The Grey Ronin's bad poetry

[TheGreyRonin]

No, I have no idea why, but I just felt like sharing this for some reason.

Shadows moving on an ocean of light
Each a point of darkness
Borne upon waves of pure energy
Gently pulsing through the tide
Some reach out to grasp
Others shrink away to hide
All shifting and changing
As the tide carries them endlessly
To crash against the shores of reality

It seems oddly appropriate.

[Kasarn]

I did a reading, just for the lulz

Here's take 12 (it's been a while since I've recorded anything so there were a few test takes)
http://au.geocities.com/ilesead/stuff/tgr-12.mp3

Yes, that is my attempt at an overly dramatic poetry voice (if you could see me doing it, I do hand gestures as I'm reading )
I also uploaded a few other takes. Take 2 (low volume), take 10 (this is stupid) and take 11

[TheGreyRonin]

I'm, um, not sure if I should laugh or not...

I am flattered that you took the time to put that much effort into my stuff. I rather like your voice on Take 11. Thank you.

[Kasarn]

Well, I'm glad you liked my reading.

My personal amusement comes from rehearsing and the unrecorded out-takes (like the rap version ).

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

poetry, like that,
is better done to music
than in the plain form.

[Kasarn]

poetry, like that,
is better done to music
than in the plain form.

OKAY MR HAIKU BOX. I added some, uh, artsy background music... that is to say, I made random noises
http://au.geocities.com/ilesead/stuff/tgr-11b.mp3

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

*makes a note to download the various versions and listen to them when he gets home*

[TheGreyRonin]

I have absolutely zip for musical talent, unless you count the fact that if I mimic someone I can sing in their voice fairly well as them.

When I write poetry, which is rare, what I write is a snapshot of what is going through my mind at the time. It's a picture in words of what I'm thinking and feeling. Unfortunately, the mood I'm in when I write poetry is rarely conducive to flights of fancy or cheerful works.

There's a good reason why I usually burn my poems after I write them.

[superluser]

There's a good reason why I usually burn my poems after I write them.

There's a strange, tortured Emily Dickinson quality to that.  And to the poem, as well.  Just don't lock yourself away.

Your use of imagery is quite good.  I'd spend more time focusing on that.  Have you ever read any Joyce/Pynchon/Vonnegut?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

OKAY MR HAIKU BOX. I added some, uh, artsy background music... that is to say, I made random noises
http://au.geocities.com/ilesead/stuff/tgr-11b.mp3

Funny this is, sure
For, though the time is near three
in the morn; I laugh.

[TheGreyRonin]

Posted by: superluser 
There's a strange, tortured Emily Dickinson quality to that.  And to the poem, as well.  Just don't lock yourself away.

Your use of imagery is quite good.  I'd spend more time focusing on that.  Have you ever read any Joyce/Pynchon/Vonnegut? 

Less Dickinson than just that I'm a writer and I tend to review anything I've written. My poetry generally isn't worth reviewing, so I save time. *grins*

I actually actively dislike most poetry. Haiku I get along with, and a very few poets I'll read without gagging. There's a quote that describes how I feel about poetry, mine included: "A poet who quotes his verse in public may have other unsavory habits."

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Ah. Heinlein. :-P

[superluser]

I actually actively dislike most poetry. Haiku I get along with, and a very few poets I'll read without gagging. There's a quote that describes how I feel about poetry, mine included: "A poet who quotes his verse in public may have other unsavory habits."

Like firing the surgeon general?

Yeah.  I tend to write things and then just store them on my hard drive, saying ``One day!''  So long as I don't have to open myself up to outside crticism, I'm fine.  I know that I can write good stuff, but it seems like every time that I ask someone's opinion, it tends to be lukewarm at best.  This is actually criticism intended for me, but I think it might resonate with you.

I'm actually looking to break that right now, as I'm writing a radioplay, which has an outside chance of making me money.  If that happens, I might be able to move out of retail.

Funny this is, sure
For, though the time is near three
in the morn; I laugh.

Haiku's not easy
I should grow seven fingers
on my middle hand.

(although perhaps we should let this go back to TGR's poetry, not ours)

Edit: Psst.  Haiku over here!

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Point you have there do;
Why, when I'm writing haiku
be Yoda do I?

[TheGreyRonin]

You guys crack me up. *grins*

No, I know my poetry is bad, as fully bad as most of the stuff published out there. I've never had a problem publishing my writing, though. I just rarely feel sadistic enough to inflict poetry on others.

[TheGreyRonin]

Yep, double-posting, but I'm in one of those moods. Here, I've set aside a special torture appreciation seat for you...

Answer

How can you say I never loved you?
In times of joy, I shared my soul with yours
In times of sorrow, I bid the pain be mine alone
I stood with you under the smoking sky
As the stars fell burning from the heavens
And softly held you as the tempest raged
Sheltering you from all that came after
When the darkness called
I laid down my life for you.
My love blooms for you still
In hills of jasmine, soft beds of roses
And in the sighing of the night wind.