "Okay, Mr. Bray. I called you here to assign you a station. You're being assigned to the latest spaceship in our navy, the Ohgawd."
"The Ohgawd?" Jason looked confused. "That sounds like a bad name for a ship..."
"It means 'Great Journey' in..." Snivers said the first language that came to mind. "...Swahili. You're going to be one of the medical officers. Stay here while we assemble the rest of the crew."
"One of the medical officers?" Jason mused as he stood against the wall, as far away from the open box as he could get. "Who the hell's the other guy-slash-guys then?"

[Draken]

Snivers very pointedly left that question hanging as he left.  Sheesh.  What did he expect, a straight answer?  He looks down on his list of characters, and sees that one is a communications droid.  Thank gods, a hopeful point.  "Let's see.  Says here that GDMFB-9000 is located in the...employee's lounge?"
The hapless wolfman makes his way to the lounge, dodging a few collared Tribbles (Why the hell did they legalize the damn things?), and spots his quarry:  A cobra-naga android, decidedly fixated on the television.
"Ah!  You must be GDMFB-9000.  We need you to report to the...Um...Hello?"
The android has yet to look away from the screen, an unusual action.  Most instantly fix all attention to the nearest commanding organic. Hrm.
"Hey!  Attention over here!"
The droid very slowly turns to face the newest disturbance.  Oooh, a blue furred being?  With an interesting voice.  Who's this?
"Greetings.  Me llamo GDMFB-9000.  Tsūjō senrei GD.  Come posso servire?"
Snivers just...stands there.  "Excuse me, what?"
"Apologies.  I get..." He immeadiately seems to shift focus on a passing Tamaranian in a bright purple bikini looking uniform.
Poor Snivers realizes just what the crew is in for.  "I...see.  Just....get to the shipyard."  The wolfman then backs away slowly, and goes to look for the nearest crew member.

[Azlan]

The shuttle drifted effortlessly through the space lane down the center of the orbital shipyards.  The anxious creature that stood in the place of honor within the launch was full of elation.  After such a colorful career to date, they couldn't pin a thing on him, he had been chained to a desk after receiving his promotion to Commodore.  Regulated to a Sanitation Station on the edge of the Tai Dei Baul Nebula, it was obviously his revolutionary invention that reprocessed waste material into edible space rations for the Space Fleet that earned him back a spot in command of a starship.

Still, his thoughts drifted to his meeting with Vice Admiral Kintama, "why was he giggling when he handed me the orders?"

"Sir we are approaching the ship now."  The launch pilot reported.

Locklear turned his attention forward.  They were heading right for the most magnificent, powerful and beautiful battleship ever commissioned in the history of the Alliance.  It could even rival the fabled Slightly Misplaced Ships of the old Confederation of Worlds.  That brought back memories... the old CoW.  Another of those massive galaxy spanning empires that ruled with intimidation and firepower.  They had a great retirement plan and health care.

Daydreaming as he was, the Valallai completely missed the departure of the ship that triggered his nostalgia.  When he snapped out of it, the view screen was filled with the unique visage of what was his ship.  Being very technical, and an expert in starship engineering, he was considerably concerned with the design.  

Locklear exclaimed, "what the yvujj is that???!!!"

Just then a hole in space and time tore itself open.  Emerging from within was Locklear himself, sporting an impressive goatee and a more sinister uniform.  Evil Locklear smiled wickedly, "I have you now my twin!"

"Indeed, have I mentioned you look fabuluos with that goatee?"

Evil Locklear quipped, "you shall not distract me with my obvious attractiveness!"

Suddenly... <The Resulting Scenes Have Been Deleted.  It was an amazing amount of acting, character building, action and drama... really.>


The launch limped to a stop at its intended airlock on the docking ring opposite the ship.  Locklear finished tossing the remains of the death robots into the matter recycler.  Vixana, the blue, alien, vulpine, space princess, adjusted her dress and stretched popping several kinks in her back and tails, "call me!"  She yelled as her royal guards whisked her out of the launch and down the docking ring towards the space station.

As the launch pilot grumbled something about always being the 'wingman', Locklear strode down the tube and entered the docking ring.  There were no formalities awaiting him, no christenings, just a dock way into the airlock of the 'ship'.  Someone had placed a red carpet leading into his ship and Locklear did not know how to respond to it.  Shrugging he merely proceeded forward.

Adhering to naval tradition, he faced the direction of the aft of the ship and saluted.  Facing the Officer of the Deck, Locklear returned the salute, "permission to come aboard lieutenant."  The Valallai was hesitant and somewhat hopeful that he might be denied.

The way too chipper feline lieutenant smartly replied, "welcome aboard sir!  With all due respect sir, you are supposed to be at the briefing."

"Captain's privilege.  Not to worry, I'll reach the location." 

With a bit of resignation, he boarded.  The duty chief, some type of bipedal reptile with very draconic features, approached and directed the petty officer carrying the captain's things towards the crew section and the captain's stateroom.  He then turned his attention to the raccoonian like being, "would you like a quick tour first sir?"

Locklear shook his head, "not just yet chief.  I have a briefing to be at 1500 hours... well, not sure local time.  Let's head to the bridge."

Passing through some interesting and creative structural and ship equipment placement situations, Locklear arrived at the bridge.  The Chief entered first and stood to the right of the hatch, "captain on deck!"

Locklear did smile, which was a bit alarming because of his rather sharp pointy teeth, because despite the misgivings of this challenge of a ship it was still his command.

The two duty watch crew that were there stood at attention.  The captain examined everything with a cursory glance before sighing and turning to the chief, "alright escort me to the briefing, but let's take our time."

The chief nodded and both made their way through the ship and disembarked.  The chief took the long way through the station ensuring the Captain was last to the briefing.     

[SquirrelWizard]

Snivers tromped down the hall looking for the next name on the list when his secretary called him stating that the next arrival would be in his office in a couple of minutes. The emphasis she had placed on arrival was troubling.

Just as he had entered his office, a  black ball of energy formed inside the room and noiselessly imploded leaving a human and Skavis in its place. The human had a look of extreme bewilderment, and was clinging to a chunk of a, for lack of a better term, tree that had been cleanly sliced from its host. The edges of the "wood" smoldered as it was dripping some sort of green ichor. "Waa..," he gurgled as the Skavis next to him rattled along while examining his wrist computer, "and that is why I was using 80% of the processing power of the facility. Element B0GU5 exhibits properties that allow it to affect space time when the proper form of radiation is applied. Of course you and your fellow superiors put a halt to that, so my targeting is less than optimal."

"So this is the office of Admiral Brimstones assistant." he waited for the human to catch up. Instead the human just stared around opened eyed and gurgled some more. Seras just rolled his eyes, "He's the Alliance Military head that you decided to pawn me off on because you've felt threatened by my methods ever since I started up with Ketrics R&D?" he glanced around the room, "Though you have to admit, while it lacks the atmosphere of the last jungle planet we visited, its predators are much less aggressive and only likely to attack us with bureaucratic crap. Oh look!" he reached down and plucked the bloody end of a tail off of the floor, "A souvenir!" he stuck the tail in the pocket of the human's lab coat.

By this time the human had somewhat revived and dropped the chunk of treeflesh with a loud squish and glared at Seras, "I..killlll... yoo"

Seras was clearly not impressed and merely sneered, "You know, I can probably take it from here, don't stress that brain of yours with large words." he pressed a button on his wrist computer and the irate human disappeared with a loud pop, the only things left of his presence there was a chunk of treeflesh with finger indentions in it, and a pair of boxer briefs with a slightly brown streak on them. Seras merely glanced at the two remaining objects and muttered something about calibrations before he shrugged and looked up.

Snivers wanted a drink, possibly a double. This could have only been one person on the roster, Seras Ordollan. The Science Officer... of course...

Feeling that there had been an extremely long pause in the somewhat non-existant conversation, Seras cleared his throat. "I'm Seras Ordollan, the science expert that you requested from Ketrics?" Snivers caught himself and nodded, "Ummm... Yes.. The current crew will be gathering in briefing room 3A, if you have any questions regarding the mission we'll answer them there."

Seras shrugged, "Questions, right... This is a trashbin mission. They're scraping up what ever has stuck to the bottom of the barrel personnel wise and dumping them into some wreck that barely functions while sending them on some random suicide mission on the vague hope that they'll succeed."

Snivers made a polite cough, "Well its nothing that drastic," and he was cut off by Seras who said, "Right.. 3A? I guess we'll see what other misfits got roped in on this." Snivers watched as the Skavis left the room and shook his head.

Make it a triple.

[AmberCross]

Locklear exclaimed, "what the yvujj is that???!!!"

Just then a hole in space and time tore itself open.  Emerging from within was Locklear himself, sporting an impressive goatee and a more sinister uniform.  Evil Locklear smiled wickedly, "I have you now my twin!"

"Indeed, have I mentioned you look fabuluos with that goatee?"

Evil Locklear quipped, "you shall not distract me with my obvious attractiveness!"

Suddenly... <The Resulting Scenes Have Been Deleted.  It was an amazing amount of acting, character building, action and drama... really.>

OOC: What... just... and... what... but... what? Dear god I have severely underestimated the crazy here. And that's AFTER what I just said in the OOC forum. Time will tell whether I can handle it I guess ^.^;

A somewhat harried looking wolf morph approached Chris (currently walking on his two hind legs so as to have extra height and arms) waving an electric (This is the future, of course it's electric.) clipboard. "Hey, you're Chris Lewel right?"

A flurry of thoughts passed through Chris' head about how to reply but before he could make up his mind his mouth went ahead anyway. "Ummm.... nnooooo?" He looked off to the side and his posture screamed about how blatant a lie this was to anyone else who was his species. Which is to say it appeared he shifted uncomfortably as if wondering why this strange person was talking to him because he was the only member of his species around.

Snivers (for that was the name of this person) looked somewhat annoyed and replied, "But you must be Chris. You're the only person who matches the description of the engineer and you have a nametag on your vest!" He pointed to a sticker on Chris' vest that said, "Hello, my name is... Chris."

Chris nodded slowly, an idea forming in his head while he waved his upper arms around vaguely, abstractly, and distractingly. "Oh, that's just a misunderstanding," he said and while Snivers' attention was pulled by his arms, he grabbed the clipboard with his lower arms. Ignoring the protests from the official in front of him he continued poking the screen a few times, "I am actually the science officer and my name is... uh... Seras. Yes, Seras Ordollan, that's me!"

He handed the clipboard back to the distraught wolf who looked at the records to see that the skavis science officer was now labled clearly as 'Chris Abe Lewel' while the engineer nikitak was labled 'Seras Ordollan'. "But..." he protested (and also covered the faint sound of ripping) "this can't be right! It was just the other way around! I just met Seras!"

"Nope, that must have been Chris," replied Chris, using a spare arm to point at the bottom of the screen. "See? This note at the bottom clearly says none of the entries have been tampered with. It wouldn't say that if something had changed."

"But your nametag!" Snivers protested, looking up to see Chris tucking a pen into a pocket with one arm, tossing a crumpled up piece of paper with another, and with his last (the first was pointing out the note at the bottom of the screen remember) smoothing his nametag which clearly read, "Hello, my name is... Seras."

Clearly confused, Snivers faltered and petered out, tilting his head to the side. "But... but..." he started out before just shaking his head and saying, "Right... Seras Ordollan. Please head to the meeting room for the general briefing." He walked off, looking at the clipboard with a rather puzzled expression on his face.

Humming/whistling to himself, Chris headed over to the meeting room while doing a bit of a jig and dropping down to four legs.

OOC: Blast, this would have been twice as fun if I'd managed to post before SquirrelWizard did...

[Meany]

Meanwhile, a high speed chase was in progress.

The Security personnel were geared for heavy assault.  Nerf Vulcans at the ready, styrofoam armor firmly attached, and segways fully charged, and traveling as fast as an electric single-person vehicle could possibly imagine.

Meanwhile, twenty feet behind them, an insane drunk was chasing them on an old-fashioned push scooter, brandishing a chainsaw, with a stream of foam bursting from her mouth as she closed the gap between her and the pseudo-police.  

"Ma'am!  Ma'am please!" Called one of the Security officers over the roar of the death weapon intended to maim him and his fellow.

"Give me back my banana!" She screamed at them, pausing her spewing of foam to do so.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"She said give us back our banana!  You stupid fruit-snatchers!"  The security officers were completely freaked out by the woman's voice dropping an octave, and gaining a weird warbling roar.  They correspondingly tried to run away faster.

"We didn't steal your stupid banana!"

"Liar!"


As it turned out, the woman had been carrying her banana in her other hand the entire time.  But by then, four Security Officers had been maimed beyond recognition, and she had lost the will to push herself on her scooter, and so tied the surviving Sec. Officers to the front of her scooter, and had them pull her like the dogs they were.

For a few minutes, after the woman had vomited, and passed out in an alcohol induced sleep, those poor officers had thought themselves free, until she promptly woke back up, and screeched at them to 'Mush!' in that demon voice from earlier.

So, a thoroughly, by this point, desensitized Snivers found them outside a bar, tied to a pole rammed into the floor.  They all pointed inside the bar when he asked about the woman.

The wolf-esque beast took all of two steps into the establishment before deciding to randomly call out "Nanda Girish!"

He was promptly struck with a drunk, fat man in the face.

It took ten minutes for Snivers to convince Nanda that he was not A) a Cop B) a prostitute she hadn't payed C) a prostitute at all D) the candy man E) the IRS F) Santa, and the list continued.  It took another ten minutes to convince Oshimaeda, the Indian woman's symbiote, that the orders were not forged; the process including breaking three fingers to see if his story was consistent, stealing his wallet, having to by the female a drink after stealing his wallet back, and promising to still bring the duo gifts that year, even though they had been naughty.

Poor Snivers would leave that bar long after they had left, ensuring the, to use the vernacular, coast was clear.

It wasn't and the chase began anew.

Blarghen shnargle.

[VAE]

"So the next one should be... where the hell is the next one?"
Snivers looked around the room, when suddenly, the air in front of him warped and he encountered himself face to face with what essentially was an 7 feet tall praying mantis with all of its 14 eyes pointed at him.
"WTF is...?"
*clicky noises* erm, i mean i am here for the First Officer job.
"Name?"
*more clicky noises*
*sigh* "Would you bear to translate that?"
<cut 5 minutes>
"Allright.. that isn't really an improvement, is it?.... i'll fill you in as "Click".
"Anyways... this is the  ASS Ohgawd..." He pointed towards the ship through the shielded spaceport window.  
Yes, that's short of Alliance Star Ship... don't look at me funny
"Now your file... wait, what?"
The wolf looked confused. This here says you are a "shadow"... i thought your kind left the galaxy quite a while ago.
Of course,  dummy... that's why i am looking for a ship that *might* be just able to leave the galaxy. The bastards... that selfdestruct system WAS a good idea and i couldn't have known vorlon telepaths can mess with our tech remotely... well, i could but that's a mistake anyone... well anyone less than a millenium old... bletch, leaving me behind was still unfair
The wolf waited through the long, clicking response: "You were saying?"
"Nothing" and a mild electric shock was a response.
After picking himself up from the floor, Snivers pointed to the entrance: "The rest of your file suggests you are well qualified for the First officer post,... well, on this ship anyway. Good luck and see you! "Never. hopefully.... " When the hexapod left, Snivers let out a long sigh: "I damn well hope that's all of them.... who would have said that all the crap from the known universe comes to this flying toilet bowl... even the ancient races have managed tyo let their losers get on board.... " Snivers left the meeting room contemplating that even his shitty penpusher job is way better than being a captain of that thing.
Hehe ... this was one productive lunchbreak
EDIT: Fixed ship name

[That_wolf]

The sounds of boots marching could suddenly herd,with some orders, and a loud laugh. The doors opened to show two Police officers, dragging a short fox, in a ruffled up lab coat with some blood drops on it, opened to his bare chest, and some khaki's, ruffled to match the lab coat. 'Sir, this freak claims to be needed here. He bit Alix when we refused to at least bring him here.' Said one of the officers.
'Yes, just ask this man, he will tell you that I, Dr. Ash Lee-Winston, am Dr. Ash Lee-Winston!' The fox shouted.
'Sir, is this true?' The same officer asked, hesitantly.
Snivers brought up an identification scanner, and after scanning Ash, told the officers to let him go.
'But, but.... SIR! Do you know what he did!' the second officer said, backing away while the first officer bent Ash over a table, and started to fiddle with his cuffs. 'He lit fire to a convince store!'
'Well, can you blame me there?' Ash said, with a laugh, 'I had been on a ship for a year, with nothing that could be set on fire, and that fire I set, was wonderful.'
'Sir! Do you hear this! he's PROUD of his work!'The first officer said.
'Yes, well I have him all ready signed up to go on this voyage, I'm sure you two can keep quiet about this little incident.' Snivers said, with a glare. The officers started to argue, but quickly decided to back off, leaving Ash sitting in a chair, proudly.

[Draken]

GD slithers down the hall, marvelling at every passing creature, furrae, being, and insect.  Many times, he just stands there, starrrrrrrrrring off into space as he catches glimpses of radio waves...
"This is the Lockdown, requ-"
"-I told you before, I'm not-!"
"Sweeeeet mystery of life I-"
"-damn dirty-"
"Honey, we'll work throu-"
"*Random techno music*"
"Hi!  I'm Te-"
"Help!  Send He-"
"Would like to have your pe-"
"9.99 per month!  9.99 per-"
GD soon shakes his head....hey, there's that Tamaranian with that colorful uniform again.  Height 6'3", we-  OOH!  There's a Multicolor lollip-.  Wait.  He's supposed to go somewhere.  Where?
"And in today's bridge tournament-"
Oh!  Right!  The bridge dock...place.  That's where.  OK.  Must go there now.  Before he gets distracted.  He just hopes that Tamaranian is going.  She has nice colors and twinkly things.  He likes twinkly things.  
He continues to slither down the hallway, this time determined to make it to his destination.  Let us hope there are no mad scientists bent on discovering how this one-of-a-thousand kind  Android ticks.  Hrm.  Better go get that Nerf Maverick he favors.  Just in case.  Oh, hey, a Tamaranian!

[Inumo]

Snivers' voice chimed into his office over the intercom. "Jason Bray, report to... uh... where the hell are they all going... Screw it, report to the ASS Ohgawd with whatever you need to go on your voyage. Oh, and take Special Study Case #006782-AA3 with you."
"Special Study Case? What Special Study Case?" Jason mused aloud.
"The box, Jason." The click of the intercom finally sounded.
"Oh, the box! Oh..." Jason looked nervously over at the box. Nothing had come out of it yet, key word being yet. "Um..." He tried to stall, thinking of what he'd need to bring on the ship. "I'll need maybe two sets of clothes, my dice, my D&D 7th edition files, uh..." Truth be told, that was all he really needed. Unable to put it off any longer, he warily crept over next to the box. Looking inside, he saw... A rock. Wait, a rock? That's what the Special Study Whatever was? What was he so worried about? He picked up the rock, tucking it into his pants pocket before heading back to his meager quarters. He quickly undressed once he got there. "Damn clothes, things're so uncomfortable..." He tossed a pair of gray slacks and black dress pants into a duffel bag, along with a button-up shirt and jacket, a dark red t-shirt, a wide array of random dice, and a digital reader. Standing in the center of the room, he quickly thought a bit more, then added a pair of tan cargo pants, a green long-sleeved shirt, his mobile-com, his SixthSense pendant (I don't know what to call it other than that... Suggestions?), and his universal electronics charger.
Putting on a fresher set of clothes, Jason stood at the doorway, feeling like he was forgetting something... Right, the rock! He quickly dug through the pockets of the pants, trying to find the rock. Odd... It wasn't there. "Aw, shit..." He checked the shirt he was wearing too, trying to figure out where it had gone. The door to his room opened, then closed before Jason could see what had triggered the sensor. Nothing new was in his room, so he figured it wasn't too big a deal. Tossing the shirt and pants into his bag, just in case the rock turned up in there, he left the room empty of what stuff he owned.
After ten minutes of walking, Jason arrived at the Ohgawd, where he was promptly turned back and told to go to briefing room 3A. Ten minutes later, he entered the room, first to arrive. Taking the closest seat, the door opened up again, then closed. He looked back to see who'd joined him, but there wasn't anyone there. "Strange..." he murmured, before turning back forward. Looking at the seat next to him, he found the rock sitting on the chair. Oh, good, the rock was here... wait, what? "HOLY--!" Jason recoiled, tipping over his chair and landing on the ground. Standing back up, he found the rock on the now-tipped-over chair arm. "The hell?!?!" He exclaimed. Careful to keep his eyes on it, he edged away into the front row of seats, taking a kneeling position facing towards the rock. He was determined to not blink.

Have fun, Shachza!

[SquirrelWizard]

The elevator doors opened to reveal a rather ill looking Panther. He burped, grimaced, and stood aside as Seras and another human lady stepped in. The door shut behind them, and the elevator started upwards again.

The panther let loose a loud belch and grumbled about indigestion. Seras sniffed the air then glanced over to the panther and narrowed his eyes. He nudged the lady beside him, "stand back, this is going to be messy." the lady had barely glanced up when the Panther scream and clutched his stomach as a pink worm-like creature burst out from him in a gout of gore.

Seras sighed as the lady went into a screaming fit.

"Oh god! Its going to kill us!" the lady screeched while she tried to hyperventilate.
"Oh shut up," he walked over and snatched up the creature as it tried to cower in the corner of the elevator. It was still slick from its violent exit from its host. It squirmed in his grip and hissed at him.
"What are you doing!?" the lady watched Skavis incredulously.
"Well, its a xenosian scavenger... They're only dangerous if you do something stupid... like sticking your finger in their mouth or," he glanced  down at the panther's cooling corpse, "if you ingest shoddily sterilized eggs for their hallucinogenic properties."

The alien flicked its tongue at Seras, its tongue grasper snapping in the air. Seras cocked his head to the side and the alien spasmed as he administered a small jolt of electricity, leaving it whimpering in his hand. "Its going to grow bigger and eat us all!" the lady lamented.

The door to the elevator opened with a ding as the grisly scene greeted three males in the hallway. Seras looked up at them while still clutching the alien, "Going up?" The three made noncommittal gestures and mumblings and tarried in the hallway as the elevator door shut again.

"We're all going to die!" the lady continued her hysterics.
Seras glanced up at her, "So let me get this straight. You're willing to stand here and bemoan the various horrific fates that would befall this if this was a xenosian slayer, which it isn't, than leave the elevator when the door opened."
The question seemed to nail her in the forehead, "What... no... I mean... I'm under a lot of pressure..." and she huddled back into the corner.

Seras continued to inspect the creature, "Xenosian scavenger, male it looks like. Good crest formation, sleek and healthy. Tail is straight, barb is still soft but forming properly. All in all a fine specimen indeed."

"Why are you even interested in that thing?"

"Well I bred some of them in a lab for study. Cute little buggers, I managed to train one to drool on my bosses desk. Stickied all his documents for weeks." The alien had stopped wriggling and his color was beginning to gray, this being perfectly natural process as the creature's carapace was starting to take on a natural black hue. The door to the elevator opened again. "You know, I think I'll take this guy with me." Seras mused as he stepped out of the elevator and headed towards the briefing rooms.

Meanwhile the doors to the elevator clicked shut sealing the lady in the elevator with the corpse of the panther. The subtle click of the elevator doors brought the woman to her senses and she realised that she had once again missed an opportunity to leave the elevator, "damn..."

[Draken]

GD finally makes his way to the briefing room, after nearly losing focus several times on the way back.  That same Tamaranian kept passing by...are there clones?  Or does she have an interest?  Must look into that upon return.  Tamaranians are just so interesting to focus on.  Orange, green, and purple.  So dynamic...

He looks around the room, catching many more radio waves in the process.  So many commercials.  So much...hmm.  No, must focus on the surrounding area, not whispers between lovers, of all genders and races.  Despite the fact that there are so many combinations of both.  Hmm...rather empty, save a table, a monitor, a projector, and one rather large window.  There appears to be a being here?  A fox being!  They are usually quite talkative.  Mayhap this trip will not be so silent as once thought?

"Greetings.  I am GDMFB-9000.  I am usually called GD.  Who are you?"

[AmberCross]

OOC: For simplicity's sake, let's say the clipboard edits were on a timer. A little more stretchy that Chris could do that just by poking the screen a few times, but somehow I don't think that's the biggest issue this RP is going to have ^.^; Anyway, by now Chris has also thrown away the Seras nametag and put the old one back on which doesn't stick quite as well anymore. For anyone wondering, the crumpled piece of paper he threw away was the back of the new sticker to stop it from sticking to whatever you stored it in.

As Chris walked along the many hallways (or the same one over and over again like people do when a lot of time passes but they don't actually get anywhere important), he spotted what appeared to be their communications officer trailing after a Tasmaranian in purple uniform. Looking at her him? made his eyes hurt a little because of clashing colors, but the android seemed to like the look.

As Chris figured it, they might need this fellow who was going the wrong way and even if they didn't... androids were excellent fun for when things got boring. Unfortunately they also tended to be heavy so it was often better to lure them, which Chris accomplished by pulling a few colorful balls and beginning to juggle them (still only two hands) while walking down the hall. It got him a few odd stares, but also the android (he was pretty sure anyway, hard to look back while you're juggling and walking) as he reached his destination and the door slid open letting him through.

Once inside he found a spot without a chair and sat on his haunches while catching the EMP bombs (for that is what he had been juggling) and putting them in his pocket. Inspecting the current people in the room he saw that the android had somehow actually beaten him to the room and he was pretty sure he recognized one of the medical officers staring at what could only be their councilor. Chris didn't blame the bat... Jason he was pretty sure his name was... because the rock was VERY interesting looking, but he leaned over anyway and said somewhat discreetly to Jason, "You know, most galactic species consider it impolite to stare."

OOC: Yeah... Chris is going to be pulling all sorts of things out of his pockets. More things than he reasonably has pockets for. If you want a scientific explanation it's because Chris' native species have a few dimension skills. If you want the real reason, it's because I think pockets are amazing.

Also... Damn you Draken! Damn you for your quickness!

[That_wolf]

        Ash turned to GD, raising a paw, 'Hey GD, my name is Asss-shit!' Ash shouted, jumping out of his chair, onto the table, shivering. 'Crapcrapcrap! Don't eat me please, Mr. GD, I hate snakes....' Ash continued to shiver for a few seconds, until he saw Chris walk in juggling. 'I love jugglers! How do you people do it!?' he said, forgetting his panic attack not more than 5 seconds ago.

Gotta love Ash's ADD. Sorry if Ash sounds like he hates GD, he will get over his fears and learn to accept your snake-ness soon enough.

[AmberCross]

Oh, seemed there was another person in the room after all! This one appeared to be Ash... the other medical officer. (I'm leaving these notes on purpose to help me remember who the hell is who ;>.>) "Juggling?" he asked. "It's something I picked up one day while bored. I'm pretty dextrous and a fast learner."

OOC: So we currently have both medical officers, the councilor, communications, and the engineer in the room. I'm apparently engineer now, thought I was still science officer. Fixed previous stuff to reflect this. Anyway, seems we have five of the ten people here, and can expect the psycho and the hyperactive squirrel shortly. Not sure where the captain and the first officer have got off to just yet. And... person number ten... exists? Maybe? Am I forgetting someone?

[That_wolf]

'Wow, that's awsome' Ash said, 'I wish I could- holy crap, a snake!' Ash shouted, remebering GD, his head suddenly jerking twards the comunications officer. This caused him to loose balance a bit, having to reposition one of his paws quicly to catch himself.

Spell check's failing, gotta edit later.

[Drayco84]

   Sniver was sitting at his desk nursing a bottle of... Well, who really cares? It was strong and that's all that mattered.
   "SNIVERS!" A voice on the vidcom bellowed, startling the humanoid wolf enough to make him drop his flask of much-needed booze.
   "Admiral Brimstone, Sir!" He exclaimed.
   "Why the hell are those psych ward escapees running around loose on MY shipyard?!" He demanded, his red eyes glowing brightly in the darkened room.
   "Well, I-" He began.
   "No excuses! Get those idiots into the briefing room and then shove them into that ship! Use the damn transporters if you have to!" He bellowed, bringing both of his tightly clenched fists down onto the desk. Almost expectedly, his facial expression changed to a look of unpleasant surprise. "FRAAAAAAAKKIN' TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKS!" He screamed, then the vidcom's screen went silent.
   "The transporters? Of COURSE!" Snivers suddenly exclaimed, sitting up and working feverishly at his computer panel...

   The first to be teleported into the room was that thrice-dammned scientist, Seras, who, as Snivers's luck whould have it, was in the restrooms. Grinning like a madman, Snivers had no problems abducting HIM from the stalls. Snivers then followed up with each victim on the ship's roster, and even threw in some flying squirrel he saw sneaking around. That would be your navigator, people. So, by the time the "fasionably late" captain Locklear entered the room, everyone else was present, accounted for, and firmly trapped as the doors shut and blast doors closed off the room, preventing anyone from entering or exiting.

   All of you are now -trapped- in the meeting room, which also includes JamesCray's character. You will be allowed out once Snivers has given you the mission briefing via the viewscreen in the room.
   Oh, and all of the furniture is bolted to the floor. You'll find out why, eventually.
   During this time, you may talk to each other and get to know more about each other. Or, start up lifelong feuds with each other.
   There is a window made of transparent aluminum in the room that looks out into the docking bays. The sucker is two feet thick. Don't worry about air, food, or water, as you won't be in there for more than an hour. Please try to refrain from killing each other and making a mess of the room.

[Draken]

The startled android looks around the room.  So many colorful people!  Near that Asss-shit! fellow is a female, human looking.  Sort of.  How strange.  And a squirrel!  Now those are fun!  So chattery.  There's that juggler from earlier!  GD liked the colors, but dislikes that he was distracted away from the Tamar...er...his quest to get his stuff.  Now GD is short half his techno collection.  *Sigh*  At least he's the communications officer.

GD opens his arms wide and proclaims: "Greetings everyone!  I am GDMFB-9000!  Usually called GD.  How are you all?"  *Looks around expectantly for more enthusiastic greetings, like he got from Asss-shit!*

[AmberCross]

There was nothing quite like being trapped in a room to make Chris want to start finding a way out. It was like this challenge that was begging for him to overcome it. However just now Chris was content to be in this room as all sorts of chaos seemed to be going on from the squirrel caught with his pants down to (was that a trumpet fanfare he heard?) the appearance of their captain down a red carpet that Chris didn't remember being there before.

By now he had already forgotten about the experiments he had wanted to try on the hapless fox and instead responded to the cobra-bot thing. "Hello GD, my name is Chris. I look forward to... getting to know you better on the ship." Chris smiled brightly to cover up his near slip. If there was one thing robots with guns had taught him, it was that openly stating your intentions with them tended to spook them. It was always easier when they weren't spooked.

Oh my, viscious you are with the damage control. I shall make a note to pay attention when you 'suggest' we do things...

[Inumo]

"Can't... talk... Rock will move... if I blink... FUCK!" Jason rubbed at his eyes. Turning back around, he turned to the four-legged dude. "Look, man, that thing is messed up. I mean, one second it was nowhere, I heard the door open, saw nobody, next thing I know that damn rock is sitting next to me. Hell, I fell out of my chair and it was on the chair arm when I got back up. No noise, no nothin'. So screw you and your talk on etiquette..." Jason checked the things name tag. "...Chris. I swear, I look away for one second, that thing's gonna murder me..." He looked back behind him towards where the rock used to be, only to find that it was now resting on the back of his chair. "SHIT!" He fell onto the floor.

Brushing himself off, he took a seat in front of the vidscreen. "Anyways, I'm Jason Bray, one of your med-techs." He paused, looking over at the pants-less squirrel. "Is this considered a non-professional space? In that case..." He proceeded to take off his clothes, tossing the rumpled shirt and pants into his bag. "Aaaahhh," he sighed. "Much better."

[AmberCross]

Chris was slightly startled to see what he was pretty sure was the rock on this side of the room now, but it looked different somehow... Anyway, this Jason was engaging his attention. "Well I can see how it would be disconcerting, but I get the impression it's just messing with you. Maybe if you try to be nice it will stop?"

Right, things to point out... from what I understand, the rock is more like a small boulder than an actual rock. Not sure it would be able to stay on the arm chair or back any more than a regular sized person could. The other thing to point out is that my character has three sets of limbs. The lowermost two are always legs, but the middle set are interchangeable between legs and arms. Currently he's using them as legs and sitting on his haunches much the way a dog or a cat would. The uppermost limbs are pretty much arms and are usually what he uses for manipulating stuff, but he can walk on all six limbs if he wants. I imagine this might get confusing, is there a good way to indicate which state he's in at any given time?

[That_wolf]

Inumo.....Thank you, that post made my day.

  Ash was shocked to find himself go from one room, to another suddenly. The result of this was he lost the remainder of his balance, as he fell on his face. Ash decided that he couldn't be bothered withgetting up, and laid chest down arms crossed under his chin, as he rested on the table. He herd a guy cry about a rock, then introduce himself. Ash got up a bit, and started to introduce himself to this Jason person, until he saw Jason was naked. 'That's... interesting' ash said, His face held awkwardly as he tried not to crack up.

[SquirrelWizard]

Seras took in his new surroundings and grumbled, "seriously the restrooms were about three doors down, this wasn't necessary." Ignoring the various remarks and looks regarding his pants, he quickly pulled them up.

As he was busy with his pants he felt a weight drop down from his head as Fluffy, the scavenger he had appropriated from the elevator, landed on the table. Teleportation systems were accurate, but most teleportation devices used the Kazensky Buffer System, which was a buffer for additional mass to be teleported with its target. Essentially it was what allowed teleporters to teleport clothes and equipment along with their owners without having to recalibrate the teleporter for each teleport. Fluffy, while he would rapidly grow to maturity, was more than within the paramaters of the standard buffers. Landing on the table he coiled up like a snake, his evil looking mandibles just barely visible from a coil of ebony carapace.

Sitting down, Seras leaned back and watched the rest of the people in the room. He held off on announcing his name because, to be honest, he wasn't certain he wanted them to know it just yet.

OOC: By the way, Seras is 4'6" with purple fur, teal hair, and glowing green eyes, just incase anybody wants to go, "wow he looks weird."

[Shachza]

@Jason
Upon looking into the containment you find what appears to be a sandstone rock about the size of your two fists clasped together.  It is composed of alternating bands of drab orange and brownish red, though there does appear to be a small layer of purple-black inserted into one oblong side.  All of the stripes are roughly parallel, but as with any rock, they are not perfectly straight.

The rock accepts the forced movement with all the dignity that a rock can, that is to say that it gets dumped into a pocket and carried in the dark to wherever its host is going.  After a brief stop under Jason's pillow to leave a sandy surprise, the rock winds up in the briefing room.  Then after a stint on Jason's chair, brief as well, followed by a trip to the top of it, the rock took a moment as everyone else recovered from the teleportation to relocate to on top of Sniver's stack of mission portfolios.

Staring wildly at the rock, Jason felt, very distinctly, as though someone were screaming in his ear to CALM THE HECK DOWN!!!!  There was, of course, no one doing that, but there was the small rock looming ominously over the edge of the table...

@Locklear
There is a hunk of white marble in the shape of a pentagonal trapezohedron on top of Sniver's stack of portfolios.  It is about twice the size of your left footpaw.  It seems important to you for some reason.

@Click
After being relocated to the briefing room you feel like the palm-sized set of quartz crystals with bits of silvery mica flecks sprinkled on them that is resting on Sniver's stack of portfolios is important to you as well somehow.

@ Oshimaeda
A geode about the size of a basketball is resting peacefully atop Sniver's stack of mission portfolios.  Its interior is filled with semi-precious tiger's eyes.  Now how would you know that?

@Dr. Ash Lee
The guardian of Sniver's portfolio stack appears to be a chunk of red, black, and silver granite about the size and shape of a large cheese-stuffed pretzel.  It looks happy.

@Seras
Sitting on the stack of portfolios near the display screen showing Sniver's face is a very nondescript hunk shale on it about the same size and thickness as the seat of your chair.  A pretty hefty rock if you stop to think about it, not that you would really.

@Chris
Other than the apparently very random other creatures in the room there is a chunk of shiny black obsidian about the size of your left arm measured from shoulder to elbow, with myriad small dull gray patches scattered across its surface, resting comfortably atop Sniver's stack of portfolios.  It's about the same shape as your arm too, but has sharper edges; much sharper edges.  That fact doesn't seem to be very reassuring somehow.

@GDMFB-9000
Located about a foot to the left of Sniver's viewscreen is Sniver's stack of portfolios.  Placed atop that stack that is the biggest chunk of uncut diamond you have ever seen.  It is easily the size of your head.

@Jacob
At the head of the table near the viewscreen showing Sniver is a rough cube of basalt about one cubic foot in volume.  It is wholly unremarkable except for a brilliant, but tiny, glinting ruby in the face facing you.  It appears to be guarding Sniver's stack of portfolios.

@Sniver
For some reason there appears to be a large iron meteorite the size and shape of your aunt's fruitcake sitting on top of the stack of mission portfolios.  It looks quite heavy, and you are sure that if you attempt to move it that it will indeed be so.  A quick scan with the teleporter's targeting software reveals an inconclusive analysis, but the mass analyzer agrees with you that SOMETHING is there on the table.


I'm going to add the rock's future descriptions here for easier reference
@Dekari
You see a perfect ellipsoid of hematite with several small veins of electrum running through it sitting in the chair to the left of the captain's.  It is about the size of an automobile muffler.

[Meany]

Nanda, at the moment was unconscious, which was the only feasible reason she hadn't violently separated someone from their shoulders yet.  She had finally reached the point where Oshimaeda couldn't, or rather wouldn't, heal her liver anymore, and had forced her into a comatose state.  For the time being, she just lounged in her chair, reeking of alcohol, smoke, blood, and dead unicorns.

The only real sign of life she would be giving was the snoring, occasional twitches, and of course randomly lashing out to put a dent in anything not made entirely of metal.  That much rage had to be vented, or else she would explode.

[Draken]

GD stands there utterly confused.  Does he focus on the purple, teal-haired squirrel, or the massive hunk of sparkle?  So many decision in such a small space!  Then that strange Jason being decided to disrobe.  Hrm, not that nearly that interesting.  Now, a talking purple squirrel!  That's entertain- Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT.  That's how you got fired last time.  You wouldn't leave that neon glowing female lifeform alone...she called something named "Security", and you were locked in that free energy room for 3 yrs.  Hrm.  But that sparkly thing doesn't move, or make sounds.  It's just sparkly.  Where are the sounds???

Too bad there are no...UH UH!  No thinking about them!  You can think and study them in your last year!  You have a job to do!  Priority 1:  Make contact with fellow officers.

The android sliiiithers up to the squirrel person...."Hi! I'm GD.  I will be the communications officer, apparently.  What are you to be located as?"

[Inumo]

Jason glanced over at the unconscious woman. "Any idea who she is?" He asked, gesturing in her direction. He'd decided to listen to that little voice in his head to calm down about the rock. It obviously hadn't killed him yet. He wasn't sure if that voice meant he was going schizo or not... He looked over at the guy lying on the table. He seemed to be shaking uncontrollably. "Hey dude, you okay? You're shaking a lot..." He glanced back at the squirrel, who now had pants on. "Wait, I'm confused. Is this a professional or unprofessional place? It's obviously not public..." He stood back up, then sat back down when he realized he had no reason to stand up.

[AmberCross]

Chris got off his haunches and trotted over to inspect the twitching body and Jason a little more closely. He figured the rock could be left alone for the meanwhile. "She appears to be unconsious and also hungover. As for this area, it's non-public to be sure, but I'm pretty sure the squirrel was just caught with his pants down. And also with... is that a Xenovian scavenger? Wherever did you find one?" Chris' attention was abruptly pulled away from Jason and over towards Seras and GD.

Will that work for changes in status or is that just sort of obnoxious? Also... I cannot believe I'm being a voice of reason here...