[Story] Pagan: Missing Gods Chapter 1.2

[Pagan]

No new questions to answer and a request to see geography, let's go!

  Antara's geography could easily be described as an archipeligo. A myriad of islands and dots of land are scattered across the many seas. The greatest landmass is around the size of our world's Greenland (which, incidentally, holds a large number of the Mort population). Most of the islands are closer to the size of Texas.
  Islands tend to be found near each other in clusters. These are normally within sight of each other on the horizons. But clusters are usually father apart. This is the primary reason why naval technology on Antara is a couple of steps ahead of other areas. Even though clusters are a bit spread out, there isn't enough water between them to be called an ocean. One ocean exists, in the eastern hemisphere with only two islands. These two islands snake vertically across the planet. The two are really just one extremely large mountian range, so there's no habitable land upon them.
  In case you're wondering, the island that was mentioned way earlier, Tel Nauus, is in a cluster in the far southwestern corner of the map.

So... maybe next time I could do a precursor on Oddities? Or maybe just do Forgers already. I'm open to suggestions. And questions people. Ask and you shall recieve! Knowledge. I can't really give anything else, but eh.

[Jairus]

Interesting. I'm sensing a possibility for naval warfare on the horizon. Out of curiosity, is anything hiding out in the eastern hemisphere's ocean? I'm guessing that clusters tend to either have similar forms of government, or may belong to the same government out right, while each cluster basically keeps to itself. Why do the Mort seem to be concentrated on that one island (and I know that they're elsewhere, but was that where the Mort got started or do they just tend to migrate that way?)? Um, what's the technological level basically like (imperial age/seventeenth century, industrial revolution, or something else)?

The Oddities sound interesting, but really whatever you want to do. I'm starting to get into character information over in my thread, and even posting a few samples of writing.

[Pagan]

I saw, actually I'm thinking of cribbing off you cribbing off Amber and doing some *real* character profiles, so that's another idea.

Yeah, the cluster's generally have friendly relations, trade and such. Well, the Mort tend to have a bit of a horde mentality and don't lose it well. But since the First Mort is there, life isn't all so bad. For the Mort.

The tech level is a bit schizo, so I'm not going to say it's this and it's only this and anything from that is out. Tech is aviable as the plot demands pretty much. But as for a general idea, think height of Roman empire. Yeah, old, but really, not that much happened between Rome's collapse and the Renisance.

[Jairus]

I see. So, no steam engines or things like that? Well, outside of something simple like the Aeolipile. Maybe some clockwork mechanisms and stuff?

The First Mort? Interesting...

Incidentally, I am gradually adapting her template to fit my needs. For example, how my characters fight and what weapons they prefer is important enough to warrant mention. I figure in a handful of characters it'll be my own and I can go back and fix the old ones and stop "cribbing" off of her.

[Pagan]

Sorry I didn't do anything last night. Sorry I can't post anything right now. But I'm going on a four day trip in about thirty minutes. I might be away from a computer with internet for all of those days, so I might not be able to update anything. If that happens, I'll do all of my missing updates on Saturday. See ya'll then.

[Jairus]

No worries. Have fun! Be warned that you'll have to catch up and comment on my stuff, or else I'll come up with about fifty questions for you to answer!

Seriously, have fun.

[Pagan]

I'M BACK! So while I was away, I suppose I should have been working on the stuff for the thread, but really... all I could do was suffer internet withdrawals and cope with books. Seriously, how did people live without the net? Seriously though, I do have a couple of topics in mind, I just can't do all of them tonight. So tonight you're getting Oddities. And after that's done, I hopefully will have thought of something for the second topic.


Oddities is a very open catch-all term that can apply to places, species, things, basically anything that's strange, bizzare, or unnusual in Antara. The soulless from a couple of posts ago fall under oddity, a Marble or a Forger's Tomb would be called an oddity as well. For a race to be considered an oddity, it must have a small population, lack sentience, produce magic, be unimportant to the plot, any combonitation of those factors. Oddities that are objects aren't common, normally things that have been enchanted and ancient and fallen into myth. Odditiy localitions are places heavily touched by magic and just wouldn't exist naturally, the mountian islands of Antara's ocean are considered oddities (I need a name for those two...) the collosal plateu of Grineer is an oddity as well.
In troper terms, an oddity is something created by the whimsy of the author, something that doesn't fit my rules and I still want it or something like that.

Up next, the a character profile, and one that almost exactly copies Amber's cast profiles, this is shameless and I apologize.


Name: Sirul
Age: 18
Species: Sapien
Hobbies: day-dreaming, cards, flirting
Hair: light brown, shaggy
Eyes: sharp, bright, green
Often Seen: with a blank look in his face and his head in the clouds
Most known for: "The windmill incident 1 and 2"
Favorite Food: Apples
Favorite Colour: bright blue
Personality: Light hearted and easy-going, Sirul wants fun and adventure from life above all else. The most avid listerner to bards and traveling merchants, Sirul knows plenty of legends and stories and desires to be in one himself. Unfortunately Sirul's not the most responsible or dedicated person, and so hasn't done much to accomplish his goal. His attention span, though short, is concetrated and thus he is capable of quickly finished deeds. Sirul's quick to a joke or flirt and shrugs off grudges easily.
History: Sirul has lived in Lotrent his entire life with his mother, father and younger siblings (all sisters). Being the eldest child, he was the first to help in his father's shop, but his sisters have followed him.  Aside from pranks and flirting with any girls on festival days and haggling with the merchants who pass through Lotrent, Sirul hasn't done much. Only recently has he begun his friendship with Janeth.
Quirks/Fun Facts: Sirul has numerous scars upon his back and bottom, from switchings given to him by parents and townspeople.
Sirul is actually quite good at haggleling and the merchant business.
Sirul's sisters cannot cook and often rely upon him when their mother isn't home.


And that's that. God I'm tired. I will say that both of the above are subject to change. Questions, please, raise your hands.                    Good NIGHT!

[Jairus]

So, in a Meta-sense, an Oddity is whatever you say it is? Wait, are enchanted objects relatively rare in your universe?

Hm, in my universe I call Oddity-like-locations "Wilds," a place where wild magic has done some weird things. Never-ending springs in the middle of deserts, jungles in the middle of arctic wastelands, floating islands, eternal flames, old battlegrounds where massive amounts of energy were spilled, the places where magic is actually visible to the naked eye... they're not safe places to be. Especially since most of the creatures and beasts there have been affected and mutated by all of the magic in the air into something really big and disturbing and deadly. We are talking weird crap here... kind of like what you've got.

[Pagan]

Yep, oddities are what I say they are, matter of convience really.
Enchanted items exist, however, it takes a very fragile seal to cast one and the amount of force require to make the enchantment worthile or even lasting is simply ridiculous. So yes, enchanted items are a bit of a rarity.

Give me two floats and a goat's tail, and I'll have tonight's posts.

[Pagan]

Pagan! Use that mush you call a brain! You need to come up with something!
You're right, Shoulder Demon, I need to do this. Think, think, think.
First is a profile sheet for Janeth

Name: Janeth
Age: 19
Species: Sapien
Hobbies: practicing with his great axe, working, browsing shops
Hair: dark brown, short
Eyes: brown, large
Often Seen: at the mill, working
Most known for: buying that great axe
Favorite Food: beef
Favorite Colour: grey
Personality: Janeth is an interesting combination of dedication and impulsiveness. He can make what would be a difficult and trying descision for others within a day, simply because he goes with his gut and what sounds better (how "better" is judged changes from time to time). Once he's made the choice, he sticks with it, regardless of the consequences, doesn't matter the effort or time involved. As an obvious side effect, Janeth is very stubborn. He's not very reserved with others, saying whatever he wishes to.
History: Janeth's family mainly practices farming and hunting, but at a young age, Janeth decided he wanted to work at the mill, and he soon found himself there. Janeth's tendencies lead him to make odd choices, such as his purchase of his twohanded great axe (which he has named "Mortane") or when he decided to follow a cute girl to Port Selien. He's got a colorful past and plenty of stories to tell.
Quirks/Fun Facts: Janeth likes to window-shop, but rarely will he fill the desire to purchase anything.
Janeth enjoys reading and often visits Lotrent's modest library.
He flirts girls at the drop of a hat.
When a pursuit of Janeth's fails to the point that he decides to stop, he moves on to whatever is next pretty quickly.

And second a fail. I'm getting tired, I might answer a question, and I'm sorry for my suck, but no other topic for tonight.

[Jairus]

So Sirul is the daydreaming hero-wannabe and Janeth is the stubborn yet honest fool, both of whom have yet to find a focus and purpose in their lives? I sense destiny on the march...

Wait... I should write that line down.

Oh, and how did the two of them meet, out of curiosity?

[Pagan]

"Windmill Incident 1 and 2" of course. Yep, when I thought about what combination would make for the best way to get two people out of a hometown to *do* something, this pair came to mind. Since then, I've just been exploring what would seem natural to people with those personalities.
No questions about Mortane? Aw well.

I seen to have a bit of a second wind, but instead of writing a big honking topic, I'll just give a couple of foot notes to earlier topics.

On Mort.
It was mentioned *way* earlier that Mort have the typical feeding impulse of undead, but they can resist it somewhat. I think I should clear that up a bit. Every Mort has a voice in their head, screaming to eat flesh, but when the Mort is alone, the voice can be easily ignored. When two Mort are together, each one hears his own voice and the voice of the other. See where this is going? That's why Mort are solitary things, when too many gather together, the voices pretty much take over the brain and there goes most of sentience.
The First Mort is pretty much what his name implies. His body is not that of a Kithen or Sapien and isn't known on Antara. Whether that race died out or something else, who can say- sides him. The First is unique in that his voice either does not exist or is quite sane. Other Mort around him hear little of the rest of the voices, the First's is so overpowering in their minds. Because of this, the First has been able to direct the Mort around him on Banteis into somewhat of a society and a culture, if more than a little on the side of a dictatorship.

On seals.
Seals, which are the mental storage of spells, are not eternal and invicible. They suffer from wear and tear and some are rather fragile. If a seal is too far strained or goes without restoration, it will break. And then that seal is lost until it is crafted again. Maintance for seals is similar to crafting one, entering the concentration necessary, and then tightnening any looseness, replacing pieces too far gone, etc. Occasionally, a seal is simply too delicate to be used more than once. These seals are lost after the first casting. It tends to be that these are also highly complex spells to craft, so such spells are not commonly used.

Hoo-ah, more questions! It's always easier to answer questions than it is to write one of these topics. Guess it's my habit of directness and such. But more questions! Ask and I shall answer!

[Jairus]

Ah, a "Noodle Incident" styled event. I like it.

I like the idea of race where every member is insane. Or maybe I'm just nuts too. So the First is basically the only thing keeping the Mort from rampaging across the world? I'm also guessing more willful Mort can resist the effect of the voices longer. Heehee... "You're just jealous cause the voices don't talk to you." Great t-shirt, that one. Kind of describes the Mort in a way.

Hey, machines need regular maintenance, why not mentally craft spells too? I'm guessing simple spells need maintenance less often, while more complicated ones might need daily "check-ups," as it were? And each seal has a "limit" that it cannot go beyond: so, a simple fire spell can light a cigarette or make a fire-ball, but if you try to make a forest-fire sized flame you'll break the seal? What happens when a seal breaks: do spells backfire on the caster, or simply fall apart as you're trying to cast them?

[Pagan]

I hoped you would. And since you know the rules of a noodle incident, you know I don't have to tell you anything about it. Though it does involve paint and feathers and lots of flour.

I think you might have misunderstood me a bit on the Mort. If just one Mort is alone, out of "hearing" distance, then he only hears his voice, which is pretty quiet and solo Mort can operate sanely. The First is what keeps the island of Banteis from becoming a blood-field. Everything would be slaughtered and eaten, probably most of the Mort there included.

Not exactly, it's not the size or style in which a seal is used that leads to the breaking point, it's the number of times used. Like I've said before, the size of the spell cast is dependent of the force behind it. A seal breaks after it has been cast for the last time and the seal just falls apart. The spell gets cast, the caster gets an awful mental whiplash and that seal's gonna need a rebuild. But nothing blows up in a face. Shame though, I kinda like "pie-in-face" humor on occasion.

[Jairus]

Hm, fun.

I was just commenting on the "voice" that they hear in one another's presence. So, outside of the Bantels, Mort are solitary creatures? Can they live in the presence of non-Mort without any danger (Except for the whole infection thing)?

Mental whiplash? Sounds nasty, though from your description it vaguely sounds like the power behind the spell makes the whiplash's affect change. Um, is it easier to rebuild a spell once you've "broken" the seal, since you did it before?

[Pagan]

Yeah, Mort can live amongst other races without going feed crazy. It's only in the presence of other Mort that the voices grow stronger.
You see, Mort are my version of vampire/zombie. Vamps are cliche though, and I cannot use them in good concience. And I love undead, so I wanted to use them. This was my way of using zombies without having them be mindless brain-eaters.

Only slightly, in that once you've built something once, you know you can built it again.

[Pagan]

I have to do two things for yesterday, Forgers and some more random facts.

The first thing to know about the Forgers is that they are not from Antara. Where exactly they came from, it's unsure, but it was only a small family that came to Antara of near thirty individuals. No other Forgers have come to Antara before, during, or since. So when I talk about the Forger's history, I am only speaking abot those who came to Antara.
In physical appearance, Forgers are large beings, normally over three times the height of a sapien, twice as wide too. Their skin varies in color and texture, some have blue flesh, others purple scales, or hot pink feathers. The skin is always rock hard though, nearly impenetrable to normal weapons. Odd features such as horns, fangs, wings, anntenae, or anything else is random, yet quite possible. All Forgers tend to have a glow surronding their entire body, though it is strongest near the chest and head, which is slightly tinted.
The history of the Forgers upon Antara is rather simple, they came to the world when only the Kithen and Mort inhabitted it, and immediatly there was annamosity between the Kithen and Forgers. The war ended desicivily with the Forgers nigh unscarred and the Kithen decimated. Afterwards, the Forgers affected the world with their massive magic, bettering the land or creating Oddities. The last act of Forger history, when Sapiens appeared (it has been theorized that the Forgers actually created the race, or somehow brought them into global play), was the most active. The young Sapiens, without magic of their own, often worshipped the Forgers for the gift of magic and in awe of the Forgers' strength. The Forgers accepted the worship of the young race with great appreciation. Unfortunatly, all of the Forgers were immensely aged and they died under the slow sword of time.
Forgers were giant in physical size, but collosal in magic. Forgers were open souls and the ranges they produced were huge in size. The force of their spells was titanic, and Forgers had great skill in crafting seals. It was often said that a Forger could do anything in magic, that they were omnipotent- slight hyperbole. Many enchantments Forgers left upon items or places are still active.

Some random facts.

Magic has no elements, each spell is seperate and unrelated to others, though many casters make such distinctions to help organize spells in their own minds.
Spells which are not instantaneous and are intended to have a lasting effect have two uses of the caster's force. To determine the strength of the spell and to determine it's length in time. Once the spell is cast, it will not need to be maintianed for it's duration, but once the spell has died out, the spell will need to be recast inorder to keep the effect in place. This is the reason why enchantments are not highly common, the magical additions die in short time unless the amount of force behind the spell is prodigious.
This should have been said back during the Kithen topic, but two more bits of information about grands. Grand Kithen have dragonic weeks upon their back, the span of each wing is slightly wider than the shoulders of the grand. Grand Kithen cannot truly fly with them, but gliding is easily accomplished. Grand Kithen are omnivoric and have exotic tastes, while they will eat cattle and deer and other animals or grain and fruit and vegatables, grands consider Sapiens to be a rare and delicious treat. Male and female Kithen, however, prefer to stick to non-sentient food.


Alrighty, any questions for what was supposed to be last night's topics? And any suggestions as to what I should do for tonight's?

[Jairus]

Interesting. So the Forgers that the Antaran's know and "love" were just a little part of the overall race? And they brought humans to Antara? Also interesting. The Forgers sound a bit like the demons from DMC: all of them having different shapes and powers, but the same general abilities shared among them. And the Mort predate the Forgers, so the Kithen were the original sapient race on Antara? Hm, I have to wonder about why the Forgers were so old when they came to Antara... I sense backstory.

As for the magic stuff... eh, I can see how all of that works.

Now I'm off to finish my Part 2.

[Pagan]

Yes, go, finish it! Wanna read it so bad.

I'm not going to say anything specific about how Sapiens came to Antara, mainly because in the end, it doesn't matter plot-wise.
Yep, just a small part of the large Forger race. And there is a bit of backstory to them, but unless you want a drama to rival the greek gods, I'll spare you.
Yep again, Kithen were the orginal Antarans.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should write a bit of story like what you're doing for tonight's topic. I've got a couple of ideas I could use... But you have anything you want to hear about, please let me know.

[Jairus]

Yep, just a small part of the large Forger race. And there is a bit of backstory to them, but unless you want a drama to rival the greek gods, I'll spare you.

My dear Duke of Langstone, I have backstory for characters that not only are never mentioned in the story of Terra, they've been dead for almost ten thousand years. Just to give you a hint of that backstory, part of it involves Merlin (yes, the Merlin) yelling the words "Because it's awesome!" And at one point he also brings down an entire civilization with a wrist-watch-sized radio transmitter...

And I am working on it... just a warning, you may hate me for years to come.

[Pagan]

Alright, due to some good advice and a masochistic nature, I'm going to post what might be considered chapter 0 or chapter 1 of the story.  Which finally has a title, "Gods of Antara." It's not going to posted this instant, I'm going to edit into this post later tonight. So be on a lookout.
I am jumping off the cliff, I'm hoping there's a pool at the bottom.

[Jairus]

Well, don't rush it. Just have fun writing it. Do you think I would have written that prologue if I wasn't giggling and cackling half the time?

[Pagan]

<Snip snip> Look for chapter 1.2 below!


It's not very long, I know. I'm not sure when chapter 2 will be up, hopefully soon. Questions, comments, something I hadn't thought of?

[Jairus]

Off to a flying start, are we?

When my brain has cleared up a little bit, I'll throw in my two cents.

...

Okay. It's a little clearer now. Sounds like a big party in the village: it did help to clarify that this was because they were basically the first people to "leave" the village in a while. It could just be me, but I think you're trying to cram a little too much description into your main characters. From my perspective, the town is currently the most important part: since I'm guessing they'll basically be traveling on their own, that could be a good time to fit in the more detailed descriptions for them. Get a second opinion though, since my way might not work for you. Anyway, thanks for putting this up.

Now isn't it nice to get this down on "paper?" Did you have fun writing it?

[Pagan]

Could you expand a bit on your critism? If I'm understanding you, I was giving too much description-- physical, their past, stuff like that-- for this part, as there would be space for it later? That really could work. I was wanting to make the "party" the first chatper, but it might be better to just tack on the next bit and even it out somewhat.
As you can see, my style of writing is criminally short, I was using the description for padding. Though I think I might have an idea on how to expand chapter 1 a bit in another way.
I can't really say anything of my style besides length, because I haven't written much fiction. Don't be suprised if it's a bit schizo for awhile.
I think for my next update, I'll revise chapter 1 and maybe add what was going to be chapter 2 into it. We'll just have to wait and see.

No question on the big plan? Ah well...

It was really nice to get it on paper! The idea that began this story came to me years ago, most likely over a decade. It's gone through revision after revision. Maybe now that I'm showing it to people, I'll finally be able to get it finished. I had a good feeling writing it, but it was more like a feeling of accomplishment after cleaning out a really cluttered basement-- or rather, a section of a really cluttered basement.

And thank you! With your bit of help, I'm seeing a much better way to do chap 1 already.

And I'm feeling a little... woozy... Vertigo, for the win, eh?

[Jairus]

Could you expand a bit on your critism? If I'm understanding you, I was giving too much description-- physical, their past, stuff like that-- for this part, as there would be space for it later? That really could work. I was wanting to make the "party" the first chatper, but it might be better to just tack on the next bit and even it out somewhat.

As you might have caught, I'm generally a bit light on the descriptions... because if I try to go heavy I turn boring and technical (note how hard it was to get through those four paragraphs on Shepherd Junior... I'm surprised no one wanted to know a little more about it... unless I hit all of the bases... um... anyway!). So I tend to slip in little bits of description here and there, and if I do a "description dump" I try to keep it as entertaining as I can so that I don't bore people. Well, I'm trying not too, anyway: I don't really have enough external opinions to know my strengths and weaknesses yet, which I why I love feedback. As for the descriptions of the characters themselves, it did feel a little heavy at times. You've got plenty of time to completely describe them before the shit hits the fan, right?

As you can see, my style of writing is criminally short, I was using the description for padding. Though I think I might have an idea on how to expand chapter 1 a bit in another way.

Here's a trick: help paint the town. Focus on different areas, listen in on other conversations, look over other events. Maybe it's just me, but I like suggesting that other people's stories continue without the protagonist's interaction. Sort of like how in some movies they have shots of conversations and interactions that have been going on throughout this whole dance or ball or what have you: there's a whole town that we're probably not going to see again. Leave us with vivid memories, let us know what the main characters are leaving. The characters in Covenant Wars leave Gar Salem for a week, and they come back and they have to catch up with what's happening... and they have to do that a few times. In your case, if you decide to destroy the town at some point, it becomes a lot more meaningful than the place getting blown up in the first ten minutes, because now we know that there were people there and we sort of cared about them.

I can't really say anything of my style besides length, because I haven't written much fiction. Don't be suprised if it's a bit schizo for awhile.

Practice makes perfect. As an example, my style just kind of sprang into being because I want people to be entertained, so I kind of went for what you called the "lighter tone." But since it's mostly reflexive by this point, I have to learn how to turn it off or alter it in order to get the effect that I want or to refine my other techniques..

I think for my next update, I'll revise chapter 1 and maybe add what was going to be chapter 2 into it. We'll just have to wait and see.

Eh, do what you want. That reminds me, I've gotta put something up.

No question on the big plan? Ah well...

I assumed that the big plan was them going to the harbor city to earn their fortune, unless they're planning to use that as a jumping stone to go on some adventure. Of course, considering that in The Covenant Wars the actual war itself is the B Plot, maybe I should be digging into your story a little more.

It was really nice to get it on paper! The idea that began this story came to me years ago, most likely over a decade. It's gone through revision after revision. Maybe now that I'm showing it to people, I'll finally be able to get it finished. I had a good feeling writing it, but it was more like a feeling of accomplishment after cleaning out a really cluttered basement-- or rather, a section of a really cluttered basement.

Yep, that's what it's been like for me. I've basically known all of this stuff, but getting on paper helps me organize it and catch mistakes. Which is why I love it when people ask questions! It also lets you know that people are interested in what you're working on, or at least want to help you work on it.

And thank you! With your bit of help, I'm seeing a much better way to do chap 1 already.

You're welcome.

And I'm feeling a little... woozy... Vertigo, for the win, eh?

I call it a "post-writing high." Remember when I posted "The Cursed Castle of Stalcaire?" I felt a little woozy after that too. Actually, a lot woozy, since I didn't get anything up the next day. It's a weird feeling, but to me it means that I've done some good work. I hope.

[Pagan]

As you might have caught, I'm generally a bit light on the descriptions… because if I try to go heavy I turn boring and technical (note how hard it was to get through those four paragraphs on Shepherd Junior… I'm surprised no one wanted to know a little more about it… unless I hit all of the bases… um… anyway!). So I tend to slip in little bits of description here and there, and if I do a "description dump" I try to keep it as entertaining as I can so that I don't bore people. Well, I'm trying not too, anyway: I don't really have enough external opinions to know my strengths and weaknesses yet, which I why I love feedback. As for the descriptions of the characters themselves, it did feel a little heavy at times. You've got plenty of time to completely describe them before the shit hits the fan, right?

Here's a trick: help paint the town. Focus on different areas, listen in on other conversations, look over other events. Maybe it's just me, but I like suggesting that other people's stories continue without the protagonist's interaction. Sort of like how in some movies they have shots of conversations and interactions that have been going on throughout this whole dance or ball or what have you: there's a whole town that we're probably not going to see again. Leave us with vivid memories, let us know what the main characters are leaving. The characters in Covenant Wars leave Gar Salem for a week, and they come back and they have to catch up with what's happening… and they have to do that a few times. In your case, if you decide to destroy the town at some point, it becomes a lot more meaningful than the place getting blown up in the first ten minutes, because now we know that there were people there and we sort of cared about them.

And now I know what I had thought to add into chapter one is right. Thanks for confirming what the voices said. Though I highly doubt I'll use the "destroyed home-town" trope. I don't like that one for some reason.

Won't say anything about your guess on the "big plan" because I want it to be somewhat of a suprise.

[Jairus]

~snip~

~snip~

And now I know what I had thought to add into chapter one is right. Thanks for confirming what the voices said. Though I highly doubt I'll use the "destroyed home-town" trope. I don't like that one for some reason.

Glad to have been of help. The reason that I don't want to use the "Destroyed Home Town" trope is because in this case the home town is an enormous city with maybe two or three hundred thousand people living in it. Which is not to say that it won't come in to play at some point... hehehe...

Won't say anything about your guess on the "big plan" because I want it to be somewhat of a suprise.

Eh, that's okay. Heck, even with all the stuff I've posted I've been keeping things under wraps...

I just realized what tonight's post for my thread is going to be: The Knights of the Realm.

[Pagan]

"Ah, comon now. Why would I ever make this up?" Of course, the children gathered around the man all believed him. No matter what their parents and siblings said, the man's words had to be true. The world would simply be too boring if he was not telling the truth.

   While the children gathered around the old veteran and listened to his tales, the rest of the party-goers flitted about, talking to one person then another as their fancy took them. The event to see off the venturous pair, Janeth and Sirul, filled the largest bar of the town, the Three Crowns, to Mister Nightan (the tavern's owner) great pleasure, and poured into the street and nearby buildings. Such as the nearby house of Miss Tabithias, who was making a lovely dinner for the celebration, many filled the kind woman's home, especially children, who might get a treat from her if they asked nicely. Stories were being told to any ear that would listen, while other tales were being made. For instance, a young Mister Antwain was attempting to impress a couple of pretty young ladies by doing minor acrobatics. Unfortunately, he never could land as well as he jumped. Or the old men, Master Lewuc, Master Oswalk, Masters Jint and Loal, who were sitting at a table, reminiscing about their collective childhoods. Laughter filled the air as drink filled the gullet. Even the serious bankers of the village seemed to sway to the light mood of the day. Occasionally, someone would pick up an instrument with a friend or three and play a tune, which would quickly inspire many to dance. And the guests of honor never saw a moment not surrounded by well-wishers or someone telling them he or she hoped to see them again soon. Over and over, each congratulated the other for his brilliance. The plan they had developed was bound to be a success, but neither knew a party would serve as their farewell. A welcome unexpected bonus.
   The revelry could be heard throughout the entire town of Lotrent, with its numerous wooden and stone buildings, and even sounded over the many small outlying farms surrounding the village, though most of these were empty with the people all in the town enjoying themselves. The forests farther out were spared the noise and were silent save for the critters and the wind. South of the forests of Lotrent lay the three peaks of Tel Nauus, easily the highest points of the island and possibly the entire cluster of other islands around it.
   But down away from the high altitude of the mountains, the party went on and one of Lotrent's young women was asking Sirul about how the duo had thought up their wondrous idea. The light of the sun played in her dark brown hair as it fell to her shoulders, her pretty hazel eyes matched her clothing. "I didn't even think the two of you were friends. After what happened at the windmill and all..."
   Sirul's winced momentarily at the memory of the horrible and event, but recovered before the lass could raise her eyes again. "Ah well, even though the two of us were not on the absolute best of terms that day-- or week-- we eventually came to appreciate each other's point of view and ideas. Just so you know, I had really nothing to do with the feathers. And the second time was comple-"
   "Your fault, yeah, I know." Janeth interrupted by shoving his elbow in Sirul's side, he seemed to have leapt from who he had been conversing with to jump into this one. "Everyone knows that, Sirul. We both came up with the idea, it just kinda came out of nowhere."
   The girl was still a bit confused. "Oh? You both came up with it? But... when did you two have the time to talk? I'm sure you couldn't have while you were working."
   Janeth answered, shaking his head, "You're right, we never had a moment's rest while fixing the thing. And the second time was worse. I've still got bruises from that job. We talked over some ale at the Tale's End after each night." He grinned suddenly and asked, "Ya know what Sirul drinks?"
   Sirul stepped in nearly right after Janeth had begun talking, "Does where our plan came from really matter? It will become reality soon and then we'll reap the spoils." Sirul's lips split into a huge smile, as if a cherished wish had been granted.
   To Janeth's disappointment, the girl paid Sirul more attention, "But really, leaving Lotrent? Living in another town? No one's done that for awhile. I don't know anyone who's done it."
   Sirul kept his wide grin, "Yes. We are somewhat revolutionary, aren't we?
   "Aw, you afraid we won't come back, girl? Don't worry; we'll come to visit sometime." Janeth paused a moment, "Once we're finished with Port Selien" The girl had been looking more at Sirul, but at this, turned to Janeth and launched into a gush about how lucky he- "they"- were to be able to see the coastal city. Sirul, having lost the contest this round, gave Janeth a light punch and moved on, watching Antwain attempt to jump from his feet, flip, and land on his hands. Even though he was able to flip over, it seemed that his hands just couldn't handle the landing and he kept falling onto the ground with elbows and head leading the way.
   The day passed too quickly for all, suddenly it was time for supper. The dinner featured many dishes from several families of Lotrent-- Miss Tabithias had made two basket fulls of rolls and a huge roasted turkey-- many more fine drinks as well. Eventually though, the sun sank beneath the horizon and the signaled the party's ending. As everyone went to their homes and prepared for the night, some a bit more stumbling than walking, one or two limping, and not few left with an arm around a pretty waist. Sirul and Janeth sat in the Three Crowns, talking about the celebration and what tomorrow held until they finally felt able to rest. The two had packed for the journey to Port Selien over the past week; they would be travelling light and on foot, save for Janeth's exception. Sleep gave them dreams of what was to be their new life. They wanted that new life soon and would not have to wait long. It began with the sun's rising.
   Or so they had thought it would. The dawn broke, the roosters called, and each awoke with a headache, just as any other morning. Regardless, the two gave Mister Nightan a final farewell—along with paying their tab—and placed feet to the ground. While they walked, the two conversed. Even though the pair differed in places, they had discovered common ground while they had fixed the windmill, such as each had a fondness for the old stories. Sirul preferred them spoken or sang while Janeth enjoyed reading the tales from a page, but each knew the other's legends and discussed them at length. The stories and accounts of shadow beasts came up often, neither had seen one of the monsters, but both felt conviction in their existence.
   "Of course they're real, how could they not be?" Sirul said after Janeth had played the demon's advocate. "Explain Treshac's story otherwise."
   "Well, Treshac has said a few things more weird than shadow beasts, his credibility's a bit thin." Janeth countered.
   Sirul nodded briefly, but said, "True that may be, he had a couple of witness with him that time. Each of them told the same tale he did. Are all of them lying?"
   "Or they could have just thought they saw them, what with all the ale. Or Treshac coulda told them they had seen them."
   "Oh, if's that's the case, all Lotrent should have seen shadow beasts yesterday! You and me especially." They continued walking and the sun slowly moved across the sky. "You know... if you hadn't insisted on bringing that axe, we could have probably been in Eisa tonight." Sirul said when evening began to set.
   "Bah. It's not that heavy!" replied Janeth, rolling his shoulders which held the weight of his large great-axe. "I doubt we could have reached Eisa anyway. We aren't horses."
   "You have a point. When would you like to stop and sleep?"
   "When I can walk no farther. Which..." He took three steps, "Is about now." Janeth dropped his gear and Sirul did likewise. They ate some bread, found the softest bit of ground available and nodded off, the small packs serving as thin pillows. Tomorrow, Eisa.


And that's chapter 1.2.
Crits and comments? I'll take anything from anyone.

[Jairus]

Okay, better, but you've got a few extra words sneaking in here and there and some tense changes. One of my tricks to catch stuff like that is to read it nice and slowly: that'll help you catch stuff like that.

Um, do they strictly need to leave the town in the first chapter? Then again, too much padding is a bad thing (he says as he contemplates another page and a half to two pages for The Cursed Castle)

And...

"Oh, if's that's the case, all Lotrent should have seen shadow beasts yesterday! You and me especially." They continued walking and the sun slowly moved across the sky. "You know... if you hadn't insisted on bringing that axe, we could have probably been in Eisa tonight." Sirul said when evening began to set.

Right there in the middle between "across the sky" and ""You know"," you should make a new paragraph: it feels like about half the day passed right there in the space of him speaking two lines... which is basically what happened, but since a few hours have passed it might be a good idea to separate them.

Okay, that's what I've got right now.

Dang, I should post something tonight.