The Terakin Campaigns

[Eternn]

Erran, Hero of the Terakin campaigns,

The Order of the Kahriss has requested you make an apperance in Temple Temper.  Recently, the Talon Claw Clan have begun to move in suspicous ways, and we belive we are about to be attacked, but would not like to, in any way, be the ones to initiate a war.  Our leader, Sir Marcus the Third has brought together all the soldiers in the imediate are, and would like for you to attend as moralle support and lead one of the battlions we have set up for you.  This includes a few of your past warriors, and some new comers to our ranks.

Please, if you accept the request, take this note outside, along with anyone and anything you wish to bring with you, and place it on the block on your porch at sunset tonight.

   Erran placed the note on his desk, and looked at it with unease.  Picking up a feathered pen, he dipped the tip in an ink well, and wrote a note and placed it in a pile of similiar pieces of paper. "Stacks getting big, Im going to have to take care of something soon.  Lets see, remove weeds from garden, pick up a frame for new painting in town, cut down tree that has blocked the sun from reaching bed for two summers now.  Ya think I would have taking care of at least getting some sort of watch animal," Erran let out a long, deep sigh, then continued to shuffle through the huge pile of papers, "For the sake of my own eyes, why havn't I paid off the bar tab, I have the money in this box here."

   "Somethin wrong Dear?" a womans voice came from the other room.

   "I got a letter from Kahriss, they want me to show up at thier temple. That and, well, alot of things I need to take care of, You've seen my stack of notes, right?" Erran stood up and stretched, "Kat. I think I am going to go to the temple, they got my old friends there from the last war I fought in."

   Kat walked through the doorway to make eye contact with him, she was beautiful among human standards, with long red hair stopping at the middle of her back. Atop her head were a pair of fox ears, and she had a long silky tail hanging out of her robe, she combed both the tail and hail as often as she could, she wouldnt even leave the bedroom without attending to them.  "You can't leave, who will look after me and the house? I mean we just got the place cleaned a couple of days ago."

   "Don't start trying to guilt me into staying again, I've turned down three other requests, but this time therre seems to be an uprising of sorts."

   "When was the last time I tried to guilt you into something?"

   "Not counting having to clean the outside of the house, three days ago. Remember, the trip into town to get your hair products?"

   "You like my hair as much as I do, Erran," Kat folded her arms and started to tap her foot, something Erran had hated.

   Panicing slgihtly at he sound., Erran picked up the note and the pen, and drew a circle on the paper.  "How about, you stop the tapping, and I'll share with you something on this paper you would like."

   Kat looked at the paper, and read it over several times, "They want you at Temper? What is there?"

   "Nothing, cept the ocean, a beautiful grove, and an extremly nice hotel waiting for me."

   Kat started to jump a little with excitement, "Can I come?  Please, I'll be good."

   Erran sighed, Kat had obviously not read the circled part, and decided to go along with it. "I dont know, there is not alot of room there."

   "Please, I have been practicing my fighting skills, so I can come with you onto the field if you need me," Kat had to start to beg, getting on the ground and rubbing her head against his knee like she would often do.

   He couldnt argue with her on that, she practiced whenever she could, and had become stronger then most of his piers on the Terakin campaigns. He scrathed his head, to try and give off a thinking aura about him, "Alright, pack only the necassary things, we have to be ready by sunset. By the sound of the letter, we are probably meeting up with a wizard of sorts." Erran looked out the window as Kat ran off happy, the sun was about a half an hour away from sunset. "Hurry, we don't have much time."

   "K," Kat sang back to him, you could hear her moving stuff around in the bedroom and kitchen."

   Erran made his way to the attic, and pushed around some boxes. Behind some, was his old suit of armor, obsidian plate with a layer of silver on it, one of the strongest suits ever created by the Kahriss. Along side that was a similiarly styled sword, and an a gauntlet with blade stretching from the width of the wrist, to just beyond the finger tips.  Erran collected the armor and put it in an enchanted sack that made it feel as like as a feather.  Double checking everything, he wandered back downstairs.
   Once again, he looked outside to look at the sun, "Kat, are you ready?"

   Kat came back into site weaing a leather suit, holding a similiar bag, "Yeah, what do we need to do now?"

   Erran gestured for her to follow him, and the two walked outside.  Like the note said, he found a block on the porch, and placed the note down.  To his surprise, the paper burst into blue flames, and disappeared.

   "Hi, I will be your escort, in a manner of speaking.  I am Kryn, at your service."

[Eternn]

First chapter to something I thought about continueing. Never got around to it though because I never got an opinion from anyone.

Basicly, I am looking to hear if it has potential to be a good story.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

It needs some work.

There are several typos, and some places where the story doesn't flow quite as well as it should.

Did you want a full critique? If so, I recommend getting one before you post the story. It's called "beta-reading", generally. Sid gets me to beta his story before posting - the result is a series of comments on the structure and meaning behind the story (to which he may or may not make changes) and a collection of typo corrections, which, again, are over to him to accept or reject.

[Eternn]

Nope, I didn't want a full review.  I just wanted a yes or no to a "Does it have potential with its current setup?"

I am going to ask my bro to help me on my spelling, and work on the flow a bit better(We both write) so thank you for that. After reading your response and rereading I did notice that, so thank you.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Yes, it has potential.

It remains to be seen if you can reach that potential, though.