Down In the Dumps

[ilpalazzo]

Oh so you couldn't trust me. the man who gave a new ds away.

[Fizzbit]

I have like, two or three friends that I can call seriously close. I hang with them all the time, talk to them as often as possible, they're closer to me than my family is, and I got a DS from one of 'em .

Joe, you should try to get a friend. They're awesome, even if you only have one or two of 'em.

[Xuzaf D]

Joe, you should try to get a friend. They're awesome, even if you only have one or two of 'em.

No comment.

[Fizzbit]

Aww...

Well, even though you may not have close friends, you have friendly acquaintances, and a lot of those acquaintances can actually be there for ya whenever you need them, even if you refuse to get close to them.

[Destina Faroda]

I'm with Joe on the friend issue.  Sadly, I have no real life friends either.  Friendly acquaintances can quickly disappear and/or turn on you.

[Fizzbit]

So can true friends.

[Sin Ominous]

Of course they can disappear. Can't be tethered to their place of origin for the rest of their lives. People move on and do stuff. It's keeping contact going, THAT's the tricky part.

[Helena]

Oh, the turning gig I hate that. A true friend usually kills your trust for anyone after pulling a turn on you. Most of my old friends did that to me, they turned on me like that.

That prolly explains why I'm shy now when I meet new people sometimes. But, I'm shy-er towards men for some reason.

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

We're not Evil, y'know...
Some of us are rather alllllllright.

[Destina Faroda]

Don't believe the lie.  The ones who are "nice" are either taken or not interested in women, which makes them evil too.

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

Bah, even if they were interested, you would've just turned tail and ran.  You're super-shy like that.  You'd probably think they were rapists or kitty-killers or something.

[Destina Faroda]

If you all were kitty killers, then you'd be higher on my list.  Felines stink.    

Wait, you are talking about baby cats, right?

[Fizzbit]

Hey, you just gotta snag your guy quick, Destina. There are some chivalrous, decent, loving, respectful, and considerate men out there. If you see a chance to ask a guy out, do it. That's what I did when I found my guy.

[Sin Ominous]

They also sometimes happen to be the most overlooked. *points to self*

Oftentimes, said two people meet purely by luck and happenstance. That's how Janet and I met.

[Fizzbit]

Yeah, the good guy always gets overlooked.

[Destina Faroda]

Sorry, I find that hard to believe.  Until one of these "good guys" comes out of the blue, I refuse to believe this myth.

[Fizzbit]

That's just the thing, they don't come out of the blue. They've always existed. YOU'RE just the one failing to see them.

[Helena]

Decent guys...where really I have not met any decent guys u all speak of as well.

[Sin Ominous]

Well, step one is to get out of the house/dorm more often.

Mind you, faulty AIM connections in the dorm compared to pristine AIM connections in the student center coerced me and my laptop into the more social scene.

So in a way, I benefitted from Networking's screw-ups.

To Destina and Helena, try finding the not-so-social guy wherever you work/school/etc. Or one that fits what Fizzbit described: "There are some chivalrous, decent, loving, respectful, and considerate men out there."

I know those natural traits have garnered eagerly accepted adoration from Janet.

[Destina Faroda]

That's the thing.  All the guys I come in contact with are outgoing, popular types who'd much rather talk to other people than sit by themselves.  The geeks exist, but they're in hiding, just like me.  Or worse yet they hang out with each other.

Plus the fact that the decent guy might be gentle and non-abusive, but I bet he wants his woman to cook, clean, and do housework for him.  So it's not just our perceptions.  We're just not the the type of girls THEY want.

[Helena]

   Exactly...

[Sin Ominous]

You've got to be kidding me.

First, I've gotten more social, but I still have introverted tendencies now and then. That in no way makes me popular just because I'm in the open. That doesn't mean that my rate of conversation has changed any.

And I can be pretty geeky, sometimes. Especially when it comes to technology.

I'd rather have at least 50/50 responsibility on the cooking/cleaning/housework than to leave it all to her. This ain't the '50s, y'know.

Shoot, I'm dating the VP of the feminist club on campus, for chrissakes.

[Fizzbit]

In the future, if my career ends up interfering with my family life, I'll gladly become a housewife if my husband has a fitting job. I have no problem with cooking, cleaning, etc. You don't need a paycheck to know you're a good woman, and why would you protest to cooking and cleaning? They're basic household chores that need to be done.

If you're both working, household chores should be split about evenly, but if one stays home more than the other, the at-home partner should do the household chores. It gives them something to do, and doesn't put a workload on the other one when they come home from a long day of work.

[Destina Faroda]

On one hand, in an ideal world, the chores would be split based on the capacity to do them.  In the real world, even when men think they're splitting the work around the house 50/50 they aren't.  Just because you take out the trash and mow the lawn doesn't mean that you've done your share.

The problem with the idea of "cooking and cleaning" is that is loving someone on based on what they can do for you versus who they are.  Because someone is talented in the kitchen or the bedroom, they will be able to hold onto more than those of us who are not as skilled in those areas.  Now if you come out like me and say you only want a certain type of partner, that's one thing.  I don't pretend to be a "nice" girl.  But if you're a "nice" guy then that means you're not supposed to make demands of your partner.

And here's a page that I found that seems relevant to this discussion.

[Fizzbit]

And if you truly love someone, then you'll be willing to be flexible to do stuff for them that you normally don't/wouldn't do.

[Sin Ominous]

I agree.

I don't make demands. And I wouldn't limit myself to mowing the lawn or taking out the trash. Someone seems to typecast a bit too much.

I just so happen to know my way around the kitchen, and I have both my mom AND my dad to thank for that. And I don't mind vacuuming, either.

And what they don't excel in, they learn. Ooooh, what a concept.

And what if my partner actually were to do a typecast chore by her own volition? Is that a demand that I have placed on her? No. That was her own damn choice.

What do you take me for? Just ask me directly without attaching a cultural norm beforehand.

[Fizzbit]

^ Agreed.

Not all men are self-centered, chauvinistic, lazy assholes who make women do all their work.

[Helena]

Most men are, look I give up on men completely now anyway. I'll just be the crazy cat lady that has a pink house. I've grown too bitter already by now anyway. And its not a good thing when I'm on rebound right now as well. So eh.

[Destina Faroda]

No, I'm not typecasting.  I'm telling it like it is.  When it comes to romantic relationships, there are only four types of guys.

Sex Fiend
Chauvanist
Abusive
Taken or Otherwise unavailable (location, age, etc.)

I haver NEVER met any guy who wasn't in one of those four categories.  Fortunately, the ones in the last category tend to be good people, but any dating prospects have sadly fallen into the top three categories.

Maybe not ALL men are unsuitable for a relationship with ne, but most are.  I want someone who will take demands, not give them.  Quite frankly, I have better things to do with my time than to look for love.  All having a partner adds up to is having an extra person to take care of, think about, and spend money on.

[Sin Ominous]

*is hurt* That's not fair, and you know it.

And why should age matter, as long as at least 18?

I mean, I'd take demands, yes, but to have that be the SOLE BASIS of the relationship is like having my balls crushed in a vice. Authoritarian, as it were.

And did I not say that it's not all about demands? Did I not mention voluntary actions at all?

This is fear of rejection at its worst.